Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??

opalsky007

I'm done. In the future, please don't namecall/observe that someone is a bitch/observe that some unnamed people somewhere in the vicinity of a thread are bitches. 

ahhhitsshannyn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:7787de26-63aa-45f4-ac5d-80ec4c40292c">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]ok i got it that its mostly unacceptable. <strong>im thinking that maybe at our 5 yr or 10 yr wedding anniv, we may just rent a gorgeous gown and him a tux and the boys little tuxes, and have a big photo shoot done....just to have something special like that on our wall.</strong>I know this wont go over well on here either, esp with more traditional people....but i think it would be a neat way to have some wedding pictures and a fun day without others feeling awkward. then we can go on a honeymoon. just an idea. thanks for all your opinions. :)
Posted by surrogate2436[/QUOTE]

I am really sorry, I am not trying to destroy your dreams or be catty, but this seems more outrageous than a vow renewal. So you hang it on your wall, and everyone wonders why they were not invited?? Didn't you say you wanted to celebrate with your families? So basically all you really want is a big white dress and professional pictures??

Just stick with having your honeymoon and stop thinking of "what could have been."

Again, I will apologize because I am not trying to be a biitch, I am just trying to put it in perspective for you. You seem to be waffling in your decisions, just take your honeymoon now, and maybe in 8 years if you still want to you can have your vow renewal party. But, if you get out of this "living in the past" slump you are in now, I doubt in 8 years you will care about a vow renewal or any fancy posed pics of you in a wedding dress.

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:71b5f3a8-7b7c-4aaa-ab67-3d6a83d78d08">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you actually READ her post? Or just the title? She said "if it would be ok/appropriate to have a renewal of our vows " OP, as longa s you do in fact call it a renewal of vows, it's perfectly acceptable. However, 7-8 years is a little arbitrary. Why not wait until 10 years? That makes a little more sense. And please, no mention of gifts on the invites. That makes it sound like they are expected to bring something (which they are not) and you are now releasing them of that duty.
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

Right.  Read the ENTIRE thread before responding.  Nothing to see here.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:14ba6962-797a-4367-b840-a4495bf12c1f">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday?? : I am really sorry, I am not trying to destroy your dreams or be catty, but this seems more outrageous than a vow renewal. So you hang it on your wall, and everyone wonders why they were not invited?? Didn't you say you wanted to celebrate with your families? So basically all you really want is a big white dress and professional pictures?? Just stick with having your honeymoon and stop thinking of "what could have been." Again, I will apologize because I am not trying to be a biitch, I am just trying to put it in perspective for you. You seem to be waffling in your decisions, just take your honeymoon now, and maybe in 8 years if you still want to you can have your vow renewal party. But, if you get out of this "living in the past" slump you are in now, I doubt in 8 years you will care about a vow renewal or any fancy posed pics of you in a wedding dress.
Posted by ahhhitsshannyn[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.  It seems like doing mutliple nice things for yourself and your family is more what you're looking to do than have a blowout vow renewal.  Dress everyone up in nice clothing and get some formal pictures taken (I agree wedding clothes is kind of weird).  Go on an awesome honeymoon now.  Have an anniversary party when you hit 5 years or 10 years for a big family celebration. 

You can make lots of great memories to cherish in addition to the ones you'll always have from your wedding day, and I'm not sure that a big do-over wedding (I know you have been saying vow renewal from the beginning, but it kind of sounds like you're looking for something to make up for your wedding day) is the right answer here. 

surrogate2436

i think the photoshoot is harmless....especially cuz everyone who saw the "album" would already know what it was. i didnt mention the other part of my idea cuz i figured that would get shot down too....i thought of having a big picnic or something with everyone on our EIGHT yes....EIGHT yr anniversary....7 and 8 are our fav numbers and if yall think thats stupid i dont care...that part isnt what i was asking an opinion on.

and YES DAMNIT i want to be dressed up and have the beautiful gown SO FREAKING WHAT. so i took yall's advice and ditched the idea of a vow renewal....b/c i think it would make ppl feel weird. but now, i come up with alternatives and happily shared them, and they too have been shot down. cant win here can i? ive had many PMs telling me id be better off not posting on here b/c everyone IS BITCHY (yeah i said it too) with their replies....this was to avoid the etiquette police, not to meet them....

you could have been much more friendly in ALL of your replies such as

"hello, i think it may be somewhat uncomfortable for the people invited if you did something like that...maybe have a celebration instead "

but instead, i got a bunch of

"no offence, but im going to offend you anyway"

now that we all know that i wanted my friends and family and the big white wedding dress, yall can think of me as "weird" "superficial" "selfish" etc etc.

my husband just got home from work and read all this and sighed, facepalmed, and said "women" so i think that was the best response ive gotten so far. I will be taking advice not to have the redo a some call it, but my other ideas were awesome....and STOP BRINGING UP THE HONEYMOON....thats the least important part of it to me...we have honeymoons all the time if you must know

i KNOW this is gonna get some negative feedback, but i got what i needed, and no longer need this site. farewell, and good luck to all of you who are soon to have your dream fulfilled.

wadingmoose

:head tilt:

Was the tantrum worth it?

surrogate2436

and to the some of you who WERE polite even if your opinion differed from mine, thank you.

surrogate2436

was your bitchassness worth it? thought so. go pound sand.

wadingmoose

You didn't actually answer the question.

My response took significantly less energy, emotion and time.  So, of course it was worth it.

hlq2011

Right, because telling everyone how to talk to you and what they're allowed to say to you is going to help matters. *eyeroll*

opalsky007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:e727bbd3-5119-49c8-ba56-6b58f5d4b819">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]was your bitchassness worth it? thought so. go pound sand.
Posted by surrogate2436[/QUOTE]

<div>Not cool. Not that I expect you'll be back after that, but that's not okay.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm sorry you were disappointed by the responses you got. There's some good advice in there too, so I hope it was useful on some level.</div><div>
</div><div>Good luck planning whatever it is you decide to do.</div>

Mrs.B6302007

Opal's got her work cut out for her in this thread, huh?

danzigwedding

i know a couple that got married with just their family. Three years later, and two kids later they decided they wanted a full blown wedding. i believe they actually called it a wedding too...

people (including me) definitely thought it was weird and side eyed it...talked about it. BUT in the end, the bride and groom got what they wanted and the guests had a good time celebrating with them. And i can guarantee you that no one is thinking about it now.

as long as you dont mind other peoples judgements then do what you want and if people really dont feel comfortable with it, then they wont go.
since you're asking the etiquette board for advice, its only natural for the girls to suggest other things and tell you that your idea is weird....which it is...but hey, who are we to you anyways?
good luck
  

cbratthauer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:16244eff-a282-4faa-bb13-57fbe2b14906">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday?? : I figured that's what this was about: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sending-messages" rel='nofollow'>http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sending-messages</a>
Posted by jamierobin[/QUOTE]

Really? Why do you have to bring me into this? You don't know who I was wanting to send a message to so please don't just assume things. Thank you

Birdie1483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:3580e6e1-3215-4757-b115-d709a36f3aa5">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]poo poo?  i took everyone's advice and came up with a better solution IMO. sorry whats poo poo mean? :/
Posted by surrogate2436[/QUOTE]

Sorry I just came back to this. I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about the other chick that's flipping out :)

Wrkn925

I'm sorry, OP.  You must be confused.  You're looking for the validation board.

www.weddingbee.com

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:34d0abc4-0255-4e5a-93d8-3dc505885516">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]i think the photoshoot is harmless....especially cuz everyone who saw the "album" would already know what it was. i didnt mention the other part of my idea cuz i figured that would get shot down too....i thought of having a big picnic or something with everyone on our EIGHT yes....EIGHT yr anniversary....7 and 8 are our fav numbers and if yall think thats stupid i dont care...that part isnt what i was asking an opinion on. and YES DAMNIT i want to be dressed up and have the beautiful gown SO FREAKING WHAT. so i took yall's advice and ditched the idea of a vow renewal....b/c i think it would make ppl feel weird. but now, i come up with alternatives and happily shared them, and they too have been shot down. cant win here can i? ive had many PMs telling me id be better off not posting on here b/c everyone IS BITCHY (yeah i said it too) with their replies....this was to avoid the etiquette police, not to meet them.... you could have been much more friendly in ALL of your replies such as "hello, i think it may be somewhat uncomfortable for the people invited if you did something like that...maybe have a celebration instead :)" but instead, i got a bunch of "no offence, but im going to offend you anyway" now that we all know that i wanted my friends and family and the big white wedding dress, yall can think of me as "weird" "superficial" "selfish" etc etc. my husband just got home from work and read all this and sighed, facepalmed, and said "women" so i think that was the best response ive gotten so far. I will be taking advice not to have the redo a some call it, but my other ideas were awesome....<strong>and STOP BRINGING UP THE HONEYMOON....thats the least important part of it to me...</strong>we have honeymoons all the time if you must know ;) i KNOW this is gonna get some negative feedback, but i got what i needed, and no longer need this site. farewell, and good luck to all of you who are soon to have your dream fulfilled.
Posted by surrogate2436[/QUOTE]

<div>Talk about a 180.  And to think I thought you were taking the comments well.</div><div>
</div><div>Why don't you just wait 5 years and see how you feel.  If you still feel like you want it, then have your vow renewal.  But like others said, with 2 kids and 8 years later, I can probably think of a buttload of things you would rather spend the money on.</div><div>
</div><div>As for the honeymoon, you opened that door when you said you feel like your wedding didn't even happen because you didn't have a honeymoon.  Don't say things if you don't want people to comment on them.  </div><div>
</div><div>Also, please stop saying what you "didn't get to have."  You CHOSE to get married when you did and how you did, so you CHOSE not to have those things.  I would love an Navy flyover at my wedding, and damnit we didn't get to have one.  I want a do-over!  </div><div>
</div><div>Andplusaslo, to whoever said "your friends want to see you in a white dress as much you want to wear one," ummm... not quite.  I don't give a crap about seeing my friends in a white dress, espcially if they are already married.  Man, I had a friend who got married in cream.  I hope she has a do-over so I can see her in white.</div>

cengle

I think I should give up on answering WR questions. I'm batting zero this week.

And I was even trying to be nice and helpful. I didn't think anyone was mean.

Birdie1483

Wait I'm so confused now. Why did OP get so mad?

squirrly

Where'd that darn DELETE/BAN button go?  This post is making me itchy.  (And I meant that without the "b".)

Seriously, I can't figure out who the OP is pissed at. 

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:6a0c5b11-04a5-47a0-bbe8-dd314db7dd2a">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]I I didn't think anyone was mean.
Posted by cengle[/QUOTE]

I read this as "I didn't think anyone was a man."  And giggled.  Then wondered what that had to do with anything.

ahhhitsshannyn

Oh come the fuuck on.

Good luck with whatever you plan to do. Maybe you will start a revolution of people to take family pictures in wedding attire and have picnic vow renewals every year.

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:abe1c3c8-186a-4a7d-b167-924cd58c4ef1">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]Where'd that darn DELETE/BAN button go?  This post is making me itchy.  (And I meant that without the "b".) Seriously, I can't figure out who the OP is pissed at. 
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

Neither can I.  I do have my mouse pointer over the spot, ready to go, though.

Birdie1483

Did OP forget which SN she was posting under?

cengle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-marriedcan-large-wedding-someday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:537ed51e-d5f6-406c-baf5-c361c37f1ac7Post:80d3efed-74a7-4120-8118-ef3fe2726cc5">Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Already Married...Can we have a large wedding someday?? : I read this as "I didn't think anyone was a man."  And giggled.  Then wondered what that had to do with anything.
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]


LOL. Well, that too.

Shannon-I think we should have picnics while wearing our wedding dresses. I think it would be fun.  We could get a whole gaggle of married hags together so we could prance around in a field of daisies in our wedding dresses.

wadingmoose

My husband used to work with someone who would have tiara parties. 

Yup, she and her friends would get together regularly and don their wedding tiaras together.

smokeybailey

I wore a tiara to a formal christmas party once.  I also wore a birthday tiara in Vegas for my 30th.  I welcome the judgement.  Have at it.  Bring it on, baby.

Also, I didn't read this whole thing but I don't care if people do do-over weddings as long as they are upfront about it and if they feed and water me well.

If there is a cash bar at said celebration then I am judging seven ways from Sunday.

squirrly

Just for the record:

Vow Renewals are fine as long as you call them that.  Generally, you'll offend fewer people if you scale back the "big white wedding" ness of the event, but it's not technically required that you do so.  They're also more common on anniversaries that end in "0". 

I, personally, find it to be a little silly that a dress and the number of guests determine how you feel about your wedding.  Keep in mind that invitations are just that - invitations.  Not a summons.  So, since a lot of people don't really take VRs seriously, your guest count will probably still be lower than you'd like.  Does that mean you have to have ANOTHER do-over later?  And, really, the dress is just window dressing.  The things that I love from our wedding day are saying our vows, and being carefree and in love and not the least stressed all day long.  What we wore and who was there didn't really play into that.  So, I wonder if a VR would really give you the memories you're apparently craving. 

cengle

Hmm. I didn't have a tiara.

But one time in college, the girls in my apartment and I hosted a Pretty Pretty Princess party, just for the hell of it. Old prom dresses abounded, and we drank champagne with strawberry juice in it. It was amazingly fun.

mica178

Moose, I'd be sad if I knew that person.  I didn't wear a tiara, so I probably wouldn't be invited to her parties.  Sad mica.