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Just Engaged and Proposals

I shouldn't care, but I'm hurt by my parents' reactions

The first call we made after some post-proposal giggling was to my parents to share the good news.  I didn't expect too much emotion from my prim-and-proper mother, but thought my father would be excited.  I almost wish I hadn't called them and had just called my aunts, who were over the moon with excitement.

Summary: My mother was almost emotionless and my father sent me a cryptic email immediately after we spoke. 

Detail:

My mother's said it was "lovely" and then asked when the wedding would be.  I laughed (I'm laid back...her words usually roll right off my back) and told her we had just gotten engaged about 10 minutes ago, so we didn't know yet.  She then said something like "well, I have two weddings to go to this year.  Marissa's is in April..." (the two girls mentioned are the sisters of a childhood friend). I laughed and said "we aren't getting married in April, but I hope my wedding would take presedence over the ____ girls."  She then said "well, their mother is my closest friend!"

Okay, again, my mother is not the type to scream and carry on, but I didn't expect that response!

My father was a little more excited, but immediately sent an email saying he wanted to talk about some of his concerns. I'm in my 30s, have a great career, own a home, and I have lived totally independent of my parents since I finished graduate school about a decade ago.  His concerns (per one of my brothers, who called my father after hearing how flustered I was) are over the industry my FI works in.  My brother reminded him that FI's industry is recession proof and said my father calmed down a bit.


I don't think I'm really asking for advice here, just looking to vent a little bit and see if anyone else has similar stories. 
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Re: I shouldn't care, but I'm hurt by my parents' reactions

  • edited November 2010
    Congrats!

    ouch - I don't have much perspective on it because we're nopt engaged. I have had a let down reaction with a similar situation before. You have to remember that you are getting married and this person will always have one up on your family and maybe your parents were a little jealous or upset that you will no longer be just theirs forever. On the flip though, you may want to have a conversation with them about their recation. Hope it gets better!
    -ps when I did my mom's wedding AC Moore and Micheals is your best friend-
  • I completely understand what you are going through!  My mom had the same reaction (just about) and said (right after I told her) well your father and I don't have money to pay for a wedding (I didn't even ask them to pay for it).  It even made me question telling other people we were engaged.  Her biggest problem is my FI is currently unemployed (though he's in school now to start another more recession proof career soon).

    What I did was just told everyone else and was happy they were so excited and stopped talking to my mom about the wedding (we've only been engaged a bit under 2 months now) to let it set in more.  I'm just afraid that her attitude is going to ruin planning things for me so we'll see.  Worst case scenario is I tell her if she's really that unhappy then she either has to just let it go and let me be happy or not come to our wedding.  I just hope it doesn't come to that.
    image
  • Keep your head up.... Give the news a few weeks to sink in, and once they have gotten used to the idea, hopefully they will come around and step up to support you and your Hubby-to-be!
  • edited November 2010
    Unless your FI works in the porn industry or something equally as bad, I wouldn't worry.  Discuss it with your Dad, let him know that his reaction hurt your feelings, and if he insists you should've married a doctor (or whatever), smile and say "Thanks for your concern, but I'm sure about FI."  End of discussion.

    ETA:  If it makes you feel any better, my brother didn't have the best reaction to my getting engaged either.  I could tell he was FORCING himself to pretend to be happy for me.  Before I got engaged, my brother lectured me for HOURS telling me that no one would support me if I got married before I graduated from law school.  Sometimes you just have to remember that you live for YOU, not everyone else.
  • Update! I talked to my brother a little more. My father was being totally irrational...my brother said that, in essense, nothing would be good enough for "his little girl."  At my age, hearing that was pretty hilarious! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_shouldnt-care-but-im-hurt-parents-reactions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:826663fa-b16e-4d64-be82-0aabde2791faPost:179a4cf1-cc3e-499f-b815-e00c2040561a">Re: I shouldn't care, but I'm hurt by my parents' reactions</a>:
    [QUOTE]II'm just afraid that her attitude is going to ruin planning things for me so we'll see. 
    Posted by MMRoberts11[/QUOTE]I'm with you.  My future MIL has been joking about our pending trip to Kleinfelds for quite some time now.  Meanwhile, my own mother is thinking about...well, who knows. It might not be fair of me to expect her to clap and gush over dresses in a bridal salon.

    [QUOTE]Well, no career is recession-proof, so I wouldn't use that argument when you talk to your dad, since it'll likely just make him more concerned.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]There are recession proof industries. FI's has been unaffected by the recent downturn.  His area (I don't want to be too specific here) has been growing for the last two years. 
  • I think you are being a little sensitive. Your mom was what you expected and she may have taken your comment about the other girl's wedding the wrong way.Your father was just worried about you, but you said he was happy for you. Don't dwell on this. Move on and be happy about your engagement.


  • Thanks for all the great advice, ladies!

    Not that we need to further this, but there are scores of industries that didn't exist during the Great Depression.  I fear I have touched on a sensitive subject, though.  Stage, I'm sorry if I upset you.
  • CvilleClaire - I was just thinking about something similar today. My parents are both really happy about my egagement and that's about all I know. Don't get me wrong, that in itself is a good thing. I'm glad that they are happy. I just wish one of them had the time or the interest in my actual wedding. My mom is tied up with some bad family stuff back in the state that I am from. I am happy that she can keep her head above water right now. My dad...well he just isn't the guy who is going to care about weddings, you know? I can't imagine him crying when he sees me in a dress & I'm not sure he has any feeling about doing a father/daughter dance (even tho my FI wants a mother/son dance.) So I just wish things were a little different with my family right now so I could talk with someone about the fun stuff of being engaged. I've pretty much just accepted that they are going to be this way (Mom's life is always chaotic, dad is always blase) but I wish it was different. I'm just trying not to dwell, just focus on the positive. Thankfully I have friends who will be willing to listen to me and help, you know?
    Good luck with your situtation. I hear where you are coming from.

    i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) e.e.cummings Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I got engaged on Christmas Eve and announced the engagement later in front of my entire family around dinner.  You could have heard crickets!!!!!!!  I think my mom said, "Uh oh," and my dad asked if we could eat!  I know they are very happy, love my fiance and know we will be happy.  But there was truly no emotion at all!  Turns out, my sister recently announced she was getting divorced, and so perhaps that called for the lack of excitement, but I FEEL FOR YOU!. 

    What made me feel better was how happy everyone else was about it.  I had far more joyous, excited reactions. Still, it is part of the "getting married" process I will never forget!  I guess there are certain things you shouldn't have preconceived notions about....

  • I know how you feel. I told my sister first, as she's closer to me than anyone else in my family, and I value her opinion over all others. Her response, "Well, I don't really have anything appropriate to say." And that was the end of our conversation.

    So far, I have been able to cope with it by letting her know that despite her lukewarm feelings I still would love her to participate in the wedding, and have focused on the other members of my family who are overjoyed and shouting from the rooftops.
  • I totally understand where you are coming from!

    My mother's reaction was 'yeah so?' I guess because I was given a promise ring by my FH 6 months  prior, she just assumed that we would be getting married soon. My father's reaction however, was utterly disappointing. As he is a long distance truck driver I called him on the road and his reaction was (in a muted tone) "thats great. as long as you are happy." No emotion, no excitement. Additionally, my older sister (who has been in a relationship for over 5 years and is 3 years older than I am - I'm 24) agreed to be my maid of honour, (a duty shared with my younger sister) and is completely NOT into helping out. Every time I bring up dress ideas, decor ideas or invitations, she says: "The wedding isn't until 2012, why do we need to talk about this now?" I understand that she is upset that I'm getting married before her, but can't she show SOME excitement for me? I'm at a point where I want to tell her to forget the maid of honour duties and I will depend on my younger sister, who is MUCH more excited.


  • I know its tough when you aren't supported by your family.  Hearing that you shouldn't care what they think never helps - they are your FAMILY for crying out loud!  If you don't care what they think, then who would you care about?  You love them and you want their love (shown as excitement, in this case) in return.  However, if they are unwilling to give it in an overt way (they may be happy inside), all it will do is hurt you more to dwell on it and seek their approval.  It is okay to feel hurt by it because you care, but you will only continue to be hurt if you try repeatedly to get them to give the reaction you want.  Its not a great situation to be in, but you and FI are happy, so carry on knowing that they may never approve or be happy and excited.  If they come around, wonderful!  If not, you can start learning to cope now, rather than the day after you marry.  Good luck.  I am so sorry they are taking the wind out of your sails!  Be happy and focus on those family members who are wonderful.  Sounds like you have an awesome brother!  Congrats!
  • I felt that way too when I told my parents. When my mom heard she quickly asked me whether my FI was going to get a job and was concerned that I would not finished grad school because of this.  She started stating all the problems before she actually said congratulations.  My dad was the same way, and I think he didn't even want to see the ring when my FI talked to him about it.  I know they are happy (at least that is what my aunts and cousins tell me who had the super excited reaction).  Sometimes at that moment when you are so happy and people aren't showing the same enthusiam (well the people close to you) it hurts.  I know I was because I cared about what their opinions were on some level. 
  • My parents were less than enthusiastic when my guy proposed last year. We went back to my parents house to share the good news and my mom just looked at the ring and said, "Oh. Uh-huh." and then went to her bedroom. My older sister followed her and closed the door. They were in there for about an hour while I was sitting there broken hearted.

    Now for some background, I was 20 at the time and we had only been dating 5 months. I could understand why my mom was hesitant to be excited, but she could have at least slapped on a smile!

    I'm sorry your parents reaction wasn't what you expected! I'm sure your mother is very excited for you! Apparently the initial shock sometimes is not the storebook reaction girls expect!

  • I have been engaged a little over 4 months now and had a similar reaction from my family members. My FI and began dating right on the heels of a tumultuous relationship that was ending for me and I guess everyone thought it was more of a reactionary relationship than true love. I tried to let their lack of enthusiasm roll off my back as my future in laws are incredibly loving and supportive, and in due time my parents and brother certainly came around.

    My bestfriends, aunts, and cousin were over the moon with excitement for me the day I called to tell them I was engaged.

    Then the plot thickens...

    My bestfriends have exhibited an utter lack of respect at all for my wedding or my feelings as my wedding day nears and showers, parties, etc. have begun. Instead of being excited to meet my friends from law school at our Couples Shower, they complain about the 6 hour drive, the hotel room stay, and being in attendance. They send sharp emails about this-or-that and have made me feel guilty about the fact that they are paying to take me on a cruise for my bachelorette party. It has been such a hurtful experience and I absolutely regret my decision to have a wedding, when I had originally wanted to take the money and run off to Europe and elope. My parents have definitely been supportive financially, but I have found that wedding planning, at least for me, is a one-woman show.

    I shared my engagement/wedding planning story on your thread not to solicit sympathy, but to hopefully allow you to see that not everyone has a perfect, storybook road to the wedding. However, my FI is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I know we are going to have a wonderfully happy marriage- regardless of the players and road we took to get there!

    Happy planning!

  • Although my parents were very excited, a number of friends and family had less than tepid reactions to my engagement.  Everyone loves my FI and has become very excited about the wedding (28 days to go!), but weddings bring out complicated stuff for everyone.  For example, some of my friends were angry that I was getting married because they're gay and can't get married in our state; they felt like I was saying that my relationship was more important than there's. 

    I guess what I'm saying is that it takes a pretty put-together person emotionally to be 100% unabashedly happy for you...so find the few people in your life who do and stick with them.  Planning a wedding is a LONG and trying process at times and there need to be some people who actually care about what color the place cards are as much as we do!
  • We had issues with my husband's parents and since we didn't have the money for a shindig anyway, we pretty much eloped because we felt getting our lives started was more important. We got married in August and are still having issues with his family even though mine welcomed him with open arms.

    We are happy together though.  We are happier than we've ever been.  Yes, it's upsetting what his family is doing to us, but we know we have each other and that's all that matters.

    If you and  your fiance are happy together THAT is what matters.  Sounds like you've made some great decisions in your life so you've got it together.  If they're not happy for you, it's their loss, as long as YOU and your FIANCE are happy.

    Congrats and good luck!!
  • I'm sorry you had to go through that. I understand the pain. You have a right to feel hurt. I feel a bit of the same. My mom was happy when I called after the proposal, but not as excited as I thought she'd be. Granted, she knew we were getting engaged because my fi asked her a week before he proposed. My siblings were both like, "Oh, we knew that was coming." When we told my siblings, whom I'm relatively close with, the wedding was going to be in Jamaica (in 2 years with plenty of time to save and plan) neither responded. I contacted them and both said they probably wouldn't be able to make it. My sister's reason was because she probably wouldn't be able to find a sitter for the kids. (in two years???)

    My mom doesn't use a computer, so I've mailed her pics of the dress I like and had her friend show her our incredible wedding site, and she didn't say anything about either. It was only after I asked that she said they were both "nice."

    My fiance's entire family was ecstatic (and still is), so that helps a lot. They've had nothing but positive and enthusiastic responses for everything.

    It took a month or so to get over it and let it go. I just kept focus on my amazing fiance and my future in-laws.
  • My whole family and all of our friends are so excited and happy for us but we had a similar reaction from FI side (excluding his father and step-mom who are always supportive).  The only thing any of his family mentioned is that is cousin is getting married in June and if we plan to get married in May not to expect his family to be there. Apparently they are all very concerned with us stealing their thunder or something. They said they'll all have too much to do to get ready for his cousin's wedding. FI said to his mother that i had no intention of asking them to take time from their busy lives to help, all they had to do was show up and if that was too much for them- then we don't care if they come! 
    Then, FMIL said she would be upset if we got married on mother's day (boo hoo) ..Then the next date it was his (1yr old) niece's bday and our anniversary would be during her bday week. F-M-L!!
    No one has asked to even see the ring, or about plans, dresses or ideas we have.  Some people are just self-centered and don't care if they hurt feelings.

  • Feel the same...especially by HIS family's lack of interest and enthusiasm.  We are older as well...but hey...we've never gotten married before...and this is a big deal to us.  Part of me has hurt feeling...then another part wants to scream at them.  If they are afraid of being hit up for cash...wouldn't it be better just to have a frank discussion?  No...instead they are alienating the best daughter-in-law-to-be-ever. 
  • edited December 2010
    I know a lot of how you feel, though it's on my FI's side that is emotionless.  The first people that saw us after we got engaged were his mother and brother, who knew it had just happened.  The first thing his mom said when we walked in the door was, "You didn't cry did you?"  And startled, I said, "Well yes, of course!"  And that was it.  No congratulations, no hugs, or anything.  Luckily, my parents, who also knew it had happened, were overwhelmed with excitement when I told them.  They wanted to shout it from the rooftops.  His dad, who has been divorced and remarried from his mom for quite a while, didn't really give us the response I had hoped for either.  In all of our 8 years together, his family has never once sat down with me and told me how thankful they are that their son has me, or that they love me and are excited for me to marry their son, or even that I am a good person, or anything like that. On the other hand, my parents are constantly showering my FI with love, and giving him thanks, both to his face and to other members of the family.  But I know that everyone in my family AND his is excited for us, and they love us, but it's just hard when the people you love don't show the reaction you want.  I have talked with FI's mom about several aspects of the wedding, and she still never gets excited.  She only compains about money and that she'lll probably have to get her dress from walmart, and how she is too busy too help my with DIY projects and stuff, and it really hurt. 

    But here's what I did to get over that hurting:  I stayed away from anyone that did not make me more excited for the wedding, I didn't share wedding plans with her, I didn't ask for help, when we were together I just didn't bring up the wedding (and neither did she), because in the past whenever I brought up MY wedding ideas, that I thought were extremely creative and unique, she would just say, "Oh so and so did that."  "Oh I saw this at this person's wedding." No excitement.  So finally my FI saw me happier, but he really wanted his mom involved, as did I, and he took the initiative to call up his mom and speak to her.  He just explained to her that I love her very much and was really hoping that she would want to be a part of our big day, and that I was a little disappointed she had not taken any initiative to do so.  And it worked!  Next time we spoke, she offered to help make the BMs jewelry and sew these homemade clutches I am making, and she said it with enthusiasm! 

    Maybe that's all you need to do - like others said, just stay away from those people that aren't giving you the excited, or even supportive response.  This planning process is supposed to be the HAPPIEST time of your life!  It's about you, and YOU know they are wrong, so just forget them!  And maybe, if you decide to talk to them or your FI does, maybe it will show them some light and it would end up with them trying harder to make your day special. 

    Just remember it is about YOU and your FI gettting married and being happy, no one else!
  • Not only were my parents' reactions lackadaisical, but when my fiance went over to their house the week before to ask for their blessing, they downright refused. Which was then followed by a series of arguments between my mother and I about her "concerns" about him. He is a great guy, we teach at the same school (he has tenure!), he owns a condo where we now live, he's super family-oriented...I can't believe how resistent they are towards him! Basically, they hated him the day I told them I was moving in with him...it's been pretty rocky since then.

    When I called my parents with the news that we were engaged, they both got on the phone. My mom said, "Oh," and my dad said nothing. Eventually, my mom started asking about when we would be getting married and stuff like that, but with very little excitement.

    All I can tell you is give it time. Eventually I had a firm talk with my mom and I said look, I'm marrying him - you can be a part of it and I want you to be a part of it, or you won't and I guess I'll just see you there. Well, my mom came around, and she's taken me to bridal expos and has bought me a bunch of wedding planning stuff. My dad, well, he still refuses to address it....I practically had to force him to come to our meal tasting. They did give us some money, but it was not without protest, according to my dad.

    I know this probably didn't help too much, but that's my story and if anyone has any tips for me, I'd appreciate it as well!
  • I don't think I've ever posted on here, even though my wedding is very soon (Dec. 29!  Aaa!), but I have definitely read a lot of posts, and this one especially made me want to chime in.  First, I just want to thank everyone for sharing their stories - it has really helped me not feel like I am the only freak with mixed reactions and as a result mixed feelings about our big day.  The wedding itself is just an event - the important thing is that at the end of it, you and the love of your life will be married and share your life together.  It's really hard not to lose sight of that sometimes, but weddings unfortunately bring up different emotions for different people.  It doesn't feel fair, but then again, that's life.  I have an entire side of my family who is not attending, which honestly, I don't know why I thought this might be different, but it does really hurt me and always will whenever I think about it.  They will likely never know that, think about that, or care, but that's just the way they are.  Fortunately, I have a wonderfully warm family I am marrying into.  So, in these final weeks, I am letting myself cry a little bit when I need to just for my hurt feelings, but trying to focus on the fact that I get the choice to erase the name of the family who has ignored me most of my life and take on the name of a new family who has already made me feel more welcome in a few months' time than the old has in 28 years.
    Whew, thanks for letting me get that off my chest.  Good luck!!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • ohhh man, I can sooo relate.  I actaully dreaded making the call.  I was thrilled and I didnt want to let them take that joy away from us (but I did - just like you said "you shouldn't care."  Then I decided that I was going to go ahead with this becasue it made ME happy - I've always made them happy.  And you know what-- it took a few long and hard months, seriously 8-9 months, but they have totally come around and I simply had to say, if you want to miss out on this, you can.  Mom came around and dad was quick to follow.  Now we are all very happy and they are just happy to see me happy.  78 days to go!!!   Good luck & stick to your guns, there is soemthing about parents that think that no one is EVER good enough for their little girl, so no worries, its probably very common! Laughing Good Luck and CONGRATS!
  • I'm 36 and this will be my 2nd wedding.  My Mom still has not gotten over my divorce and still has my ex over for holidays then gets mad at me that I don;t come over.  I got engaged in Feb 2010.  I'm getting married in May 2011.  As of right now we don;t think My Mom is even going to come to my wedding.  His family is all excited and looking forward to it.  My family is not supportive at all about it. 
    My Dad and Grandmother have accepted it and they get along great with my fiance. 
    My brother and sister have accepted it but are not exactly thrilled for me.
    My Mom probably will not even go to the wedding.
  • Miaka51---  THANK YOU!

    I am in a similar situation as the poster, even the laid back attitude & injection of laughter.  I've been such a laid back future bride and just tackling things as they come and letting anyone who's asked to help (friends, aunts, cousins, in-laws) in on the fun!  However, my mom is less then helpful and pretty hurtful.  Some people (including the fiance) tell me just let it roll, like usual.  But it's my MOM.  It'd be easier if I didn't love her so much!  She also has Lupus, so stress isn't good for her and I try not to push back for her health. 

    This whole thread has been great for me too --- thanks to all!
  • Like clariknittist, I've read so many posts on this board throughout my wedding planning but never before posted. Your post struck a very familiar chord with me, though, so I wanted to throw in on this too.

    After my fiance proposed, I immediately called my mom, sister, dad, brothers, and his parents to let them in on the good news. The reaction from my family and his was like night and day: His family couldn't say enough wonderful things, whereas my family just sorta went limp. My sister's reaction was, "What did mom say?" My family loves my fiance and I'm very close to them, so to say I was disappointed with their reaction is a huge understatement. The worst part was, I didn't want to let on to my fiance how lukewarm they were on the phone because I didn't want him to think for a second that my family wasn't happy for me...and yet I was wondering if maybe that was exactly the case.

    I tried to whip up excitement over the next few weeks, calling my mom and sister to ask them what they thought of this or that idea, but their responses were so generic and sometimes downright cold. I was so hurt. At one point I was talking to my mom about some detail or another and she interrupted me to ask, "Is there going to be any of YOU in the wedding?" Implying that she thought my fiance was making all the decisions, which was absolutely not the case at all. I felt like the distance between us suddenly increased by a zillion miles and I worried that something had changed between us, irrevocably.

    I cried after we hung up, and I couldn't get what my sister said out of my mind, so I choked back tears and called my mom back to address the issue. I mentioned what my sister had said when I called to announce our engagement and she sounded a bit taken aback. Then the floodgates were open, so I pushed forward with all my concerns about how under-excited my family seemed to be and how much I wanted them to be a part of my special day. She finally admitted that she was worried that I would disappear into his family, that they would become my new family and she would never see me. We talked for awhile, and since then she's been very supportive and excited for me. She's still said some pretty cold things from time to time, and that sucks, but at least I said to her what I needed to say and I know I'm very lucky to have found such a wonderful man, so I let it roll off of me now.

    It'll get better...and if it doesn't, you can always find comfort in the fact that your fiance and you will live happily ever after, regardless of other peoples' attempts to project their own insecurities onto your relationship.
  • Sorry your family has shown so little interest you may find some relief in my story though.  I told my mother on the phone the day after the proposal when I took my ring to be sized and her only response was to mention she thought I had better things to be doing that day.  I told my father a few weeks later in the course of a conversation about whether we should try to buy the house we just rented, his response was no we should definitely not buy the house because it makes divorce so much more expensive. I called my aunts asking for some advice on details months later and they insisted they had heard nothing about it, but they did proceed to tell me there was a graduation party in the family already scheduled for that date and the other available date that weekend wasn't good for them either because they were hoping to make it to a Kenny Chesney concert. Hope that cheers you up a bit. Hope your family comes around to share in your joy. Best of Luck!
  • I feel for you. My family was excited and supportive, but his side was downright cruel. When he told his mom she acted like it was no big deal and continued on about her life. No congrats; not even acting happy. Then the kicker came about 2 months later after me trying repeatedly to call her and let her in on the planning (decor, location, dress shopping, what my mom is wearing, etc.) She wouldn't talk to me, she relayed a message to my Fi that she not only didn't care about any wedding details but didn't want a relationship with me what so ever. Not now nor in the future. Cry I was obviously very upset, especially since she lives across the country and the only time we met was when he and I flew out there on our own dime, stayed in a hotel, and catered to her every whim while we visited. I thought she liked me--we didn't fight, no bad blood or anything. It's very shocking to me just how rude people can be. It's like a wedding brings out the worst in bad people and the best in the good ones.

    My advice is focus on your aunts and friends who are supportive of you and ditch the others. As hard as it may be they don't want to be involved in the wedding so don't force it. Just go about your business. Later they will see tha plans, your success and happiness. Maybe they'll be more involved and supportive later, but if not then there's nothing you could have changed and your wedding will be a great one.
  • my sister cried when we announced it!  not out of happiness, but sadness.  ???  we decided her and my future step-son can sit together and comisserate about what a bad idea this wedding thing is:)
    i hope you can either have a talk with your mother, or find the strength to ignore her attitude!  both are hard but worth it if you feel better.
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