Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??

laladypoet

j-e-l-l-NO!

surrogate2436

ok i got it that its mostly unacceptable. im thinking that maybe at our 5 yr or 10 yr wedding anniv, we may just rent a gorgeous gown and him a tux and the boys little tuxes, and have a big photo shoot done....just to have something special like that on our wall. I know this wont go over well on here either, esp with more traditional people....but i think it would be a neat way to have some wedding pictures and a fun day without others feeling awkward.

then we can go on a honeymoon. just an idea. thanks for all your opinions.

thesequel

Check your PMs.  

lilmisstex

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:a44dadea-3250-4ad7-86ac-7765de01c26e">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]just wanted to have a day we can cherish, and all the things i described... thank you for your thoughts.
Posted by surrogate2436[/QUOTE]


Wow.  I cant believe all the b!thces on this board. Based on some of the responses in this thread as well as the one I started earlier its evident that there are some on this site though.  Its no wonder that by choice I have never had very many female friends...

OP, I feel where you are coming from.  I was married once before (for 10 years) and my ex-husband and I eloped.  I didnt think it was that big of a deal at the time we eloped but as time went on I really felt cheated that I didnt get to have a wedding.  We did end up divorcing and I always told myself if I ever got remarried I would have wedding and now I am getting that opportunity. 

I am not wearing white (which I wouldnt have worn had this been my first marriage,) and nobody is walking me down the aisle (my father died when I was 18 but even if he were still living at 33 and after having been on my own so long it wouldnt feel right for me to have somebody "give me a way") and we are not registering for and do not want or expect gifts (which we are telling people via word of mouth since its considered in poor taste to write "no gifts please" on invitations) and Im not having a bridal shower but we are getting married in a church so we are having a fairly traditional wedding.  I have a child from my first marriage (my fiance has no children) and we will be incorporating family vows to include her in our wedding ceremony.

I realise that our situations are not the same since you are already married and Im getting remarried but I personally see nothing wrong with having a vow renewal ceremony that has the elements of a wedding. If it were me I would not expect gifts though and I would make it clear to people via word of mouth. 

opalsky007

Misstex, namecalling is not appreciated. No one has been rude here, just stated their opinions. Please state your own more politely.

Mrs.B6302007

 To me, it's all about the marriage, not the wedding.  I would personally not mind if I never had a picture of me in a white dress.  I don't need that "bride moment" make me feel like a wife.

lilmisstex

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:37eb127b-057d-468c-94a5-2e438168ae64">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]Misstex, namecalling is not appreciated. No one has been rude here, just stated their opinions. Please state your own more politely.
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

Cattiness isnt appreciated either and I didnt call anybody a name.  What I wrote was an OBSERVATION.  Calling somebody a name would have been written like this: "JaneDoe123XYZ is a b!tch."  There is a difference between an <em>observation</em> and <em>calling somebody a name</em>. 

surrogate2436

lollll its not about whether i feel like a wife or not...its something i dreamt of since i was a little girl...dont see the point in regretting the way a wedding is done when you can do things to change it...i only live once and want to fulfill all my dreams.

i think the photoshoot thing is harmless and would be fun...so thats the plan! thanks again for all your opinions!

adamar15

Really dude?  Where did you see cattiness in Opal's post?  You need to chill. 

opalsky007

I don't care how you justified referring to the ladies who posted in this thread as bitches, but that is in fact what you did. I don't want to see it again.

lilmisstex

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:d3c8bca2-4bb2-4a4c-ad0a-915359cf88e1">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]Really dude?  Where did you see cattiness in Opal's post?  You need to chill. 
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

*sigh* Did I say that OPAL was being catty?  No.  I was referring to cattiness in gerenal...

lilmisstex

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:2422a65f-edd5-45eb-b364-a69ebfc661a2">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't care how you justified referring to the ladies who posted in this thread as bitches, but that is in fact what you did. I don't want to see it again.
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

Okay. 

cengle

Calling people bitches doesn't make many friends around here. No one was being mean to the OP. She seems to be taking it just fine. Not sure why you're getting so up in arms about it.

adamar15

I misinterpreted what you said then.  But I still think you need to chill.  No one was mean in this thread.  It's an etiquette board.  It's not the "do whatever you want that makes you happy" board.

georgia_bride09

SOMEBODY needs to take a chill pill. /observation

opalsky007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:cf48c2e4-5377-41ec-9e7f-6a912ab49617">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday?? : Wow.  I cant believe all the b!thces on this board. Based on some of the responses in this thread as well as the one I started earlier its evident that there are some on this site though.  Its no wonder that by choice I have never had very many female friends... OP, I feel where you are coming from.  I was married once before (for 10 years) and my ex-husband and I eloped.  I didnt think it was that big of a deal at the time we eloped but as time went on I really felt cheated that I didnt get to have a wedding.  We did end up divorcing and I always told myself if I ever got remarried I would have wedding and now I am getting that opportunity.  I am not wearing white (which I wouldnt have worn had this been my first marriage,) and nobody is walking me down the aisle (my father died when I was 18 but even if he were still living at 33 and after having been on my own so long it wouldnt feel right for me to have somebody "give me a way") and we are not registering for and do not want or expect gifts (which we are telling people via word of mouth since its considered in poor taste to write "no gifts please" on invitations) and Im not having a bridal shower but we are getting married in a church so we are having a fairly traditional wedding.  I have a child from my first marriage (my fiance has no children) and we will be incorporating family vows to include her in our wedding ceremony. I realise that our situations are not the same since you are already married and Im getting remarried but I personally see nothing wrong with having a vow renewal ceremony that has the elements of a wedding. If it were me I would not expect gifts though and I would make it clear to people via word of mouth. 
Posted by lilmisstex[/QUOTE]

<div>[QUOTE]<span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">Cattiness isnt appreciated either and I didnt call anybody a name.  What I wrote was an OBSERVATION.  Calling somebody a name would have been written like this: "JaneDoe123XYZ is a b!tch."  There is a difference between an<em style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;font-size:12px;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">observation</em> and <em style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;font-size:12px;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">calling somebody a name</em>. [/QUOTE]</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">Just in case we need to refer to this again.</span></div>

lilmisstex

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:40055f0a-b289-499c-a8e3-f09cde725994">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday?? : Just in case we need to refer to this again.
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

Are you being catty or are you <font size="4">acknowledging that I didnt call anybody any names?</font>

Birdie1483

What's the point of coming to a website and asking for opinions if you aren't going to poo poo the ones you don't like?

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:2dd654e9-b179-49ae-8e2e-96fc0ff8282c">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday?? : Cattiness isnt appreciated either and I didnt call anybody a name.  What I wrote was an OBSERVATION.  Calling somebody a name would have been written like this: "JaneDoe123XYZ is a b!tch."  There is a difference between an observation and calling somebody a name . 
Posted by lilmisstex[/QUOTE]

You fighting with the mod of the board?  Smooth move.

surrogate2436

poo poo?  i took everyone's advice and came up with a better solution IMO. sorry whats poo poo mean?

mica178

I don't think Birdie was referring to you, surrogate.

opalsky007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:a9822d4d-6b06-4b93-b278-f65e9f0763a5">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday?? : Are you being catty or are you acknowledging that I didnt call anybody any names?
Posted by lilmisstex[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm not being catty, I'm holding on to this in case you delete to show that you did, in fact, call names. </div>

surrogate2436

oOoOo okkk gotya ) thanks!

lilmisstex

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:89c7e892-fb3d-4ef6-b193-28e6d9b82bbf">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday?? : You fighting with the mod of the board?  Smooth move.
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

How am I "fighting" with a mod?  I was simply <font size="4">clarifying. </font>

lilmisstex

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:ba94f681-dc06-4fac-977b-ac54d829c838">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday?? : I'm not being catty, I'm holding on to this in case you delete to show that you did, in fact, call names. 
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

Okay.  Unless there is really a poster named JaneDoe123XYZ or whatever name it was that I pulled out of thin air then I didnt call anybody a name but you are free to keep the quote forever and use it at any point in the future as reference. 

ETA and to reiterate that what I wrote was an <em>observation</em> and not <em>name calling.</em>

opalsky007

Okay, so you clarified that you made an observation that we're all a bunch of bitches. 

This is exhausting. Take some responsibility, for crying out loud.

DeadUtopia

Looks like a lot of comments were posted before anyone actually read your post, OP. It is perfectly fine to have a vow renewal the way that you describe it.

So many times, a girl will come here and ask this question but refer to it as their 'wedding.' No, you don't get a wedding 'do-over' but you can definitely have a vow renewal.

ETA: I do agree that the 7/8 year mark is a little random. I would choose something along the lines of 10 or 15. And I also wouldn't go too young or frilly with the dress, keep it more simple and classy.

reddy123

I don't see anything wrong with a vow renewal at 10 or 20 years that resembles a wedding. I do think dressing up for bridal family portraits on a random day (so long as your pictures weren't destroyed) is kinda weird, as is most  wedding re-dos.

I would probably just spend a bit on a nice HM now, a nice, normally dressed anniversary shoot at the lake you were married. Then, I would start a savings fund for a gigantic gala for our 10th or 20th anniversary. That's just my personal take on it.

lilmisstex

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:bdc39651-6123-495e-9f35-d6955a931c94">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, so you clarified that you made an observation that we're all a bunch of bitches.  This is exhausting. Take some responsibility, for crying out loud.
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

Yes it is exhausting and its rude of us to hijack this person thread.  I have taken responsibility for what I said.  Thats what all this back and forth is about.  As you already said you are keeping my "name calling" quote forever so why dont you actually read it?  I did not say that you all are a bunch of b!tches as you claim.  What I wrote was: 

"<em>Wow.  I cant believe all the b!thces on this board.</em> <em>Based on some of the responses in this thread as well as the one I started earlier its evident that there are </em><strong><u>some</u></strong><em> on this site though."

</em>How does some equate to everybody exactly?

musicalsunlight

To be fair, she didn't call anyone a bitch. She called them "b!ithces". TOTALLY DIFFERENT........