Opinions: Having a cash bar...

zippityb

It is very important to my fiance and I to have a reception where people can go up to the bar and get whatever their hearts desire without costing them a penny. The way we are affording this is to have the ceremony start at 8 pm, so we will be serving heavy appetizers instead of a meal. There will be plenty to eat and drink, just not a sit-down dinner.

Peachblossom51

Duckie,   I am not trying to be their mother. But, our family members that do drink, won't pay for nearly as many if it were free, largely becuase other family members won;t tolerate it. I don't want my wedding involving the police or the rescue squad, but I don't want my guests to not have the option to drink.  Part of being a good host is anticipating any problems that might arise, for all of you who are so dead set on open bars and as much booze as any wants, have you thought ahead about how to care for someone who takes it too far? Do you have people in your families or friend circles who don;t know when to quit drinking? It's something to really think about it, becuase on your big day how do you want to spend it? For us it's not with a ton of alcohol, and it's the same for most our guests. We are having only close friends and family and not a single one has expected an open bar - we have informed each guest.  It's not about being a mother, it's about being prepared for the situations you can potentially create with serving alcohol.  It would be great if we could do an Open Bar, but we have seen what happens when other siblings have.  We have a large number of people who don't drink at all on our guest list, with the cash bar we can stock everything and anyone can get whatever they want without any limits to what they can have.  We are working out something with the venue so that at the very least the cocktail hour can have free drinks. Since we will be busy with photos and running around I would like my guests to be at least comfotable and taken care of while they wait for us.  And since our "lushes" which saddly they really are... will be with us, they won't have as much of a chance to hurt themselves or others. You think I am being motherly...wait til you see my Aunt and her endless glass of wine...ask my mom how her car door is, she broke the handle off it! Needless to say a car door handle does not support the weight of a 200 pound woman as she falls to the ground glass still in hand. But...I have to give her props, she didn't break her glass of wine! I just don't want our families or guests to have to end up cutting off or trying to control people like that when they get boozed up. If it's free she's all over.  I love the idea of open bar if you have responsible guests, but keep in mind, if you don't you are a worst host for what could happen to them. And depending on the venue your responsible for whatever thier actions are at your venue and even after they leave. I hope your open bar goes great. I've never had a good experience at one and I have always paid when there is one because most don't do liquor. I'm not a beer person and don't love wine. So most my friends and I always end up buying liquor anyway...

banana468

An open bar means just that - completely open.  If any portion you need to pay for then the hosts haven't offered an open bar.Ideally though, your bartenders will cut off those who have been over-served so things will not get out of hand.  That one of the most important parts of their jobs.

Peachblossom51

Banana- I agree with you 100% about open bar. I don't think I have been to one yet that is truly open. I understand cutting costs, but I hate, HATE being limited to domestic beers and a couple wines.I am hopeful the bartender will cut people off, but I also know that any bar I go to I rarely get up to get drinks, when my FI refills he brings me one too, haha.I am really hoping to give a trully open bar for cocktail hour, especially since our venue is charging only one price for all drinks and getting us whatever we want! Plus, I think it would be a nice surprise, it's not something that they are expecting. I'm just trying to find a compromise so no one has to spend the day worrying or dealing with alcohol issues. That's no fun for anyone.

duckie1905

Sorry peach, but you are. You can justify it anyway that you want and I'm sorry you have family members that can't control themselves but when part of the reason to have a cash part is to control drinking, you are acting like the liquor police.

MeaghanandMichael

I dont believe there's a problem with it. You could provide something free like beer or wine and guests could pay cash for hard liquor. My sis had a B.Y.O.B reception that worked out just fine for us;you get more for your money and besides if you have a dry reception your gonna lose alot of guest to the local bar anyways. It was only a matter of time for some one to bring up the BYOB wedding. Not only do people have to pay for it, they actually have to stop at the store, cart it to the wedding and then find where to stash it at the reception (so no one else dirnks their stuff of course). UGH! May  I just reiterate Jill's quote, "the tackiness of some people never ceases to amaze me."

Peachblossom51

Duckie,   I care about my family and my guests. My guests don't expect to have free booze, they never do where we live. We don't have many venue options, much less ones that offer open bars for shy of a small fortune. So if my guests are happy and safe, what's your problem with someone being concerned for them? I'm motherly by nature, I am an EMT and a Nurse and my FI is in law enforcement, we have to do our bests to make sure our guests are safe and that the booze is controlled, we also have children at our wedding. If anything happened because of our "open bar", we'd could be in alot more trouble than most people.I rather be the liqour police than have something happen that would be a disaster on our wedding day. It protects us and the guests.

Peachblossom51

You are right is doesn't stop heavy drinking, but it takes the responsibility off me and to the bar. It is actually now functioning as a bar seperate from my wedding venue.  Which takes the liability off me and my FI. I think it's tough topic, especially since you really have to have all your ducks in a row, there is a ton of legal liabilities that you would never think of, and you need to make sure you check with your venue what you will be responsible for if anything shoudl go wrong!

dsouldiva

I agree that you won't stop people drinking just by having a cash bar.  Whether you go free bar or cash bar you need your bar staff to be sensible, I used to work behind a bar and we flatly refused to serve double measures or shots if someone was offering a free bar, to save them from themselves more than anything.  People can be extremely ungracious in these situations, I've seen people try and order treble measures just because someone else was paying and bottles of Champagne to themselves just so they could walk around like 50 cent.Of course this is unlikely to happen at a Wedding but there are other ways to limit alcohol intake without being a mean host: --limit hard alcohol to single measures and only serve with mixers- serve bottled beer instead of pint glasses, over here a bottle of lager typically holds about half a pint, your average male guest wouldn't drink 10 bottles but they would drink 5 pints.- Serve wine in smaller glasses- serve alcoholic punch and control the amount of alcohol in in.- Serve wine with a lower alcohol content.

Peachblossom51

Retread,   Yeah we didn't hire them. It's like your description you posted. To clarify...

Cupidsmyth

Wow am I glad someone else is debating this.  I really don't want booze at the reception.  There are too many people in my family we are recovering alcoholics and too many who act beyond tolerable when they drink.  We have considered just wine and beer.  But our church doesn't allow alcohol.  But my FI is looking to change the location now because of the no booze policy.  I have been to weddings that had open bars mainly because it was part of the package deal.  Most I've been to have had beer and wine.  If the bar is part of your reception venue package, then it is unfair to ask your guests to pay for it.  Have a money dance and use that as a way to offset the cost.  But asking them to pay for their drinks is like asking them to drop a $20 bill per head in the jar to take care of their dinner.  I don't think that having some kind of tip jar at the bar would be out of the question.  But don't think you should ask your guests to pay for their drinks. 

Peachblossom51

Stage,   Exactly, it's attached to venue, easy access for people who want it. But, because we are a wedding he discounts the cost for wedding guests who choose to use the bar.

Peachblossom51

** Stage,   forgive me I can't type or click right today - yeah, we aren't providing the bar, it's not part of our venue package. It's open whether we use it or not and not exclusive, however, our room is only for us and our guests. He just gives better deals for people at a wedding who use it, probably so they drink more...

Peachblossom51

Yeah I hate having to charge too. A large part is budget, but the biggest part is liability. I wish we lived in a society that didn't require so much covering of our butts. 

alithebride

"They're already getting a free meal out of coming lol" hey, idiot-you're throwing a party in honor of your marriage. That's why you give them a 'free meal'.if cash bars are the norm in your area-it's fine-but your rationale is WAY off base. if you can't afford it then don't serve or serve beer, wine and a few cocktails instead of full open bar.

doyalnr

hey, idiot-you're throwing a party in honor of your marriage. That's why you give them a 'free meal'. if cash bars are the norm in your area-it's fine-but your rationale is WAY off base. if you can't afford it then don't serve or serve beer, wine and a few cocktails instead of full open bar. I was being sarcastic ... Name calling isn't neccessary nor is it appreciated. I simply wanted to know peoples opinions since I'm the first in my bunch to have a wedding and didn't know the standard on this sort of thing... geez

jacquikev

I have been in six weddings and been to many more and have never been to an open bar wedding ( though im sure i would enjoy it!) Especially in these hard times I would not blame someone who wanted a cash bar. Many of the weddings I went to had a coctail hour while the bride and groom were off taking pictures, offered wine with dinner, and the rest of the night was a cash bar. Ive seen too many people even during a coctail hour drink half a drink leave it somwwhere and go get another one. If someone at my wedding only like top shelf liquor, which an open bar usually does not offer, why shouldnt they be able to enjoy it? Also some people were talking about the 20$ plate. Food is something very big in our families and friends ( since our family is European) so we have moved our budget to allow for a better meal. The cheapest plate at our venue is 80$ and that does not offer much variety. The charge per head will be close to 110$ per person I believe. I want everyone to have a great meal that they will enjoy. The venue is on the ocean so they will also be able to enjoy a beautiful view all evening. I have spoken with my friends and family about this and they agree they would rather pay for a drink they like then be limited to a budget beer and wine wedding. I guess it all depends on your group of people. If you ask around and it seems acceptable in your group then by all means go for it! It is your wedding day and everyone is there to celebrate the union of LOVE, not criticize it. The day is supposed to be the best day of your life, so dont stress about little things like a few people angry they had to pay for their own grey goose and cranberry. I myself will be having a coctail hour and then a cash bar where it will be 2$ a beer and 3$ a mixed drink. I will serve wine with dinner and foot the rest of the bill. I am a college student in medical school and my fiance is a mechanic. We hardly can afford a cash bar for our guests who are still in prime college drinking ages. We chose to spend our money on the food and venue and our parents are helping us with what they can, but mine are already paying my college education. I wish you the best of luck with your decision and i hope you did well on your GRE's! They are a tough test!

Lovie 129

We are having an open bar for a five hour reception (4 hrs of alcohol), but we are breaking up the alcohol consumption like this. The cocktail hour has our signature drinks only. Dinner has the wines that compliment the meals along with coffee, tea, pop. When the dancing begins, the stronger alcohol begins. At the end of the 3rd hour, the drinks get decreased by half the alcohol, the 4th hour, alcohol is cut off, so by the end of the night, no one is drinking.If you spread the alcohol out, you limit the "drunk Uncle", or "Girls Gone Wild" college friend. Remember, people are eating and snacking throughout your reception, so intoxication should be limited. If cost is an issue, see if your venue offers a wine punch by the gallon. Don't go for top shelf labels either, most often you are paying for the name, advertising, and the pretty bottle of that top shelf alcohol.