Opinions: Having a cash bar...

dsouldiva

I don't really care either way, but for those that say you wouldn't charge your friends for a beer if they came to your house... no... but equally you would be considered very rude amongst our circle of friends if you turned up to a BBQ empty handed.We  always provide all the food and a selection of drinks - sangria, wine, beer, soft drinks, but when you invite 20 people over in our group, as a guest, you bring a bottle! (not that i'd apply this to a Wedding of course but you see the other side of the arguement)I would think it more of a faux pas if I wasn't allowed to have a glass of wine at a Wedding reception just because it wasn't in the Bride and Groom's budget and they didn't want a cash bar.  That would seem strange to my group of friends/family. But that's because I've never been to a meal/celebration/party  where no-one is offered alcohol.I think it's about striking a balance and knowing what is acceptable/normal to your friends and family

dsouldiva

Just because something is done in a certain region doesn't mean that it isn't rude, it just means that it is tolerated better by guests.Oh my word, this is THE most ridiculous statement I've ever read on the knot! Have you never heard of CULTURAL differences?!?! 

duckie1905

"Just because something is done in a certain region doesn't mean that it isn't rude, it just means that it is tolerated better by guests. Oh my word, this is THE most ridiculous statement I've ever read on the knot! Have you never heard of CULTURAL differences?!?!" It has absolutely nothing with cultural differences. If a culture finds alcohol offensive or otherwise not tolerated they have no bar, not a cash bar. What I was referring to was being a good host. To bring culture into the equation is misguided. Regional differences I can at least see a valid argument, what is widely done in an area is not seen as rude because guests are used to and/or expect to see it. To bring culture into it implies that people that don't approve of a cash bars are insulting someone's culture as opposed to their responsibility (or lack thereof) as a host, the two have nothing to do with each other.

linz_e_moore

I work with events at a hotel that does several weddings/banquets a year. I can say, we have never had a full open bar.  Most people seem to provide beer and wine, and the guests pay for mixed drinks, soda, etc.  We provide complimentary coffee, tea and water. I am from a town of 100,000 in Missouri.  I haven't heard anyone complain about not having a full open bar.  We have had a few cash bars only, and I didn't hear anyone complain. Personally, I think it's rude to have your guests drive/fly in, dress up, get a hotel room, maybe take off from work, and buy a gift, and consider your $20 meal a gift.  I'm not going to ask my guests to bring their wallet. If you choose to have a cash bar, fine.  It happens.  Please please please let your guests know somehow- our hotel doesn't have an ATM, and we have guests who get upset when they can't get alcohol at our portable bar. Good luck!

MeaghanandMichael

To bring culture into it implies that people that don't approve of a cash bars are insulting someone's culture as opposed to their responsibility (or lack thereof) as a host, the two have nothing to do with each other. This. For what it is worth, I have been to one wedding with a cash bar. Every other wedding in the MA, CT, Cape Cod area I have been to has some form of open bar. However, if you take a walk to the Boston board and post this same question there are ladies who will swear up and down cash bars are the norm in our area. This makes me a bit skeptical of the whole 'area' and 'circle' debate. It feels like a cop out.

banana468

So the OP posted and ran?Am I the only one thinking that perhaps she posted this to be a spoon?

faith194

I've only been to one limited open bar(beer and wine) in the last ten years in my area(. . .the rest have been cash bars(I've been to nearly 15 weddings). So, if the circle/area debate doesn't work for you, that is fine. The social circle certainly fits in this scenario. Or, how else would you explain the 14 cash bars to 1 limited open bar?

duckie1905

Every other wedding in the MA, CT, Cape Cod area I have been to has some form of open bar. However, if you take a walk to the Boston board and post this same question there are ladies who will swear up and down cash bars are the norm in our area. This makes me a bit skeptical of the whole 'area' and 'circle' debate. It feels like a cop out.I agree.  I'm from the midwest and I constantly hear that cash bars are the norm here.  Umm, I'm sorry, but they are not (and I'm not talking about just the Chicago area).  When all I've seen are open bars in states from Illinois to Wisconsin, Indiana, Missouri, Ohio, and Iowa I really doubt the validity of the "regional" excuse for cash bars.

banana468

Having a cash bar *is* improper etiquette.Some social circles are fine with not following that aspect of etiquette but that doesn't mean that having a cash bar is proper. 

dsouldiva

What I don't understand is the arguement that somehow you are a better host to pay for all your guests drinks and exclude half your guest list at the expense of this....I have never thought someone rude for not offering a open bar.  From what I have seen on these boards British weddings seem to be quite different, weddings start around 2pm, drinks are usually free all day (drinks reception, wine with 3 course meal etc) until the evening reception starts,  an evening buffet is usually served in addition, then it's normal to have a cash bar in the evening.Yes you could have a shorter reception, only serve apps/deserts/cake or whatever the new "fashion" is, but that's not really the done thing here.  Personally I think it's more rude to judge your host's generosity and actually be "offended" that they invited you to their wedding, paid for your meal, but didn't buy you a few glasses of wine...Why is it not rude to offer no alcohol at all than to have a cash bar (religious views aside- I've seen this done just because the B&G don't drink)Is the point not that you attend a Wedding to celebrate their union, not judge them on their hosting skills??? 

C W

I also agree that it is more rude to have a dry wedding than to have a cash bar. I would be offended if I weren't allowed to buy a drink for myself - it would almost seem like the B&G were imposing their morals on me.

banana468

Of course you shouldn't judge someone on their hosting skills.  However that does mean that you should as a host, meet the social expectations of hosting.In many social circles, that means that alcohol is part of the event.  The solution is to figure out a way to host an event that makes alcohol part of the budget.  That may mean scaling back other aspects of the wedding budget so that you can afford to host a wedding reception (which is FOR your guests) while still remaining within your budget.That's really the point here.  The reception is FOR your guests.  It's not about saying "This should be enough."  It's knowing that people took the time and effort to be at your reception and you need to meet your social obligations of hosting that reception.

MeaghanandMichael

Oh banana you say things so well. ::slight swoon::  

banana468

Thanks Meaghan!::blushes::  :-)

duckie1905

We should all just sit back and have a glass of wine because we will never agree!::pops cork::

doyalnr

So the OP posted and ran? "Am I the only one thinking that perhaps she posted this to be a spoon? " I was busy making my invites and studying for the GRE thus I just had the opportunity to check the boards. I apologize for not being as dedicated as you feel I should be. It seems that this is one thing where most people are either completely for it or against it with a few in the middle. We're having a small wedding for the purpose of not having to 'impress' anyone and just being able to feel comfortable with the people around us, so I don't think we'd have to worry about people looking down at us for having an open bar but then again I guess you never know what people said behind your back. My FI talked to his family today and i think his parents are going to help us out if we need it and I also re-read our contract and we're allowed to being our own drink with a corkage fee. So we'll probably get a bottle of wine or two for each table and maybe a bottle of liquor for each table as well.

doyalnr

I forgot to mention... I didn't realize what a hot topic this actually was. I apologize for opening the can of worms causing any tension.

mbcdefg

Cash bars are absolutely not the norm in my area, or in my circle of loved ones. That being said - I wouldn't feel miffed if I went to a wedding that was clearly low-budget and there was no alcohol. Or if only beer/wine was available for free and liquor was available to purchase. I can appreciate being on a tight budget. But if the bride was wearing an expensive gown, if their invites were super-fancy, if they had a lot of unnecessary extras (favors, horse and carriage, whatever) ... then, yeah, I'd be annoyed that they couldn't sacrifice something for their guests.

Licia&Wayne

Good point, mbc. I didn't even think about that. It does say a lot when money obviously goes to super-expensive designer dresses and tons and tons of extras that don't benefit the guests, yet there is little to no money sunk into things that do benefit the guests. That would get me a little bent out of shape if there was no form of bar offered at an obviously extravagant wedding.

BrittLy15

Hosted bar or non-hosted-do whatever works for your situation and budget. If these people are important enough to be at your wedding, then they are not going to care either way. They love you- plain and simple. C'mon everyone! EAT, DRINK, AND BE MERRY!

banana468

If these people are important enough to be at your wedding, then they are not going to care either way.That's a very loaded statement.If people are important enough to be invited to YOUR wedding then YOU should care enough to provide for them what they will expect at social functions.My father loves me a ton.  However if I had him over for dinner and had no beer in the house because I simply decided not to have it (which is what you're saying you're doing by having a cash bar) then, I'd be serving the saddest man in CT.

dsouldiva

Ok so the steak/vege thing is a plainly ridiculous comparison. The fact of the matter is, unless you have a limitless budget, in this day and age you will never please all of the people all of the time.  Even if you offer free wine all day you will have the crew that say "free wine is not good enough for me, it is not to my taste, I want beer", so you offer wine and beer... then you get the crew who say "i don't drink wine or beer, but I would still like a drink so you offer wine, beer and a signature cocktail, again, not good enough for some of your 100 odd guests (for example) so you go on to limited spirits.... and on and on untill your bar bill reaches $8000.So it gets down to... If you have been offered, free wine, free beer, free Margaritas/sangria and free vodka/gin or a free non alcoholic drink.... if as a guest, this is STILL not good enough...(you think... in a rather exasperated way)... buy your own!!!People never used to be that fussy!I love this topic because people get so animated about it... and I love playing devils advocate.FYII will be forgoing the designer dress and posh hotel to have my wedding in a venue that allows you to bring your own alcohol.  Since for the price of 1/2 bottle of wine and 2 glasses of champagne each at a hotel, I could buy enough alcohol wholesale for free drinks all day and night.There will be Sangria for the cocktail hour, wine at dinner, then a free bar with Wine (girls), Lager (Boys), Guiness (Men, specifically my Dad), Sangria (everyone loves sangria), Champagne (our mums and maybe 10 others, most people I know don't like champagne), Vodka or Rum.... oh and soft drinks, now I'm pretty sure that covers all of the bases of our 110-130 guest list, if anyone thinks I am a bad host for not having a full open bar after all that... quite frankly they can jump!

Peachblossom51

We are doing a cash bar. The venue we are using just asked us what we wanted to have alot of and said he'd charge 2.50 no matter what anyone drank. Soda and things like that would be free, since there will be kids and DD's for those who choose to drink. We both have some very heavy drinkers in both sides of our families and we also don't want our wedding party to be a booze fest. Everyone we have talked to has been more than open to a cash bar, in fact they don't mind paying for what they want. For our family members who drink alot, they tend to not want to pay for their drinks, so we hope it will cut down on the lushes. Where I live most receptions don't have open bars, if they do, people take advantage of them, and I think that is so disrespectful of the bride and groom.  You wouldn't take that much from their own home I hope!

banana468

Stage, that's exactly my point.  I'm only anti-dry wedding if the couple are not meeting the social expectations by hosting alcohol.  As I said, it's part of what makes good hosts in any place.  We'd make sure to have the same items served at our wedding for any gather we have in our condo.PP, please don't use a cash bar as a way to get people to drink less.  It's a mission fail.  People get drunk on their own dime all the time.  Stand outside any bar on a Friday night and you'll see plenty of people stumbling outside who paid to be intoxicated.

duckie1905

For our family members who drink alot, they tend to not want to pay for their drinks, so we hope it will cut down on the lushes.It won't, they'll just find another way to drink that includes potentially providing their own alcohol.Cash bars because of expectation, religion, or budget are one thing.  Having a cash bar because you want to control liquor intake of your guests is another.  You aren't their mother, don't act like it.I still don't like them for any reason but when it is done to control the guests it just seems really "mummy locked the liquor cabinet" to me.

duckie1905

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with having a dry wedding.  The problem I have with cash bars is the bride and groom, yet again, asking guests to dig into their pockets for the wedding.  They've already bought clothing, paid for hotel/travel, and bought a gift.No alcohol is fine, asking for money to get it is tacky.

Mrs.B6302007

My thought is that if people want to drink they can but it doesn't mean we have to foot the bill... They're already getting a free meal out of coming lolI think that's a crappy attitude on entertaining your guests.

dsouldiva

Retread...are you for real, people have been sued over this... I guess that ridiculous new notion will hit the UK in a few years.Luckily in the UK we just about still have the element of "personal responsibility" relating to cases like these that would stop any situation like that.  You would be laughed out of court if you tried to blame the fact you got drunk and crashed your car on the fact someone offered you a free drink.If you tried to do a dry wedding in the UK people would either think you very rude or completely loopy, but that's where cultural difference comes in, and why this arguement should be viewed within the context of the culture/norms of the person asking whether they should do it.

sgrihm

I dont believe there's a problem with it. You could provide something free like beer or  wine and guests could pay cash for hard liquor. My sis had a B.Y.O.B reception that worked out just fine for us;you get more for your money and besides if you have a dry reception your gonna lose alot of guest to the local bar anyways.

[Deleted User]

i literally guffawed out loud at stephhalm. 400 guests and a cash bar?? good effing grief. people never cease to amaze me with their tackiness.