My grandpa won't live to see my wedding...

Nickie431

A week ago my grandpa went into cardiac arrest and now is in hospice with heart, lung and kidney failure.  While he's 89 and has lived a full life, anticipating his loss is, of course, a struggle for my family.  I was blessed to be able to travel the 800 miles this weekend to say good-bye in person.

Facing the contradictory activities of grieving Grandpa's imminent passing and planning our wedding has me at a loss.  I was intending to check off a lot of needing-to-be-accomplished-soon tasks this week during my Spring Break (placing the deposit on the venue, arranging with my mom for the final payment on my gown, choosing photographer and videographer, Engaged Encounter, etc.), but I became overwhelmed just meeting with our priest to finalize the time.  I think even mentioning our wedding to my mom and family right now is inappropriate, and, truly, it all now seems trivial.

Where do I go from here?  I know Grandpa wouldn't want our lives to stop, but it seems wrong to keep going like nothing is happening.  I'm sorry that this post may seem rambling, but do I appreciate you ladies' support and suggestions...

Hope61

I am so sorry for what you're going through, and I'll say some prayers for your family and your grandpa. I'm not sure what to say besides to stay strong and give yourself time to grieve. Do whats necessary to keep things moving towards the wedding as planned, but don't worry about the details at the moment. My grandma was in hospice a few years ago, so I think I can understand a bit of what you're going through. She was there Dec 20-Dec 24, so it made Christmas difficult, but we still celebrated. Like you said, he wouldn't want your lives to stop.

[Deleted User]

I am sorry to hear about your Grandpa.

I see that your wedding isn't until November, so it looks like you will have time to greive should the worst happen. And once you get the major vendors book, everything else will fall into place.

I was very close to my Grandma (my Mom's Mom) and while she passed away over 15 years ago, I was still thinking about her on my wedding day. I was sad for a time leading up to the wedding, esp when I was doing our programs, and then I told myself that she (and all my other grandparents) were looking down from Heaven upon us. The Holy Spirit is truly wonderful if you just let it work. I am sure you will be amazed at how relieved it will make you feel. I know it helped me.

I will keep your Grandpa in my prayers. Keep us posted on his status. We are here for you.

lisa89760

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandpa...I'm sure it's very hard.

Like missy said you have awhile until your wedding so while it will be hard, you will have plenty of time to grieve.

My grandma died in 2009 and I will be the first grandchild to get married since her death (and the first one since 2003).  I will be thinking about her the day of the wedding for sure.  I'm including her in a prayer of the faithful along with on the program. 

Riss91

I'm so sorry. You and your family will be in my prayers. If your wedding isn't until November, then I wouldn't push trying to get wedding planning stuff done. Do it when you feel up to it, allow yourself to focus on your family. Again, I'm really sorry - I've been in similar situations with my grandparents and it's really difficult.

mcdol3

I am so sorry to hear about your grandpa. I know how hard it is to lose someone close you. (grandparentless)

I will pray for him and your family. Take time to grieve, November is a ways away, and even though there are things you need to get done, do minimal and allow yourself time

Nickie431

Thank you all so much for the outpouring of support.  It's heartening to know that complete strangers are so caring and praying for my family at this difficult time.

lindsaynewbride10

I'm really sorry about your Grandpa. I can kind of relate, but to answer your question, as far as the wedding plans are concerned, do whatever feels right to you. You never know, wedding planning could be a good distraction for you right now, or it could be the opposite.

I lost my Grandmother who I was extremely close to this past August and started planning my wedding about a month afterwards. I took things easy for a couple weeks after the arrangements and whatnot just to "be." And then I started planning and really think its been a good distraction for me ever since. Not that I don't think about her, because I do. It's just good to have something to work on to accomplish an ultimate goal: marriage.

Like I said, do what you feel is right.

wifeandmommy0609

so  sorry to hear. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

I agree with MissySue20.

Angela Leeder

I am praying for you, your family, and your grandpa.  I understand how difficult this is trying to figure out how you can keep going with planning.  It is hard to think about something so happy and and joyous while trying to grieve.

My grandmother passed away in a hospice during my Junior year of high school and was there during my first homecoming.  I ended up getting ready at the hospice and the entire time I was there I was just not in the mood to be there.  You need to take some time for grieving!  Is there anyone that you trust enough to keep going with the planning until you feel up to it?  It seems like you are trying to narrow down and select vendors so having someone with similar tastes look into different options could help you out tremendously!

Nickie431

An update: Grandpa passed away Friday morning.

Thank you for praying for the repose of his soul and for peace and strength for my family, especially Grandma.  (They were married 60 years!)

And again, thank you for your helpful suggestions.  God bless you all.

MuddyInsignia

Nickie431, my prayers are with you and your family. My condolences.

Jasmine&Rajah

Oh, Nickie, I am so sorry to read of this sadness.

I know you know this . . . but he is at peace, and walking with Jesus.  I pray that you, your family and especially your Grandma will feel strength, mercy and every grace imaginable.  God bless you.