Question About A Vegetarian Reception

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:18ea20eb-21a8-4d7a-b064-49cc2d542db4">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception : This. We accommodated the vegetarians at my daughter's wedding.  I think you should accommodate the meat-eaters at your wedding.
Posted by morainemom[/QUOTE]

Meat eaters ARE being accomodated because they can eat the SAME DAMN MEAL that vegetarians can eat. However, vegetarians CANNOT eat the same meal that a meat eater might typically eat. This was discussed up the thread. Also discussed - the fact that meat eaters are not MORALLY OPPOSED to vegetarian meals.

There are literally over 100 types of fruits and vegetables, and maybe 5 kinds of meat that most people eat on a regular basis (not counting things like veal, rabbit, venison, goose, which people probably eat occassionally, if ever, and adds maybe a dozen more options). There are dozens of kinds of grains, and hundreds of types of cheese, as well as a variety of egg dishes that vegetarians consume and can serve at a vegetarian wedding. I refuse to believe that of the HUNDREDS of possibly non-meat based foods in the universe, MOST people on this threat cannot eat anything other than about 1/2 a dozen, meat-based dishes.

I still have no answer for why it is okay to make your meal choices wedding chicken and a plate of pasta, but Anne's vegetarian wedding with a huge variety of Spanish tapas dishes that happen to have no meat are apparently NOT okay!

And I'm back to banging my head against my desk.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Anne, the other thing I wanted to mention was that you have to know your crowd. If I made a big deal and announced beforehand that my reception was vegetarian, most people (like my dad) would whine about it, at least privately if not to my face. So I'm choosing to NOT make a big deal about it. If my dad still complains, I will point out the In-n-Out Burger down the street. But if you think there are a lot of people who 1) won't assume the wedding is vegetarian and 2) have a lot of health issues that might prevent them from eating at the reception, you should probably mention it, perhaps on the bottom of the response card or reception insert: "Vegetarian tapas will be served." Unless the entire restaurant is vegetarian. Then people will figure it out.

MeaghanandMichael

Personally, Mery, I think accomodation should extend far beyond some moral issue. It is about guest comfort and the accessibility they have to those comforts.

Yummm meat.

smokeybailey

Maybe she should serve horse meat because this dead horse has been beaten....

anne.beerhorst

thanks mery, 

i think that's a good point. (and it must be a dad thing, my dad was the one complaining about it too.)

meghan,

"It is about guest comfort and the accessibility they have to those comforts."

i think my guests are going to be very comfortable. i'm having an open bar and a variety of foods for them to choose from.

some of my guests are secular, but i'm not deciding to not have my wedding in a church. would you do that to increase the "comfort" of your guests?

have you ever had macaroni and cheese for lunch and found yourself uncomfortable with the lack of meat for that one meal?

wadingmoose

Yeah, sadly. 

I have had fantastic vegetarian meals, however, where I live, the poor guy I work with who is vegetarian is so disappointed every time.  "Vegetarian lasagne" is likely to be lasagne noodles with tomato sauce.  But most times his vegetarian option is a salad.  Venue's around here just don't know what to do with vegetarians.   I've tried ordering vegetarian options many, many times and I'm always disappointed.

So I've started sampling vegetarian options in other cities (like in SF one night) and I've found things I dearly love, but so far none of the options I've found there have really been appropriate for someone with diabetes.  The example of mac and cheese would be awful for my husband.  So would the mushroom risotto I had in SF.  Waaayyyy too much carb. 

PennyPriddy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:957381ef-3069-497c-91bc-1457c5fe0d12">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm allergic to many vegetarian "staples", so I would slip out to go get Burger King, maybe I would come back, maybe I wouldn't.
Posted by aMrsin09[/QUOTE]

That seems pretty shiity. I would hope if you were at all close to the bride and/or groom, there would be no maybe. Or the maybe would be something like, "maybe I could just eat the yummy Spanish tapas food for one night and enjoy myself."

Edit: I missed the part about "allergic" in your post. But it still seems weird to me that you would be all I'm going to Burger King to eat a bad burger when you could eat vegetables in some dishes. And I read your other comment to about ingredients listed. Would you make a point of saying that to someone that was asking about what chicken or beef dish they wanted to serve? Or are you just assuming all vegetarian meals have some alternate to meat in it and not just veggies and legumes for instance?

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:c31df39f-0bbd-4fd9-a2fe-8785daafef0b">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception : That seems pretty shiity. I would hope if you were at all close to the bride and/or groom, there would be no maybe. Or the maybe would be something like, "maybe I could just eat the yummy Spanish tapas food for one night and enjoy myself."
Posted by PennyPriddy[/QUOTE]

Eating something you are allergic to is a bad idea, regardless of who the bride and groom are.

PennyPriddy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:763479b5-4e66-41b5-9e91-2c7c2b6256f0">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception : <strong>You know, there are plenty of people out there that eat "compassionate and environmentally responsible" meals that include meat. </strong> No, you should absolutely not put a sign because it comes across as preachy and judgmental.  I would read it as, "We're better than you because WE don't eat meat and YOU do."  Barf.
Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]

I think her wording was just fine and an invitation into their world (though I agree, people that know them will know this anyway and won't need a sign).

Your statement above in bold however, definitely came across as preachy and judgmental.

PennyPriddy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:cfaa3357-4435-4f74-9835-09149a5cdfe9">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception : So, by your logic, because it was "our wedding," and everyone in my immediate family is a confirmed carnivore, I should have just said a great big "fuckyou" to our vegetarian guests and ONLY served meat. Because after all, it was OUR wedding.
Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]

No. Because as has been stated by several PPs, it's not the same thing. They are vegetarian for particular reasons, not just because they don't want to eat something for one night.
If you only eat free range, organic, grass-fed, antibiotic-free meat and felt strongly about that lifestyle, and you were adamant about only serving that kind of meat at your reception, it's the same thinking.

Read all of Polichik's posts. She's saying it best.

ETA: and Temerity Jane's post. She said it very well too.

PennyPriddy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:1896a521-000a-403c-afe0-05964ac605d9">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok. Let's try this again. If somebody said "We're serving a chicken dish, fish, and a beef dish, is that ok?", nobody jumps on them and says "Welll, what exactly are you serving? Because I don't like red sauce and my FI won't eat mushrooms!!" We say, "That sounds great! Everyone will be happy!" But as soon as somebody isn't serving meat, the other ingredients go under a microscope. If that's the policy, we should apply it evenly to everybody, not just those who aren't serving your favorite meat.
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

I can't seem to reply as the action is happening. But I don't need to be. You are saying what I want to say and so much more eloquently than me.

PennyPriddy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:9384d7be-ac76-4536-b439-54f9d295f5aa">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Poli is right, it's not about "I won't/can't eat that" because you have the same issues with carnivore meals.  I'm allergic to shellfish and have to avoid it at carnivorous meals.  That's not the issue. I'm okay with reasonable veggie meals.  This one sounds pretty delicious and well-balanced. <strong> I'm not, however, okay with AW-ing your decision not to eat meat on a sign so all your meat-eating guests feel like crap about not being a vegetarian.  They </strong>will obviously get the point that the meal is veggie when they see the food or read a menu on the website or table.
Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]

That is <em>your </em>reaction to it. That is not what she's putting out there. You are projecting your own attitudes/beliefs on this. She is not being preachy. At all. IMHO. She's not AW'ing, she's actually trying to be courteous to her guests and offer an explanation as to why they might not be seeing their fave meat dishes on the buffet. Not that I think she needs an explanation.

luckyme502

Sparrow- Some forms of colitis make it very hard to eat vegetables of any kind, especially during a flair up.  I'm surprised you've never heard of that.