F/U: The IOU

LoveMuffins

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fu-iou?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:768367d3-b2b4-44c4-ac27-6f0f763bd159Post:08223c63-7c05-4cd9-ac33-51e9d4fe88cc">Re: F/U: The IOU</a>:
[QUOTE]LoveMuffins, He's really not emotionally abusive...he's just a d!ck sometimes lol. It's actually one of the things I like about us - we're assholes to each other on a regular basis, but I've had to ask him a few times to just be serious and sweet sometimes. He's getting better. He just failed miserably this Christmas. Last year he got me garnet earrings - granted, I had to pick them out, but he went to the store, picked which of the things I liked he wanted to get me a swipe his card. I should have done that this year, but he said we had a $100 max. I agree that he's immature a lot, especially for being 31, but I think it's got something to do with the bachelor in him still trying to get out. I work with his best friend's wife - she heard me sniffling when I came back to work and called her H - I think he's going to call H and be all man to man about it. Should be interesting.
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

haha well that's good to know... i think you did touch off a nerve in me because i had a VERY similar experience one Christmas with my ex, and while he was not emotionally abusive then he became so eventually, emotionally and more. And the guilting me about being disappointed or upset with him was a HUGE part of it, and I hate to see anyone going through anything similar. Makes me Hulk up emotionally lol. 

I've calmed down, promise! But I still 100% feel that he's the one not handling this well, and that you have nothing to feel bad about. =)

LDYGTR13

Em, I really like that idea. Thank you, ma'am!

LDYGTR13

DramaGeek, I dont like that rule!! TAKE IT OUT OF THE RULEBOOK!!!

However, now that I've had my first married Christmas, I want everyone else to suffer. MUWAHAHAHAH.

mkrupar

LDY I hope your H isn't mad when you get home. It sounds like he really thought you wanted a dog. As for the rest of your gifts, yeah, that sucks. It sounds like he might have felt the need to get some "filler" gifts since he didn't have the dog. I think it's good that this has happened IMO. Now you know you need to tell him what you'd like and he can (like Emily suggested) maybe take some time to figure out what you'd like, what your tastes are, etc. so he can be able to someday put on the big boy gift buying pants and get you something you'll truly love without having to ask for it.

ETA: And you should not feel bad about being honest with him when he asked you about your gifts. He asked, you didn't lie. He should be grateful for that. Now he'll know what to do for next year.

LDYGTR13

Em, can I be your student? I wanna learn the waaaaaaaays!

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fu-iou?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:768367d3-b2b4-44c4-ac27-6f0f763bd159Post:c221e652-ae89-4fbd-a9a5-f21b43c68349">Re: F/U: The IOU</a>:
[QUOTE]LDY I hope your H isn't mad when you get home. It sounds like he really thought you wanted a dog. As for the rest of your gifts, yeah, that sucks. It sounds like he might have felt the need to get some "filler" gifts since he didn't have the dog. I think it's good that this has happened IMO. Now you know you need to tell him what you'd like and he can (like Emily suggested) maybe take some time to figure out what you'd like, what your tastes are, etc. so he can be able to someday put on the big boy gift buying pants and get you something you'll truly love without having to ask for it.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

Oh, he definitely thought I wanted the dog. Talking this out with you guys is making this make so much more sense to me. And making me feel like more of a jerkface lol. My birthday is coming up...I have told him I'm requesting that the glovebox in his car (which is technically my car, but it's a beetle and I'm a nanny for 2 kids, it doesn't work out well) get fixed (Best Buy jacked it up)...I was blunt. I hope it works.

waltzingmatilda13

My H could give classes on what to buy for gifts. This year we said we weren't even exchanging gifts (we had a night out to see the Lion King and dinner) and he still bought me a heated fleece throw (I'm always freezing) and a Kindle, because I read all thefreakingtime. And this was our first married Christmas as well.

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fu-iou?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:768367d3-b2b4-44c4-ac27-6f0f763bd159Post:f3bb8652-1f2f-49f6-9bc1-64716923ed9c">Re: F/U: The IOU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: F/U: The IOU : And how does one procure robot legs? Do you have to kill a robot and steal his legs? Because that'd be pretty hard to do, I'd imagine. Unless you're John Connor.
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

<div>You could go to Vietnam. I hear that's how Lieutenant Dan got his magic legs.</div>

emilyinchile

Haha, I think the key is that H was a very willing student. He really was the one who started out by saying that he wanted me to show him things I liked so that he would know. I love that man

FutureMrsTR

My uncle got his robot legs in a game of poker that took an odd turn.

crfische

I freaking love TR's one liners. Have I ever said that before?

FutureMrsTR

And I appreciate it every time, Fishy  

NuggetBrain

You're not a jerk, and you're not spoiled.  To be honest, it sounds a little bit like your husband is the one acting like a spoiled brat.  Even if he thought you wanted a dog, adopting an animal is something that should be talked through and decided on mutually and not sprung on someone as a gift because they mentioned that they'd like a dog in passing - all the abandoned puppies and cats that show up in animal shelters right after the holidays attest to that.  Also, a gag gift isn't funny unless it's blatantly obviously a gag gift.  And it obviously wasn't if you didn't get the "gag".   And who buys someone a gift and then uses it themselves?  I'd be so pissed if Noodle gave me a gift card to Target and then used it to go buy himself a new video game.

Also, if Noodle ever bought me some diet food as a birthday gift he would have to peel his manparts from my knee.  Unacceptable.

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fu-iou?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:768367d3-b2b4-44c4-ac27-6f0f763bd159Post:0b8fb3ce-cb97-48eb-be50-ec0dae44a311">Re: F/U: The IOU</a>:
[QUOTE]You're not a jerk, and you're not spoiled.  To be honest, it sounds a little bit like your husband is the one acting like a spoiled brat.  Even if he thought you wanted a dog, adopting an animal is something that should be talked through and decided on mutually and not sprung on someone as a gift because they mentioned that they'd like a dog in passing - all the abandoned puppies and cats that show up in animal shelters right after the holidays attest to that.  Also, a gag gift isn't funny unless it's blatantly obviously a gag gift.  And it obviously wasn't if you didn't get the "gag".   And who buys someone a gift and then uses it themselves?  I'd be so pissed if Noodle gave me a gift card to Target and then used it to go buy himself a new video game. Also, if Noodle ever bought me some diet food as a birthday gift he would have to peel his manparts from my knee.  Unacceptable.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

I love NUGGET.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fu-iou?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:768367d3-b2b4-44c4-ac27-6f0f763bd159Post:a9b663e0-2ec1-41ce-b63c-8310299e46be">Re: F/U: The IOU</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, I swear I'm not trying to be a biitch here...but I'm just NOT seeing that this is that big of a deal. I mean to count, you have your parents (your dad asking if you were alright with this), your boss, your co-worker, your H's best friend all involved because you got a lousy gift. It just seems way out of proportion to me. Yeah, he sucks. The gift sucks. I'm not sure I would have told him that, but that's just me. Of course he's hurt. He thought you really wanted a dog and it turns out he massively failed. I know sometimes my reactions don't match my feelings. I'm sure he feels like a major douche bag now. I certainly wouldn't want my bff making me feel any worse about it. I'm really, really sorry you're upset. But I feel like you need to get things back into perspective. H got me a furry vest for our first Christmas. I hated it and haven't really thought about it since. He's gotten better every year as he's known me btter. I'm sure I've given sucky gifts too.
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

Not only did he get her MULTIPLE sucky gifts, but he sent her a bunch of pictures of totally awesome gifts, asking if she'd like them, and then disregarded what she said to get said sucky gifts.  And then threw a mini tantrum when she tried to tell him that she was disappointed because he got her an IOU for a dog she didn't want, a half-eaten bag of candy, and some bath and body stuff that he's using up himself after showing her pictures of cool purses and jewlery.  WTF.  Why bother to ask what I want if you're going to completely and totally disregard it.  It would be one thing if he couldn't afford the purse she wanted, so he got a cheaper one or gave her a GC to the store to put towards the cost, or got something along the lines of an accessory.  I would be pissed too.  AND HE GAVE HER DIET FOOD FOR HER BIRTHDAY.  WHO DOES THAT.

pinkpinot

Last year H got me one of those Hickory Farms summer sausage gift sets.  I couldn't even yell at him for the dumb gift because my mouth was stuffed with all the delicious boloney and cheese. 

Moral?  What I thought was a dumb gift turned out to be pretty tasty and my H knows I like to eat.  The end.

louisvillebride21

Yeah, I agree. I'd be pisssed too. But not pissed enough to involve half the people in my life.

LDYGTR13

LVB, you're totally right. It's definitely grown a life of it's own. To be fair, I didn't request for any of these people to be involved. Boss asked...I teared up. She's not involved now...she just knows. Co worker involved herself and her husband and I've requested that they keep out of it. Dad is just overprotective and dad.

You're right, I definitely need to get things back into prospective. I think I'm having trouble adjusting to a much smaller Christmas that I'm used to and all of this crap mixed with the fact that I'm all PMS-y and whiny isn't helping.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fu-iou?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:768367d3-b2b4-44c4-ac27-6f0f763bd159Post:381b1d37-51c1-4cc0-a6e8-4a9217bfa2b2">Re: F/U: The IOU</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, I agree. I'd be pisssed too. But not pissed enough to involve half the people in my life.
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

4 people are hardly "half the people in her life".  I would imagine if I told my mom or my BFF that Noodle bought me that stuff for Christmas (because most people actually do share with others what they got for Christmas), she'd probably be "WTF???" too without me even making a big deal out of it.

LDYGTR13

Nugget - you get it lol.

But yes, LVB. Involving people is dumb. I can't help when I'm PMS weepy though. I honestly didn't mean to get boss or coworker involved. Honestly it just happened.

louisvillebride21

I guess part of it is you've said over and over how much smaller this Christmas is than others. And beacuse of that, he's called you spoiled (awful choice of words). Makes me wonder how apparent you've been with your disappointment. I mean, he can't be feeling wonderful about all this. Maybe like he isn't providing enough for you and you're just not happy.

*I'm not saying it's a male ego thing-just an ego thing in general. I'd feel the same way if H was making a big deal about our tiny Christmas, compared to his families huge ones (which they are).

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fu-iou?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:768367d3-b2b4-44c4-ac27-6f0f763bd159Post:33c03241-e567-4da2-b4af-6f5df51f54ab">Re: F/U: The IOU</a>:
[QUOTE]Last year H got me one of those Hickory Farms summer sausage gift sets.  I couldn't even yell at him for the dumb gift because my mouth was stuffed with all the delicious boloney and cheese.  Moral?  What I thought was a dumb gift turned out to be pretty tasty and my H knows I like to eat.  The end.
Posted by pinkpinot[/QUOTE]

I bet he didn't eat half of the sausages first before giving it to you though.

louisvillebride21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fu-iou?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:768367d3-b2b4-44c4-ac27-6f0f763bd159Post:30873612-c3a5-4ef3-8c2f-37ba9fae0531">Re: F/U: The IOU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: F/U: The IOU : 4 people are hardly "half the people in her life".  I would imagine if I told my mom or my BFF that Noodle bought me that stuff for Christmas (because most people actually do share with others what they got for Christmas), she'd probably be "WTF???" too without me even making a big deal out of it.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

That almost is half the people in my life. Those that I talk to on the daily anyway. : /

LDYGTR13

And yeah, my dad was there when I didn't open ANYTHING from H on Christmas but a half eaten bag of candy and a regifted stack of peppermint truffles (that H said he didn't like so that's why they ended up in my stocking). H gave me the hand soap, massage oil and body wash/bubbles stuff the night before because I mentioned wanting to take a bubble bath.

I think he was kinda like "WTF, I let you marry my daughter and you don't even give her anything for Christmas?"

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fu-iou?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:768367d3-b2b4-44c4-ac27-6f0f763bd159Post:d2c6fbdc-7e39-4a61-bb7e-cb557b93bb79">Re: F/U: The IOU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: F/U: The IOU : That almost is half the people in my life. Those that I talk to on the daily anyway. : /
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

Then you need to be around more people.  Fischy, me and the Blackup are on our way.  Please have some Southern cooking ready as we will be hungry.

louisvillebride21

Oh there will be TONS of margarits. In fact, when she comes for Derby, Im taking her to get a marg as big as her head. Trufax.

crfische

Wherever Nuggs goes, I go. Simple as that. (or dat in ebonics)

NuggetBrain

I will be the first to admit that I have a personal issue with it because I'm one of those people who try really really hard to get a personalized gift, or at least something I know they'll love.  We were broke as hell one year so I made Noodle a coupon book with things like "good for one massage" and "Noodle's movie night" and whatnot.  It was a hell of a lot cheaper than buying something, but I was able to make sure there were things in there that meant something to him.  So when people do a half-ass job of gifting it really chaps my fat juicy black posterior.

It sounds like he really didn't put a ton of effort into anything other than trying to find a dog, which is great, but she didn't really want the dog, so there's that.  And then when he couldn't find the dog, he threw some stuff together really quick last minute.

georgia_bride09

I can make grits. But I always mess up rice. Which is odd, considering it's basically the same preparation of the same thing (almost).

louisvillebride21

You've said that twice now, Pink. What are you like 10 pds? Geeze. I hate you.