Money Issues

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b06c212-2472-4e68-9b2b-9d6961461bd4Post:4348b1fc-c50e-4a1d-b6c8-df99b6e48b4e">Re: Money Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Money Issues : I don't have to confirm anything for you. You all know who it is. And if you really knew her you would change your mind about her being so nice. She has publicly called me crazy, she doesn't want a thing to do with my family, she has taken my son and turned him against me. How fair is it to only have her side of the story?
Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Wow I think that was a confirmation.  Momma, it doesn't matter if we don't know her side of the story.  As far as the inviting people and not paying, you are COMPLETELY WRONG.</div><div>
</div><div>As for if she is crazy, nice or whatever, you need to realize that whatever she is, your son has already made his choice.  If you want him in your life, you need to be nice and supportive of his decision.  If you continue this behavior, you will never see your son or grandchildren.</div><div>
</div><div>And I don't see this women going on a public forum starting drama- I see you humiliating and attacking her just to cause problems. FDIL is not stealing your son, you are pushing him away- this little tirade on a public forum that you wanted her to see was the final shove I'm guessing.</div><div>
</div><div>We have a very close family member who married a completely vial man- we never said a word.  It was her choice to marry him, and since we love her, we chose to support her.  I highly suggest that you get down on your hands and knees and beg forgivess for your actions and behavior if you at all value your relationship with your son.  After this tatrum though, if I were your FDIL, it would take me a VERY long time to forgive you.

</div>

pink34562000

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b06c212-2472-4e68-9b2b-9d6961461bd4Post:4348b1fc-c50e-4a1d-b6c8-df99b6e48b4e">Re: Money Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Money Issues : I don't have to confirm anything for you. You all know who it is. And if you really knew her you would change your mind about her being so nice. She has publicly called me crazy, she doesn't want a thing to do with my family, she has taken my son and turned him against me. How fair is it to only have her side of the story?
Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

Your upset because you can't invite 22 of your closest friends, and your son and FDIL can't pay for <strong>your</strong> guests because they are paying off an emergency surgery bill??? Do you have any consideration for your FDIL health? Your first priority should be your FDIL's health. Secondly, you should have figure out a way to either tell 22 guests that they can't come or find out how to pay for it - third job or cut your current budget.

I'm so happy I have a very sweet and selfless MIL. If I had emergency surgery, my MIL would be there for me and not create unnecessary drama.

melb2013

Oh and I'll add this: My father's father was horrible to my mother for 20 something odd years of their marriage.  Because of this, I only saw my grandfather twice in my life.  He called my mother every name in the book even though she never said a word back to him or about him.  He publically attacked her and emotionally tore her down.  When he was on his death bed, he called my mother begging for forgiveness... her response was "too little too late".  I see this scenario in your future.

MeeJay22

Momma, your entire point to logging onto this website was telling your side of the story. So we have heard both sides and given the circumstances your FDIL has handled it like a lady. Your real problem is no one agrees that promising to help and then backing out was a decent thing to do. Because you can't let your son make his own decison on a wife you will end up damaging you and your sons relationship even more than you obviously fear the marriage will. Shame on you.

mandi195

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b06c212-2472-4e68-9b2b-9d6961461bd4Post:4348b1fc-c50e-4a1d-b6c8-df99b6e48b4e">Re: Money Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Money Issues : I don't have to confirm anything for you. You all know who it is. And if you really knew her you would change your mind about her being so nice. She has publicly called me crazy, she doesn't want a thing to do with my family, she has taken my son and turned him against me. How fair is it to only have her side of the story?
Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

Look, simply put, we don't need to "really know her" to know that you are in the wrong here. Your OP about your 22 friends and all that is just simply rude, presumptuous, and unfair to your son, his future-wife, and her family (who is helping pay). Beyond that, how can you blame her for calling you crazy (which I'm sure was meant as "driving me crazy" and not "this woman belongs in a mental institution"), when you have done and said horrible things to her?
No one can turn someone against you. Unless your son is so incredibly weak minded that he cannot make his own decisions or think for himself, this accusation you're making is just horrible. And, if he IS that weak minded, then clearly there is a bigger underlying issue here (such as he was raised by a mother who kept him attached at the hip, never able to make his own decisions... or something like that... as an example).
If my FI mother ever treated him or I the way you are, or spoke this way, my FI would set her straight. If she continued, that would be the end of her involvement with our life. You are going to lose your son; you're right about that... but it won't be because of his wife... it'll be because of you.

RebCappon

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b06c212-2472-4e68-9b2b-9d6961461bd4Post:4348b1fc-c50e-4a1d-b6c8-df99b6e48b4e">Re: Money Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Money Issues : I don't have to confirm anything for you. You all know who it is. And if you really knew her you would change your mind about her being so nice. <strong>She has publicly called me crazy</strong>, she doesn't want a thing to do with my family, she has taken my son and turned him against me. How fair is it to only have her side of the story?
Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

<div>Now a ton of strangers have too. You sought her out on this board and another board to attempt to humiliate her when you were wrong the whole time. 22 friends is not a small number and you should have not promised to pay for them if there was any cloud of doubt in your mind. For not wanting a thing to do with you're family, after seeing all this who could blame her. </div><div>
</div><div>You're son chose her, get over it. If you act like this to him it's a miracle he didn't turn against you sooner. </div><div>
</div><div>And we really only have your side of the story since FDIL seems to have much more class then you since she hasn't spread all your craziness to the world.</div>

s-aries8990

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b06c212-2472-4e68-9b2b-9d6961461bd4Post:04a01026-bd8b-4d9d-880a-1ea2d1555fe8">Re: Money Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Money Issues : <strong>Your upset because you can't invite 22 of your closest friends, and your son and FDIL can't pay for your guests because they are paying off an emergency surgery bill???</strong> Do you have any consideration for your FDIL health? Your first priority should be your FDIL's health. <strong>Secondly, you should have figure out a way to either tell 22 guests that they can't come or find out how to pay for it</strong> - third job or cut your current budget. I'm so happy I have a very sweet and selfless MIL. If I had emergency surgery, my MIL would be there for me and not create unnecessary drama.
Posted by pink34562000[/QUOTE]\

Momma, not to mention that you already TOLD them you'd pay. You can't be serious in thinking that they're in the wrong for expecting for you to follow up on the offer you made in exchange for these invites.

You need to take a look in the mirror. Maybe FDIL isn't tearing your son away, maybe he's just becoming a real man and realizing how bad of a person him mom is being right now.

Are you divorced? and is he your only child? I feel like this has to be the case.

Go on match/POF/eHarmony or whatever and find a SO, becuase your son ain't it.

Momma71511

Someone needs to tell her that she cannot uninvite someone.

orangehills

You know what, at this point, I'd almost be with her in breaking etiquette and uninviting them just to irk you off and try to make you look bad! But she doesn't sound like she would do that, especially if she posts on here and knows etiquette, so I think you are just reaching and probably making up stuff to try and make yourself feel better even though you know you are wrong.

katiereith

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b06c212-2472-4e68-9b2b-9d6961461bd4Post:f634ef02-c209-49ce-8a28-1275a8b7813e">Re: Money Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Someone needs to tell her that she cannot uninvite someone.
Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

<div>If it's not in their budget, it's not in their budget. Do you honestly expect someone to be happy about paying an extra $500 - $4,500? You're not helping pay for anything therefore you have <strong>ZERO </strong>say in who they can and can't invite. Unless you plan on helping your FDIL and son with the extra cost you have no right to be angry. If I was your son or even your FDIL I would not only uninvite them, I would make you do it since you were supposed to be the one footing the bill and decided against it. Remember, the extra 22 people(which is not a small number) are <strong>YOUR </strong>friends, not theirs. Perhaps someone needs to tell you that you are being the unreasonable one. Although that's already been done by multiple people. Give it up already. You came to the wrong place to have anyone on your side on this matter and I don't think ever will unless you seriously skew the story in your direction, which I don't think you can do.</div>

sparkles776

Wow, just wow. I thought I had FMIL problems, but I have it great compared to this. Momma, that would be the day I would allow my parents to invite that many extra people, which is a lot and you expect them to foot the bill for YOUR friends. My FIL's are inviting a lot of their friends but they are paying. If they werent, they would know that its not ok to invite them, whoever is paying gets the final say. I would copy out this thread and mail it to all your friends if I was your FDIL. I am definitely not the girl who my FILs would have chose for their son, they are not my biggest fan, but I treat him so well and make him happy, and that is all that is important, that your son is treated well and is happy, what more can you ask for as a parent?

mcda04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b06c212-2472-4e68-9b2b-9d6961461bd4Post:f634ef02-c209-49ce-8a28-1275a8b7813e">Re: Money Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Someone needs to tell her that she cannot uninvite someone.
Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

And you need to figure out how to pay for these 22 guests. YOU need to uninvite these people, tell them it's not in YOUR budget. I know it's completely unethical to do something like this and your FDIL wouldn't do such thing but it's not fair that you get to have your "close friends" and not pay a single dime.

What if the B/G took some of THEIR friends off their list because it was out of their budget and now they have to pay for your guests. So not fair. I still don't see how you think their wrong here. You made a promise and you broke it. Find a third job to pay for your guests.

Miss Esa

Wow, I thought my FMIL was BSC until I read this.

OliveOilsMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b06c212-2472-4e68-9b2b-9d6961461bd4Post:f634ef02-c209-49ce-8a28-1275a8b7813e">Re: Money Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Someone needs to tell her that she cannot uninvite someone.
Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

I think you need to tell your friends that you are the reason they won't be allowed to attend the wedding.  You made a promise you couldn't keep.  Don't punish your son, FDIL, and her parents for your mistake.  Tell them you will talk with your friends about why they cannot attend.  If these 22 people are truly your "Close Friends", they will understand.

I'm so glad you are not my MIL.  She doesn't make much money either and couldn't help pay for any part of our wedding.  But she also did not pretend that she could afford to help and then back out!  You should have realized your financial situation wouldn't allow you to assist with their wedding.  And they way you are acting now, it almost seems that this was your plan all along.  Well, STDs are out now, my friends have to be invited! 

mrsjmwolfe

I usually lurk on here. Holy canoli is all I can say. Just... wow.

s-aries8990

cfaszews, after her comment about the emergency surgery that isn't her fault and the etiquette comment about not uninviting guests, I couldn't agree more with her MO.

I do stand by assumption of her being an divorcee with her son being her only child.

mandi195

Yes, Carson. update, please!

Carson386

In Response to Re:Money Issues:[QUOTE]Yes, Carson. update, please! Posted by mandi195[/QUOTE]

Will definitely let you know. FMIL hasn't said anything to myself or FI yet. I did show FI all the things on here and he laughed.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b06c212-2472-4e68-9b2b-9d6961461bd4Post:f634ef02-c209-49ce-8a28-1275a8b7813e">Re: Money Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Someone needs to tell her that she cannot uninvite someone.
Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]
You mean <em>you</em> can not uninvite someone. You were the one that wanted to invite them. SO either you need to come up with the money you had originally offered or <em>you</em> have some phones calls to make to these people.