I didn't think it was true until today

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:444dc466-56d8-40a1-a589-d843b4cf8ffa">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : Except that there's a right and a wrong with cash bars, whereas there's not a magic number of dinners that couples must eat together each week to be successul.  (Right?)  In my relationship, taking the time to eat together is a tradeoff sometimes depending on what else we have going on, and we don't sit down for dinner together every night, and we don't feel bad about it or like our relationship suffers because of it.  Basically everyone else posting here is sharing her experience, I was sharing mine, and I introduced it by saying "this is something different" in not so many words. 
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

<div>I already explained in my post right above this about my comparison, but I'm assuming you were typing as I posted that. </div>

Birdie1483

I was just making an observation, as opposed to an accusation.

I got what people were saying, but in my world "unusual" often = "wrong" so that's why if I were personally told something I did was unusual, I would feel judged or like that person thought I was doing something wrong.

I also come from heathens, so there's that.



ETA: In my world, meaning when people (especially my family) think something is unusual, they essentially think it's wrong. I was brought up that way so it's hard for me to not think that when someone thinks somethings weird, they don't necessarily think it's bad.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:2f797707-4fbc-4807-9892-b1c67778e3da">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]I was just making an observation, as opposed to an accusation. I got what people were saying, but in my world "unusual" often = "wrong" so that's why if I were personally told something I did was unusual, I would feel judged or like that person thought I was doing something wrong. I also come from heathens, so there's that. :)
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't think saying unusual means I'm saying it's wrong.  I grew up in a family that always ate dinner together.  Over the years it turned to eating dinner on the couch or chairs while watching TV instead of the dining room table, but still to this day everyone eats the same dinner at the same time.  I don't at all think it's wrong to do otherwise, just strange to me since that was always an important time for my family. </div>

Birdie1483

Again, I wasn't trying to say that. Just trying to give some perspective about why others (me) might get that feeling.

emilyinchile

Birdie, I know you were trying to give an objective view, and I appreciate you saying that because if I was coming across that way, I really am sorry. And I wouldn't have realized that otherwise because to me it seems like a few of us tried to be very explicit about NOT judging, and a couple people took that as us secretly judging anyway.

I understand your point about the word "unusual," but what am I supposed to say? Can I not share that something that someone on here does is something that's different to me? That would be a new rule. And I don't know how to share that something is different but not wrong aside from saying "huh, that's strange to me, but I'm not saying it's wrong." And frankly, why do you care what I think about your eating habits if they work for you?

ETA: That "you" in the last sentence is general, not you, Birdie.

Birdie1483

And FTR, FI and I do eat together for the most part.

I probably should have just kept my mouth shut.

Birdie1483

No you can post whatever you want. And I can respond with how I feel.

emilyinchile

Birdie, I at least am not trying to argue with you. I don't think you should have kept your mouth shut. I'm just continuing the conversation. And I'm genuinely wondering what I should say in the future, at least in your opinion where you're someone who thinks unusual is a loaded word, to express the unusual =/= wrong thing.

Beachy730

Ditto everything that Emily just said on it.  

Posts like this drive me nuts now with all the comments lately on how our board is too puppies and rainbows now and nobody argues about anything.  Not saying that we were arguing, but we were having a respectable conversation about differences, and Nuggs got upset, and Birdie thinks we were judgmental.  I don't at all mean to call you out on this Birdie (so please don't take it that way), I'm just using this post specifically as an example of what's been happening lately. 

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:648e1406-0544-46e8-9f49-1c2f1eade375">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]No you can post whatever you want. And I can respond with how I feel.
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

Well of course, but I'd like to avoid making someone feel bad. That's why I'm asking those questions.

Birdie1483

I would personally care what you thought about my eating habits and if you thought they were wrong because I care way too much about internet friends. Even though I haven't met 99% of you guys IRL, I consider you "friends" and I care about what you think.

And I don't know what you should say. I don't want this to turn into an argument.

Bubbalub

I apologize (again) if I came across as judgemental. That was certainly not my intention. I never said not eating together was wrong in any way or made anyone else's relationship less valid. I merely stated what we do in MY family, like lots of other people  in this thread did. And I am/was genuinly curious if the couples that don't eat the same meal are eating totally separately or just eating different things at the same time. That is merely out of curiousity, nothing more.

Birdie1483

Beach, I never said you couldn't write what you're thinking. I was just giving a response. I don't know how many times I need to write this.

Birdie1483

I really could care less (or is it couldn't care less? I can't keep up) what people write. I really don't. I was just trying to give some perspective about a POSSIBLE reason Nuggs might have been upset.

And now I regret it. This is why I try to keep my mouth shut.

emilyinchile

Oh no, I care what you guys think too, even though I haven't met any of you IRL. But if anyone, IRL friend or online friend, told me that it was weird that H and I did or didn't eat together or how we split up cooking duties or whatever, I honestly wouldn't care if she phrased it as "huh, that's so weird, I've never even imagined doing it that way." Obviously I would care if she told me that my way was wrong, but I just can't imagine getting upset because the way I do something pretty minor is new to someone else.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:19eedbe2-5b0b-480d-b391-f0738ef72db4">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : I already explained in my post right above this about my comparison, but I'm assuming you were typing as I posted that. 
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Eh, the "Right?" was me being facetious.  If my post came across as "Everyone should eat apart because that's what FI and I usually do," that's not how I meant it, and I apologize--I wasn't trying to say that the ladies here that put dinners together as a higher priority than I do have problems/abnormalities/whatever.  But this thread from the beginning seems like it's been a "what do you do" thread, not an etiquette/one right answer thread, so I'm not really sure what the problem was with me contributing what FI and I do.  Again, if it was the tone of my post or my preface to it, I'm sorry if it was offensive, and I certainly didn't mean to offend. 

Also, something is screwy with TK for me sometimes, so this is posting later than I wrote it, sorry about that. 

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:0b57cb10-30ed-4720-9585-da3b54fcea48">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]Beach, I never said you couldn't write what you're thinking. I was just giving a response. I don't know how many times I need to write this.
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

<div>I know you weren't I'm just using this post in general as an example.  I don't think you need to explain it more, I was just stating a fact.  I'm not at all frustrated or annoyed or anything by what you wrote, it was more a response to how many people talk about the board beling boring lately.  I don't want to speak for Emily and Bubba, but I don't think any of us meant at all to sound judgmental, so it was surprising to me to hear more than one person think that.  </div>

Birdie1483

I probably wouldn't care if one of my IRL friends told me something was weird if I could hear the tone of their voice. But it's hard to know tone on the interwebs.

emilyinchile

Birdie, don't regret it. I understand what you were doing, and like I said, I appreciate it and am not arguing with you over it.

Birdie1483

And my failed attempt at an obversation wasn't trying to say "you're wrong, don't do that." Because like I said, people can say whatever they want and people will disagree and that's how we learn from each other (and are entertained sometimes).

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:58df807a-406c-44ae-b2b0-2fda129966a6">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]I probably wouldn't care if one of my IRL friends told me something was weird if I could hear the tone of their voice. But it's hard to know tone on the interwebs.
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

Agreed. I guess the difference there is that I would look at what was written (ie. "I am not saying it's bad") and consider the source. If you for example, someone I like and think is a nice person, told me something I did was weird but not bad, I'd take you at face value and assume that you weren't judging me.

Considering I feel like I'm generally cool with everyone in this thread, including the people who disagreed with me, I would hope that if I said that they'd also know that really, not judging.

jessicabessica

dnb--I read your latest post, and I was actually really interested to read about how others on here divide up labor around the house and other chores--I don't usually read these long threads, but I've been following and posting in this one (work is also a little slow).  I had actually been thinking about starting a thread when I first joined TK to see what division of labor was like for others, but I didn't think anyone would reply because I'm not a big poster here. 

AND I never meant to seem offended or on the defensive in my first post about this topic, and I am sorry to those that I made feel that way.  Anyway, that is all. 

Beachy730

Birdie don't regret posting, and don't keep your opinion to yourself.  If you think someone is being judgmental, say it.  I care what my knottie friends think about me too, and I don't think anyone on here would say that they don't.  If not, why would they be here? 

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:e8990bfc-eddf-49c4-ba2c-f9655386f0b8">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]Birdie don't regret posting, and don't keep your opinion to yourself.  If you think someone is being judgmental, say it.  I care what my knottie friends think about me too, and I don't think anyone on here would say that they don't. <strong> If not, why would they be here? </strong>
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

I just like hearing myself speak. Type. Whatever.

Bubbalub

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:e8990bfc-eddf-49c4-ba2c-f9655386f0b8">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]Birdie don't regret posting, and don't keep your opinion to yourself.  If you think someone is being judgmental, say it.  I care what my knottie friends think about me too, and I don't think anyone on here would say that they don't. <strong> If not, why would they be here? </strong>
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

I just like to look at pretty siggy pics.

Birdie1483

To procrastinate at work like I am right now? :-P

Bubbalub

That makes 2 of us, Birdie. I don't want to clock back in from lunch yet. It's such a beautiful day and I have spring fever. :P

missy68

John and I never eat together during the week, unless it's the one day a week he comes to have lunch with me. He gets off of work at 10:30 PM; I get off at 4:30 PM.

On the weekends, we usually go out for dinner Saturday and Sunday, because there aren't many meals we eat compatibly. We're a bizarre pair food-wise. There's a couple of things he'll cook I eat, and a couple of things I cook he'll eat.

jemmini6

I'm going to chime in on the eating together thing, while trying to stay out of the whole debate that's been going on, so lets see how this goes....

Growing up, we ALWAYS ate at the dinner table, except for the rare occassion where we ordered pizza and were allowed to eat in the living room.  Then again, we still had a tv at the dinner table, but it was still 'family time'. 

FI and I generally eat together (usually on the couch in front of the tv) when we actually have dinner at home, but it's not that often because he works till 7 and doesn't get home till like 7:30, so he'll usually eat at work and I'll make something for myself around 6.  This will go completely away when he switches to his new schedule where he won't get off work until 11PM, so we'll be on our own 4 nights a week anyways.

As for the 'togetherness' or eating together, I felt that as a child, dinner was normally the only time we spent all together.  However, with just me and my FI, we spend a lot more time in each other's company other than meal time, so I don't feel like eating together is as 'beneficial' as it was when I was a child.  When kids come into the mix for us, we'll probably place more emphasis on eating together, but with just us, I don't think it really makes that much of a difference.