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Just Engaged and Proposals
Long Engagements
Anyone having a long engagement? How long? T and I originally decided on 5 years. It seemed like the right amount of time to get our Bachelors Degrees. We will be engaged for a year on June 3rd. And it looks like our wedding will be sooner than expected! We are looking at a 2014/2015 engagement! So how long is your engagement? What factors played into the deciding factor? When did you choose a date?
He stole my heart, so I'm stealing his last name.
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Re: Long Engagements
"Five years is a really long time. We had a long engagement because we wanted to do most of the work/ wedding planning/ DIY/ be better financially for our long distance wedding. I was (still am) in school and DH works full time (still does) during this time. Our engagement lasted 2 years and was long enough.
This. Except we aren't having a destination wedding. We are planning, we have the idea of what we want, and we are going for it. I am working full time at a resturant and a full time student. He is working 3 jobs, all full time and a full time student as well. Luckily for me, it is looking like a 2014 wedding, but its not set in stone. We may decide to have a 2015 wedding. It may seem silly to others but we have our reasons. I may have a 3 year engagement vs. a 5 year engagement afterall!
My engagement will be 2 years and 9 months. Having a long engagement due to financial reasons and school to me is fine. Do what you feel is best for you guys cause in the end it doesn’t matter what anyone else says. Just enjoy and do what you feel is right. Congrats and good luck.
[QUOTE]We are ready for marriage? We wanted to be engaged, we want to be married. We are actually deciding whether or not to elope now and have a celebration later on. It was a next step in a relationship. Why does anyone get engaged for that matter? Its because you're ready for the next step. We chose to wait so we could plan, slowly but surely. We are both still in school and we don't want to have stressful semesters, stressful jobs (he is working 3 jobs now), and planning a wedding. We haven't set a venue or year (we know the date is November 19th, just not 2014 or 2015)<strong><u> because we wanted to wait for out bachelors degrees that way we would have a better chance of making a career for our future together.</u></strong> Its a decision that we made as a couple. I'm sure there are many others like it. Being "young college kids" have nothing to do with it. Why did you decide to stay engaged for as long as you did?
Posted by Britt1893[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>If you're ready for marriage, why would you wait so long? Doesn't that imply that you aren't quite ready for marriage? Marriage isn't JUST about an emotional state. It's about financial, work, life in general as well. That's all I'm saying. </div><div>The "next step" from dating is marriage IMO, not an engagement. Engagement (to me) is just a term meaning that a couple is ready for marriage RIGHT NOW and is planning their wedding. It gives people a heads up that there is a wedding in the near future they will be going to (especially if a lot of people are from OOT, since they need more of a heads up). </div><div>
</div><div>I'm also confused as to the bolded part. By that logic, you are implying that if you get married before you finish your BA/BS degrees your chances of careers lesson? Or do you mean, you just want to have a degree under your belt? Because a marriage wouldn't affect your chance of a career, YOU affect your chance of a career. </div><div>Ultimately, to each their own. If you feel you need that long of an "engagement" then go for it.. but I still have the belief that you shouldn't start planning that far out. Don't pick your WP, don't start buying colored stuff, don't pick your wedding gown, etc until you are only a year out.. A LOT changes in 4/5 years. </div><div>
</div><div>We stayed engaged as long as we did because I wanted at least 6 months to plan a wedding (since I was also in college and knew I had to be able to balance the two) and he had to work about the Navy's schedule for him. H picked a date that was meaningful (anniv. of the day we met) and worked with both of our schedules.
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We will be engaged for 2.5 years by the time we are married and I love the timeline. We were debating on summer of 2013 or 2014 and decided on 14 so we would have longer to plan because we aren't sure where we will be living by the end of this summer.
I also told him he couldn't propose until AFTER I graduated college (he actually proposed 3 weeks early but I still said yes, lol) because I knew I'd be way too over stressed trying to plan and graduate.
I think it's smart that you're waiting until after college.
My sister has been engaged for 7 years. They're happy where they are at. They're trying to save money, plan, etc. and it looks like they will finally be getting married next summer. Even if they decide to wait longer it's no big deal; they'll still be engaged and happy
[QUOTE]We would like a degree under our belt. We are paying for the wedding on our own. We want to have a large wedding. With my parents being divorced and both remarried, we are close to everyone. We made a mock guest list the other night, 439 people so far! Doesn't mean everyone is going to be able to make it. Unfortunatley, I had to cross off 2 family members already, (both passed away this week). I am not saying our marriage will work with degrees. I am saying that school is very important to us. We are the first children in our families to earn Bachelors degrees. That in itself is an accomplishment for us. It may sound silly but please understand that we ORIGNIALLY decided on 5 years. The wedding will most likely be 3 years from now. We are planning. I read the etiquette (thank God!) So I understand the WP, Venue and dress times. Plus, I recieved a wedding planner from my FMIL soon after the engagement, which it also had that information in it too! (thank God). But, I am glad I can turn to you ladies (and any gentlemen) for information. I am glad that everyone has different opinions.
Posted by Britt1893[/QUOTE]
Hi I dont think thats too long at all but thats just me. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /> Im helping one of my bff's plan her 6th yes I did say 6 th wedding she's always had short engagments.
My bf and I have dated for 10 years and are just now talking about "someday getting married" I've been married before and I left because my marraige was abusive, bf's been engaged a few times and said shortly after he proposed he got left and had his heart broken so neither of us are in a huge hurry I guess but thats just us.<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" /> I have been in therapy for a long while to work on all my ptsd that I have from being in an abusive marriage and just now feel like I'd be open to the idea of being married again.
I can understand wanting to wait till school is done though, I may be wrong but don't you get more money for school if you're single?? Congrats though and good luck with everything.<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />
This is what works for us. I saw no reason to keep waiting to become engaged just because it'd be a long time. Engagement to me is a promise to marry. That is WHY we got engaged. I ordered a couple <$10 rings for us, but mostly it is about us and our love.
Congrats! I say be engaged as long as you want! My fiancé proposed to me a year ago. We have been together for six years. I decided to go back to school two years ago and I’ll be receiving a degree May 2014. Our wedding is in 2013. It’s totally stressful going to school and working full time while planning a wedding. I wish we would have planned a 2014 date so I’d be finished with my degree. Not because I’m not TOTALLY excited to spend the rest of my life with my fiancé but because it would have taken the stress out of something that’s supposed to be enjoyable not “pulling your hair out” stressful. Do what’s right for you and your fiancé!
Some people will say it's too long, some will say you aren't allowed to be unofficially engaged, so just call it an engagement no matter when the wedding is or even if he's proposed. I say you can define your relationship how you want. If you have a plan to get married and want to be engaged so you can tell that plan to other people, go for it.
Your early twenties are a tremendous time for personal growth and change. As long as you give each other the space to grow and change, and respect each other for the people you will become, you'll be perfectly fine. Marriage is all about accepting life's changes and growing together, even if you become people that are more different from one another. All too often, though, couples make promises when they are young because they are afraid of losing one another, and they aren't prepared for the seismic shifts that occur during college and the early-to-mid twenties when everyone is striking out on their own and discovering who they want to be. Statistically, this is when people find a new religion or lose it entirely, gain 20 lbs, pick up crazy new obsessions like swing dancing, etc. It's the time in people's lives when the vast majority of mood disorders (bipolar, depression) and mental illnesses (schizophrenia) manifest. Anything can happen that may change the way you look at your partner.
Whomever said that people would look at this with a questioning eye, I'll agree with that. It slightly rings of desperation to me, like you are trying to prove something to somebody, as opposed to what an engagment is traditionally used for. It's too early to begin planning (you can't book venues or vendors 5 years out), so why do it other than to make a statement? Maybe it's not, but that is the way it reads.
Well ladies, we did it! We decided on 2014! We also discussed the date! November 19th, 2014!!!!!! 3 year engagement total.
We were planning on having a long engagement because of timing/travel/school, but things have come together in the past few weeks so that we're going to have about a year and half engagement (the mind...it boggles). I see nothing wrong with the longer engagements. I'm just neurotic and like to plan, so if I had five years, I would probably replan everything at least ten times.
[QUOTE]Well ladies, we did it! We decided on 2014! We also discussed the date! November 19th, 2014!!!!!! 3 year engagement total.
Posted by Britt1893[/QUOTE]
Congratulations!
I know you'd like to have 439 people there, but do you realize that means you'll be paying approximately $40,000 (or more) for JUST the food and alcohol? I mean, your budget is your business, but I think some new brides get excited about inviting everybody in the world until they see the price tag. That also means additional expense for invitations, decorations (for all those tables), and the price of a venue large enough to hold that many people. How on earth are you even going to stop at every table to thank people for coming? You'll hardly have time to dance.
Just a heads-up. :)
we got engaged at the beginning of my freshman year of college and knew we would have to wait until I graduated. I was going to school in Pittsburgh and he lived in Ohio (where we're both from). In 2010, he moved to Pittsburgh to be with me. Until we set a date (which was sometime last year) it didn't feel like we were "really" engaged. But once we set the date (our 5 year anniversary, btw) it started to feel more real.
anyway, good luck! and congratulations