Question About A Vegetarian Reception

anne.beerhorst

Hi everyone,

My fiance and I are both vegetarians and planning a fully vegetarian reception (several people have given us flak for this already) at our favorite Spanish tapas restaurant. 

Here's my question: Should we put up a little sign at the buffet table, explaining the lack of meat? Something like, "Please join us in our vegetarian lifestyle for this evening" or something? Granted, that wording is awful-feel free to revise

Or should we just leave people to figure it out on their own?

For those of you who aren't vegetarians, would you have a preference if attending a wedding like this?

Thanks!

lyndausvi

I do not think you need a sign mentioning the fact it is a veggie menu.

I'm not vegetarian.  My only preference is no fake meat.

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:75da061f-ed56-4faf-a767-3e7d526d9592">Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi everyone, My fiance and I are both vegetarians and planning a fully vegetarian reception (several people have given us flak for this already) at our favorite Spanish tapas restaurant.  Here's my question: Should we put up a little sign at the buffet table, explaining the lack of meat? Something like, "Please join us in our vegetarian lifestyle for this evening" or something? Granted, that wording is awful-feel free to revise :) Or should we just leave people to figure it out on their own? For those of you who aren't vegetarians, <strong>would you have a preference if attending a wedding like this?</strong> Thanks!
Posted by anne.beerhorst[/QUOTE]

To serve meat?

...and I'm a veg!  If people have already given you crap for it, I'd write it on the rsvp card so that people know what they're getting into.  Your wedding is not the time to impose your beliefs on everyone else.

sarahmk5

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:75da061f-ed56-4faf-a767-3e7d526d9592">Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]FFor those of you who aren't vegetarians, would you have a preference if attending a wedding like this? Thanks!
Posted by anne.beerhorst[/QUOTE]

<div>Meat! :)</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: Because I'm a very picky eater, and I don't like a lot of traditional vegetarian staples (think mushrooms, eggplant, tofu)</div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I would not put up a sign. I seriously think half the people won't notice. They'll have a buffet of tapas, good food, probaly some new dishes (to them). It will be fine.

FWIW I am a vegetarian.

Brie2010

We haven't had this debate in awhile!

I vote for meat.  Like Sucrets said.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:dd204a9c-c9e1-4b8c-824a-c6a269ad6ce2">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Question About A Vegetarian Reception : Meat! :) ETA: Because I'm a very picky eater, and I don't like a lot of traditional vegetarian staples (think mushrooms, eggplant, tofu)
Posted by sarahmk5[/QUOTE]

We go through this argument every few weeks, but I hardly think one person's picky eating is enough for the OP to compromise her beliefs. You CAN eat vegetables. You just don't want to.

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:709a1ad2-7196-4cc6-ac51-399739669fca">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception : We go through this argument every few weeks, but I hardly think one person's picky eating is enough for the OP to compromise her beliefs. You CAN eat vegetables. You just don't want to.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

It's not one person's picky eating - she already said that they're getting crap for it.  To me, that's a HUGE deal if people are willing to open their mouths and oppose it.

LauraT25

Like Lynda, I think I'd be fine as long as most of the options don't contain tofu or other fake meat. There are lots of tapas options that are 'naturally' vegetarian so I wouldn't think twice about it.  I don't think you need a sign at the reception, but maybe include something in your reception cards so that if people are concerned, they can act accordingly, whether that means skipping the reception, eating a big lunch, or whatever.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:709a1ad2-7196-4cc6-ac51-399739669fca">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception : We go through this argument every few weeks, but I hardly think one person's picky eating is enough for the OP to compromise her beliefs. You CAN eat vegetables. You just don't want to.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed.  I'm not a veggie, but skipping meat for one meal is not going to phase me.  Insisting a veggie serve meat is like insisting that Southern Baptists serve booze.</div><div>
</div><div>I agree, I wouldn't put a sign.  Make sure you have a variety of options and stay away from things like tofu that turn off a lot of meat eaters.  People can find something they like.</div>

anne.beerhorst

We haven't met with the folks at the restaurant to figure out the menu yet, but we do know a few of the dishes we'll have already:

-Blue cheese fritters

-Stuffed poblano peppers (with black beans, corn, rice, and raspberry sauce-which sounds like an awful combination but it is honestly amazing)

-Empanadas with roasted red peppers

polichik

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:230c7e09-c219-48a0-8689-4d46be574f41">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception : And you CAN eat meat, you just choose not to.  (Yes, some people can't eat meat.  But, some people can't eat certain vegetables.)
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

Technically, if I were to choose to eat meat again, I'd have to go about it gradually, in very small stages. After not eating meat for over a decade, most vegetarians' bodies have trouble processing meat. So you're right, we technically can, but it's not as easy as just leaving out one kind of food for a meal :) I see what you're saying though!

And as far as people not being able to eat certain vegetables, she should definitely offer multiple options to address any allergy issues. I would hope that anybody would do that!

anne.beerhorst

You know, there are plenty of people out there that eat "compassionate and environmentally responsible" meals that include meat.  

I know, but I can't afford non-factory farmed  meat for 100 people.

polichik

And now that she's posted her menu, here's the part where somebody says "Well, I don't like blue cheese or black beans, and my FI won't eat red peppers." But not liking something isn't the issue. If she were to serve chicken with blue cheese, black beans, and a red pepper sauce, it'd be the same issue.

lpstl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:bde9c1c7-69cf-4b8c-b50c-5784a671207d">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]We haven't met with the folks at the restaurant to figure out the menu yet, but we do know a few of the dishes we'll have already: -Blue cheese fritters -Stuffed poblano peppers (with black beans, corn, rice, and raspberry sauce-which sounds like an awful combination but it is honestly amazing) -Empanadas with roasted red peppers
Posted by anne.beerhorst[/QUOTE]

That sounds insanely yummy. I think for some reason when people hear vegetarian they think the menu will be nothing but sprouts and tofu. It probably wouldn't be a bad idea to list your menu on your website so people see that it's going to be awesome food, just without the meat.

LesaBear

Your options sound good to me, but I like my vegies. The staple potatoes alioli and bravo would go over with just about everyone too. Maybe Spanish tortillas (if you eat eggs). Not that you asked for food ideas but I have brought over many picky eaters to my love of tapas.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:8d7af377-9052-4b6d-b87c-83c1ef9d1a8a">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception : I totally agree. If I'm going to a wedding that has a vegetarian option, I'm not going to complain if it's not exactly what I wanted. <strong>As long as it's a meal you can eat, I don't understand what the issue would be.</strong> If she was trying to serve iceberg lettuce and bread, that's not a complete meal. But as long as a host is providing a meal, I don't see why it matters where the protein source comes from. If one of my guests is unable to process dairy, I'll provide her with a non-dairy option. But preferring meat to vegetables isn't the same thing. FWIW, we're providing a free-range chicken option. But I don't have a problem with serving meat, as long as it's responsibly farmed.
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

This is the part that I think deserves more attention.  We harp on people to ensure they're serving a veggie meal for guests, and we don't advocate having guests PROVE that they require a veg meal.  You have no way to know what the dietary restrictions of each of your guests are.  Personally, I'm really tired of being served salad at weddings.  Some salads I can eat, some I can't - they literally make me very, very sick.  It's specific types of lettuce and veggies that are included.  Chicken and beef don't make me sick.  So, providing me an all veggie meal doesn't give me any thing "safe" except potentially bread and/or cake. 

You need, at a minimum, to document what is in things, and preferably offer food options so that each of your guests can find something to eat.

ETA:  Poli, my issues with food aren't because I haven't eaten it.  It's because I simply can't digest it properly and there is no medication for it.  Just food avoidance.  The last two weddings I went to I was sick about 3 hours after dinner until about 4 or 5 pm the next day.  Not fun. 

PsyDet 2155

I think it's a good idea with lpstl that putting it on your website would be thoughtful.  I don't think it's necessary to put a sign right in front of the buffet.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

^ What Poli said about vegetarians not being able to process meat.

And not to come across as "OMG my diet is better than yours and I'm so much more holier-than-thou" but to me, health, religious or compassionate dietary restrictions trump someone's distaste for mushrooms. Which is why, as a huge lush, I would completely understand a Southern Baptist, Mormon or devout Muslim having a dry wedding, and I would still want to celebrate with them.

I also don't get why ALL the dietary restrictions in the world come up in a vegetarian post. When someone posts to ask "is it okay to just have surf-and-turf and an vegetarian option?" no one jumps down there throat to say, "Make a gluten-free plate too!" or "Have compassion for people with nut allergies!" Though I agree those things should be considered and if I was aware of them, I would make special arrangements for my guests in advance.

sarah0725

My brother and his wife are vegetarians, and they had an all-vegetarian reception. They didn't make a big deal about telling people beforehand, although it was a foregone conclusion for most of us who know them well, because we would never expect them to serve meat, given their beliefs. Nobody died, and nobody left. And the food they had was absolutely delicious, and I was very stuffed by the end of the night.

I don't think you need to apologize for or explain anything. Maybe having a sign by each buffet item saying what it is is a good idea, but I think that's pretty standard for buffets in general.

lpstl

Oh, and just a suggestion, one of the biggest hits at our wedding was a whipped  potato bar. There were tons of meat free toppings guests could add like caramelized onions, sauted mushrooms, shredded cheddar, pesto, etc. I guarantee you no one will complain about the lack of meat on that one.

louisvillebride21

Wait, are you being served a salad as a main course? Or as a starter? If it's your entire meal, that's really crap and not a good veggie option at all. If it's just a starter...well, you still have a full meal coming.

LesaBear

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:7641ab14-929c-4bfe-b106-a539e553825d">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception : That sounds insanely yummy. I think for some reason when people hear vegetarian they think the menu will be nothing but sprouts and tofu. It probably wouldn't be a bad idea to list your menu on your website so people see that it's going to be awesome food, just without the meat.
Posted by lpstl[/QUOTE]

I agree.

tannymcgee

i think its lame that i'm a meat eater, yet i am compelled to have a vegetarian dish at my wedding.  but a vegetarian doesn't have to do the same for their meat-eating guests. 

but if i went to a wedding and it was 100% vegetarian, esp with the kind of menu you are thinking of (it sounds yummy), i would be perfectly happy.  i love all food, really.  i don't think you need a sign.  don't say "join us in our veggie lifestyle," because you will sound a little bit preachy.  but if you want to put a note on your web site so people have a heads up, that would be fine.

polichik

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:df5850af-75df-45e4-9891-f8a2b18c5d34">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception : This is the part that I think deserves more attention.  We harp on people to ensure they're serving a veggie meal for guests, and we don't advocate having guests PROVE that they require a veg meal.  You have no way to know what the dietary restrictions of each of your guests are.  Personally, I'm really tired of being served salad at weddings.  Some salads I can eat, some I can't - they literally make me very, very sick.  It's specific types of lettuce and veggies that are included.  Chicken and beef don't make me sick.  So, providing me an all veggie meal doesn't give me any thing "safe" except potentially bread and/or cake. <strong> You need, at a minimum, to document what is in things, and preferably offer food options so that each of your guests can find something to eat.</strong> ETA:  Poli, my issues with food aren't because I haven't eaten it.  It's because I simply can't digest it properly and there is no medication for it.  Just food avoidance.  The last two weddings I went to I was sick about 3 hours after dinner until about 4 or 5 pm the next day.  Not fun. 
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

I absolutely agree with you. It's so important to provide a variey of options for everybody to make sure that nobody gets stuck with just bread! We're offering vegetarian, gluten-free, dairy-free, nut-free, and other options. Our kitchen is also ready to whip up custom food if anybody has issues with our options.

shellydiane820

I'm in the "as long as there's plenty of protein and no tofu" boat.

Tofu is weeeiird.

squirrly

Mery, because there are a number of conditions that flare when you eat primarily carbs or cruciferous vegetables, both of which are prevalant in veggie meals.  Meat based entrees give you the option to just eat the meat, which isn't well rounded but does prevent you from starving and having a stomach that growls loudly enough to rival the DJ.  If the entree is stirfry veggies over pasta - you might be out of luck.

And, I've bugged people with meat based entrees to have more variety, a veggie option, find out if they need a vegan option, etc.  It's just that veggie menu posts come up more than the others, I think.

caketime

I like my veggies and usually can eat most stuff but I would not be eating any of that.  My DH does not like veggies at all, can't eat them.  So knowing ahead of time we would probably both eat something else beforehand and then go out for dinner afterwards.

polichik

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:0ff781a1-e7c0-4610-9745-ad9af85038bd">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>i think its lame that i'm a meat eater, yet i am compelled to have a vegetarian dish at my wedding.  but a vegetarian doesn't have to do the same for their meat-eating guests.  </strong>but if i went to a wedding and it was 100% vegetarian, esp with the kind of menu you are thinking of (it sounds yummy), i would be perfectly happy.  i love all food, really.  i don't think you need a sign.  don't say "join us in our veggie lifestyle," because you will sound a little bit preachy.  but if you want to put a note on your web site so people have a heads up, that would be fine.
Posted by tannymcgee[/QUOTE]

This comparison drives me batty. The issue isn't forcing people to eat a certain thing (like not having a veggie option would be), it's asking people to do without one of many foods for the evening.

If she only provided one tofu dish, that would be unreasonable. Any host should provide a variety of options, meat-free or otherwise.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:39f646f2-c257-475c-b864-b3f5c3790d9c">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait, are you being served a salad as a main course? Or as a starter? If it's your entire meal, that's really crap and not a good veggie option at all. If it's just a starter...well, you still have a full meal coming.
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]


I've had it both ways, actually.  But just a normal dinner salad can make me sick.  It all depends on the overall combination of food.  With enough protein, I can balance the "bad" stuff.  A veggie meal wouldn't necessarily offer me that.

nda_roxybabe

I'd be fine as long as there was no tofu. I actually prefer my mexican food without meat and I think mexican is easy to pull off as meatless. T however loves meat and refuses (clearly his chouce but still) to eat most veggies. I would just tell T to suck it up though unless I thought the choices were gross as well .

In short: mexican is easily done and delicious without any meat. If your wedding participants know you they should understand why there's no meat.