Is there a way to refuse a gift without starting drama?

shanliann

if youget anything in the mail with her return address, mark it return to sender and put it back out in the mail. period.

roxy64

You could always donate the money to a charity and send them a thank you note letting them know.

Peledreamsofrain

I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this, it sucks.  BUT, your Aunt just handed you a woooonderful gift!

1.) She's not going to darken your wedding doorstep.  Horray no worries about her causing nasty drama!  That would be worth it's weight it gold to me!

2.) She was excessively nasty about forcing money on you.  Thereby handing you giftwrapped permission to use it in the most selfish, most absorbed way you can possibly think-up as revenge.  Guilt free!  Get some champaign, get the fanciest pedicure and massage available, and relax until you are a goo-puddle.  Ahhhhh, that's the sound of 'neener neener I'm happy despite of all your efforts.' ^_^    If you really want to get her panties in a twist, write her a very thoughtful thank you note outlining how you used her gracious gift. Kill her with etiquette and kindess.

TheVirginians

 Delete the email so you are not tempted to write anything you will be sorry for later.  Also, don't send them an invitation. I have really enjoyed all the creative answers to this!

tmwishful

You could give the money to your dad since she once stole from him.  

tanyanubin

What a fun thread! Perhaps the most infuriating response to this woman would be none. Total silence. And if she sends money in a check, dont' cash it. Tear it up. That would be confusing and annoying to her for weeks. A person like this, who would be sending a check merely as an insult anyway, doesn't deserve normal etiquette. If she sent cash I suppose you could donate it to a charity, or pay your dad back, as others have suggested. (but I'll bet she sends nothing)  And of course, NO invitation, and no further contact with this dysfunctional trouble-maker. Really, what does she add to your family? What would she add to your wedding? I guess your focus ought to be on your father's feelings, not hers. Good luck, and enjoy your wedding!

tmwishful

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-there-a-way-to-refuse-a-gift-without-starting-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5fbf1709-37e2-4643-bcc8-d7a4ded655e6Post:f5f531e5-f540-46ad-8c8e-cb2a349b20f8">Re: Is there a way to refuse a gift without starting drama?</a>:
[QUOTE]What a fun thread! <strong>Perhaps the most infuriating response to this woman would be none. Total silence. And if she sends money in a check, dont' cash it. Tear it up. That would be confusing and annoying to her for weeks. A person like this, who would be sending a check merely as an insult anyway, doesn't deserve normal etiquette. </strong>If she sent cash I suppose you could donate it to a charity, or pay your dad back, as others have suggested. (but I'll bet she sends nothing)  And of course, NO invitation, and no further contact with this dysfunctional trouble-maker. Really, what does she add to your family? What would she add to your wedding? I guess your focus ought to be on your father's feelings, not hers. Good luck, and enjoy your wedding!
Posted by tanyanubin[/QUOTE]

<div>This is very tempting, but it's ultimately better if OP rises above it, responds politely, thanks her for any gift and leaves it at that.  She shouldn't continue to try to pursue a relationship with this relative.  </div>

lindseyann410

Your aunt sounds pretty horrible; I agree with PP that it's for the best you don't have to deal with her on your wedding day.

One thing that hasn't been mentioned:  I'm an eighth grade teacher.  My students go on to one of three different high schools.  Two of those high schools require a big placement test on a Saturday.  The other school does the test during the school day.   These tests are usually taken in the fall so that they have the results back in the spring before they sign up for classes.  It is possible your aunt was telling the truth about your cousin having a test that day.  However, those tests are usually in the morning, and usually parents don't find out about the test date until after the school year starts.

TaraKeeley

I would ignore the letter. It sounds like an attempt at starting drama or getting attention. These don't sound like the type of people you want at your wedding, so don't even send an invitation. Without an invitation they may very well not send a gift. If they do mail you a check, you can decide in that moment whether you want to cash it or not.

reppunzel

So sorry for the hurt.     I'm usually a lurker here, but had to follow up on the comment about toilet paper and mention that Oriental Trading Co. sells rolls of bride-and-groom printed TP (kid you not) if you do decide to go that route.   

kaitpetry

I would just accept the money and be done with it. I have family members I certainly don't want attending my wedding, so I would just be glad they decided not to come without the awkwardness of not inviting them and take the cash. Eh, weddings are expensive!