Opinions: Having a cash bar...

doyalnr

My thought is that if people want to drink they can but it doesn't mean we have to foot the bill... They're already getting a free meal out of coming lol

faith194

This is an extremely controversial subject. We had a cash bar, no one cared. . .I found out after the wedding that the owner was giving free drinks in the beginning, which was nice. I was told the price of the drinks and beer were under 4 dollars. Cash bars are common in my social circle and area, so it wasn't a shock to anyone! We did provide tea, milk, soda, iced tea, lemonade at the bar as well(well, there was a tea and coffee station).

megk8oz

This isn't about the "free meal" you're giving them. This about "you're hosting a party, be a good host". When you have people over your house, do you charge them when they take a beer from your fridge? I didn't think so.  If you don't want an full open bar, either do just beer and wine (Which can be done cheaply), or have a dry wedding. Do not expect somebody to be okay with shelling out money at your reception though.

anna.oskar

Well, since they made travel arrangements, got hotels, bought a new outfit, AND bought you a present...  it's not a free meal. A good host provides for their guests.  If you can not afford alcohol, don't have it.  But please do not make guests open their wallets at your reception.  That's tacky.

vgmartinez

I agree with faith, it's only tacky if its not the norm in your area. Either way, you should have it however you want. You shouldn't cut out alcohol just because yo can't afford it. As long as you have soft drinks, coffe & tea, that's really all that matters. If people really want to drink alcohol, they will buy it.

lyndausvi

Honestly, I think they are tacky.  I've attended a lot of wedding in my lifetime and it's just not something my social circle does.  It's not even a rich/poor thing.  My circle is all about being a good host.  They would never pick a pretty venue over an open bar.   Everyone picks a location where they can afford to give food and drinks for all of there guests.  Some people can afford the Ritz others a backyard BBQ, regardless there has always been free booze.I know for a fact that my circle would rather go to a backyard BBQ wedding with free booze than the Ritz-Carlton for a cash bar.  Not only that, they would think highly of the backyard BBQ people and not so much of the cash bar Ritz people.It's just the way we are.

MOBinFL2008

I totally agree with Lynda.  A good host/hostess provides for their guests and doesn't expect them to pay for their own drinks.

faith194

One more thing--I chose to include things(like the venue and food) over an open bar(even the beer and wine would have been over budget), because I wanted the majority of people to enjoy what we chose. While most people drink one or two drinks or none at all, I'd rather have the food be top notch and the view for everyone to enjoy, not just the select few that drink(we had the most amazing weather, sunset, view---everyone raved about the venue).I guess it is like every decision you make: Think of your guests, look at what they are expecting, and do you best to have an awesome time. For me, it was absolutely accomplished, even with a cash bar(I actually had people prior to the wedding tell me not to waste my money on a cash bar--and they were people who looooove to drink at every occasion).Know your guests and go from there. Good luck!

MeaghanandMichael

I never understand people who say cash bars are the norm in their circle. I believe it, I just don't understand it. On what part of the planet is it ok to invite people to something and then stick out your hand and ask they fork over money. When you have people over your home do you not let them have a drink unless they came 30 rack in hand? I don't even know why I contributed to this post, this topic has been rehashed so many times it is not like my opinion matters. I am more in the mood to just vent my incredulity.

Lasairiona

You're hosting the party so you foot the bill for everything. If you don't want to pay for the bar, have a dry reception instead. Otherwise people will talk behind your back for years about you being selfish inconsiderate hosts.

britab

We had a cash bar. We don't drink at all and people could if they wanted to. I've never need to a wedding that had an open bar and I have been to many weddings. I have been to weddings without any alcohol too. I don't see why so many people "need" it.

MeaghanandMichael

Brit, no one 'Needs' it. No One needs cokes or lemonade either. Heck, wash that entree down with tap water. It is about not charging people for anything. I would have the same problem if the bride and groom had an alcohol free wedding and charged for Pepsi. Some people try and charge admission, if you can believe it... or is that common in your circle?

britab

I see you disagree but no one has an open bar in Montana. It's fine if you think we are all rude but most people are very nice!The thing is if someone comes to my house and expects a beer we don't have any. You can have pop, ice tea, or coffee, but we don't drink it so we don't have it. They buy their own but it's not my responsibility to poll everyone about their favorite beverages and stock my house full of them.

MeaghanandMichael

it's not my responsibility to poll everyone about their favorite beverages and stock my house full of themNo, but it is very reasonable to have some sort of selection when you are expecting company. But, I can see this lesson is lost on you.

Licia&Wayne

One of my brothers had a cash bar, one didn't. A lot of my family have had cash bars, some of them haven't. I had a lot more fun at the open bar receptions just because it seems to change the tone of it. Sure, some imbibed a bit too much and that's almost always fun, but it gave it more of a party/indulgence/appreciate you for being here vibe. I understand the affordability of a cash bar, especially since open bar can be a bank breaker at some venues. But it's like dangling a carrot in front of your guests. The booze is here...but you have to pay for it. Booooo. Hiss. Let's get out of here, hit the liquor store and spend the rest of the night in the parking lot.I think if you have the funds for free booze, do it, even if it's just a beer or two for everyone. If not, go dry and set aside a little bit of money for activities at your reception that will take the place of booze - homemade photo booth, board games, great band/dj, interactive guest book, etc. - so the booze won't even be missed.

mbcdefg

If you don't want to pay for alcohol, fine, but don't make your guests pay for it either.

C W

Cash or subsidized bars at weddings are the norm in my area. Weddings are not perceived as being comparable to house parties. When guests attend weddings, they expect to have free wine with dinner if they're lucky and usually a subsidized bar (pay $1 or $2 for a drink - the B&G cover the rest). No one is offended by this. I get that it is hard to understand if you aren't from an area like this, but it's just how it is done in some areas.That said, we had an open bar. It was important to us to provide an open bar, so we adjusted our budget accordingly. The majority of our guests were quite surprised by the open bar and were appreciative of it. So I'm saying that I personally prefer an open bar, but I'm not offended if it's a cash bar because it's just not considered a faux pas where I'm from.

terat

We have a $8000 food/drink min. at our venue.  After tax & tip & an extra hour of time though, it comes to $10,683 MINIMUM which doesn't include the ceremony at the same site (another thousand).  I love throwing parties & often did open bar for them.  With our min. we are considering doing an open bar for 2 of the 6 hours & then maybe paying for beer/wine for the other hours.  What do you guys think of this?PS. we are paying for most of it ourselves, we aren't moving in until after wedding & I live alone paying 2 mortgages.

aerinpegadrak

Can of worms: opened.The acceptability of cash bars does appear to be a regional thing, so if they're common in your area, then you can probably get away with having one.  However, if you can afford to host the bar at least partly, I think it would be the right thing to do.  But please, please, PLEASE, if you're having a cash bar, get the word out.  I avoid carrying a purse whenever possible, and I very rarely carry cash, so if I showed up at a wedding unprepared, I'd be pretty steamed.  I'm sure there are others who feel the same.

StephHalm

I think you also need to take into consideration what type of guests you have. My fiance and I have a guestlist close to 400. Out of that, we also have alot of drinkers on our guestlist. (Our familes that like to drink, frat brothers, alot of college friends who like to party.) Even though I don't want to, there is NO WAY we can afford to pay for beer AND liquor. We are doing beer and wine at no cost. We are doing a cocktail time for the hour prior to dinner which will be completely open. After dinner starts it will become cash bar for hard liquor. I think as long as you offer something (beer, wine, etc) you're fine. Open bars get expensive, very quickly, regardless of where your venue is. Even a budget friendly venue can get out of control with an open bar. If they open a bottle of anything, you pay for it. Even if they only make one drink, you pay for the whole bottle (and the prices are WAY jacked up over retail!) Don't go broke paying for open bar, but if you don't want a dry or completely cash bar, think about offering just beer and/or wine, or a few signature cocktails (like a rum and coke, gin and tonic, etc.)

melissa<3bryan

LOL People always bring up the "home party" scenario. When we have parties at our house we let the guests help themselves to whatever is in our fridge. Which is usually sodas and tea. If they want alcohol though they bring it themselves. If we had alcohol though we wouldn't charge them to drink it. So I don't know how to feel about cash bars!

kyks17

I'll be having an open bar during cocktail hour only, then unlimited champagne and wine the rest of the evening. My venue is set up so that a bar is present for soda (paid for) and also cash drinks if the guests wish. Since I'm already providing a good amount of booze, hopefully this won't be considered an ungracious-host move. I figured since it's there anyway may as well leave it in case anyone wants to buy a drink. If they just want free liquor they can make do with the wine and champagne.

BostonBride919

I have never been to a wedding that didn't have an open bar... So i'd be pretty put out by it. I wouldn't ever bring cash to a wedding. But as others have said, not all areas/social circles are the same.

duckie1905

Just because something is done in a certain region doesn't mean that it isn't rude, it just means that it is tolerated better by guests. A the regional comparison doesn't usually hold with me either. I hear all the time that cash bars are accepted in the midwest. I live in the midwest. I have never been to a wedding in which a cash bar was acceptable. A polite guest would never complain to the bride or groom either, so I'm curious how you would know if a guest thought your cash bar was rude. You are hosting your guests. Part of being a good host is providing for what they want on your dime. If you don't want an open or limited (beer and wine) bar then don't have anything at all. Better to have nothing than to ask you guests to dish out more money at a party you are supposed to be hosting.

C W

"I'm curious how you would know if a guest thought your cash bar was rude" I've been a guest at many weddings, I've never once heard a single complaint from any other guest, and I've never been personally offended. That's how I know. Behaviour isn't rude if it's not perceived as rude. If the guests are 100% okay with it and don't expect or anticipate anything else, what is wrong with that?

Da0419

What if you just provide wine with dinner?  I kind of hate cash bars too, but I guess if it's a regional thing, maybe you should ask your local bar?  Good luck.

megk8oz

LOL People always bring up the "home party" scenario.Yes, I DID bring that up. Not because I think that BYOB is unacceptable at house parties, but because my point is when you host a wedding, you're HOSTING it. Whether its in your backyard or at a hotel, you need to be a good host. It might be "more tolerated" in certain areas, but a "good" host does not ask guest to spend money at their part. And I agree w/ PP that mentioned that this "free" meal you're giving them DOES come at the cost of travel, dress clothes, possibly a baby-sitter and hotel accommodations ... oh yeah, and a GIFT for YOU. Point being: if you're having alcohol, don't charge for it.

Lasairiona

Just because someone doesn't say anything doesn't mean that a certain action isn't rude. Those folks simply know better than to complain, while in their minds the gears may be turning. You have no way of knowing that. Or it could be that they really don't care and don't see anything wrong with it. But don't assume anything just because you personally perceive something as acceptable while others don't.

Kristin789

To re-word your subject line: There is no acceptable option of having a cash bar. And about this: >>it's not my responsibility to poll everyone about their favorite beverages and stock my house full of them. Yeah, it is. My husband's parents drink mostly juice and beer and martinis, and sometimes a soda with no caffeine. So when they are coming to visit, I go to the store and put juice, beer and no-caf soda in the fridge, and DH goes to the liquor store and buys stuff for martinis. I drink full caffeine, full calorie Coke. For breakfast, for dinner, for a snack, etc. And when we go to visit DH's parents, guess what - they have bought some Cokes for me. And when people from up North come to visit Florida and stay near DH's parents or with DH's parents and several card-playing parties are planned, DH's parents go to the liquor store and buy whatever mix they will need to serve the kind of drinks that the visitors like. Conversely, when DH's parents spend the summer up north, their friends buy the kind of martini mix and beer that DH's parents like, so that they can serve those drinks to DH's parents when they come over. That's not unusual. That's exactly what people DO.

C W

Ok, if 99% of the weddings you and your friends went to were cash bar, that means that 99% of couples are choosing to have a cash bar. Which means that 99% of the couples who choose to have a cash bar are not offended by them and think they are completely okay. That's how I know what most people in my area think. It is NOT rude if people don't think it's rude. It's considered 'above and beyond' if you have a full open bar here. That said, H and I chose to have an open bar because it was important to us and we wanted to, not because we thought it would be rude to do otherwise. But even though we chose to have an open bar, neither of us are offended by cash bars when our friends have them. This is a topic that will never be resolved on TK. It's hard to understand regional/cultural differences, and it just needs to be accepted that things are done differently in various parts of the world.

2dBride

We struggled with this one, because we certainly can't afford to have an open bar.  Thus, the choices were whether to have liquor available to those who wanted to buy it, or not to have it available at all.  Ironically, the resolution came when our friend who is buying the food (and who has lots of experience with our guests) told us that they are unlikely to drink much, regardless of whether we are paying or they are.  As a result, it was not worth our venue's while to pay for an alcohol license for that one night, even if it could charge for drinks.  We've therefore decided to provide two different kinds of punch (a champagne punch and a nonalcoholic punch), coffee, tea, water, and Crystal Light (the last for our diabetic guests).  This will discourage heavy drinking (who can get drunk on champagne punch--you'd throw up first!), but still provide for some alcohol that guests don't have to pay for.