There goes my last bridesmaid

YaPuppy

Kinda long, I'm sorry I just really need to vent so I don't sit here crying at my desk.  We've been engaged for a year now, having a destination wedding in March in St Thomas.  We knew going in that a destination wedding would mean some people couldn't go, and understood that.  In the last 2 weeks however, I have lost all of my bridesmaids.  Literally.  The thing that gets me the most is that for most of them it has nothing at all to do with money/distance issues, which makes me feel even worse.  I don't give a crap about matching sides or any of that bs, I just feel like such a loser that I'll have no one standing up for me, and my Fi will have his groomsmen all up there.  I know I don't really 'need' that either and that I'll be happy to be married in the end either way, it just really hurts.For what its worth their dropping out isn't a bridezilla issue, if anything I've been told I'm too laid back about the wedding.  This just feels really lousy.

alixzafiris

Why are they not going to be there?

*BeachBride0410*

Do you know why they are dropping out, did they give you a reason?  Since you say it isnt $$/traveling.

georgia_bride09

I'm sorry. Why did they all drop out, if not for money or distance issues?

TheSaltyPeanut

Oh I know you said that it isn't money issues, but maybe it really is?

salt78

I don't blame you for feeling bad. It's a fear I have actually. (I only have a MOH and she hasn't booked yet.) But at the same time, I went into the whole destination wedding thing prepared that people won't be able to come. Just know that you aren't a loser at all. It's just kind of the situation we put ourselves into, ya know?

bbyckes

That would make me feel lousy too.  Are they able or willing to reconsider attending?  I feel like if people think you're not that serious about your wedding, they won't be either.  Maybe if they perceive that it's not that big of a deal to you, they shouldn't make it a priority either.  Let them know that you really want them there.  It could change things. I hope this works out for you.

SwedishChick2011

That blows. What are their reasons?

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

That stinks :(Could you mom stand up with you? I had a friend get married, and her MOH (only one on her side) suddenly couldn't make it. She asked her mom, who she is very close to, to stand with her. It was very sweet.

mocha beans

Ditto Salt.  I HOPE everyone can come that says they are planning on it right now, a year out.  But, I'm totally (at least I think) am prepared for it to be just FI and me and maybe a few friends that will go come hell or high water.Just know that it's not your fault and there's really nothing that can be done about it.  In this economy, DW's are even harder.  Even if it's not specifically a money issue, it may be a "I don't want to even risk possibly losing my job over vacation time" thing.You'll have a great time no matter what, I promise.Maybe Lynda can be your BM!  j/k

YaPuppy

Bridesmaid 1) My 15 year old cousin...there are serious bitter divorce/custody issues so her mom isn't allowing her to go.Bridesmaid 2) My close friend from high school.  She had to move back here to NY from Cali a few months ago after her 2nd dui (I love her and we go way back, but we have very different lifestyles and I don't agree with that portion of it).  She was really bitter/hated it here/made a lot of comments during her stay.  I bit my tongue for all of it.Until 2 weeks ago, when she said she was going to have her mom take her shopping "so that she'd buy her stuff on her credit card"  I laughed and said "I remember those days"  I meant it as a half joke which was why I laughed when I said it.  She turned around and said "its not my fault my parents love me and give me money, and that yours like to see you struggle."  I mentioned that it has less to do with enjoying seeing me struggle and more to do with me being almost 30 and on my own.  We fought, she picked up and left for Cali again, and despite me trying repeatedly to contact her, I've gotten no response back.Bridesmaid 3) Best friend since we were 5.  Shes getting married at the end of April, and I'm a bridesmaid in hers as well.  I mentioned 2 days ago putting the deposit down for March 20.  She freaked out and said "I thought it was going to be the end of Feb!  March is too close to my wedding!"  I fought the urge to mention that you get ONE DAY and not an entire MONTH, but bit my tongue and even said, I'd try to arrange it for the beginning of March instead.  I don't hear from her for days - she just texted me 'yeah, I dunno not sure we can afford it now, and I def can't do end of March, too close to mine"  I know I don't know all of their finances, and living in a mansion doesn't mean they can automatically afford it.  But I've priced some very cheap options, and I really feel like this is just because shes mad that its too close to her wedding.Sorry, this turned into another whole rant/novel!

ac_in_dc

I'm sorry hon, that sucks.

cdeshane

Salt-if you need a backup holla, I will be hiding in the trees. TC plane tickets- Check

bbyckes

YaPuppy, I'm really sorry.  All of that is incredibly out of your hands.  Both the your HS friend and the engaged one sucks big time.  The 15-year old - well, you can't do much about that.  

ac_in_dc

Also, how old are you?As I've gotten older (through my late 20s and early 30s) it's become a lot easier for me to connect with other women, and I have more close girlfriends now than I've ever had in my life. So it does get easier, if that makes you feel any better.  

georgia_bride09

It's weird that BM #3 had no problem with a deposit in February, but is freaking out about a March deposit. Can she not just set the money aside in February, then pay in March? Or give you the money in Feb? Or start putting a little aside now? Seems shady.

wadingmoose

Wow.  That sucks - completely.

bbyckes

I don't think the CC statement was rude and definitely not enough to make someone stop speaking to you.

ring_pop

Your friends are kinda lousy.

SwedishChick2011

Bridesmaid #1 - poor kid, that must be hard for her Bridesmaids #2 & 3 - wow, they both suck

georgia_bride09

I think BM #2 was the rude one. When is your wedding? Your profile says Feb 20, but that doesn't seem to match your OP.

alixzafiris

Bridesmaid Number 1 - That just sucks though I can understand the reason why she can't come. Bridesmaid Number 2 - Although you were a bit harsh, she totally overreacted and sounds from what you've said to be super immature. Bridesmaid Number 3 - Just sounds like a douchey friend.

YaPuppy

About the deposit thing, I meant that for me to put the deposit down.  I told bridesmaid #3, I needed to put a deposit on the reception place to hold the date by today, I just needed to know that March 6 would be ok for her to come since March 20 was too close to her wedding.  I pushed the date up to accommodate her.Bridesmaid 2) I do know my comment came off as rude,  thats why I apologized, I'm just hurt she won't try to call me back or anything to talk about it.  Also, for what its worth when I made the comment, it had nothing to do with using her moms credit cards for being in my wedding or anything.  We haven't even started looking at dresses, I told them they can pick whatever they feel comfortable in, I have no requirements.  She just said she needed new clothes and if she went with her mom she wouldn't have to pay for it.

*BeachBride0410*

I don't think the CC statement was rude and definitely not enough to make someone stop speaking to you.agreed....I took it as a joke.  She is the one who made the bad decisions in her life and probably cant get a CC.  Maybe she took it to heart because she knows in a way its true.

AlexiaANDRobert

Re: BM #3 - If the deposit were needed earlier, I can understand, I don't understand why she has the $ in February and not in March.  Unless she's just using it as an excuse. BM #1 - That sucks and I feel really bad for ber. BM #2 - Meh, your both at fault - But I tend to make comments like that too...

ac_in_dc

I think you & BM #2 may be able to patch things up before the wedding. Also, if I had a DW, I'm not sure how many of my friends and family would have been able to afford it. So some of it is just the way DWs go.

louisvillebride21

This will probably make me come off like a b!tch, but I have no sympathy for people like that. My mom (adopted) and her daughter have this relationship. Her daughted can't do anything on her own and is constantly taking advantage of my mom. Mom will offer to take her for coffee and daughter then adds on grocery shopping and clothes for 'work' (that we're not even sure she goest to). Then she calls mom and brags about all this great stuff she bought. She's a lowlife. But, my mom does allow it to happen, so that's on her too. I think the comment was totally appropriate. My 'sister' is 36 and still depending on mommy. I'm 21 and have been self sufficient since I was 18. I know everyone isn't like that, but there's a time you have to stop ridding your parents coat tails.

vallyhoo

Since you haven't spoken to BM#2, I think there is a chance for her to cool off and contact you when she is over her hissy fit. Did she say before she left that she would not participate in your wedding?You sound like you are being accommodating to BM#3 so I think she might come around, too.

louisvillebride21

That came out a little worse than I intended. If you actually need your parents help i.e., job loss, husband dies, something tragic happens, totally understandable. But if you're just too lazy to keep a job and as OP said, gotten multiple DUIs, then its time to let go and be responsible for yourself.

wadingmoose

I've said "I remember those days" a lot to my friends about various things. I think that bridesmaid completely overreacted to it.I've also heard "I remember those days" a LOT from friends with kids.  I don't respond rudely.

jamalina

You know what sucks, some people say you find out who your real friends are when wedding time comes around. It sounds ridiculous but I guess it true in some cases. I hope you can work things out with your 2 friends. Good luck.