Poll: Honeymoon Registry

kmartini1021

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_poll-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:121e1ea1-646e-4ca5-9569-4464808826eaPost:9d3c0010-bbcf-4de2-800d-ddb260e3eccf">Re: Poll: Honeymoon Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]My guests will be getting EXACTLY what they paid for, with NO fees (thanks honeyfund.com!).  To enhance the experience I will be taking pictures with my FI of every guests' donation.  If they purchased a dinner for us in Florence, we will have a waiter take our picture at that restaurant to send with the thank you card. That is a great idea! As a guest I would much rather give my friends/family members a memorable meal or wonderful experience than a set of steak knives or water goblets or some other "thing." I completely disagree with posters who think you should upgrade items you already have just for the sake of upgrading (if you want to, fine, but no need to upgrade stuff you already have just for the sake of having a traditional registry). I went through Hurricane Katrina. I've seen my family and friends lose everything in terms of personal belongings. But what I ended up learning is that stuff is just stuff.  Memories and experiences are what really matter.  I would never be offended that someone would rather I contribute to a memorable honeymoon than buy them more stuff. 
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

I couldn't agree more! I'm not a very materialistic person. If my housewares are functional, no need to upgrade.

We attended a wedding earlier this year where people made a registry on honeyfund and we enjoyed picking out an adventure for them for their honeymoon. They sent us photos of the sunrise snorkeling trip with their thank you note, and we thought that was awesome!

We've made a honeymoon registry and we plan to do the same thing. Everyone that I've told about it who is attending the wedding thinks its a great idea! This is the first time I've heard anything negative about the idea at all.

michgleas

 I think a lot of people give couples money for their wedding gift anyway, at least this way they know it's going toward something fun. I give all my friends cash and write in the card have a fun honeymoon, I hope they do the same for me!

lihouston

I think they're awesome!  We've set up a honeymoon registry and so far everyone has responded positively (they think it's cute or want to use the idea for their own wedding).  I also set up a small regular registry for those with differing opinions - I understand it's a little unorthodox, but we're really going to use it for our honeymoon!

As far as payment goes, we put a deposit down and are hoping that the gifts fill in the rest.  If they do not, we may downgrade the reservation to something more affordable...or upgrade if we are so blessed!  We have the option to cancel the reservation with no penalties up to 45 days out.

I know the fee sucks, but my fiance is in web development and graphic design and we both realize that part of what we're paying for is a sense of security for people to give money ahead of the party.  It looks cute and nice because it was well designed.  

lamphier

We love having a honeymoon registry and our guests have found it to be the greatest thing. We're lucky to even be going on a honeymoon (due to money restrictions) so our friends and family are helping us to make it the best experience possible by buying us the extras. And we told ourselves when we set it up that we'd actually use the money for the excursions people bought us. 

Macfia

I have been reading more and more articles and polls like this where it has become obvious that we have become an exceptionally greed and tacky society.  The registry is NOT the reason fro getting married.  It is disgusting that so many people, including the magazines act like it is.  Yesterday I read a magazine that stated the gift registry as one of the 15 reasons to get married.  How sad that anyone would think that.  Now couples are registering for engagements, weddings and honeymoons and expecting their guests to fork over gifts for all three.  Not only would I not have a honeymoon registry I think that asking your wedding guests to help pay for your vacation, then have them do it only to spend the money on car repairs or getting the cat to the vet is not only tacky and pathetic, it's lying to the people who think you are their friends.  80% of couples live together before the wedding.  The wedding registry used to be a way to help a new couple start their lives.  Now it's just a greedy, dishonest and sad attempt to get all the swag they can from their "friends."  I like my friends and family way too much for this.

avcmarin

Stephanie, you look amazing, I want your beauty secrets, I want to be georgous when I'm forty!!!

kmartini1021

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_poll-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:121e1ea1-646e-4ca5-9569-4464808826eaPost:481d4569-758a-451f-94a6-68896181295b">Re: Poll: Honeymoon Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been reading more and more articles and polls like this where it has become obvious that we have become an exceptionally greed and tacky society.  The registry is NOT the reason fro getting married.  It is disgusting that so many people, including the magazines act like it is.  Yesterday I read a magazine that stated the gift registry as one of the 15 reasons to get married.  How sad that anyone would think that.  Now couples are registering for engagements, weddings and honeymoons and expecting their guests to fork over gifts for all three.  Not only would I not have a honeymoon registry I think that asking your wedding guests to help pay for your vacation, then have them do it only to spend the money on car repairs or getting the cat to the vet is not only tacky and pathetic, it's lying to the people who think you are their friends.  80% of couples live together before the wedding.  The wedding registry used to be a way to help a new couple start their lives.  Now it's just a greedy, dishonest and sad attempt to get all the swag they can from their "friends."  I like my friends and family way too much for this.
Posted by Macfia[/QUOTE]

This seems more like an attack on anyone who would have a registry than a constructive comment.

October0918

I'm having a HM registry. We registered at Honeyfund.com, and it doesn't charge guests fees at all. They actually send check/moneyorder straight to us.

The reason we're doing this is because we're moving from one side of the country to the other about six months after we get married and we don't want to move so many gifts when we don't really know what our new place will look like yet, and we don't want to waste the space in our moving vehicle. We are registered for a few items that are universal (towels, sheets) to where we will live, but otherwise we just wanted a really great honeymoon since we love to travel so much.

Instead, we registered with Honeyfund.com and are actually going to use all of the money we receive for our honeymoon and not for anything else.

TessConrad

I've lived with my FI since 2002; our kids are adult(ish- in college), and we're working on simplifying our lives- throwing things out, not accumulating them. 

Therefore it wasn't our intention to have ANY registry (details here, if you're interested), but because people kept asking I ultimately did a honeymoon registry. We'd already booked and paid for a fantastic trip, and it says loud and clear all over it that we neither expect nor want ANYTHING but the pleasure of your company at our wedding, but we if people want to do something, these are some ideas. 

Realistically there are different requirements at different points in people's lives. 2nd weddings, later in life, already settled in...I'm glad there are options out there to fit people's individual circumstances. 

JMRusso17

We are doing one BUT with our travel agent.  It is dollar for dollar and goes directly into an account for us to use towards the airfare and hotel.  It is a small, local travel agent which, unfortunately, not alot of people still use.  We are also doing a traditional registry too.

DonnaDollard

I am using Disney's Honeymoon Registry.  While I understand what some knotties have said about their registry, it i s VERY clear on the FAQ and through the ordering process that they are esentially giving money to the couple to use on a pre-loaded card throughout the honeymoon.  I honestly think it's great, and my fiancee and I are SO excited to recieve those gifts!

gatormom04

Many of us "more mature" couples having a second wedding do not need sheets, towels, etc.  We would like a special honeymoon though and hate to waste our friend's and famiy's money on gifts we do not need or want. Honeyfund does not charge a fee and when I used it for a friend she was very appreciative to be able to enjoy a honeymoon they really wanted thanks to the generosity of their friends and family. It made us all feel like we contributed regardless of how they actually used the money......they did use it for the honeymoon since as PhD students they would not have been able to have that special time otherwise!

sboundk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_poll-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:121e1ea1-646e-4ca5-9569-4464808826eaPost:2dba5e11-8bf2-45b7-8a78-0d1a6d75719a">Re: Poll: Honeymoon Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]HM registries really make me cringe because of their fees.  I want 100% of the money gift to go to the newlyweds, not +7% to some company for doing nothing but collecting money from guests.  I'm not doing one nor do I suggest anyone else doing one.
Posted by Biotechick620[/QUOTE]

I am doing a honeymoon registry though Disneyworld and is completely 100% fee free.  I think they are a great idea especially if you already have everything you need for the home and if they give you cash, they know you are going to put it towards that anyway.

Statistically, from what I have found out about registries that are fee free, most couples get at least 60+% paid for by their guests...the actual percentage per bride various based on how many guests they invite.

Personally,  I like them but to each her own...It is like I don't think TVs and really expensive items should be on registries but couples do that so oh well.

Lyss185

If anyone's interested, here's an article from the Wall Street Journal...

http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB121020123458375115-lMyQjAxMTIwMTAwOTIwMDkxWj.html

If the link doesn't work, it's (perhaps presumptuously) titled: "Getting Guests to Pay for a Honeymoon" on wsj.com.

But good news! If Emily Post says it's OK to have a honeymoon registry, then I say we're good

laurendoster

Town & Country?  Seriously?  How about the Wall Street Journal?

"A honeymoon is a perfectly appropriate gift to request," says Peter Post, president of the Emily Post Institute, a Burlington, Vt., etiquette think tank. "There's no objection to it from an etiquette point of view."

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121020123458375115.html

As long as you use the registry honestly, provide an alternative physical registry, and be GRATEFUL for getting gifts in first place - HMRs are great!!!

laurendoster

Sorry Lyss - just realized you posted the WSJ article!  What a great find!

kalago0424

I'm doing the same thing. We have two traditional registries, one at Target and one at Bed Bath & Beyond, and we're setting up a honeymoon registry and, as you said, making it genuine by putting in the exact excursions we plan to take, researching the cost of the airfare, etc. I love the idea of taking pictures of what we're doing and then sending it with the thank-you cards, and I will definitely use that idea!

Lyss185

Lauren- Haha! Great minds think alike!  

iamandrea22

As a 33 year old who has already been living with my fiance for years, we have accumulated a lot of stuff and don't really need a registry. However, people need some guidance as to what you really need and/or want. I registered with honeyfund because we really wouldn't be able to afford a nice honeymoon without it. I think the way they are set up is fine, b/c if people actually could purchase something real, there would be no flexibility left for the bride/groom to change their mind about what to do with the money. I plan on using all of the money for the honeymoon, but what if I only received half of the money for, say, a scuba lesson? What would i do then? 

I plan on using the money as the guest wished it (while remaining flexible), and then taking a picture of the said activity and sending it along with a thank you card after the honeymoon is over. This way the guest actually knows that what they gave money for actually happened.

As for people that think it is misleading, I'm pretty sure you could prevent that by  being honest with the guests and explaining how it works (you write a few blurbs about what you are doing that are posted on the site.)

I think honeyfund is the perfect alternative for the bride that doesn't want or need MORE CRAP. Life is about experiences....

reese511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_poll-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:121e1ea1-646e-4ca5-9569-4464808826eaPost:481d4569-758a-451f-94a6-68896181295b">Re: Poll: Honeymoon Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been reading more and more articles and polls like this where it has become obvious that we have become an exceptionally greed and tacky society.  The registry is NOT the reason fro getting married.  It is disgusting that so many people, including the magazines act like it is.  Yesterday I read a magazine that stated the gift registry as one of the 15 reasons to get married.  How sad that anyone would think that.  Now couples are registering for engagements, weddings and honeymoons and expecting their guests to fork over gifts for all three.  Not only would I not have a honeymoon registry I think that asking your wedding guests to help pay for your vacation, then have them do it only to spend the money on car repairs or getting the cat to the vet is not only tacky and pathetic, it's lying to the people who think you are their friends.  80% of couples live together before the wedding.  The wedding registry used to be a way to help a new couple start their lives.  Now it's just a greedy, dishonest and sad attempt to get all the swag they can from their "friends."  I like my friends and family way too much for this.
Posted by Macfia[/QUOTE]

how is asking for a toilet plunger any less tacky than a dinner for 2?

additionally - how's the weather up there on your pedestal??

pamfuhrmeister

My finace and I were thinking of doing one, because we are moving to Germany right after we get married and can only take two suitcases each. New pots and pans would be nice, but there's no way we could take those things with us. 

After reading this, I'm not sure about the honeymoon registry. I never even thought about taking advantage of it, like requesting $300 for an excursion that we never plan to do, just so we can have the cash.

I do agree with a post on here I read, that said, you don't rely on money from the honeymoon registries to pay for your flight and hotels, but rather, extra luxuries like a massage or excursion that you wouldn't do otherwise.

Any thoughts? Thanks!

amyn1919

I love the idea of a Honeymoon registry...especially if it's used correctly. I think it's completely valid if you live together and have everything...this is my second marriage and my FI first, so we are having a traditional wedding, his Mom is throwing the shower. I think if people use it for other purposes than they are just crappy dishonest people! People can always return your gift to the store and get something else too....same thing!

FutureMrsGibb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_poll-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:121e1ea1-646e-4ca5-9569-4464808826eaPost:54148e94-7730-4587-a377-051b423c7c86">Re: Poll: Honeymoon Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]I think they are super tacky and crass.  I would definitely never have one, and its offensive whenever I get invited to a wedding and the couple does have one.   Think about your guests and how they would react before you do a honeymoon registry, most people think its tacky and offensive, and most people give money as a gift anyway, so use that.
Posted by courtneyandtimothy[/QUOTE]


I'm not going to think about what "most people" find "tacky and crass." I'm going to think about the people I'm inviting and what my FH and I need and want. That's what it's about. I don't think it's about ettiquette. If they don't like it, then they won't participate.

I think the dollar dance is tacky and crass, but everyone seems to do it and I always pay for my 15 second dance with the groom. Because that's what the bride and groom want and I am honored to be part of their wedding.

chirichj

you can also sometimes (depending on the hotel) book a HMR through them, that way you are certain to use what people buy you, because it is valid at that resort only.  
i am a firm believer in doing what you want. if you want a HMR, do it. the guests coming to your wedding should understand that. i also don't believe in 'stuff'. we have too much stuff already. what i would want is amazing memories with my new husband... so that is what i intend to ask for! but that is me... if you prefer kitchen gadgets over a surfing lesson, go for it. the point is, do what makes you happy

AlisonM304

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_poll-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:121e1ea1-646e-4ca5-9569-4464808826eaPost:062db8a8-c721-4f56-96fc-3796be277291">Re: Poll: Honeymoon Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]Honeymoon registries are great!  Both FI and myself are avid global travelers, and I can't think of anything more special for a guest to get for us than a fantastic memory of our first globe-trotting adventure as husband and wife. I do understand that many on this board feel otherwise, but I believe this can be rectified in two steps: 1) Set up a smaller normal registry for guests who prefer physical gifts 2) Make your HM registry genuine.  I've spent hours on mine, detailing to the exact restaurant, exact train tickets, flights, hotels, museums, excursions, etc.  I think this not only helps you plan, but adds validity for your guests that this is a well thought out trip. My guests will be getting EXACTLY what they paid for, with NO fees (thanks honeyfund.com!).  To enhance the experience I will be taking pictures with my FI of every guests' donation.  If they purchased a dinner for us in Florence, we will have a waiter take our picture at that restaurant to send with the thank you card. That beats a crockpot in my book anyday!  :)
Posted by laurendoster[/QUOTE]


This.

My FI and I will have been living together a little over a year when get married, so we'll have the things that we need. Plus we think that it's rude to register for household items a person or couple already owns (this means 'upgrades') because, hey, the person already owns it. Neither of us are very traditional, so a traditional registry isn't very important to us. We plan on registering at a box store for the people who want to give us 'stuff.'
We plan on having our plane tickets and hotel paid for (we still have a while to save up for it), but will register for things such as dinners and activities. We found that we could register for these things through the resort we are planning on staying at. I have talked to several of our friends and our parents about doing this, and they all really like the idea of paying for an experience rather than something we don't really need. We, too, plan on taking a picture of the two of us doing whatever that activity is that the person paid for and sending it with the Thank You card.

megandjay

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_poll-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:121e1ea1-646e-4ca5-9569-4464808826eaPost:4f6cefb1-3efa-4a99-8fe6-68206d7ec777">Re: Poll: Honeymoon Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]As a 33 year old who has already been living with my fiance for years, we have accumulated a lot of stuff and don't really need a registry. However, people need some guidance as to what you really need and/or want. I registered with honeyfund because we really wouldn't be able to afford a nice honeymoon without it. <strong>I think the way they are set up is fine, b/c if people actually could purchase something real, there would be no flexibility left for the bride/groom to change their mind about what to do with the money.</strong> I plan on using all of the money for the honeymoon, but what if I only received half of the money for, say, a scuba lesson? What would i do then?  I plan on using the money as the guest wished it (while remaining flexible), and then taking a picture of the said activity and sending it along with a thank you card after the honeymoon is over. This way the guest actually knows that what they gave money for actually happened. As for people that think it is misleading, I'm pretty sure you could prevent that by  being honest with the guests and explaining how it works (you write a few blurbs about what you are doing that are posted on the site.) I think honeyfund is the perfect alternative for the bride that doesn't want or need MORE CRAP. Life is about experiences....
Posted by iamandrea22[/QUOTE]

This is exactly my point. It is a dishonest scam.

kirieli923

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_poll-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:121e1ea1-646e-4ca5-9569-4464808826eaPost:074eae2f-07eb-4251-86d8-fdc345b4e98d">Re: Poll: Honeymoon Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]If you understand the argument against them - which usually boils down to some of your guests may find them offensive because they see the HM registry as asking for money - what made you decide to do one anyway? Genuine question, not trying to pick on you.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]


I know this question wasn't for me, but I'm responding anyway as my answer is different from Stephie's. 

I had joined TK and read a quite a bit about honeymoon registries before setting mine up.  I understand why some people find them offensive, but I chose to have one anyway.  I think it boiled down to - and should boil down to - me knowing my family and friends.  They wouldn't be offended by a HMR, most of my family are avid travellers and they know that we love to travel as well.  I registered for our honeymoon because I knew that my guests would think the things we were doing sounded really cool (We are going to the ICEHOTEL in Sweden, so not the most common honeymoon), and would love to be a part of it.  We also registered for traditional items that we didn't have for the shower and for those who still felt more comfortable buying something traditional.

Last little thought on the idea of upgrading if you have everything already from living together:  again, I think this should be a personal decision, not something that's dictated by what is traditional.  Worry about what you need and what would seem appropriate to YOUR particular group of guests.  We didn't register for many upgrades, not only because we've lived together before, but also because we are not planning to fully settle down just now.  We'll be moving at least another time or two or three (one may even be a foreign move!), so now is not the time to be acquiring nicer things just because.  We'd have to store them or give them away soon anyway.

I encourage everyone on The Knot to consider that each couple's circumstances are unique, and everyone is allowed to choose the equally unique things that work for them.

copycatcreative

OMG, I am so shocked at the negative attitude about honeymoon registries! My beau and I have been living together for years and have waaaaay too much stuff for our little cottage. The idea of "upgrading" our stuff seems not only unnecessary, but also wasteful. What do we do with all the "old" stuff? We are registering for our dream honeymoon in France because we want to start our married life together with an experience that will remain with us for a lifetime -- long after the china has chipped and the pots and pans have rusted.

I love the suggestion to be very specific about the items requested, down to the names of restaurants and hotels. I will go back and be more specific on ours, because I don't want people to think we are just trying to build our savings account -- though, I honestly think that's a better use of our friend and family member's money that a bunch of "stuff." MANY cultures give money to the bride and groom, because that's generally what the couple needs most -- especially these days, with people marrying older and having already accumulated all of the household items that launched the whole idea of registries anyway. I find it confusing that people feel "dupped" by the idea of giving mush-needed money to someone for an experience, rather than an overpriced plate or vase.

kmartini1021

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_poll-honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:121e1ea1-646e-4ca5-9569-4464808826eaPost:4989d1a8-4ea2-437e-8dc4-3cd8b9e8522b">Re: Poll: Honeymoon Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: Honeymoon Registry : I know this question wasn't for me, but I'm responding anyway as my answer is different from Stephie's.  I had joined TK and read a quite a bit about honeymoon registries before setting mine up.  I understand why some people find them offensive, but I chose to have one anyway.  I think it boiled down to - and should boil down to - me knowing my family and friends.  They wouldn't be offended by a HMR, most of my family are avid travellers and they know that we love to travel as well.  I registered for our honeymoon because I knew that my guests would think the things we were doing sounded really cool (We are going to the ICEHOTEL in Sweden, so not the most common honeymoon), and would love to be a part of it.  We also registered for traditional items that we didn't have for the shower and for those who still felt more comfortable buying something traditional. Last little thought on the idea of upgrading if you have everything already from living together:  again, I think this should be a personal decision, not something that's dictated by what is traditional.  Worry about what you need and what would seem appropriate to YOUR particular group of guests.  We didn't register for many upgrades, not only because we've lived together before, but also because we are not planning to fully settle down just now.  We'll be moving at least another time or two or three (one may even be a foreign move!), so now is not the time to be acquiring nicer things just because.  We'd have to store them or give them away soon anyway. I encourage everyone on The Knot to consider that each couple's circumstances are unique, and everyone is allowed to choose the equally unique things that work for them.
Posted by kiridrew[/QUOTE]


**round of applause** Well put.

amiF

We are also doing a HMF (honeyfund), as well as another registry (after the honeymoon) where guests can actually buy us things to do, such as cooking lessons, hot air balloon ride, dinner for a date night, etc.  (and you actually buy those physical activities)  We plan to be completely honest with our guests about it.  Where we are from (NY), most people give cash as a wedding gift, so the registries are for the shower (and a wedding gift, if that is what some of our guests choose to do).

I don't even like showers, but my MIL-to-be is insisting on throwing me one, so I requested a jack and jill, so I wouldn't want to bore the men with opening a bunch of houseware gifts for an hour anyway.  My FH and I honestly don't need or want any "things", and I find sheets and pots very very boring.  We both love to travel, do activities and go out, so if that is what makes us happy, and what we want to do, then what is wrong with that?  Like other comments before, I feel that life is way too short, and "things" are not all that important. Besides, we already have lots of things.

I understand the disdain for a HMF as a wedding gift, where the couple keeps the money for something else, but what is wrong with a HMF or an activities fund like afterthehoneymoon.com for a shower present as opposed to Bed Bath and Beyond or another registry?  We will enjoy the skydiving or the cash towards paying for our honeymoon much more than a new blender (bleh!  how boring).  

Again, to each his/her own, but if it is what a couple wants, and what they will get use out of, then do you have to go buy them sheets anyway?  It just seems to make sense for the couples that make good use of the alternative registries.