Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not

TerriHugg

This weekend FI will be a groomsmen in his friend's wedding. I don't really know anyone going and the people I do know I'm not really too fond of. (They aren't teribble people. They just have strong personalities.)
Obviously, I will be away fromt the FI for most of the wedding considering he'll be in the ceremony, and busy taking pictures. Plus, I just found out that I won't be sitting with him at all. He's gonna be at the table with the bride and groom and I'll be sitting with some people I don't even know. 
Since I know I'll be by myself for a while, I want to make sure I'm not one of those annoying girls that just follows him around the entire itme and stress the bride out. So I'm trying to figure out what is appropriate in this situation. Am I allowed to dance with him at the wedding? For some reason, I feel like he will be required to dance with the bridesmaid he is escorting that night. Would it be wrong to have him talk to me at my table at some point at the night or vice versa? I just don't want to do anything to upset the bride on her big day.
So what is acceptable in these situations and what isn't? I figured I would just have to be social and meet new people at the wedding, but is there anything I shouldn't do? 

s-aries8990

First off, that couple is in the wrong by separating you and FI. Sometimes they do a spotlight dance for the WP, but besides that, he should be a free man who can do whatever he wants at the reception.

Just don't go on and on about how rude the couple is from separating you from your FI and don't do anything to embarass FI (like get too drunk) lol besides that, there isn't really anything you can't do.

The B in me would want to sit on his lap at his table the whole time after dinner lol

TerriHugg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:4ba47269-fdde-4213-aff0-58477e422874">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]First off, that couple is in the wrong by separating you and FI. Sometimes they do a spotlight dance for the WP, but besides that, he should be a free man who can do whatever he wants at the reception. Just don't go on and on about how rude the couple is from separating you from your FI and don't do anything to embarass FI (like get too drunk) lol besides that, there isn't really anything you can't do. The B in me would want to sit on his lap at his table the whole time after dinner lol
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]

<div>You are too funny! I do think it was kind of wrong for them to separate us. But then I realized it's not about me and I can just suck it up for one day. So that's not the issue. I'm just trying to find the best way to deal with it. I may be uncomfortable for a while, but the last thing I want to do is upset the bride on her wedding. Just trying to be a considerate guest. </div><div>
</div><div>Thanks for the feedback! Good to know Im allowed to dance with him. :)</div>

SlothGoals

Yeah, ditto Sydaries. That couple is really rude to be splitting you guys up at the reception. Your FI will NOT have to dance with the bridesmaid he's escorting, that's just silly. I would agree that you shouldn't follow him around all night, but after dinner/speeches and once the dancing starts you two are more than welcome to spend the rest of the evening sitting/dancing together.

TerriHugg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:9bd26b39-7cd9-4c42-ab2e-d22155c50222">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not : That is very sweet of you, but the bride should be trying to be a considerate host, and that means not splitting up couples. <strong>Honestly, I would decline.</strong> It sounds like you don't think you're going to have a good time, so go do something else that night instead. Girls night out with your friends?
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I would have declined if I knew I wasn't going to be sitting with him before hand. But I just found out this week. So I thought it would be rude to RSVP positively and than change my mind last minute because I wasn't sitting with him. The wedding is this Saturday.  Assuming they already paid for my plate for the reception, I didn't want to be the reason they wasted money. Hence, the reason why I'm still going. The wedding was kind of rushed anyway. They just got engaged on Christmas and they'll be married in less than two months after the engagement.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

Blue & White

I'm really surprised you're engaged and this hasn't happened already?

I've been to two weddings where FI was in the wedding party & there was a head table (future brides: this is incredibly lame.  Don't do this nonsense unless you let me sit at the head table).  What ended up happening?  Well one, I was his mom's date.  And two, he spent the whole evening at our table/with us after all the lame wedding party junk was over.

The only wedding party I've been in without FI, the bridesmaids were seated (with their dates) at a separate table.  It was awesome.

As for etiquette?  Of course, you can dance with your FI.  And hang out with him.  I'd just let him be during the before time and the ceremony time.  After the first dance though, eh, your FI is fair game.

libby18bell

Ladies, you give great advice normally, but haven't you ever seen a traditional head table?  It's typically just the bridal party, not their dates.  So her being separated from her FI who is in the wedding is normal.  You will most likely be sitting at a table with the dates of the other groomsmen and you'll have fun, it's actually pretty normal.  Your FI will just have the first WP dance that if they do it, takes place right after the "First Dance" and then they invite the WP to join in.  That's the only dance he has to participate in with the bridesmaid.  From then on he's free to dance with whomever he likes.  Also he will most likely only sit at the head table for the actual meal and the toasts and then will pull a random chair up and sit next to you.  I wouldn't stress at all about it, just have a great time.  

I also think it would be extremely rude and immature for you to have not gone to the wedding.  Your an adult, haven't you ever been to an event where you didn't know anyone and had to make new friends?  My FI was in his brother's wedding, and just as a reference the only person I knew at the wedding was my FI.  It was very early on in our relationship, only together a month and half, but things turned out fine.  I drove his car from the church to the reception cause he rode in the party bus, and I met a ton of really great people.  Just be there to offer assistance, you may get asked to carry something, I was asked if I could bring the unity sand in our car, no biggie.  Just have fun, since I assume the bride and groom will be guests of your upcoming wedding.

AdeleDazeem

My husband (boyfriend at the time) was the Best Man in a wedding a year after we graduated college.  I knew no one.  We were long distance and I didn't get to see him often.  I was barely invited to this wedding because the parents of the bride had a strict "no ring, no bring" rule.  I was already pretty livid.  My husband was placed at the head table and I was off in some corner eating fried chicken cordon blue (grossness).

Worst wedding ever.

Best part?  Couple divorced after one year.

I'm sorry the hosts are treating you poorly.  This isn't about upsetting the bride on "her" day or whatever.  As host, it's the bride and groom's job to be sure that their guests are comfortable.  They are doing a poor job of that.

As soon as pictures are over and the wedding party has been introduced, then your fiance's responsibilities are over.  Feel free to chat, talk, dance, or otherwise hang out with him.  He is your date, howevermuch the bride and groom can't seem to remember that

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:d0cf9764-89fd-4ea5-92aa-325f145c545b">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]Ladies, you give great advice normally, but haven't you ever seen a traditional head table?  It's typically just the bridal party, not their dates.  So her being separated from her FI who is in the wedding is normal.  You will most likely be sitting at a table with the dates of the other groomsmen and you'll have fun, it's actually pretty normal.  Your FI will just have the first WP dance that if they do it, takes place right after the "First Dance" and then they invite the WP to join in.  That's the only dance he has to participate in with the bridesmaid.  From then on he's free to dance with whomever he likes.  Also he will most likely only sit at the head table for the actual meal and the toasts and then will pull a random chair up and sit next to you.  I wouldn't stress at all about it, just have a great time.   I also think it would be extremely rude and immature for you to have not gone to the wedding.  Your an adult, haven't you ever been to an event where you didn't know anyone and had to make new friends?  My FI was in his brother's wedding, and just as a reference the only person I knew at the wedding was my FI.  It was very early on in our relationship, only together a month and half, but things turned out fine.  I drove his car from the church to the reception cause he rode in the party bus, and I met a ton of really great people.  Just be there to offer assistance, you may get asked to carry something, I was asked if I could bring the unity sand in our car, no biggie.  Just have fun, since I assume the bride and groom will be guests of your upcoming wedding.
Posted by libby18bell[/QUOTE]

Oh, libby.  Lurk more.

NOLAbridealmost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:d0cf9764-89fd-4ea5-92aa-325f145c545b">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Ladies, you give great advice normally, but haven't you ever seen a traditional head table? </strong> It's typically just the bridal party, not their dates.  So her being separated from her FI who is in the wedding is normal.  You will most likely be sitting at a table with the dates of the other groomsmen and you'll have fun, it's actually pretty normal.  Your FI will just have the first WP dance that if they do it, takes place right after the "First Dance" and then they invite the WP to join in.  That's the only dance he has to participate in with the bridesmaid.  From then on he's free to dance with whomever he likes.  Also he will most likely only sit at the head table for the actual meal and the toasts and then will pull a random chair up and sit next to you.  I wouldn't stress at all about it, just have a great time.   I also think it would be extremely rude and immature for you to have not gone to the wedding.  Your an adult, haven't you ever been to an event where you didn't know anyone and had to make new friends?  My FI was in his brother's wedding, and just as a reference the only person I knew at the wedding was my FI.  It was very early on in our relationship, only together a month and half, but things turned out fine.  I drove his car from the church to the reception cause he rode in the party bus, and I met a ton of really great people.  Just be there to offer assistance, you may get asked to carry something, I was asked if I could bring the unity sand in our car, no biggie.  Just have fun, since I assume the bride and groom will be guests of your upcoming wedding.
Posted by libby18bell[/QUOTE]


Of course we've seen them and that's why we know that they are rude and officially suck---for exactly the reasons that OP stated (the prospect that someone you care about's significant other will feel awkward and "not know what to do with him/herself" at a table full of complete strangers.   All for the sake of the pretty pictures of the dated headtable.

daubachsgirl23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:d0cf9764-89fd-4ea5-92aa-325f145c545b">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]Ladies, you give great advice normally, but haven't you ever seen a traditional head table?  It's typically just the bridal party, not their dates.  So her being separated from her FI who is in the wedding is normal.  You will most likely be sitting at a table with the dates of the other groomsmen and you'll have fun, it's actually pretty normal.  Your FI will just have the first WP dance that if they do it, takes place right after the "First Dance" and then they invite the WP to join in.  That's the only dance he has to participate in with the bridesmaid.  From then on he's free to dance with whomever he likes.  Also he will most likely only sit at the head table for the actual meal and the toasts and then will pull a random chair up and sit next to you.  I wouldn't stress at all about it, just have a great time.   I also think it would be extremely rude and immature for you to have not gone to the wedding.  Your an adult, haven't you ever been to an event where you didn't know anyone and had to make new friends?  My FI was in his brother's wedding, and just as a reference the only person I knew at the wedding was my FI.  It was very early on in our relationship, only together a month and half, but things turned out fine.  I drove his car from the church to the reception cause he rode in the party bus, and I met a ton of really great people.  Just be there to offer assistance, you may get asked to carry something, I was asked if I could bring the unity sand in our car, no biggie.  Just have fun, since I assume the bride and groom will be guests of your upcoming wedding.
Posted by libby18bell[/QUOTE]

While a head table may be common, that doesn't mean it's not rude.  Couples should not be separated, regardless of WP status.
OP, ideally you shouldn't be separated from your FI for too long. Is the couple hosting a cocktail hour?  Most of the pictures should be done during the cocktail hour.  There's no reason why you can't dance with FI during the reception, and in between courses or as dinner winds down he may be able to come to your table and hang out with you for a bit.  Good luck!

libby18bell

Oh Joy2611, I definitely don't lurk, but I also don't re state things that other people have already stated.  The Etiquette ladies give awesome advice, so no need to beat a dead horse.  

I've been to weddings that have had the traditional head tables, and yes I don't like them but I also don't like sweet heart tables but it's the bride and grooms choice on which they want.  I guess I see this as being an adult and you are put in situations where you need to socialize on your own and that's all there is to it.  Both my FI and I have been to countless events for the other where neither of us knew people, you just mingle and meet people and smile.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:51060f8c-e469-453a-906b-35f6af7cd4aa">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh Joy2611 , I definitely don't lurk, but I also don't re state things that other people have already stated.  The Etiquette ladies give awesome advice, so no need to beat a dead horse.  
Posted by libby18bell[/QUOTE]

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />  This kinda makes no sense.


I agree with the second part of your post, though.  Of course socials skills are necessary and you do what you have to do.  But, that doesn't mean that the OP can't be unhappy with the set up and decline going.  We all have different comfort levels and, contrary to what you believe, it is the hosts job to be accommodating of their guests, not the other way around.

Stina51286

I agree with Libby. It isn't that big of a deal. He will eat with the WP, do one dance and that is it. The rest of the night, he is yours. Every single wedding I have been to (and yes there have been a lot in the last three years) the SOs were not at the head table with the WP. Of those weddings, FI was in three and I was in one. We learned to meet new people. It was actually a good time.

If it is so rude, why have the B&G been doing it for years, yes years? If you look through your aunts, parents, etc wedding pictures, if they showed the head table, I bet there is just the WP up there and not SOs.

Look at the website from Martha Stewart http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/230659/wedding-reception-seating/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-adviser#135220 # 5 she lists just the WP at the head table. Isn't she a big etiquette person for weddings? She does list other options, but if this was an etiquette thing, I bet she wouldn't list it.

TerriHugg

HI everyone, thanks for the feedback. 

Of course, I would prefer to sit with my FI. But I guess my main concern was figuring out what to expect in this situation. I have no problem socializing with other people. It's just that as mentioned before, I'm not too fond of the type of people going.And like I said I don't want to be one of those clingy girls that's hated by the end of the night. I'm going to just suck it up, but make sure I'm not a stress to the married couple.

I believe someone asked about them coming to our wedding. In response to that, they were going to come but now they are unable to. The groom of this wedding was actually one of my FI's groomsmen at ours. Unfortunately, they had to decline the invite and being in the wedding party because they found out that she is pregnant and due around our wedding date. So they won't have to worry about socializing etc, when its our turn. 

[Deleted User]

I've honestly never heard of a head table where SOs WEREN'T seated with the WP. We're doing one as we didn't like the idea of a sweetheart table but it's going to be my sister (MOH) and her husband and FI's brother (BM) and his wife. It honestly never crossed my mind to do it another way...

Anyway, OP, he doesn't have to do anything with the WP except pictures, possibly an entrance, possibly a spotlight dance, and sit with them. If he makes it to any of cocktail hour, you're allowed to hang out with him. After dinner, he's all yours to dance with.

One question - is this a whole group of friends he's close with? Though I've never not been seated with FI, I've really enjoyed hanging out with his friends' significant others while they're off taking pictures and doing that whole wedding party dealio. So, if he has any other close friends in the WP, try cozying up to their SOs and bonding over that.

Ro041

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:a1a78a37-a64b-4a82-bb70-a1bb72ce5291">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]I've honestly never heard of a head table where SOs WEREN'T seated with the WP. 
Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]

<div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;">FI and I went to one in September.  he was in the WP.  I was not.  I sat with the SOs of the GM and the GM pulled chairs up to our table after dinner.  It was NBD.</span></div>

brielleinlove

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:c6b159cb-6697-4cd7-b3ac-ac38fb7b1452">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with Libby. It isn't that big of a deal. He will eat with the WP, do one dance and that is it. The rest of the night, he is yours. Every single wedding I have been to (and yes there have been a lot in the last three years) the SOs were not at the head table with the WP. Of those weddings, FI was in three and I was in one. We learned to meet new people. It was actually a good time. If it is so rude, why have the B&G been doing it for years, yes years? If you look through your aunts, parents, etc wedding pictures, if they showed the head table, I bet there is just the WP up there and not SOs. Look at the website from Martha Stewart <a href="http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/230659/wedding-reception-seating/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-adviser#135220" rel="nofollow">http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/230659/wedding-reception-seating/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-adviser#135220</a> # 5 she lists just the WP at the head table.<strong> Isn't she a big etiquette person for weddings? She does list other options, but if this was an etiquette thing, I bet she wouldn't list it.</strong>
Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Martha Stewart is a big ENTERTAINING person, not a big etiquette person.  For all I know she doesn't give a rip about etiquette.
</div>

NYCMercedes

I can't believe head tables without SO's are still happening! Every wedding I've been to recently either had a SH table or a modified head table. The head table had B, G, and parts of the WP with their SO. Then there were second honor tables with the rest of the WP with their SOs.

TerriHugg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:a1a78a37-a64b-4a82-bb70-a1bb72ce5291">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]I've honestly never heard of a head table where SOs WEREN'T seated with the WP. We're doing one as we didn't like the idea of a sweetheart table but it's going to be my sister (MOH) and her husband and FI's brother (BM) and his wife. It honestly never crossed my mind to do it another way... Anyway, OP, he doesn't have to do anything with the WP except pictures, possibly an entrance, possibly a spotlight dance, and sit with them. If he makes it to any of cocktail hour, you're allowed to hang out with him. After dinner, he's all yours to dance with. <strong>One question - is this a whole group of friends he's close with?</strong> Though I've never not been seated with FI, I've really enjoyed hanging out with his friends' significant others while they're off taking pictures and doing that whole wedding party dealio. So, if he has any other close friends in the WP, try cozying up to their SOs and bonding over that.
Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It is a whole group of them who have been friends since middle school. I really like his friends. They will all be sitting with the bride and groom as well. I originally thought I could chat with other SO's. But Three of them have significant others but none of them will be sitting with me. They are all spread out everywhere and I've never met them  before. 

</div>

Stina51286

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:95b676fa-a11a-44e3-97e1-281274afcd16">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not : Martha Stewart is a big ENTERTAINING person, not a big etiquette person.  For all I know she doesn't give a rip about etiquette.
Posted by brielleinlove[/QUOTE]

Well excuse me to burst your bubble. The caps on the entertaining is not really necessary.

allychase

I think we're seeing less and less head tables without SO because they suck and they're rude. Our parents didnt seem to get that back in the day

GoodLuckBear14

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:22246462-cf33-4382-b3a6-31d0b8ca32bb">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not : Well excuse me to burst your bubble. The caps on the entertaining is not really necessary.
Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]

What bubble did you burst?  We've all seen Head Tables, some of us have endured them and there is no getting around the fact that they are rude as hell.  Much like farting in an elevator which also happens and has been going on for years and years.</div>

TerriHugg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:82c40ed4-1d43-4049-bafe-a508bcd2bcd5">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I had never heard of sitting SO's at the head table until I got on here, and I've still never seen it. As far as how rude and odd it is, I'll have to take the other ladies word on that. They don't steer anyone wrong, so maybe my neck of the woods has been doing it wrong for all these decades. It's possible.  <strong>But OP, have you never been to a wedding? You're not barred from your SO all night just because he's in the wedding. </strong>That's nonsense. As soon as he's done with pictures, dinner, and the spotlight dance (if they even have one) then he's free again for you.  I met all of H's old high school friends at a wedding he was in, and that's how I found out what great people they were. Several people came up to me to chat and introduce me to everyone so I wouldn't feel lonely, including the bride and groom. I had a great time and wound up dancing more with the ladies than H. Buck up, OP; some of the people you don' t know yet might be really fun to be around. Why not be that great person and introduce yourself to all the people at your table? Be the one to strike up a conversation? I'd bet you'll enjoy your dinner much more if you initiate the happy vibes.
Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]

<div>Yup, I've definitely been to weddings before. :) I've just never been in this position at weddings. For example, I didn't know if it would be considered rude for him to pull up a chair next to me after all the formal stuff is done. Things like that. I just didn't want to be the one messing something up or committing some major faux pas. Perhaps, I'm just over thinking it.</div>

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:c20a8073-df44-4e47-9f24-a57cbe5780b0">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not : Yup, I've definitely been to weddings before. :) I've just never been in this position at weddings. For example, I didn't know if it would be considered rude for him to pull up a chair next to me after all the formal stuff is done. Things like that. I just didn't want to be the one messing something up or committing some major faux pas. Perhaps, I'm just over thinking it.
Posted by TerriHugg[/QUOTE]

WP members who have the misfortune of having to sit at a head table only have to be there for the meal.  After that they are free to go wherever they want to go.  He might have to do a WP spotlight dance with a BM but that is the extent of his dancing duties as a WP member.  When he is finally free you should plant one hell of a moment stealing kiss on him and exclaim "finally.  we don't have to be separated anymore."

libby18bell

Is FI the only high school friend in the wedding party?  There could be a large group of friends, but if FI is the only one in the wedding party from that group, then it makes sense that you are sitting at a table with other SO's.  The wedding I went to that FI was in, he was still out for pictures and had the introductions, the table was just the other SOs and myself, we chatted and joked around.

PreDempsey

We have one this summer where FI, who will then be my husband, will sit at a head table with out me, at a do over wedding..

button6004

In Response to Re:Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not:[QUOTE]Is FI the only high school friend in the wedding party? nbsp;There could be a large group of friends, but if FI is the only one in the wedding party from that group, then it makes sense that you are sitting at a table with other SO's. nbsp;The wedding I went to that FI was in, he was still out for pictures and had the introductions, the table was just the other SOs and myself, we chatted and joked around. Posted by libby18bell[/QUOTE]

Keep up, Libby. OP isn't sitting with other SOs. They've all been separated. Also, your argument that OP just needs to get out there and be social is great if you are a social person. Many shy or socially anxious people wouldn't find chatting up strangers to be a grand old time.

OP, sorry this is happening. This bride isn't courteous to her guests so I don't think you need to spend any more time over thinking how to be extra courteous to her.

TerriHugg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:d6a801b6-6b48-469a-8535-0afe548a027d">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not : Now that makes no sense. If you know the couple will be split the least you can do is sit them all with close friends and like minds. Sounds like tjis bride and groom just used you guys to fill empty seats. That's insane, and crazy rude, even in my area.
Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I have no idea what their motives were. I just know everyone is split up. I'm assuming that maybe since they were planning this wedding in a rush they didn't have ample time to go over seating arrangements. IDK. </div><div>
</div><div>We'll see how it goes on Saturday. Thanks so much for your input everyone. It's truly appreciated. </div>

TheBaysideBride

Brides can't win! Bridal party tables are rude! Sweetheart tables are rude! If half the bridal party wasn't sitting w/ the B&G those people would be pissed and consider it rude, even if it meant they could sit w/ their SOs.

Just roll with it. Most of the reception people will be daning and hanging out all together. I don't think either of you will be chained to your tables. Take lots of good pics during the ceremony, and pal up with another SO who's fiance is in the wedding.

Only in planning my own wedding did I realize that I've been a bit of a guest-zilla before. Everyone is doing their best to make sure it's a fun day for everyone.

I hope you have a blast, and i'm sure you will. If not, consider it free booze and a good workout on the dance floor.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:eeee677d-0cef-4352-a3ec-af80c9eef254">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]Brides can't win! Bridal party tables are rude! Sweetheart tables are rude! If half the bridal party wasn't sitting w/ the B&G those people would be pissed and consider it rude, even if it meant they could sit w/ their SOs. Just roll with it. Most of the reception people will be daning and hanging out all together. I don't think either of you will be chained to your tables. Take lots of good pics during the ceremony, and pal up with another SO who's fiance is in the wedding. Only in planning my own wedding did I realize that I've been a bit of a guest-zilla before. Everyone is doing their best to make sure it's a fun day for everyone. I hope you have a blast, and i'm sure you will. If not, consider it free booze and a good workout on the dance floor.
Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

Who ever said sweetheart tables are rude?  That is one of the most suggested alternatives.