Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not

MsYeck

Seriously not everyone can have every SO and parents of the ringbearers/flower girl and such. My venue the setup would not be ale to accomadate a table that big and we hve a smaller bridal party of 3 groomsmen and 3 brides,aid and flower girl and ringbearers. Not including parents at the table would be 22 people alone. In nebraska unless it is a 300 plus person wedding I never see SO seated with the member of the WP

monkeysip

I'm not a meet-a-stranger-and-talk-to-them-all-night type of person.  Maybe that means I have no "social skills", but I just don't see why brides and grooms insist on head tables with no one SOs seated there just for the sake of a pretty picture.  There is no other legit reason for them.

My dad tried to convince FI and I to have a head table because he said people need to be able to see us.  We're in a small room with 80 guests... I'm pretty sure people will be able to see the woman in the big white dress and the groom next to her.  I don't need to be on display while I eat.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:722439ab-ed92-417a-82ea-52e2e728e3f0">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]Seriously not everyone can have every SO and parents of the ringbearers/flower girl and such. My venue the setup would not be ale to accomadate a table that big and we hve a smaller bridal party of 3 groomsmen and 3 brides,aid and flower girl and ringbearers. Not including parents at the table would be 22 people alone. In nebraska unless it is a 300 plus person wedding I never see SO seated with the member of the WP
Posted by MsYeck[/QUOTE]

First of all, you can have a king's table with people seated on both sides.  Problem solved.  Or you can seat just the bestman/SO and maid of honor/SO at the table with you.  You don't need every single person down to the ring bearer at the head table with you. 

With the way head tables are set up, you can't even logistically talk to more than just two people while sitting there (person on your right, person on your left).  So it's not like you're seating them there so that you can talk to the bridesmaids, groomsmen, ringbearer, and flower girl all night.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:722439ab-ed92-417a-82ea-52e2e728e3f0">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]Seriously not everyone can have every SO and parents of the ringbearers/flower girl and such. My venue the setup would not be ale to accomadate a table that big and we hve a smaller bridal party of 3 groomsmen and 3 brides,aid and flower girl and ringbearers. Not including parents at the table would be 22 people alone. In nebraska unless it is a 300 plus person wedding I never see SO seated with the member of the WP
Posted by MsYeck[/QUOTE]

You know another option is to have them sit among the guests.  More andmore weddings that I've been to have the B&G at a table with their parents, MOH and date and Best Man and date.  The WP is scattered amongst the rest of the tables and are always seated with their date/SO.

Vandelay007

Wow... I'm shocked (and glad) to see that I'm not the only one who finds the "head table" to be silly, rude and attention grabby. 

I agree with Libby that it does seem to be the norm that the head table consists of JUST bride, groom, maid of honour, best man, bridesmaids and groomsmen. But, just because it's the norm, doesn't mean it's ok. To me, it just screams "look at me! look at me! LOOOOOK ATTTT MEEEEEEEE". Which is rude.

As a guest, I don't need to watch the bride, groom and wedding party the whole time I'm eating. Which means they don't need to be sitting at an elevated, over-decorated table. 

As a bridesmaid, I rather be sitting with my family or date or other guests that I know well, rather than being forced to make small talk with the bride/groom's other friends. And when in that position, I find you can only easily chat with those seated directly next to you (1 or 2 people), because god forbid they seat people AROUND the head table and risk blocking view of the ultra important bride and groom.

As a date of a wedding party member, I rather stay home than go to an event where I'll be spending the evening with strangers. For me, that's just plain awkward and unnecessary. When you're someones date, doesn't that usually mean you spend the evening with them?

lyndausvi

Why do you have to a have a special table at all?     Our wedding party sat with people they would have sat with if they weren't in the WP.  We sat with my nieces and nephews at a regular table (not suggesting this for everyone, it worked out for us to be the best people to sit with).   Why not just sit with your parents? or the MOH and BM and their SO and families if they have any?  Siblings?  Best friends?

There are alternatives to not having a HT.

MrsMack10612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:d6c437a8-20db-4e06-971d-832d10f319af">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]Silly me but I had a head table with the bridesmaids/groomsan with no SO's. Pictures and being on display had nothing to do with it. <strong>It was to spend more time with the most important people to us - our friends and family in the wedding party.</strong> If I had included SO's (and thus their children) the table would have seated like 40 people, which was not possible. If I don't have the table that is less time <strong>I get to spend hanging out with them, which is party of why you have a wedding party.
</strong>Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

But by doing this you are not allowing them to hang out with the most important people to them - their SOs.  How is that fair?

GoodLuckBear14

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:d6c437a8-20db-4e06-971d-832d10f319af">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]Silly me but I had a head table with the bridesmaids/groomsan with no SO's. Pictures and being on display had nothing to do with it. It was to spend more time with the most important people to us - our friends and family in the wedding party. If I had included SO's (and thus their children) the table would have seated like 40 people, which was not possible. If I don't have the table that is less time I get to spend hanging out with them, which is party of why you have a wedding party.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

How did you spend time with them?  When you are stuck at a HT, you cannot talk to anyone but the person on either side of you.</div>

mcda04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:d6c437a8-20db-4e06-971d-832d10f319af">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]Silly me but I had a head table with the bridesmaids/groomsan with no SO's. Pictures and being on display had nothing to do with it. It was to spend more time with the most important people to us - our friends and family in the wedding party. If I had included SO's (and thus their children) the table would have seated like 40 people, which was not possible. If I don't have the table that is less time I get to spend hanging out with them, which is party of why you have a wedding party.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

But how do you know they wanted to have dinner with you? I bet they would much rather eat and talk to their SO's rather than sit in a dumb HT.

If you want to spend time with the WP, you visit their table, plus the reception is very busy and you don't really have time to socialize at all. Even if the WP sits with you, it's a long table where you can only talk to the people right next to you.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:4c8f30c6-5b26-42b3-a829-0b79c793c91a">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not : How did you spend time with them?  When you are stuck at a HT, you cannot talk to anyone but the person on either side of you.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

EXACTLY... anytime I see head tables I never see the B&G talking to many people.  Honestly, a lot of times they look bored to death.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:7bda7abf-d7ca-49be-a259-5c2473b723ea">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not : But by doing this you are not allowing them to hang out with the most important people to them - their SOs.  How is that fair?
Posted by kjhowd[/QUOTE]


Don't forget you hung out with them hours before the ceremony, during pictures,  etc.   Pretty sure by that point they really wanted to hang out with the people they love.

Also if you had a long HT with people only sitting on one side you would have only been able to talk to your DH and the person on the other side.   The person on the end gets to only talk to somone on one side of them.

My sister had a  long HT.  I was the MOH and sat next to her.  She pretty much only spoke to her DH and the people who keep coming up to them during dinner.   It just so happend the 2 BMs next to me were college friends of my sister and lived OOT.  I didn't know them at all.   They just naturally talked to each other.   It was so awkward just sitting there while the people on either side talked to people on their other side and I could not really get into the conversations.
 
It was not on purpose. It was just natural for my sister to want to talk to her new DH or those coming up to them.  It was also natural for the friends to talk together.     I was just the odd man out.  Round tables are better at getting others involved in converstations than long tables with everyone on the same side.

Point is it's not just uncomfortable for the SO, it could be uncomfortable for the WP memeber also.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:aa581d5f-7d05-4fa6-98db-f742ba1ada93">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not : Don't forget you hung out with them hours before the ceremony, during pictures,  etc.   Pretty sure by that point they really wanted to hang out with the people they love. Also if you had a long HT with people only sitting on one side you would have only been able to talk to your DH and the person on the other side.   The person on the end gets to only talk to somone on one side of them.<strong> My sister had a  long HT.  I was the MOH and sat next to her.  She pretty much only spoke to her DH and the people who keep coming up to them during dinner.   It just so happend the 2 BMs next to me were college friends of my sister and lived OOT.  I didn't know them at all.   They just naturally talked to each other.   It was so awkward just sitting there while the people on either side talked to people on their other side and I could not really get into the conversations.   It was not on purpose. It was just natural for my sister to want to talk to her new DH or those coming up to them.  It was also natural for the friends to talk together.     I was just the odd man out.</strong>  Round tables are better at getting others involved in converstations than long tables with everyone on the same side. Point is it's not just uncomfortable for the SO, it could be uncomfortable for the WP memeber also.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Exact same thing for me at my sister's wedding.  Awkward...

MsYeck

But realistically you spend maybe 30 minutes at that headtable. That's all I was at the tale during my bothers wedding last summer. My fiancée survived just fine with my parents, grandparents and other signifigant others at the reserved table that he met the night before at the rehearsal dinner.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:618e9f0a-25ef-4033-88f6-5ff97db5153e">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]But realistically you spend maybe 30 minutes at that headtable. That's all I was at the tale during my bothers wedding last summer. My fiancée<strong> survived </strong>just fine with my parents, grandparents and other signifigant others at the reserved table that he met the night before at the rehearsal dinner.
Posted by MsYeck[/QUOTE]

You don't want your guests to just "survive"... you want them to be really comfortable and have a lot of fun.  Depending on their relationship, a person might not have the best time sitting with their fiancee's parents and grandparents. 

And I think it's definitely more than 30 minutes.  We were at my sister's head table for at least an hour. 

I think everyone's point here is that there's no reason TO DO a head table like that.  If you're "only there for 30 minutes"... then why must people insist on seating their WP without significant others there?  Someone earlier said they did that so they could talk to their WP all night.  Ummm... which is it?  All night or just 30 minutes?  There's some contradictions going on with the pro-head table people here.

If it's just 30 minutes, why not just let people sit where they want for that time?  It makes no sense to make your WP sit there with you for just "30 minutes"

GoodLuckBear14

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:618e9f0a-25ef-4033-88f6-5ff97db5153e">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]But realistically you spend maybe 30 minutes at that headtable. That's all I was at the tale during my bothers wedding last summer. My fiancée survived just fine with my parents, grandparents and other signifigant others at the reserved table that he met the night before at the rehearsal dinner.
Posted by MsYeck[/QUOTE]

You can try to justify your decision all you want but it is always rude to split couples up.  It isn't just 30 minutes that they are separated.  Likely they haven't seen eachother all day and there is not a good reason on earth to separate them during dinner.  I am an attorney and more than capable of carrying on conversations with strangers.  When DH is in a WP though, and I haven't seen him all day, I would much rather be talking to him.</div>

MsYeck

At my location the setup is rows and it is not physically possible to have more than 4 tables combined and sill have a walkway. So we literally could not put everyone at the talble. I and my fiancée had a blast at my brothers wedding. I think any secure couple should be fine and still have a great time spending roughly 3o minutes of a 4-6 hour reception apart.

GoodLuckBear14

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:230bfb6b-6879-4730-9179-1dbd875749df">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]At my location the setup is rows and it is not physically possible to have more than 4 tables combined and sill have a walkway. So we literally could not put everyone at the talble. I and my fiancée had a blast at my brothers wedding. I think any secure couple should be fine and still have a great time spending roughly 3o minutes of a 4-6 hour reception apart.
Posted by MsYeck[/QUOTE]

Oh give me a break.  Not liking being separated from your husband/FI/BF/etc. does not make you insecure.  It makes you human.   There is no law that says you have to have the WP seated together.</div>

MrsMack10612

Oh good grief.  Insecure, really?  H & I were at a party Saturday night where we spent MAYBE, 20 whole minutes together, but we'd also seen each other all day up to that point.  If I go to a wedding and my H or I are in the WP, we are not going to have the whole day together, someone is going to be off at salons or getting dresses or pictures or the ceremony or who knows what all else.  I would be much happier to enjoy a meal and some with my H than a bunch of semi-strangers or someone else's family I don't know.

It's been 12-ish years since I've been to a wedding with a HT.  They are outdated and rude.  Prior to that was my sister's wedding 20+ years ago.

There is absolutely no earthly reason to do a HT.  Have a sweetheart table, have just your BM/MOH and their SOs (this what we did) and seat the rest of the WP with other friends/family (also what we did).  We spent 90% of our wedding dancing and socializing with all our guests, including our WP and only 2 of them sat with us at dinner. 

Please someone give me a GOOD reason for HT and tradition doesn't count.

MrsMack10612

But you still never responded to my question about how is that fair to those closest to you that you are forcing them to spend time with you, but not with their SOs?

And no, I don't consider that a valid reason because there are ways to spend time with those closest to you without having a HT.  You have spent a good portion of the day with them - getting ready, taking pictures etc.  Why do they need to eat dinner with you when they've left their SOs alone all day, but have been with you?

cirrostratus

I wish I had read this posts months ago when I was at my FI's friend's wedding. My FI was in the wedding party and I wasn't and they separated us. In fact, I was sitting a table that held all the lone members (either their SO was in the wedding party or they came alone) so I felt like I was sitting at the "reject table" all the way in the back of the ballroom. The mother of the bride said, "We were thinking about doing a Sweethearts table but we didn't want to do that." TBH I was so angry! I should be over it by now but I sat there fuming going, "We are NOT going to do this at OUR wedding!" (And we're not. We're doing a Sweetheart Table.)

I understand that, as the bride/groom it is your wedding and you can choose to do what you will. But doing the Bridal Party table makes SOs feel rejected, it sends a very negative message. For me, I felt like I wasn't wanted there, even though I knew both these people fairly well.

In retrospect: it really wasn't that big of a deal. He sat at the table during dinner but then afterwards we were allowed to dance and sit anywhere else we wanted.  So I think the best thing is to just grin and deal with it for about an hour, then everything will be fine!

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:e1a92ae2-89bf-4ebf-a49e-e23c7d738459">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]I gave my reason - it allowed us to spend more time enjoying those closest to us in our wedding party. Whether you find it a good enough reason is up to you but it was mine.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

But according to others pro-head table people here, that was only "30 minutes".  And it's pretty selfish to want to spend time with your wedding party but not let them spend their time with who THEY want to spend time with.

There's also no law that says you can't spend time with people not sitting at your table (as all the pro-HT people have been arguing), so why can't the B&G let people sit where they want, then go over to them if they want to see them?

MrsMack10612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:572573c0-0a9f-4cf7-a080-5f96e1410257">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]Your question about me forcing them to sit at HT <strong>assumes that they prefer sitting with SO over the wedding party.</strong>  I don't think that is always the rule and certainly wasn't in my case where everyone was very happy with the setup and all the bridesmaids had the exact setup at their own weddings.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

Um, yeah.  Because people do prefer to sit with their SO.  If they don't then perhaps they shouldn't have an SO.

That is just a ridiculous response.  Plain and simple.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:6742eb61-034a-4b13-94a9-5e1f17123724">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not : Um, yeah.  Because people do prefer to sit with their SO.  If they don't then perhaps they shouldn't have an SO. That is just a ridiculous response.  Plain and simple.
Posted by kjhowd[/QUOTE]

Yeah, it made me kind of sad.  I get that people like to go hang out with their friends without their SOs... but it's sad if you don't want to hang out with your SO at a wedding...  Maybe you shouldn't have brought your SO then (unless the SO is also a good friend of the B&G)

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:572573c0-0a9f-4cf7-a080-5f96e1410257">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]Your question about me forcing them to sit at HT assumes that they prefer sitting with SO over the wedding party.  I don't think that is always the rule and certainly wasn't in my case where everyone was very happy with the setup and all the bridesmaids had the exact setup at their own weddings.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]


One has to wonder if everyone else did not because they are happy with the setup, but because they have never seen anything else and think it's what you are suppose to do?


I would find it odd if you found anyone who would say they preferred  NOT to sit with their SO and would rather sit with the WP.     

I'll admit some WPs it might work out with a HT.  Everyone knows each other, everyone is friends with everyone else (or at least knows each other).    It would not work for us.  Our WP come from different parts of our lives and lived in different parts of the country.   The only common denominator was us.     Some of them met the day before and have not seen each other since.  

[Deleted User]

I honestly understands both sides of the argument as I'm having a head table instead of a sweetheart table BUT I just really don't understand how you can't still be nice to your guests while doing it. Have a head table with SOs. If that's too many people, just have one with a few VIPs (WITH SOs) and let the rest of the WP sit elsewhere. Or, as others have said, have a HT where people sit on both sides to accomodate more people. It's really not that hard to work out so that people aren't stuck without their SOs for a while if they want to spend their night with them.

MrsMack10612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:2cf538bf-34b4-408b-9b37-1b00d45c4dcd">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not : One has to wonder if everyone else did not because they are happy with the setup, but because they have never seen anything else and think it's what you are suppose to do? I would find it odd if you found anyone who would say they preferred  NOT to sit with their SO and would rather sit with the WP.     <strong> I'll admit some WPs it might work out with a HT.  Everyone knows each other, everyone is friends with everyone else (or at least knows each other</strong>).    It would not work for us.  Our WP come from different parts of our lives and lived in different parts of the country.   The only common denominator was us.     Some of them met the day before and have not seen each other since.  
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

This could have worked for us, I think 90-95% of our WP knew each other beforehand but none of their SOs knew that many people so they would have been left in the lurch.  It also would have meant a table of 15 or 16 people, which to me is just ridiculous, plus our venue wasn't conducive to a long or kings table.

MrsMack10612

Sorry...I call them as I see them.

I think that's incredibly disrespectful of your BMs to do to their SOs.

Not too mention, if you are spending ALL this time with your WP, what are you going to do about spendig time wiht the rest of your guests?  Are they not as important?  Are you going to have all of them at the HT with you so you can spend time with the other important people at your wedding?

Or are your wedding party the only really important people you have to spend time with?

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-is-in-the-wedding-party-im-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b49da59-e708-4175-a00b-f4941e0140a0Post:cd11f8cf-6875-49b4-acc6-8fc3a8d27766">Re: Fiance is in the wedding party, I'm not</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh good grief.  Insecure, really?  <strong>H & I were at a party Saturday night where we spent MAYBE, 20 whole minutes together</strong>, but we'd also seen each other all day up to that point.  If I go to a wedding and my H or I are in the WP, we are not going to have the whole day together, someone is going to be off at salons or getting dresses or pictures or the ceremony or who knows what all else.  I would be much happier to enjoy a meal and some with my H than a bunch of semi-strangers or someone else's family I don't know. It's been 12-ish years since I've been to a wedding with a HT.  They are outdated and rude.  Prior to that was my sister's wedding 20+ years ago. There is absolutely no earthly reason to do a HT.  Have a sweetheart table, have just your BM/MOH and their SOs (this what we did) and seat the rest of the WP with other friends/family (also what we did).  We spent 90% of our wedding dancing and socializing with all our guests, including our WP and only 2 of them sat with us at dinner.  Please someone give me a GOOD reason for HT and tradition doesn't count.
Posted by kjhowd[/QUOTE]

You just described our wedding reception.  DH and I split up almost immediately to spend time with all of our guests, many of whom we hadn't seen in  along time.  And she think's I'm insecure in my relationship {{eyeroll}}.

aurianna

So let's pretend that your WP members would rather sit at the HT than with their SOs... even if that were true, I'm guessing it's a 99% shot that their SO's would  much rather sit with them than random people they might not know. So when you think about it isn't very nice to those SOs, your wedding guests, to invite them to your wedding only to put them in a potentially awkward dining situation. It's selfish.

At my husband's (then-fiance's) brother's wedding, they did a head table sans SOs.
They didn't even do a seating chart. Rather they just put a couple of "reserved" signs on the tables in front. No one knew who they were reserved for. So my MIL & FIL wanted me to sit with them, and I did... and then none of the cousins I actually had stuff in common sat with us since we were in the "special" tables.
I love my in-laws... but I really did not have any fun at the wedding at all until dinner was over.

Don't do something that might keep your WPs dates from having fun.

Simply Fated

If anything, dinner is the one time couples should be sat together.

I'm not sure what people mean by only 30 minutes....? My bf and I don't like to dance, so we enjoy sitting, talking, making jokes, drinking, eating. Had we not been sat together, one of us would end up sitting in someone else's seat constantly. That would have been iconsiderate to the person sitting there, especially if they, too, like to sit out the dancing.
And if people are going to be playing musical chairs all night so significant others can sit together, then why not just put them together in the beginning? It's just simple logic.