Question About A Vegetarian Reception

caketime

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:9cce7dd7-44bf-41b4-b2be-7383f5ffcaf3">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Our reception venue is a Spanish/Cuban tapas restaurant. It's definitely not traditional, so I'm aware my (very Dutch) grandparents will have to get out of their comfort zone a little bit. But it's one meal, and when we go to choose the other dishes we are planning on picking several very un-intimidating options. Seriously, though, the empanadas are basically lightly fried tortillas filled with mashed potatoes. Not that crazy. As for these people who won't eat any kind of vegetable (not talking about allergies)-are they three years old? or 400 pounds from a bread, dairy and meat diet?  
Posted by anne.beerhorst[/QUOTE]

<div>How nice of you to not care about your guests.  Just because you feel it is ok for them to go outside of their comfort zone does not mean they will feel it is ok. </div><div>
</div><div>And actually I don't like empanadas...maybe it's the flavor of the pastry, maybe it is what it is filled with but nope can't stand them.  And my DH is neither 3 yrs old or 400 pounds - just because he cannot stand the taste, texture, and smell of vegetables does not make him any less of a person than you not eating meat.  </div>

kimheartsscott

I am an incredibly picky eater, to the point that it is beyond ridiculous.  I force myself to try new things, but there is no reason to force feed myself something I cannot stand.

For one, I hate lettuce.  Therefore, I cannot eat salad.  That knocks out a huge chunk of what I could eat at most restaurants.  I'm pretty picky about the vegetables and fruits I do eat, but thats not a meat or junk food preference, that is a "I have very specific tastes" issue.

If I went to a wedding of two vegetarians, I would think it was very thoughtful of them to allow their guests to eat meat.  And then I would silently judge them for not holding up to their principles*.  I would be more than happy picking at things and finding my own food later.  That may be because that is what I'm used to though.



*assuming this is a principles thing and not a dietary restriction/religious thing.

aMrsin09

As for these people who won't eat any kind of vegetable (not talking about allergies)-are they three years old? or 400 pounds from a bread, dairy and meat diet?

When I cut the bread from that list I'm actually thinner and in better shape than most of the vegetarians I know.

BTW, The menu you posted sounds delicious.  Have little cards with descriptions like those and I'd be more than happy to eat at your reception.

duckie1905

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:9cce7dd7-44bf-41b4-b2be-7383f5ffcaf3">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]People don't eat meat for moral reasons, they choose not to eat meat for moral reasons. That's where that argument fails. But yeah, if you feel morally uncomfortable with the production, harvest and consumption of vegetables, you should be honest about it and your wedding should be a reflection of that. But there is difficulty in building an argument that says there is harm in eating vegetables. 
Posted by anne.beerhorst[/QUOTE]

<div>Actually, I stray from most kinds of meat simply because I don't care for them.  I have friends that are veggies that just simply prefer to not eat meat.  There are plenty of vegetarians that choose to be for reasons other than moral.</div><div>
</div><div>DH survives mainly on a diet of bread, meat, and various cheeses with a sprinkling of a few select fruits and vegetables.  He is not unhealthy and does not weigh 400 pounds.  Vegetarian does not equal healthy and meat eater does not equal unhealthy.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

sarah0725

I think the OP was trying to say that if one does abstain from meat because one feels it is morally wrong to eat it, then one should not have to go against one's beliefs for a wedding. I agree with this. Like somebody said earlier, I would be very gracious if I was invited to a wedding and found out it was a dry wedding because of the couple's religious beliefs. I feel the same way about vegetarians.

Also, if I were invited to a wedding at a restaurant serving a particular ethnic cuisine, I would expect to eat that cuisine, and if I was unfamiliar with it, I might research it to see if I would like it. If I were invited to a tapas restaurant, I would not expect to be served Greek food. If I were invited to a Chinese restaurant, I would not expect pizza. And if I were invited to a sushi restaurant, I would know to eat beforehand, because I'm not big on sushi.

tlv204

Random unrelated comment: We have a "Greek tapas" restaurant around here that is really delicious, but since I never realized tapas was specifically a Spanish thing, I went to look up the menu, and they're called mezes instead. The part I find funny is that they're apparently very proud of this:

MEZES: small plates of food traditionally served at greek taverns and restaurants which are meant to be shared amongst a table of friends. Mezes are served in random order and pre-date spanish tapas by over 500 years.

kimheartsscott

Suck on THAT, Spain!

polichik

Kim, I like you.

lyndausvi

My DH and his friends are pretty much only meat eaters.  I rarely see any of them eat a vegatable ever.  The guys cook dinner every  Sunday and their idea of vegetarian is a bag of rice  or putting some peppers in between slices of meat on the kabob. 

That said, they would still happily attend your wedding.  If there is nothing for them to eat or not enough to fill them up they would not complaiin, they would just drink more and eat later.

Now if you had a cash bar all hell would break loose.

FWIW - I just suggest foods that are 'normal' and you do not associate with being vegetarian.  Mash potatoes, bruschetta, a vegetable soup of some sort, etc are all vegetarian, yet the average person will order it at a restaurant without thinking that it is a vegetarian dish.

 Anything with fake  meat, loaded with eggplant, portabella mushrooms or beans is going to turn off meat eaters because in their mind you are trying to make up for the lack of meat (even if it's not true, it's the perception)

sarabellam

I feel like I'm tilting at windmills here, because I would be perfectly happy to eat at a vegetarian reception. But my younger daughter and my husband? They'd have to make a run through a drive-through either before or after the reception. Truly ironic considering that my husband is a flat-our whiz at cooking veggies (sides, anyway) in interesting and appetizing ways. But he won't eat them.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:88a0314a-8e21-4a4c-ac19-761fd89c50a3">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like I'm tilting at windmills here, because I would be perfectly happy to eat at a vegetarian reception. But my younger daughter and my husband? They'd have to make a run through a drive-through either before or after the reception. <strong>Truly ironic considering that my husband is a flat-our whiz at cooking veggies (sides, anyway) in interesting and appetizing ways. But he won't eat them.</strong>
Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]

My DH, the exec chef, is the exact same way.  He can cook great veggie dishes, but I've never seen him actually eat them (other than tasting for quality purposes)

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:88a0314a-8e21-4a4c-ac19-761fd89c50a3">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like I'm tilting at windmills here, because I would be perfectly happy to eat at a vegetarian reception. But my younger daughter and my husband? They'd have to make a run through a drive-through either before or after the reception. Truly ironic considering that my husband is a flat-our whiz at cooking veggies (sides, anyway) in interesting and appetizing ways. But he won't eat them.
Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]

I think that's all part of being a grownup and a gracious guest, though. You get invited to a place, you show up. You're gracious about what is served to you, and you eat what you can of it. If it's not something that works for you, you make up for it in some other way later. I think that's the way to be, as long as the host serves food that you're reasonably able to eat.

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:6c691c53-275b-4348-a7cc-0376eb923a84">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception : I think that's all part of being a grownup and a gracious guest, though. You get invited to a place, you show up. You're gracious about what is served to you, and you eat what you can of it. If it's not something that works for you, you make up for it in some other way later. I think that's the way to be, as long as the host serves food that you're reasonably able to eat.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

See, I look at it as being a gracious host and serving what my guests want. If I served a vegetarian or vegan meal to my husband's family (cattle ranchers from Texas), they would be <strong>MOST </strong>displeased. Who would be guilty of committing the social faux pas? Us, as the hosts, for not serving something we know they would eat? Or them, for not eating what is served?

SparrowSong

As long as there is plenty of food and plenty of options, I think it's fine. I see no reason to point out what is missing.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:a5ff4048-10e5-4ded-bd6b-b7628bc02278">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception : See, I look at it as being a gracious host and serving what my guests want. If I served a vegetarian or vegan meal to my husband's family (cattle ranchers from Texas), they would be MOST displeased. Who would be guilty of committing the social faux pas? Us, as the hosts, for not serving something we know they would eat? Or them, for not eating what is served?
Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]

Both.

sarabellam

Thank you squirrly, for making my point for me. OP, if you are receiving some flak for serving an all-vegetarian meal, there is good reason for this. Conventional wisdom on this board says that the reception is the "thank  you" to your guests for taking time out of their busy lives to share your special day with you. You should do everything within your grasp to ensure that your guests are properly accommodated.

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:6f942b3c-890b-4461-bf7d-92d03f085507">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception : Both.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

I'm with Squirrly on that. I think it's the responsibility of the host to provide food that is delicious, filling, and abundant, and the responsibility of the guest to be gracious about that.

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:c5b67e89-8337-4bfa-a05d-5b440a70daad">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you squirrly, for making my point for me. OP, if you are receiving some flak for serving an all-vegetarian meal, there is good reason for this. Conventional wisdom on this board says that the reception is the "thank  you" to your guests for taking time out of their busy lives to share your special day with you. You should do everything within your grasp to ensure that your guests are properly accommodated.
Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]

But she still shouldn't have to compromise deeply held beliefs to do this. Not all people who abstain from meat do it because of their beliefs, but she clearly does. As a guest, I'd feel bad if I found out she compromised her principles to make me happy.

What about the dry wedding analogy? Why is/isn't this the same thing?

Nebb

I just cant believe so many people have so much wrong with meatless meals or "dont like" this or that veggie because they are picky. It isnt going to kill anyone to go without meat for one meal out of their life, its obvious the OP is providing more than "typical" (assumed) vegetarian fare. I dont see the big deal at all. I think its admirable she isnt willing to compromise her beliefs for a party.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:a5ff4048-10e5-4ded-bd6b-b7628bc02278">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception : See, I look at it as being a gracious host and serving what my guests want. If I served a vegetarian or vegan meal to my husband's family (cattle ranchers from Texas), they would be MOST displeased. Who would be guilty of committing the social faux pas? Us, as the hosts, for not serving something we know they would eat? Or them, for not eating what is served?
Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]

<div>I think it's fair to say that the majority of people would be fine with a vegetarian meal if it is done properly, though.  If it's tofu and sprouts, sure, that's not exactly gracious.  But if you're doing it right, and the person is just picky, or just doesn't like vegetables, then it's on them.  I mean, I get dietary restrictions, but if you flat out won't eat vegetables as a grown up, you are going to be limited anywhere with any menu.</div>

smokeybailey

Let's say I am a Hindu Indian.  I am a vegetarian AND my flavors are out of the ordinary.  Do you expect to see a burger at my wedding?  No, not gonna happen. 

Why is this different?  As long as she is providing an array of foods to choose from, why is meat necessary?  That's what I am having trouble with.  There are a ton of good tasting filling foods that don't have meat in them.  I just made some very tasty chickpea and potato "burgers" with roasted brussel sprouts and peppers.  That's just one meal.  I had margherita pizza last night.  Oh, and brushcetta with my lunch the other day.  I am not a vegetarian but I can find a filling meal made up of non meat items.

Again, the assumption goes that her family and friends know her and love her and her FI, in spite of their vegetrianism.  They will not be surprised to see vegetarian food there and if someone can't find something to eat out of the spread, then they can eat later or before (again, I recommend sharing the menu in advance).  I simply don't get the "no meat, cannot eat" mentality.

Again, my mom doesn't eat chicken, fish, lamb, veal, "exotic" foods, etc. so she would have to find something else to eat.  I can hear it now, "Jerry, go to Wendy's, I'm gonna put a burger in my purse."  Too bad the free meal didn't work out to her liking. 

smokeybailey

Is this thing on?

kimheartsscott

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:042a0a9d-2455-4b3b-b46e-49a29a327823">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Kim, I like you.
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

I just got all tingly inside.

luckyme502

I am not a vegetarian.  In fact, I enjoy veal and I like my steak very rare!  I would have no problem attending a vegetarian wedding reception.  I think the sign as to why you are having a vegetarian meal isn't necessary.  If I saw a sign like that, it wouldn't make me feel guilty like an earlier poster suggested, I would roll my eyes and be thinking smug from South Park.  Also, not all people who don't eat vegetables are 3 years old or 400 pounds.  Some of them have medical conditions that make it impossible to eat vegetables. 

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:aa41f4e4-51dc-4d2b-a75d-7fc318a9d258">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]"HOW DARE YOU NOT SERVE ME MEAT!" is analogous to "HOW DARE YOU NOT SERVE ME PIZZA!" in my mind. Just because it's not your preference doesn't make it inedible and terrible and inhospitable.
<p>Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>Indeed. I am struggling to get my head around this thread's ridiculousness.</p>

SparrowSong

Honestly wondering what kind of medical condition makes it impossible for someone to eat vegetables. Because as a doctor, I missed learning about that one. That entire wedding receptions are filled with people unable to handle any vegetables sounds like something I should read up on.

Also wondering if the Carnivores with a capital C seriously think vegetarians just sit down to a plate of broccoli with a side of lima beans, and maybe have some soggy tofu if we're really getting crazy. I assure you the world of vegetarian dining is far more varied and drool-worthy than you assume, once you take off the THERE'S NO MEAT blinders.

Good post temerityjane. You are spot on.

mimandjon

Sparrow-I have Crohn's disease.  I cannot eat raw vegetables, or any vegetables that are not throughly cooked-which is usually the case at restaurants.  I also can't eat a lot of dairy and stay away from red meat as much as possible because I know they are triggers for me.  While my disease is considered to be "controlled" with medication, I know full well what can happen if I were to eat a salad.

By my own choosing, I don't eat pork or seafood (I don't eat meat that cannot be kosher).  I also have food sensitivities (not full blown allergies) to nuts (both peanuts and tree nuts) and some kinds of fruit. 

It can be difficult to eat sometimes, but even I would not complain about the food.  I am well aware that my eating habits are odd and basically impossible to plan for.  But, I am used to it.

anne.beerhorst

"Allright. I just made your argument for you, and now you're lumping me into a category! No good. I choose not to eat meat because it grosses me out, and I see eating a cow the same way I see eating a dog."

Poli, I'm not trying to be offensive. Of course people have other reasons for avoiding meat. But shouldn't it be just as understandable, if not more, for someone to not have to consume meat because they're morally opposed to it? I have a distaste for certain other foods, but I wouldn't be offended if they were served at my wedding.

If meat just grossed me out on a food level, I would still serve it at my wedding because, hell, that doesn't mean I have to eat it.

If someone was a Buddhist, would you expect them to serve meat at their wedding? Hopefully not, since it would go against their faith. Compare that to someone who dislikes chicken because of it's texture. Would you expect them to serve chicken at their wedding? Probably.

Plus, "I choose not to eat meat because it grosses me out, and I see eating a cow the same way I see eating a dog."

That is a moral standing. You wouldn't be comfortable eating your pet, so that naturally extends to other animals. (The value we place on dogs is completely arbitrary, considering pigs are smarter than dogs and can be just as friendly and well-trained).

anne.beerhorst

P.S. I appreciate everyone's opinions on this, sorry for the occasional heatedness and whatnot. No one in my family completely obstains from meat, but we all still love and respect each other regardless. There's no reason that respect can't be extended to my wedding day...so I think we're going to just have lots of sangria and plenty of really great cake to appease the people who would have preferred steak and potatoes.

morainemom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-vegetarian-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80e4e969-fa8b-4e33-956d-36ea0088f27fPost:994fe666-87b4-4458-8a18-d36e29dd36ab">Re: Question About A Vegetarian Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not a vegetarian. I have friends who are vegans/vegetarians..whatever and they served meat at their wedding because not everyone they know is vegetarian.
Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]

This.

We accommodated the vegetarians at my daughter's wedding. 
I think you should accommodate the meat-eaters at your wedding.