I shouldn't care, but I'm hurt by my parents' reactions

VanLu26

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_shouldnt-care-but-im-hurt-parents-reactions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:826663fa-b16e-4d64-be82-0aabde2791faPost:719772a4-1cd1-4ef2-9dbd-e56e64a7cb6d">I shouldn't care, but I'm hurt by my parents' reactions</a>:
[QUOTE]The first call we made after some post-proposal giggling was to my parents to share the good news.  I didn't expect too much emotion from my prim-and-proper mother, but thought my father would be excited.  I almost wish I hadn't called them and had just called my aunts, who were over the moon with excitement. Summary: My mother was almost emotionless and my father sent me a cryptic email immediately after we spoke.  Detail: My mother's said it was "lovely" and then asked when the wedding would be.  I laughed (I'm laid back...her words usually roll right off my back) and told her we had just gotten engaged about 10 minutes ago, so we didn't know yet.  She then said something like "well, I have two weddings to go to this year.  Marissa's is in April..." (the two girls mentioned are the sisters of a childhood friend). I laughed and said "we aren't getting married in April, but I hope my wedding would take presedence over the ____ girls."  She then said "well, their mother is my closest friend!" Okay, again, my mother is not the type to scream and carry on, but I didn't expect that response! My father was a little more excited, but immediately sent an email saying he wanted to talk about some of his concerns. I'm in my 30s, have a great career, own a home, and I have lived totally independent of my parents since I finished graduate school about a decade ago.  His concerns (per one of my brothers, who called my father after hearing how flustered I was) are over the industry my FI works in.  My brother reminded him that FI's industry is recession proof and said my father calmed down a bit. I don't think I'm really asking for advice here, just looking to vent a little bit and see if anyone else has similar stories. 
Posted by CvilleClaire[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Congratulations on your engagement!  My mom picked my fiance and I up from the airport after we spent a weekend in NY getting engaged.  She was the first person we told and her exact words were "umm well I guess congratulations." To which my FI promptly replied "umm well thanks."</div><div>
</div><div>At the time I was upset by my mom's reaction but I know she was just surprised and didn't realize what she was saying.  She has since apologized and is quite happy for me now.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

Storytime

When I called up my mother to tell her the exciting news (or, I thought it was exciting), her first reaction was like a dagger.

A little background: My FH has been practically a member of the family for ages.  He has been close friends with my big brother and me since he and my brother were 10 or 11... and we became close when I was 11 or 12 (and they was 14 or 15).  My parents have always loved him to pieces, and weren't at all surprised when we became a couple.  We got engaged a few months before I graduated college, and he had graduated a few years ago and was living on his own.  I stayed with him most of the time when home from college, and my parents knew that.  He was 24 when he proposed, and I was 21.

But when I called to announce our engagement, it took my mom at least a day to warm up to the idea and actually be happy for me.  Her answer on the phone when I first called: "Oh, honey.  You're so young.  Maybe you should reconsider."  Ouch.  I know she didn't settle down until she was in her 30s and was something of a wild-child/party-animal when she was in her early and mid 20s... but there aren't any experiences I would want to have that wouldn't be better with my best friend by my side.  Sure, she's happy for us, now, but hearing that coldness in her voice cut really deep.

FutureMrsStanton

When I told my parents, they had different reactions. My dad said, "I don't remember anyone asking my permission." But he's also kind of bitter about marriage now after his 2nd divorce. My mom said she was happy for me, but you could hear it in her voice that she wasn't. My sister screamed when I told her, so that made me feel better. 
Then I sent out an email to my extended family (which I really wish I hadn't done) announcing our engagement and no one responded. At all. It broke my heart and I told my mom that I guess the family doesn't really like my fiance. She spoke with the family and they all apologized to me but it still stung.
My fiance's family were ecstatic and have always been nothing but supportive. I think my family is just concerned because I'm only 22, but I'm happy and I wish they could be happy for me.

CvilleClaire

Oh my gosh, I had no idea this thread had legs!  I haven't looked at it since November!

Well, I'm sad that I have a little company when it comes to reactions from family.  I'm hopeful that I'll have a similar experience to those who had some less-than-enthused people jump on board once the planning began.

My mother has come around quite a bit and she's looking forward to traveling here for some planning.  I still haven't heard much more from my father, but as I wrote before, he still sees his 30-something daughter as his "little girl."

FWIW, I do not feel comfortable sharing detailed information about my or my FI's jobs and financial situation.