Alright Sorry

stace1814

I understand why it feels like to go through this.  I know that you love him and want nothing more than to be with him and that nobody can change your mind.  I'd just like to point out that we have nothing to gain by whatever you choose.  We have an unbiased view of things and from the outside we see that you need to step back for a long time.  We're not telling you this just because we feel like upsetting you.  Please take some of the advice that has been offered.  It is very good advice, and from people who have likely been in a bad situation at some point in their lives.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

You want to stay at home and make art, so you are marrying the loser you are attached to now because it will allow you to do so. Lovely. That's a great basis for a marriage.

agk0125

So in your brain your choices are go right into grad school to avoid real life or get married so someone can support you so you can avoid real life.GET A JOB. Then you can put off grad school and make art or whatever the fuuck you want. You make me want to stab myself in the eye.

jajph1974

salt - did someone already tell her that and I missed it?

salt78

I think mery's got it.

nda_roxybabe

That may be your ideal situation but right now is not the ideal time. You rush into this marriage and you will be divorced before you say I do. Slow down, let him go into the military. Follow him or stay behind, go to grad school or don't. Get a job instead or something. Just do not rush into marriage

Brie2010

So, basically your life aspirations hinge on him--becoming a SAHW and doing art isn't really possible if you don't have a working spouse to support you.  Which is why you're willing to settle for this ridiculous idiot--because it means you get to stay home and do "art."You don't HAVE to go to grad school.  There are options beyond that or getting married to some jerk--such as, I don't know, GETTING A JOB AND MAKING YOUR OWN WAY FOR AWHILE. 

louisvillebride21

I don't understand why grad school is an issue right this second...I would be almost 23 if I choose to go to grad school. How are you doing it at 20? Folks that went, am I missins something?

mwhitson14

But I don't really want to go to grad school at this point in my life. I would really love to be a stay at home wife for awhile and make art.. and figure out what direction I want to go with it from there.There's this 3rd option, that grown ups do, called GETTING A JOB. Try it.

janedoe1113a

I'm also wondering why grad school is an issue.  I'm 22 and just now graduating from undergrad.

missy68

Make a life for YOURSELF. Find YOURSELF.Then, when you know who you are, you'll be ready for a relationship. You're not there yet.Trust me - trust the women here. No one is telling you anything you don't need to hear.You aren't readymature enough to get married. He isn't ready/mature enough to get married. You don't need to be talking about it at all.

scoetto

This is such a freaking train wreak (ha!).

squirrly

And this is why so many military brides get crap here and so many military marriages are short lived.  Marrying into the military doesn't make your marriage easier - it's usually harder.  And, when it gets tough, do you really think this guy is going to stick around and work on things with you?  No, he's going to find another somebody on the side to distract him.  Then he'll divorce you and you'll have NOTHING.  No job.  No degree.  Nada.  Bad plan.Best plan - get away from this guy, go to grad school.Second choice - therapy, date this guy very carefully, and go to grad school. 

brookelynpaisley

Why is this discussion even still going on? Jesus Christ in a side car, this is painful.

lillianchameleon

No, I don't want to work.  I'm sick of working and sick of taking care of people.  I haven't had a really happy life.  I want time to myself and to express myself.  If he can give that to me, I think it will make me the happiest.

tidetravel

My sister took college classes when she was in HS, so she started her grad school career at 20. It's possible, Darkside - I've been out of this whole mess today. Aside from what everyone else has said, I want you to think about this: I am sure you love him. He may love you too. As cliche as it is, sometimes "love isn't enough." DH and I dated for 2 years when I was your age. We split when I was 20 because he left me for another woman. We were apart for 8 years, and in that time, we both went on to live our own lives, make our own mistakes, and essentially, grow up. When our life paths crossed again, we were in a much better place to be good for EACH OTHER. At your age, it is very difficult to be in a committed LTR BECAUSE you are both still developing as adults. It's hard enough to find your own path in life without trying to do so with the consideration of someone else. At this point, it's not about "finding your way together." You need to grow up. You need to learn to live your own life, find your own way, and be GOOD FOR YOURSELF before you can ever expect to be good for someone else.

ootmother2

Please choose grad school for now!In 3 years you will have a graduate degree, not a divorce decree.You're 20 years old  FFS, live!

lyndausvi

Am I the only one who finds it funny she wants an unlisted  guy as a sugar daddy?I know woman who thought they would have it made being a military wife.  Yeah, things didn't quite work out they planned.(disclaimer - I do not have a problem with marrying an unlisted guy, but to think of them as a sugar daddy is a little off)

jajph1974

So, basically you want to be a bum?

Brie2010

No, I don't want to work. I'm sick of working and sick of taking care of people. I haven't had a really happy life. I want time to myself and to express myself. If he can give that to me, I think it will make me the happiest. Oh FFS, very, very few people WANT to work.  I'd love to lounge around all day and not have to worry about money.  My life hasn't been the happiest either.  But you know what?  You grow up, you go to work anyway, and you find something that fulfills you.  He isn't going to give you anything but the clap.  Sorry.

janedoe1113a

So you're marrying him just so you don't have to work and you think that's going to make you happy?  You're not going to be happy when you have a crappy marriage and he's on deployment and you're stuck at home.

jajph1974

whit - yes and yes

bintmejnuna

"I don't want to work" is a terrible reason to get married. You will be absolutely dependent on him for everything. He can treat you like utter crap and you can't leave because you can't support yourself. Does that sound happy? Grow up, get a job, and get away from this dirtbag.

mwhitson14

No, I don't want to work.OMG. I'm done posting. I'm going to get banned and kicked off as a mod.

tidetravel

[i]No, I don't want to work. I'm sick of working and sick of taking care of people. I haven't had a really happy life. I want time to myself and to express myself. If he can give that to me, I think it will make me the happiest.[/i] I wish you had posted this prior to me typing anything. Damn benefit of the doubt...

stace1814

No, I don't want to work. I'm sick of working and sick of taking care of people.FFS.  You're 20.  How can you be 'sick of working'?! You DO realize that you have at least 50 more years of working ahead of you right? I've been sympathetic up until this comment.  You're nuts.

brookelynpaisley

You get to find yourself when you retire... after you work. Just like the rest of us.

Bec&Jim

This is why we have a 50%+ divorce rate in America. WTF....  thats all I have to say.

Mryan209

You're tired of working?  And you're 20?  How self centered can one person really be?

redheadfsu

Oh god after that last post wow.You the dumbest girl in the world. I honestly pity you when reality hits you in a few years. Done. And if you are a troll congrats cause i believed this saga for awhile.