Destination Wedding & Desination Bachelorette Party

sparo

So I have a question and I really hope someone (or many!) can help me!

I have a friend who is planning her wedding. She's having a desination wedding AND a destination bachelor/bachelorette parties. My husband is a groomsman and I am not in the wedding party nor invited to the bachelorette party. I have been told that being the wife of a groomsman should get me and invitation to the bachelorette party, however, it does not. I have also been told that having a destination wedding and destination bachelorette party is in poor taste as well. Now I'm incredibly happy for my friends and their new journey, however, they're lacking in being respectful to others' money situations. It's looking like my husband and I will be spending around $3k for their wedding, and that's him not even being the best man.

I don't know what to do! But it seems so ridiculous to me. Feedback please!

Thank you!

number55

I am not sure how our feedback will help? If we tell you it is rude, what are you going to do?

Nobody has to go to pre-wedding events, even WP members. And why are you upset that you aren't invited to the bachelorette party if you are upset that the whole thing is too costly?  Isn't not being invited saving you money?

Mrs.B6302007

Feedback on what exactly?  If you're not getting invited to the b-party then you're not out any more money so problem solved??  Unless I'm not reading something correctly.

ETA: he's not obligated to attend the b-party. He can decline

sparo

Thank you ladies for the feedback! I suppose I did leave out some information.

I am a close personal friend to the bride, which I think answers a couple of the questions. Not going to the b-party for me, saves the money, yes, but it also feels more like a slap in the face since I'm hearing that it's rude to not invite the wife of a groomsman.

I guess the feedback I'm looking for is, is what I'm hearing, what brides are really going by? That it's in poor taste to have a destination b-party and destination wedding?

Thanks!

number55

My initial question remains...what difference does it make if it is in bad taste? Are you going to tell the bride that? Are you just looking for 'support' for being pissed about the whole thing?  I mean, really, do either of them have anything to do with the bachelor or bachelorette parties? I gave my input but it was still up to my WP to organize. 

I don't love expensive bachelorettes (destination or otherwise) because I don't like making my friends pay for stuff for me to begin with so I told my MOH it had to be less than $100 per person (mostly because I wanted my FSIL there but she was fairly broke at the time). But DH's party probably cost them at least $250 each. And he attended another that cost us about $400, it was 'destination' (I guess it depends what you consider destination - his and his friends' required a night at a hotel, mine didn't).

But short answer: no, I don't think having a DW means you can't have a DBP.

Kate61487

No, the groomsmen's wives/gfs don't have to be invited to the b-party.  Perhaps the b-party is just her bridesmaids; especially with it being a destination party it's much easier to plan that with a smaller guest list.  It's not rude of her to exclude you unless every single other female guest is invited and you're the only exception.

As for the cost; yeah it kinda sucks, and I feel you on that - H is the BM in a wedding this coming weekend and it's costing us quite the chunk of change between the b-party, travel, etc.  But it's a choice.  Your H doesn't have to go to the b-party.  You don't even have to go to the wedding, technically (H could have, and still could decline).  But it sounds like that was a decision you made, perhaps you should re-evaluate it, but that's between you and your H. 

LetsHikeToday

I wouldn't be offended about not being invited. I didn't invite my H's grromsmens wives because I'm not really good friends with them. Maybe she doesn't think of you as a good friend?

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-desination-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:53a3190e-bb9a-4998-8fb2-4ede91fffeabPost:7d8a14e3-e938-4a0f-b717-211da0f8119a">Re: Destination Wedding & Desination Bachelorette Party</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm really glad there isn't a rule that you have to invite WP's SOs to the bachelorette party. Oi vay.
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

This. I don't really care for FI's brother's current GF and have no intention of inviting her to the bachelorette party (should I have one). And FI has never met the (will-be) H of my MOH, so I certainly wouldn't expect him to be invited to the Bach party either.