Question...Does it bother you when you get attention from the opposite sex?

SugarFoote

I'm on break from class. I went to the vending machine to get a quick snack and drink. Their was a Coke guy working on the drink machine and he told me if I needed anything out of it just to let him know so I told him ok. I went ahead and got an amazing hershey bar because my overys needed it...While I was getting the chocolate, the Coke guy asked me how I was doing today. I told him pretty good and asked him the same. He replied....blah blah blah...friendly random convo with a stranger, ya know? whatever...So then I wanted a water. I asked him if I could get a water. He told me sure and handed me a water. I handed him the $ for it. He then said, "Nah, don't worry about it. It's on me."
......."Are you sure?
"Yeah."
"Thanks." And then I went back to class.

This guy was completely early 20's...I mean, not like he was old or anything. And now I kinda feel like dirt because he wouldn't take my money. I get that he was being all flirty and super nice and all but if some attractive young female flirted around with FI and bought him a drink, I would probably be ill. I know I shouldn't be jealous but I've been cheated on too many times by too many guys so that's just how I am. FI knows I am trying to work on that. I kinda wanna go chase the Coke down and ask him to take my dollar.

So my question. Does it bother you when a guy who is not your FI flirts with you?

jenningz

No it doesn't... but maybe it's because I'm secure in myself that all it really does it flatter me and I move on. Relax, he was just being nice. My work colleague bought me lunch the other day cos I was low on cash, he's married with children and it was simply a very nice gesture. Some people just like to make people smile, without there being anything more to it.

jenningz

and obviously... given your past situations, you're going to assume the worst, which is totally natural and understandable - just have faith in humanity, if we all walked around assuming the worst, all hell would break loose.... LITERALLY.

SugarFoote

I know when a guy is flirting with me. And he completely was. Yeah, it does flatter me but I do move on. It just bugs me because he was flirting and did buy my drink. It makes me want to back and ask him to take my money.


ETA: Or he could have thought I was a hobo because my shorts have a hole in them and that I couldn't afford a $1.00 drink...but I doubt that.

midgetthemighty

Sounds like the guy was just being nice. It would only bother me if the other person was being over the top and inappropriate and wouldn't back down when I indicated they should. Normal friendly experiences like that wouldn't bother me at all.

jenningz

And so what if he was flirting? What's so awful about that. I'd be much more offended if he made some cheap comment about the way you looked or something, I've had countless guys been their horn at me... but no, he gave you a drink for free. Don't be so uptight woman!

SugarFoote

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_questiondoes-it-bother-you-when-you-get-attention-from-the-opposite-sex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:c671f1e1-232c-48db-b8bc-7d3a7c5f4578Post:cded1e71-2e47-4250-8b7e-7eeb6e342910">Re: Question...Does it bother you when you get attention from the opposite sex?</a>:
[QUOTE]And so what if he was flirting? What's so awful about that. I'd be much more offended if he made some cheap comment about the way you looked or something, I've had countless guys been their horn at me... but no, he gave you a drink for free. Don't be so uptight woman! :)
Posted by jenningz[/QUOTE]

Dude, no. I'm not being uptight. And I didn't say that him flirting was "awful". It just makes me feel bad because he wouldn't take my money. If the situation was reversed, and it was FI and some chick, It would bother me. That is why it bothers me. I don't want to have drinks bought for me or any of that. Unless FI is the one buying.

midgetthemighty

What if it was a nice girl that bought you the drink? She could also be flirting with you. Or she could just be being nice.

jenningz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_questiondoes-it-bother-you-when-you-get-attention-from-the-opposite-sex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:c671f1e1-232c-48db-b8bc-7d3a7c5f4578Post:9f4ecdec-78b4-4ec3-bdc1-584b3985e1ee">Re: Question...Does it bother you when you get attention from the opposite sex?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question...Does it bother you when you get attention from the opposite sex? : Dude, no. I'm not being uptight. And I didn't say that him flirting was "awful". It just makes me feel bad because he wouldn't take my money. If the situation was reversed, and it was FI and some chick, It would bother me. That is why it bothers me. I don't want to have drinks bought for me or any of that. Unless FI is the one buying.
Posted by SugarFoote[/QUOTE]

Then, that's something you need to pray about and work on (like you said you were) - if it makes you feel better, tell your FI and I'm sure he'll put your mind at rest :)

sessionswedding

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_questiondoes-it-bother-you-when-you-get-attention-from-the-opposite-sex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:c671f1e1-232c-48db-b8bc-7d3a7c5f4578Post:d3be8680-6d23-4857-8756-5fea125d236e">Re: Question...Does it bother you when you get attention from the opposite sex?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sounds like the guy was just being nice. It would only bother me if the other person was being over the top and inappropriate and wouldn't back down when I indicated they should. Normal friendly experiences like that wouldn't bother me at all.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]
This.  One time when I was engaged and on my way to work (on my college campus at the time), a guy came up to me and started being polite.  At first it was just chatting with a stranger, then he asked me if I wanted to catch a movie sometime.  I told him "sorry, but I'm engaged."  Then he essentially proceeded to imply that my engagement ring was small and I needed a richer man.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-surprised.gif" border="0" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" />  I told my DH (then FI) about it and we both had a GOOD laugh, lol.

SugarFoote

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_questiondoes-it-bother-you-when-you-get-attention-from-the-opposite-sex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:c671f1e1-232c-48db-b8bc-7d3a7c5f4578Post:10571dea-e62f-4544-8005-d56495c39252">Re: Question...Does it bother you when you get attention from the opposite sex?</a>:
[QUOTE]What if it was a nice girl that bought you the drink? She could also be flirting with you. Or she could just be being nice.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

If a girl smiled at me like that  and watched me as I got my snack like he did and just acted the way he did in general, then she would be flirting or on drugs. It was more than nice.

And I probably wouldn't have even asked for a drink had it been a female flirting. I would have went back to class, drinkless.

jenningz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_questiondoes-it-bother-you-when-you-get-attention-from-the-opposite-sex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:c671f1e1-232c-48db-b8bc-7d3a7c5f4578Post:59d0ba66-4f0a-429d-8725-c0d748ebea49">Re: Question...Does it bother you when you get attention from the opposite sex?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question...Does it bother you when you get attention from the opposite sex? : This.  One time when I was engaged and on my way to work (on my college campus at the time), a guy came up to me and started being polite.  At first it was just chatting with a stranger, then he asked me if I wanted to catch a movie sometime.  I told him "sorry, but I'm engaged."  Then he essentially proceeded to imply that my engagement ring was small and I needed a richer man.    I told my DH (then FI) about it and we both had a GOOD laugh, lol.
Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE]


LOL this is great.

GJones27

I once went to a wedding alone as DH was abroad. I met someone from my university, so I talked to him because I didn't know anyone else. The fact I was engaged was one of the first things coming out of my mouth. That guy hit on me for the rest of the wedding. There is nothing you can really do about it other than not pursue it, and it is clear you did your best not to encourage it. I generally avoid telling my husband because I don't want to make him jealous when I am committed to my husband and I can't control another person's actions. Plus, maybe this guy is really bored on his job and just wanted to be nice. Don't feel bad at all. It wil happen to you when you are married too.

jenningz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_questiondoes-it-bother-you-when-you-get-attention-from-the-opposite-sex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:c671f1e1-232c-48db-b8bc-7d3a7c5f4578Post:10440256-8e59-40c9-b1ca-8731b8f55686">Re:Question...Does it bother you when you get attention from the opposite sex?</a>:
[QUOTE]I once went to a wedding alone as DH was abroad. I met someone from my university, so I talked to him because I didn't know anyone else. The fact I was engaged was one of the first things coming out of my mouth. That guy hit on me for the rest of the wedding. There is nothing you can really do about it other than not pursue it, and it is clear you did your best not to encourage it. I generally avoid telling my husband because I don't want to make him jealous when I am committed to my husband and I can't control another person's actions. Plus, maybe this guy is really bored on his job and just wanted to be nice. Don't feel bad at all. It wil happen to you when you are married too.
Posted by GJones27[/QUOTE]



Yup. It'll happen, regardless. So you can either just get over it, or dwell on it, and make it into a whole big issue that's just gonna cause problems. :) Like I said, some people are just nice;

orangehills

As for random comments saying something- It doesn't bother me, because it happens. It's not like I'm going to jump at the attention and run into their arms. I feel flattered that someone other than FI would be attracted to me and say something, I mean, what a nice compliment! (as long as it isn't dirty or anything)! lol. As for people hitting on FI, same goes there. I'd find it cool that others think he's cute and be like, yup, that's right, he's mine

As for extended flirting, like a long convo - as long as it's appropriate and they know you are engaged/married and there is distance, you can still be friendly even if they are being flirty.

sessionswedding

Oh!  And then another time in college, I got a drink out of a vending machine and was afraid to open it without spewing it, so this guy comes up and says "let me show you how that's done," opens it for me, hands it back, and checks me out.  I had to try not to audibly laugh, hahaha.

SuMmErKuTiE

No it doesn't bother me, in fact my H gets a kick out of the stories I tell him. He knows I'm married to him, and the other guys don't stand a chance lol.

ochemjenn

It wouldn't bother me because I'm pretty dense and probably wouldn't realize he was flirting.  One semester there was a student, about my age (community college) but not in my class, who called me honey.  I thought that was a little weird but in the south, there are some people who use terms of endearment for everyone.

RebeccaJac

I'm such a natural flirt I do it all the time unintentionally. It doesn't bother me, I think it's fun. Obviously, there's a line that shouldn't be crossed, but the flirty/nice never hurt anyone. You're not making it seem like you're going to go home with him tonight, you're jut accepting a nice guesture. No harm done! Tell FI and have a laugh over it. He'll probably be flattered that other guys are interested in his lady! 

catwine

I assume every nice guy is flirting with me but I know I'm way off!   In college I had a classmate who seemed to always be flirting with me but we were both in serious relationships.  My boyfriend at the time, who is now my fiance, thought it was hilarious.  Even if it did happen to me often, it wouldn't bother me.  BUT, it would bother me if girsl flirted with my fiance.

saharnshard

It doesn't bother me if men flirt with me or if women flirt with my husband unless we know them. I trust that he'll be faithful and he trusts that I'll be faithful. I don't see anything wrong with it until you flirt back.

joe&cassie

Sugar I am right there with you.  It completely bothers me!  If the situation were reversed I'd be upset.  I'm insanely jealous and so is FI but it works because we have a good laugh over it every time.  It's hard to not let it bother you but you have to try otherwise it eats at you.  Maybe you and your FI can have a good laugh about it.

ElisabethJoanne

From the age of 12, I got all the talks on "abstinence education," "purity," and "modesty," and I took all the advice. I was convinced that all men were flaming balls of lust ready to jump on me if my collar slipped to reveal my collar bone or my skirt inched up a milimeter above my knee.

And I never "got attention" from any man. I figured I was ugly and worse, because men were always lusting after everything remotely pretty, but not, as far as I could tell, lusting after me.

After 2 serious and seriously painful relationships, and after graduate school, I re-examined my "abstinence education." I found it plainly wrong in many respects, and disrespectful in how it portrayed men as so overcome with lust and disrespectful in how it so heavily placed the burden on suppressing men's lust on women.

I still don't "get attention" from men very often, and it still makes me uncomfortable, because I'm naturally shy and habitually uncomfortable is sexually charged situations, but I don't think of such situations as moral matters.

ochemjenn

That was very well-put, ElisabethJoanne.  Thank you for sharing.  Sex ed that portrays women as victims in terms of sexuality is really a disservice to girls.

naomikb

From the sounds of it I didn't interpret your story as flirting either, just him being nice.  Realistically he probably does that all the time when the machine is open.  It's easier than trying to reimburse the machine later on for him I'm sure or being accused of pocketing the cash you give him. 

Regardless, to respond to your actual question - no, it doesn't bother me.  I take it to mean that I'm still attractive and appealing and that's fine with me.

naomikb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_questiondoes-it-bother-you-when-you-get-attention-from-the-opposite-sex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:c671f1e1-232c-48db-b8bc-7d3a7c5f4578Post:480c06f8-4fb2-43bd-9102-92d2bc251231">Re: Question...Does it bother you when you get attention from the opposite sex?</a>:
[QUOTE]From the age of 12, I got all the talks on "abstinence education," "purity," and "modesty," and I took all the advice. I was convinced that all men were flaming balls of lust ready to jump on me if my collar slipped to reveal my collar bone or my skirt inched up a milimeter above my knee. And I never "got attention" from any man. I figured I was ugly and worse, because men were always lusting after everything remotely pretty, but not, as far as I could tell, lusting after me. After 2 serious and seriously painful relationships, and after graduate school, I re-examined my "abstinence education." I found it plainly wrong in many respects, and disrespectful in how it portrayed men as so overcome with lust and disrespectful in how it so heavily placed the burden on suppressing men's lust on women. I still don't "get attention" from men very often, and it still makes me uncomfortable, because I'm naturally shy and habitually uncomfortable is sexually charged situations, but I don't think of such situations as moral matters.
Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]
Elisabeth have you read Infidel?  It is an autobiography by Ayaan Hirsi Ali about her life growing up in Islam, with all of those restrictions you listed and the belief that cars would crash into each other in the streets and men would not be able to function at their jobs, the economy would crash if a collar bone or ankle bone was shown to them.  It was really really interesting to see her perspective as she went into non-Islamic countries and discovered a whole new life on her own where people have self-restraint and lust isn't the woman's fault.

drama1308

I hate getting unwanted attention ie: Whenever I go running there is AT LEAST 1 guy who says something. I usually just ignore them and/or pretend I can't hear over my music. But that's just me

mrandmrsbrist

It doesn't bother me. But that may be because I work in public service where I have strange people "flirting" with me all day long. And I have to smile and be nice to them...most of them think I'm flirting back. It's hilarious. If I didn't laugh about it, I would be creeped out all day long.

ElisabethJoanne

I haven't read Infidel, but I have read reviews. My parents tell a similar story just from their own lives. They grew up in non-religious American homes. A few years after they were married, they spent a semester in India. The women in the area they were stationed all dressed in saris and the original pajamas. When the visited the Taj Mahal, there were Western tourists in shorts and tank-tops, and the "new" "immodesty" shocked them. They'd adapted.

When I re-examined my abstinence education, I did it rather seriously. I re-read the Christian books I read as a teen. I read biographies of people whose approach to sexuality I admired. And I read a lot of what I called to myself "bad guys" - publications my old teachers would call "worldly" - fashion magazines, "progressive" women's web sites. I did some word studies, etc., on the key Bible passages. I made charts and took notes.

musicalsunlight

I don't really get being bothered by this kind of interaction. When people make inappropriate comments then yeah it bothers me. But you would honestly feel ill if a girl did that to your FI? When J tells me that he knows he got a favor because someone was flirting with him, I don't care. You see the person for like 3 seconds and move on with your life. Its different than saying "Oh this guy/girl at work flirts with me all day every day." I really don't think its that big of a deal.

azdancer8

Nope, it doesn't bother me at all. Granted, most of the people I interact with are kids or senior citizens. I get TONS of flirting from the old guys. I just laugh it off. It probably makes their day getting to chat with a pretty girl for a bit. DH cracks up at the stories I tell about them.

Heck, I even got proposals from a few octagenarians when DH and I were dating!