Save the Dates vs. Invite List

brigid36

Can you let me know your opinion on this and if I am breeching any sort of etiquette.

Our budget has limited us to 200 guests. We mailed out Save the Dates a month of two ago to a list of 200, mostly family. However we feel that some people may not be able to make it. If they respond back to us before the invitations are mailed we hoped to include some more people (neighbors, co-workers) etc. to take their spots. These people will receive an invite only and not neccessarily a Save-the-Date. (All of the actual invites will go out at the same time)

Is this okay? I am a little confused on this.

hlq2011

You can invite people without a save-the-date, yes.  You can't send a STD and not follow with an invitation, though.

But just because someone tells you they won't be coming, don't count that as a no until you have that RSVP in your hand.  They may change their mind.

waltzingmatilda13

STD= Formal Invitation.

People's plans can change and even if they tell you now that they can't make it, you still need to send an invite.

baystateapple

I wouldn't.  Even if someone says that they won't be able to make it upon receiving their STD, things might change and they might be able to make it to the wedding.  I wouldn't bank on a "no" RSVP until the little envelope comes back with the check mark next to "can't attend".

Avion22

Don't know that i understand your question.  People generally don't respond to save-the-dates, but even if they do you still send them an invitation in case their plans change.

If you really want, you can do A-list and B-list invites....you set one RSVP date early enough that if you get a lot of negative replies, you still have time to mail invites to, and hear back from, your B-list.  Just be aware that if people found out they were B-listed (like, if they compare RSVP dates with an A-lister), they might be a little miffed.  I would be.

But yeah, everyone who gest a save-the-date gets an invite, even if they verbally tell you they can't make it.

emilyinchile

Well, you need to send an invitation to everyone who got a STD, even if they tell beforehand that they can't go. They're still invited. So the risk is that if you invite them and also invite additional people, someone who initially told you no will end up being able to come, and you'll end up over budget.

That said, if your question is just about whether it's ok to only send STDs to some people, the answer is yes. It's fine to send invitations out to more people than you sent STDs to.

Habs2Hart

You need to expect 100% attendance at your wedding.  So that means that your full guest list of invites does not exceed what you can host (unless you know 100% for sure that great aunt gertrude had surgery and cannot make it but you are sending her an invite because she'll like that, etc)

So if you send an STD then you must send an invite, even if they told you they cannot make it.

You don't have to send an STD to your whole guest list though. 

waltzingmatilda13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_save-dates-vs-invite-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:26e4318f-8a0f-41e3-9b07-605b636602f2Post:76a3672f-e8b9-4fc6-aeaf-d949b68f1f96">Re: Save the Dates vs. Invite List</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't know that i understand your question.  People generally don't respond to save-the-dates, but even if they do you still send them an invitation in case their plans change. <strong>If you really want, you can do A-list and B-list invites....you set one RSVP date early enough that if you get a lot of negative replies, you still have time to mail invites to, and hear back from, your B-list. </strong> Just be aware that if people found out they were B-listed (like, if they compare RSVP dates with an A-lister), they might be a little miffed.  I would be. But yeah, everyone who gest a save-the-date gets an invite, even if they verbally tell you they can't make it.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

Don't do this. It's horribly rude to everyone and completely against proper etiquette. Just invite the number your budget allows and leave it at that.

redheadfsu

People don't reply to a save-a-date. If they do you still send an invite, because closer to the wedding they might be able to come (if their plans change).

A save the date is not necessary, so you can send invites to people you didn't send save-the dates to. But be careful don't invite too many people.

redheadfsu

A/B lists are rude & people can tell by the early RSVP date. People will get offended, so do not do this.

mica178

It's fine to send invitations to people who have not received STDs.

However, it's not okay to expect people who have given tentative STD responses to keep to their answer.  And you'll still need to send formal invitations to everyone who received an STD.

sklink0486

So, from someone who is doing this exact same thing, I think it's fine. Not everyone who is invited has to get a STD, but as you said in your OP, everyone who gets a STD has to be invited. I am doing it because I have many aunts and uncles who have already told me it is unlikely they will be able to make it (I would just leave it at inviting a set number, except there are quite a few people who might not be coming- about 20) and I know they might change their mind and decide to come so what I plan on doing is send STD's to 100 people (my max) who I absolutely want there even if they might not come. Then, when it comes time to send invitations, I am in close contact with most of these family members so I will talk with them and see what the situation is at about 8 weeks before the wedding (when invites usually go out). If they have bought plane tickets- I know they're coming. If they haven't- it's extremely unlikely. I then plan on sending out invitations to everyone I sent STD's to and maybe a few more people based on the family member responses all at the SAME TIME. 

Now, the only thing I will caution you about is inviting too many other people because like others have said- you can't be 100% sure that some people might change their minds and decide to come. I only plan on inviting a few extra people, not even quite 10 more people. If 100% of the people invited showed up I would still be able to seat them all, even though it might be a little crowded.

NOLAbridealmost

Why, oh why, do people feel the need to send STDs to their entire guest list?  

Unless they are VIP or OOT, I wouldn't do it.  It preserves flexibility down the road. 

brigid36

Thanks so much. This is extremely helpful!