Rude to not let guests bring +1's??

justdreaming2

I'm on a budget...I set my guest list at 125. After family and close friends we're at 100 people. I can't have everyone bring a guest. What do I do???
Keep in mind...any friend who is married - we're friends with their SO...so they were invited too...and some BF's and GF's were invited too that we are close with.
HELP!!!!!

AriesAngel86

ALL boyfriends/girlfriends need to be invited. You can skip +1's for people who are single.

dumdumfroggie

Truly single people do not need a +1.

Anyone that considers themself in a relationship (no matter the length of said relationship) gets a +1.

StephBeanWed61502

If your guest identifies someone as their b/f or g/f, you need to invite the b/f or g/f, regardless of whether you're "close" with them or not.  If your guest is truly single - meaning that they do not have any b/f or g/f at all - then you may invite them without a +1.

justdreaming2

Thank you everyone
Some couples meaning the ones we are both friends with. Some of the people have bf's/gf's neither of us would want there on our special day

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-not-let-guests-bring-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e9b7104-8100-41f7-b609-a61e5bb37ef1Post:d92d1158-5d1d-4e6c-9ad1-a31bc1e10c47">Re: Rude to not let guests bring +1's??</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you everyone :) Some couples meaning the ones we are both friends with.<strong> Some of the people have bf's/gf's neither of us would want there on our special day :)</strong>
Posted by justdreaming2[/QUOTE]

<div>Following it up with a smiley face doesn't make what you're planning to do any less rude and tacky.</div>

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-not-let-guests-bring-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e9b7104-8100-41f7-b609-a61e5bb37ef1Post:d92d1158-5d1d-4e6c-9ad1-a31bc1e10c47">Re: Rude to not let guests bring +1's??</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you everyone :) Some couples meaning the ones we are both friends with. Some of the people have bf's/gf's neither of us would want there on our special day :)
Posted by justdreaming2[/QUOTE]

You do not split up couples because you don't like your friend's partner.  You invite social units as a couple based on their relationship, not whether or not you like the other person or even know them.  If you invite me and you don't know my BF, you stil have to invite him.

Your special day stops being all about you when you involve others.  Involve friends, you involve their SO's regardless of whether or not you know them or like them.  To do otherwise would be incredibly rude.

sweetcanadian1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-not-let-guests-bring-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e9b7104-8100-41f7-b609-a61e5bb37ef1Post:d92d1158-5d1d-4e6c-9ad1-a31bc1e10c47">Re: Rude to not let guests bring +1's??</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you everyone :) Some couples meaning the ones we are both friends with. Some of the people have bf's/gf's neither of us would want there on our special day :)
Posted by justdreaming2[/QUOTE]

<div>How would you/your fiance feel if one of you was invited to a wedding without the other because the couple did not like you? Think about that, personally i would be insulted if my fiance got invited to a wedding & i didn't, doesn't matter the reason.</div>

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-not-let-guests-bring-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e9b7104-8100-41f7-b609-a61e5bb37ef1Post:d92d1158-5d1d-4e6c-9ad1-a31bc1e10c47">Re: Rude to not let guests bring +1's??</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you everyone :) Some couples meaning the ones we are both friends with.<strong> Some of the people have bf's/gf's neither of us would want there on our special day :)</strong>
Posted by justdreaming2[/QUOTE]


If you don't want the bf/gf there, then don't invite the friend either.  Regardless of how serious they are, if someone has a SO, you need to invite that SO.

And agreed with Steph.  The smiley face doesn't make it any less rude/tacky.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-not-let-guests-bring-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e9b7104-8100-41f7-b609-a61e5bb37ef1Post:d92d1158-5d1d-4e6c-9ad1-a31bc1e10c47">Re: Rude to not let guests bring +1's??</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you everyone :) Some couples meaning the ones we are both friends with. <strong>Some of the people have bf's/gf's neither of us would want there on our special day</strong> :)
Posted by justdreaming2[/QUOTE]

<div>Too bad.  You still have to invite them.</div>

sparent2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-not-let-guests-bring-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e9b7104-8100-41f7-b609-a61e5bb37ef1Post:d92d1158-5d1d-4e6c-9ad1-a31bc1e10c47">Re: Rude to not let guests bring +1's??</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you everyone :) Some couples meaning the ones we are both friends with.<strong> Some of the people have bf's/gf's neither of us would want there on our special day :)</strong>
Posted by justdreaming2[/QUOTE]

They have an SO you need to invite both of them. if you don't want their SO there don't invite the guest.

blues28

You should invite all of your friends boyfriends or girlfriends, even if you don't know them or aren't very close to them.

Habs2Hart

Hi OP.  It sounds like you are not doing the correct thing.  It doesn't matter if you like them or no them, as the other wise ladies have pointed out here, you cannot split up a social unit.  They must be invited together.  You'll have to re-evaluate your guest list if you want to avoid being rude. 

StephBeanWed61502

One other thing - as someone who was invited to a wedding without my b/f because the bride and groom "didn't know him," I can tell you that my feelings were really, really hurt, especially when I got to the wedding and saw that other SOs who the bride and groom liked better had been invited.  It felt like my friend was judging my relationship (because she was) and it felt like a slap in the face.  If you care about people enough to want them to share your wedding day with you, shouldn't you care about them enough to not want to hurt them by excluding their partner?  And if you really don't care about their feelings enough to suck it up and invite their b/f or g/f, then why are they invited to your wedding at all?

Meghannsix

As someone who was invited to a wedding without my boyfriend of over a year, by my sister of all people, because she and my mom felt the relationship wasn't really that serious, please invite all couples together or not at all.  My mom told me there would be all kinds of single people there, which really wasn't the point.  In reality?  The only two other single people there were my male cousin and the sister of the groom, and they hooked up, which left me alone!  Everyone there kept telling me not to worry, I would "find someone nice someday", it was completely humiliating.

rebarobert2012

I understand that you are on a budget, but if one of your guests is in a relationship, then their SO MUST be invited.  It's very rude to split up social units.  It doesn't matter if you don't know the boyfriend/girlfriend well.  How would you like it if your fiance were invited to a wedding and you were left out because the bride and groom "didn't know you well?"

likeadeadstar

With a guest list that size, you won't even notice these SOs that are so unworthy of being there on your! special! day!  Stop being rude and invite ALL SOs of guests, unless you plan on losing friends.

Well, gee, all those declining because you snubbed their SOs should free up plenty of space!

If someone did this to me and my SO, it would be an automatic friendship ender.

musicalcanadianbride

Seriously, if a super close friend or family member told me that she simply could not afford to have everyone's SOs at the wedding, I would not be super excited about it, but I certainly would not throw a giant hissy fit and refuse to attend. Oh no! One evening/weeked away from my SO! It's the end of the world as we know it. 

It is not a big deal. If someone is going to refuse to attend your wedding without their bf or gf of six months, then save their invite for someone else. 

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-not-let-guests-bring-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e9b7104-8100-41f7-b609-a61e5bb37ef1Post:995b7af7-2fee-4d79-bb17-23f017bc8c23">Re: Rude to not let guests bring +1's??</a>:
[QUOTE]Seriously, if a super close friend or family member told me that she simply could not afford to have everyone's SOs at the wedding, I would not be super excited about it, but I certainly would not throw a giant hissy fit and refuse to attend. Oh no! One evening/weeked away from my SO! It's the end of the world as we know it.  It is not a big deal. If someone is going to refuse to attend your wedding without their bf or gf of six months, then save their invite for someone else. 
Posted by musicalcanadianbride[/QUOTE]

This is extremely poor advice.  Please reconsider posting on the etiquette board when about to post advice opposing proper etiquette.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-not-let-guests-bring-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e9b7104-8100-41f7-b609-a61e5bb37ef1Post:995b7af7-2fee-4d79-bb17-23f017bc8c23">Re: Rude to not let guests bring +1's??</a>:
[QUOTE]Seriously, if a super close friend or family member told me that she simply could not afford to have everyone's SOs at the wedding, I would not be super excited about it, but I certainly would not throw a giant hissy fit and refuse to attend. Oh no! One evening/weeked away from my SO! It's the end of the world as we know it.  It is not a big deal. If someone is going to refuse to attend your wedding without their bf or gf of six months, then save their invite for someone else. 
Posted by musicalcanadianbride[/QUOTE]


It's not the end of the world, but it's rude. Welcome to the etiquette board, where proper etiquette matters.

musicalcanadianbride

I am perfectly aware that the proper etiquette is to invite all SO. I'm saying that it is not the end of the world if you have a not-so-serious bf/gf and have to leave them at home. If someone just wants to exclude purely because they don't like/approve then that is different. And if they exclude because they just want to be able to afford a $6000 dress, then that is also unacceptable. But if it makes the difference between them having a super close cousin or not, then I would rather they at least have the close cousin there. And I would understand because "proper" etiquette is sometimes not realistic. 

Birdie1483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-not-let-guests-bring-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e9b7104-8100-41f7-b609-a61e5bb37ef1Post:995b7af7-2fee-4d79-bb17-23f017bc8c23">Re: Rude to not let guests bring +1's??</a>:
[QUOTE]Seriously, if a super close friend or family member told me that she simply could not afford to have everyone's SOs at the wedding, I would not be super excited about it, but I certainly would not throw a giant hissy fit and refuse to attend. Oh no! One evening/weeked away from my SO! It's the end of the world as we know it.  It is not a big deal. If someone is going to refuse to attend your wedding without their bf or gf of six months, then save their invite for someone else. 
Posted by musicalcanadianbride[/QUOTE]

No. Just no.

If someone is important enough to invite to your wedding, they're important enough to respect their relationship and the fact that they should be invited as a couple to events such as weddings. A wedding is NOT the same as a night out with the girls. I personally would not want to attend a wedding for someone who didn't respect me enough to invite my SO.

Birdie1483

If it's between inviting me with my "not so serious" boyfriend and inviting some cousin and me solo, then do me a favor and don't invite me because I'll probably be pissed off that you're judging the quality or importance of my relationship.

Birdie1483

Thanks It still cracks me up every time I see it

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-not-let-guests-bring-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e9b7104-8100-41f7-b609-a61e5bb37ef1Post:d92d1158-5d1d-4e6c-9ad1-a31bc1e10c47">Re: Rude to not let guests bring +1's??</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you everyone :) Some couples meaning the ones we are both friends with. <strong>Some of the people have bf's/gf's neither of us would want there on our special day :)</strong>
Posted by justdreaming2[/QUOTE]
That doesn't matter in the slightest.  Either you invite both of the people in the relationship, or you invite neither, period.

StephBeanWed61502

What is with all of the "don't you worry, sweetie, etiquette is over-rated, you just do what you want because it wouldn't hurt my personal feelings if you did it to me" crap around here lately? 

Etiquette = rules, people.  Rules are not opinions, they're rules.  It's not my opinion that no one should steal my car, it's a rule.  You may think it's a b/s rule, but guess what?  It's still a rule, and you will still go to prison if you steal my car.  Dress code at your job?  Also a rule.  You may not like that you can't wear beachwear to your job as an accountant, but guess what?  Your stupid ass can still get fired for wearing beachwear to your job as an accountant.  Etiquette's the same thing.  You may not like that you have to invite SOs you don't know/don't like, but you still have to, if you want to avoid being a rude jerk.  Anyone who tells you otherwise is simply encouraging you to be a rude jerk (and probably is one themselves).

/endrant.

musicalcanadianbride

If you don't know your friends/family well enough to know whether they are in an actual serious relationship, or just casually dating somebody, then what are the doing on your guest list? 

The Brides.com community is much more realistic on this matter, I find. 

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-not-let-guests-bring-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e9b7104-8100-41f7-b609-a61e5bb37ef1Post:c45fb96e-7ea8-4f11-a15c-d74fdf80cc59">Re: Rude to not let guests bring +1's??</a>:
[QUOTE]If you don't know your friends/family well enough to know whether they are in an actual serious relationship, or just casually dating somebody, then what are the doing on your guest list?  The Brides.com community is much more realistic on this matter, I find. 
Posted by musicalcanadianbride[/QUOTE]

You mean they're much more likely to validate your poor decisions. I bet they give you permission to kick out bridesmaids too.

Based on other advice I've seen you give, the comfort of the wedding guests isn't even secondary to "I'm the bride, it's all about meeeeeeeeeeee!" It's like third or fourth on the list of things that are important to you.

musicalcanadianbride

Why would I kick out my bridesmaids? We all like each other. 

Everyone takes themselves WAY too seriously. It's only a wedding. Yes, it's a big day, but the marriage is a lot more important than the guest list. 

Birdie1483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-not-let-guests-bring-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e9b7104-8100-41f7-b609-a61e5bb37ef1Post:c45fb96e-7ea8-4f11-a15c-d74fdf80cc59">Re: Rude to not let guests bring +1's??</a>:
[QUOTE]The Brides.com community is much more realistic on this matter, I find. 
Posted by musicalcanadianbride[/QUOTE]

Buahahahaha

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-not-let-guests-bring-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e9b7104-8100-41f7-b609-a61e5bb37ef1Post:8679f3bf-b199-4528-aabb-8a81376a627d">Re: Rude to not let guests bring +1's??</a>:
[QUOTE]Why would I kick out my bridesmaids? We all like each other.  Everyone takes themselves WAY too seriously. It's only a wedding. Yes, it's a big day, but the marriage is a lot more important than the guest list. 
Posted by musicalcanadianbride[/QUOTE]


If the guest list is so unimportant, that I'm sure it doesn't matter if you invite one or two extra people, and follow etiquette appropriately.