Holiday Review... MOH cusses me out and a miscarriage-LONG

desi2002

So I've been MIA for a little bit, but I have a perfectly good explanation... get your popcorn ready.

So the day before Christmas my MOH calls just to talk. She asked how the planning was gong. I told her that I picked up my dress and reserved my cake. 

Back Story: My venue is giving me a complementary cake from their bakery... this bakery just so happens to be the same bakery she used for her wedding.

Anywho she gets all upset saying I told your a** not to get my cake, out of all the bakeries in the world you choose mine? Well you can get that chocolate B.S. but not the flavor I got. And if you end up picking my cake Im going to have a horrible evening. 

I tried to explain to her that I didn't know that my venue's bakery was the same one she used, but she didn't want to hear it. Im so upset. Like does she expect me to change my cake, (free cake at that) just to save her feelings on MY day? I don't think so. Why cant she just be happy for me? If she's going to let a cake come before her happiness for me, then maybe she's not my real friend anyway.

So the argument was so bad that I stressed and cried myself into a miscarriage. She doesn't know this, and I don't think I'm going to tell her. I feel like she used me, I was there for her on her day. she hasn't been there  for me at all. I really feel like she broke my heart, I loved her like a sister, she was my best friend. Now I'm contemplating inviting her at all. But this day (one year away 2morrow YAY!!) is about me and my man. If people can't understand that and leave their egos at the door, then they don't need to show up. Wow, she was the last person I expected this from. 

TysWife2Be

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

I will keep you in my prayers.

As far as your "friend" goes, Id just leave her alone right now. There is no reason for her to get upset because you are using the same bakery...just my opinion.

KooKoo4Quincy

Hey desi!
 Sorry to hear about the miscarriage and you are totally right...if ppl arent happy for you on your day then to hell with them! Your wedding day is one of the most important days of your life, therefore you shouldn't allow anyone who doesn't support you wholeheartly be in your space!
I think that fight was petty and truth be told, that bakery isn't going to stop selling cakes because she got her's from there.

Vanessa A

I am deeply sorry to hear about your miscarriage. What a piss-poor friend to stress a knowingly pregnant woman, about a cake no less!!  WOW!! I have to ditto the other ladies. Just step away from her. If she's a real friend, she'll figure out you did nothing wrong and try to apologize (even if you have no intentions on accepting it) I mean really, it's just a cake; but if not, just keep on moving. God bless!!

winter443

I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage and the behavior of your so called "friend".  If she was a good friend she would be trying to recommend vendors for you (thats what I would do for a friend) rather than getting mad because you're using the same baker. Plus you didn't know it was the same baker and it's free cake for you! I'm sorry but you friend sounds crazy. I would not expect that from someone I consider my best friend.

cececisco

Your friend's behavior was deplorable. Let's keep things in perspective, I personally don't remember what any wedding cake tasted like at any of my friends' weddings. She sounds pretty self-absorbed if she is concerned that people will be making comparisons like that.  The last thing you need to worry about on the day of your wedding is whether she is having a horrible evening. That's insane. After this experience, I can only imagine how difficult if would be to know that the person standing right next to you as you exchange vows had this sort of reaction. You would be well within your rights to choose someone else.

I am so sorry for your miscarriage. I'm sure that in time she'll learn about the miscarriage without your saying anything. 

ChocolateDelight

Desi - I am so sorry to hear about your loss and all the drama with that so-called friend of yours.   In every tragedy, there is a lesson.   The lesson here is that you need not give certain people a front-row seat in your life.   Stay strong and hang in there.   I have you in my prayers.   Don't worry, there is hope and 2010 will be a better year.

KSTURGIS

Im sending you lots and lot of hugs !!! Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. And I definitely agree. You should step away from that "friend". That fight was ridiculous and so un-necessary.

KimRhone

I'm sorry to hear about the miscarriage. Maybe she doesn't need to be involved with your wedding. If she is going to make a fuss over a cake then she can kick rocks in my book. You don't need that stress right now or ever. I hope you can get passed the hurt

jlstewart

So sorry to hear about your miscarriage. You and your FI are in my prayers.

As for your friend, she really isn't a friend to you. Instead of worrying about you using the same bakery and you having "her cake" she should have been recommending the vendors that did a good job for her to help ease your stress level. She should want your day to be fabulous and the chances for your cakes looking exactly the same and having the same flavors inside are slim. Even if it was the same exact cake I assure you nobody remembers her cake other than her.

You are definitely within your rights to choose someone else to share in this day with you. Someone that will be happy for you and not worried about what you have that she might have had.

YasJas2011

So sorry to hear about your Miscarriage.

I totally agree with the other ladies about the friend situation. I mean she needs to get off of her high horse. 9 times out of 10 the bakery is not going to make the same cake!

Well congrats on being a year away from you big day!

happe2gether

I am really really sorry to hear about your miscarriage.  If that is what a "friend" is then you don't need her giving you grief on what's supposed to be all about you.  I agree with everyone else.  Let her go because it seems like she is too messy/selfish to understand your point of view.  It wasn't like anything was intentional on your part.  You'd be crazy not to accept the free cake! 

I had a friend who got married during Thanksgiving weekend.  I loved the photographer!  I mentioned it to my friend and she's already gotten me the hookup.  I'm not sure thats the final choice but a real friend helps you out when you need it, not pitch a fit.

Blessings to you.   

Panda16

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It's so unfortunate when you think you can have faith in some people and they turn their backs on you and it ends up effecting your health. 

Just don't let her in on anymore of your wedding plans other than the ones she needs to know about (dresses, etc.)

PB-Bride2010

Hi Desi,I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your FI.
Like the other ladies mentioned your so called friend is not a true friend of yours. Planning a wedding is already stressful but to think a friend will get upset for using a vendor that she used is ridiculous. I would personal be looking to replace this friend, because she has no respect or concern for your health and or wedding. However, if you decided to keep her in your wedding please use caution when providing details to her, because sounds like she has some real issues going on. Again my prayers are with you!

rodeo417

honey i am sooo sorry for your loss!! right now you need time to heal. we are here for you and if you need me to talk to her (dressed in all black) just let me know.. no one owns the bakery and i would get the cake that you want because that is want you want. just leave her alone for a while until she apolgizes. and if she doesnt then we are more than willing to help you through this.... many hugs!!

mahoganieyes

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. To get pissed about a cake, what is so damn special about this cake? She is definetly jealous. Don't let her get to you like this again. Friends don't do crap like this!

pawdap

I am so sorry to hear about ur miscarriage.  You shoud tell her about what happened and drop her like a hot potatoe.

star135

Sorry to hear about your loss.

You should read the recent post by Crook251 "Wedding Recap" That post may encourage you to not invite her to your wedding at all. There are enuff things that may happen in the course of the day that can stress you out. You don't need to add to it.  Of course only you can decide what will work for you.

feleciae19

She needs meds. Drop her. She made you lose a life and that is not something to take lightly. If she stresses about petty stuff then she is not worth it.

ladylum

Oh wow! I'll reserve pregnant vibes until after your wedding. I'm sorry about the miscarriage.

As for your friend, I agree with pps. I wonder if something deeper is up though. It's ridiculous to get upset about a cake. If she was smart, she would take it as a compliment and see if you can mention to the bakery that they did her cake too and see if she gets a discount or something.

MrsW2000

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage1  Knottie vibes, hugs, and prayers coming your way. 

As for your friend she needs to get over it.  Like right now.  Better yet she needs to be directed to the wedding withdrawal board.  I know it'll be hard to not focus on her foolishness but try very hard.  As a PP said you need to take time to heal yourself. 

And seriously, free is free.  I would have gone with that bakery too! 

desi2002

Thank you guys for your support and loving comments.  All of you guys advice gives me confidence in my original feelings. Im not in the wrong here. Thanks so much , you guys really made me feel so much better. Luh u guys! muah!

MIABRIDENTAMPA

Desi, I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. My heart and prayers go out to you.

On the other note, X this heifa out of your life. You do not need the drama, remember some people are in your life for a SEASON NOT A REASON!

rhodesign

I'm very, very sorry (to no end) to hear of your pregnancy loss. That is a terrible thing.

*voice of reason*
Your friend is childish for sure, and you need to call her on that, point blank.
HOWEVER it would be a bit much to tell her she stressed you to a point of miscarriage. That's a loaded gun to play with because although it happened simultaneously, it's hard to say ever what causes miscarriage. It's delicate, and you're hurting right now as you should be. Let things mellow, then talk to your friend. Tell her what happened if you want, but try not to blame her. That's a tough burden for someone to bear (thinking they caused someone to lose a child), even though she was acting crazy.

tamtam7

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage.  I'm sending knottie hugs your way and hopes for comfort in 2010.  Also, I cannot believe your friend reacted like.  It just blows my mind how petty some people are.

sdstephens2010

I am so sorry to hear of your miscarriage and I pray that God grants you comfort. As far as your "friend" is concerned, I would have to agree with the others and drop her.