Vegetarian/no alcohol

fangsiting

ffmaid, I bring my own veggie burgers to BBQs.  I tell hostesses that I'm vegetarian and offer to bring a protein-rich side dish.  I love sharing my vegetarian food, so I'm always more than glad to bring veg food along with me.  I never expect people to cater to my dietary restrictions.  It's absolutely rude to demand people vegetarian food & I will call out any vegetarian who thinks they have some right to put others out.  Likewise, when you come to my house, you eat vegetarian food, or you bring your own meat. 

wadingmoose

Likewise, you're a bad host if you don't offer vegetarians a viable option.

Brittany Allison

I wouldn't be offended by either.  I don't drink really drink so I wouldn't bat an eye that there wouldn't be alcohol.  I also eat alot of meatless dishes at home since meat is so expensive so I'm already used to it.  But if you're looking to just save money.  I'd say buying a few chicken dishes would be less expensive than buying alcohol.  Or you could always offer a cash bar.  Maybe thats "taboo" or whatever, but you're saving money and you'll have less people drunk off thier a**.

lpstl

I wouldn't care about a vegetarian menu. A vegan one might be a little interesting, but if the caterer is good I really don't care what's served.Normally I'd be annoyed if there was no alcohol, but for the next 7 months that's a non issue for me. Besides, the last time there was a dry reception in my family we caught wind of it early. My uncle brought his conversion van and setup a bar in the back. The entire family was out in the parking lot for most of the reception drinking bloody marys. We like to think of ourselves as problem solvers.

wadingmoose

Well, at least fang is an equal opportunity bad host.

Moneypenny424

Not true. We have a lot of friends who are some level of vegetarian, from not eating RED meat to complete vegan. Not one of them has ever complained to us about going to a wedding or other catered event and not having food options.Maybe they just don't complain to you .  I was a vegetarian for 8 years and would complain (as does every vegetarian I've ever known).  I wouldn't complain to the hosts because I wouldn't expect them to cater to me, but I would complain if it meant I was going to be hungry :)I asked this question to Mr. Penny and he said "Oh my God, you've gotta have alcohol!!!"  And this is coming from a carnivore.

fangsiting

If not putting aside my moral values makes me a bad host, then I guess I am a bad host.  Nevermind the delicious food I spend all day preparing that is gobbled up by my guests.  Yup, I must be a bad host making my friends and family eat yummy food. 

cengle

I could handle one or the other.  I can go without drinking at a wedding (although I won't dance as much!) or I can eat meat-free food if it's something good.  I can't handle the tofu or soy stuff, but props to those who do.  However, no meat AND no alcohol would make me very, very sad.

ffmaid

fang- Yes so you bring dishes ect so get to eat what you want. How would you feel about yoru friends bringing steaks to your wedding? Woudl you be cool with potluck chicken carbinara? What if someone is doing a hostes dinner where nothing is potluck would you  be upset if teh dinner party was not vegotarian friendly? Of corse you woudl be or you would not be bringing dishes to parties. I hostess dinners all the time. One of my guy pals started dating a vegan. Somehow my last dinner party I made a full extra dish of potato gnochii with roasted red pepper sauce to feed her and only her because of her food issues. I bet your friends and family have done similar. If you do not serve them something they would like then you are a bad hostess.  Non vegand and non vegitarians go out of their way to pander to vegans and vegitarians at meals the favor shoudl be returned

nbelusar

  Omitting either one is a cheap option for guests.  You invite people to witness "your" day but they are putting a lot of time, effort and money (not to mention gifts for showers and the big day) to be a part of this wonderful time in your life.  This is about you and your future husband but you need to keep in mind that some guest might like a glass of wine with their chicken, steak etc and it wouldn't hurt since they have put time aside in their lives to be a part of your day.  Let's face it without the guests you might as well just go down to the courthouse.

Leah&Christian09

Non vegand and non vegitarians go out of their way to pander to vegans and vegitarians at meals the favor shoudl be returnedThat's ridiculous.  Vegetarians normally choose not to eat meat because of moral reasons.  A host cannot be expected to violate their moral convictions to provide soemthing that their guests WANT not NEED.  I would never expect a person that didn't drink for religious reasons to provide alcohol, even if I'm attending, and I'm a lush. 

fangsiting

For the love of god, why is this hard to understand--meateaters can eat vegetarian food.  Vegetarians cannot eat meat.  Maybe knotties are special kind of meateater that is incapable of eating vegetarian food, but ALL of my friends and family LIKE vegetarian food.  I am not forcing sprouts and wheatgrass down their throats--they are enjoying the food I prepare.  Guests enjoying food does not a bad hostess make.   No, I wouldn't care if someone brought a steak to our wedding.  FI & I fought a lot on this issue when we were picking the caterer--I even told him his family could bring meat with them if they wanted.  I do not care if people eat meat; they just won't get that meat from me.  (Although, I did cave on this a little for my FI's family.  We will be serving fish even though I think it makes me a bad person to have that offered.)  I go to dinner parties to spend time with friends--if it wasn't potluck & there was nothing veg, I wouldn't be upset.  Friends are more important than food.

lpstl

I know a lot of vegetarians, and I've never heard any of them complain about the lack of vegetarian choices at an event. Most realize they are in the minority and don't expect to be coddled because of their personal choice.

punkyb2b

Wow.  I think FFmaid gets a gold star for spelling vegetarian wrong in more ways and more times than I ever thought possible.

wadingmoose

I have a friend who's hindu.  I always feel so bad for him when we're at work functions and the vegetarian option is salad.  This is why I'd never do that to my friends.  I'd actually be quite horrified if someone brought food to my place for themselves to eat because that means that I'm not being a good host.In the case of vegetarians, I tend to ask them what they'd like first.  I've even asked for recipes.  I don't really do pot luck though.  So if people brought their own food to something I planned, I'd assume they had a problem with my cooking.

wadingmoose

Actually, I can't eat tofu, my fi can't eat pasta or rice.Yay beans.

Jamilynn627

Neither would offend me, but if I had to pick one, I'd say no alcohol would offend me more (unless the couple were recovering alcoholics).

fangsiting

" Actually, I can't eat tofu, my fi can't eat pasta or rice.Yay beans."I can work with that, wadingmoose.  When can you & your FI come over for the vegetarian meal of your life ? 

lyndausvi

Fang - I do not think you are a bad host day. If I went to your home I would not except meat.  Although I have to say I have had meat served to me  by a vegetarian before.  One time it was Thanksgiving (US) and she knew that not having turkey would be pretty rude and sadly would get a lot of declines.I think your compromise at your own wedding on the fish makes you a good host.  I wish more veggies would be like you and understand that weddings bring together groups of people that it's not easy to do a one size fits all. 

wadingmoose

I've said before that I've had fantastic vegetarian food.  I've gone on several yoga retreats.  That doesn't mean I enjoy it or am overly satisfied by it or prefer it to meat dishes.  I also work with a Hindu.  His food is always fantastic for our pot lucks.  I'm not saying the food can't be good.  I'm actually talking about hosting an event and making sure that you take your guests preferences into account.I'm saying that not all of your guests will appreciate it or want that food.  I realize a lot of vegetarians have ethical problems with eating meat.  That's fine, but to me, that's different that having religious concerns with meat.  You're not going to change my mind.  I've demonstrated what I do to accommodate my guests who have dietary needs.  That's who I am and what's important to me.  I do provide vegetarian food and I've learned a lot of good recipes from veggies.  But, someone made the point that anyone can eat vegetarian food.  Not so.  Soy, dairy and nuts are three items commonly used to provide protein to a vegetarian's diet.  These are also 3 very likely sources of allergens to a lot of the population.  So no.  In many cases people aren't able to eat vegetarian food due to allergies - some that are deadly.

NuggetBrain

Yes, vegetarians can eat meat.  They are choosing not to, but they can.  Please don't equate vegetarianism or veganism with being allergic to wheat or dairy or eggs or something.  I really hate it when people say they cannot do something that they totally could, but just choose not to.

xlizellx

i hate dry weddings. that said, we had a vegetarian wedding and had lots of compliments on our menu selections. no complaints (and not just to me - no one in my family heard anything). if you really believe in something, then stick with it. it was delicious.

fangsiting

I take guests' allergies into account when I cook, too.  It's just still vegetarian when it's served.  At a small event, I find out what people like & don't like.  I'm not sure how you can do that at a bigger event like a wedding.  Even if you serve beef and chicken at your wedding, someone might not like the side dish or the way it's prepared.  With over 100 people, someone is going to not like something--are you suggesting that that makes someone a bad host?  I also don't think not eating animals for ethical reasons is different than religious reasons.  It's a moral decision either way--whether you are choosing vegetarianism, choosing x religion or even choosing to follow the dietary code in your religion. 

fangsiting

NuggetBrain- I'm not equating vegetarianism to a food allergies.  I'm talking about the definition of vegetarianism. The definition of a vegetarian is a person who does not eat meat.  A person cannot both eat meat and be a vegetarian.  

wadingmoose

There's a difference actually.  In a religion, the choices you make affect you long after you make the choice and into the afterlife.  There's a difference between "I think eating animals is cruel" and "If I eat chicken (pork/beef/whatever), I'm going to spend eternity in a fiery pit"

ac_in_dc

FWIW most of the vegetarians I know don't eat meat because it takes a sh!t-ton of grain and water to raise critters on a farm, which leads to a lot of environmental degradation.  It's something they feel as strongly as a religious belief, so I wouldn't expect them to cook up a steak for me at their wedding.

kissybee

hmmm...back to the alcohol for a minute.  I would be offended if the reason it wasn't served was to save money.  Who actually wants to sit through the ceremony for the ceremony's sake?  I think when you invite someone to endure that half hour (or longer) of boredom, it's expected that you'll compensate them by providing not only a meal, but a glass of wine (or 8).  Or at the very least the option of wine - I'd way prefer a cash bar to no bar because the bride and groom didn't wait long enough to afford their wedding.

amandasw

Who actually wants to sit through the ceremony for the ceremony's sake? I think when you invite someone to endure that half hour (or longer) of boredom, it's expected that you'll compensate them by providing not only a meal, but a glass of wine (or 8). that's sad.

kissybee

No Stage, I wouldn't.  If there's no alcohol because the couple is dry, then that's fine.  The original post specifically listed alcohol- and meat-free receptions as ways to save money.  I responded to that, and I take offence to that.  I think it's selfish to invite people to watch a ceremony that in no way involves them, and then to cut out (or diminish) the part where they actually get to celebrate with you, so that you can save money. 

whitsy

Good grief, a half hour of boredom? I can definitely say I've never sat through a half hour of boredom. I love weddings, and I love the people that chose to invite me to share their day with them. I'm not going to sit there, twiddling my thumbs, telling FI I'm so bored, I'm ready start drinking. I'm going to ooh and ahh over the pretty bride and get a little teary-eyed at the vows. A meal without meat would bother me more, but I'm pretty open to trying new things, so I'd at least try it if it was vegetarian. I'm not a big drinker, and so it wouldn't really bother me to not have alcohol.