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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Coworkers and bach parties
CN: FI and I work in the same office, and our coworkers are talking about throwing us bachelor / bachelorette parties. We won't be able to invite all of them to the wedding. Are we obliged to decline?
My fiancé and I work in the same office, and have for about a year. We met a long time before - we've been together for seven years - but were unemployed at the same time and got jobs at the same place. Our office is medium-sized, about 100 people, and it's a young, close-knit place. We got engaged when we'd been working there for a few months, but we're just telling people as it comes up naturally, and we never made some announcement, but by now I think most people know (I must get asked about the wedding plans at least once a week).
Unfortunately - though not surprisingly - we can't afford to invite all of our coworkers plus their partners to the wedding. We've discussed inviting a couple of people we socialize with, plus our bosses and their partners, but we really haven't finalized anything yet. (We're going to play it by ear - if we know via word of mouth before we send out our invites that less friends/family will be attending, then maybe we can expand our invite list, but in the meantime we have kept mum on the guestlist.)
The long and the short of it is, some of our coworkers have discussed throwing us bachelor and bachelorette parties. Knowing that we can't invite them all to the wedding, are we obliged to decline? What if they offered to throw a shower? It might just be idle talk, and I'm fine either way, but I just don't want to commit some faux pas by agreeing.
Edited to add: Seeing it all typed out (and the first couple of responses) makes feel like the whole situation is weird and I'm weird for not even paying attention to the weirdness. Ick. I swear it didn't sound so strange before ... my workplace is pretty casual, and I wouldn't at all be surprised if they've done this sort of thing before. But still. I now feel weird. Carry on.
My fiancé and I work in the same office, and have for about a year. We met a long time before - we've been together for seven years - but were unemployed at the same time and got jobs at the same place. Our office is medium-sized, about 100 people, and it's a young, close-knit place. We got engaged when we'd been working there for a few months, but we're just telling people as it comes up naturally, and we never made some announcement, but by now I think most people know (I must get asked about the wedding plans at least once a week).
Unfortunately - though not surprisingly - we can't afford to invite all of our coworkers plus their partners to the wedding. We've discussed inviting a couple of people we socialize with, plus our bosses and their partners, but we really haven't finalized anything yet. (We're going to play it by ear - if we know via word of mouth before we send out our invites that less friends/family will be attending, then maybe we can expand our invite list, but in the meantime we have kept mum on the guestlist.)
The long and the short of it is, some of our coworkers have discussed throwing us bachelor and bachelorette parties. Knowing that we can't invite them all to the wedding, are we obliged to decline? What if they offered to throw a shower? It might just be idle talk, and I'm fine either way, but I just don't want to commit some faux pas by agreeing.
Edited to add: Seeing it all typed out (and the first couple of responses) makes feel like the whole situation is weird and I'm weird for not even paying attention to the weirdness. Ick. I swear it didn't sound so strange before ... my workplace is pretty casual, and I wouldn't at all be surprised if they've done this sort of thing before. But still. I now feel weird. Carry on.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Coworkers and bach parties
That would be my first concern, since I have friends who have actually gotten rid of their facebook so they could keep their professional lives separate from their social lives.
My bf and I met at work, too, and we would go out to drinks with co-workers and that was completely acceptable. As long as no line is crossed, then I don't see a problem with it. Are you concerned that the line will be crossed into Inappropriateness Land? Because there are very few maps to get you out of there.
As for the bridal shower at work... Even if they aren't invited, this is sometimes the gray area where it's ok to have some cake and maybe open a few group gifts during lunch break with people who aren't invited. Most co-workers will understand that they might not be invited, but they still want to do something special for you.
As for these co-workers who aren't invited to the wedding, period.... do they know they aren't invited? And, if not, isn't a bit early to be planning these things? This could be all talk and no action when it actually comes time to have these parties.
I'm kind of hoping that, actually. It would save me from any awkwardness (and believe you me, I have no intention of bringing it up again if they don't).
I think some people see it as an opportunity to do some Big! Crazy! Night Out. Which isn't really my thing, but I'm not sure to what extent the bride can step in and say to someone that "Hey, strip clubs / "novelty" items/ etc. aren't really for me."
As for Facebook, I decided when I started this job not to mix work and Facebook. It's so far been a great decision.