Wedding Etiquette Forum

Are these etiquette rules commonly broken or am I just hoping they are...?

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Re: Are these etiquette rules commonly broken or am I just hoping they are...?

  • I'm definitely not worried about him hurting me, and I don't care that he's dating my friend. FI and I are bothered by the fact that we are inviting someone we both dislike, who dislikes us, and paying for him to be there. And we're inviting an alcoholic to an open-bar late night wedding and this guy makes a scene 9 times out of 10 when he's consuming alcohol. It just all seems like a recipe for stress and I HAVE the power to avoid it all, but there's that crazy little thing called etiquette...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-rules-commonly-broken-am-just-hoping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82dfecc6-f26c-468d-b8a5-880dfe16e7acPost:58700c89-64f4-4fa4-bd12-6b5332622fd6">Re: Are these etiquette rules commonly broken or am I just hoping they are...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm definitely not worried about him hurting me, and I don't care that he's dating my friend. FI and I are bothered by the fact that we are inviting someone we both dislike, who dislikes us, and paying for him to be there. And we're inviting an alcoholic to an open-bar late night wedding and this guy makes a scene 9 times out of 10 when he's consuming alcohol. It just all seems like a recipe for stress and I HAVE the power to avoid it all, but there's that crazy little thing called etiquette...
    Posted by stillaney[/QUOTE]

    And these are not valid reasons to not invite the SO of a friend.  Imminent threat of abuse is, but dislike and alcoholism are not.  Warn the bartenders and/or hire security if you're that worried about him causing a scene.
  • Dude. You don't want to invite the guy because you don't like him. Not because you're worried about anybody's safety or emotional well being. Thanks for misleading us.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-rules-commonly-broken-am-just-hoping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82dfecc6-f26c-468d-b8a5-880dfe16e7acPost:58700c89-64f4-4fa4-bd12-6b5332622fd6">Re: Are these etiquette rules commonly broken or am I just hoping they are...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm definitely not worried about him hurting me, and I don't care that he's dating my friend. FI and I are bothered by the fact that we are inviting someone we both dislike, who dislikes us, and paying for him to be there. And we're inviting an alcoholic to an open-bar late night wedding and this guy makes a scene 9 times out of 10 when he's consuming alcohol. It just all seems like a recipe for stress and I HAVE the power to avoid it all, but there's that crazy little thing called etiquette...
    Posted by stillaney[/QUOTE]

    <div>I can't stand my uncle's wife, and she hates my mom, but we still had to invite her. Such is life. </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-rules-commonly-broken-am-just-hoping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82dfecc6-f26c-468d-b8a5-880dfe16e7acPost:58700c89-64f4-4fa4-bd12-6b5332622fd6">Re: Are these etiquette rules commonly broken or am I just hoping they are...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm definitely not worried about him hurting me, <strong><u>and I don't care that he's dating my</u> <u>friend</u></strong><u>.</u> <strong><u>FI and I are bothered by the fact that we are inviting someone we both dislike, who dislikes us, and paying for him to be there</u></strong>. And we're inviting an alcoholic to an open-bar late night wedding and this guy makes a scene 9 times out of 10 when he's consuming alcohol. It just all seems like a recipe for stress and I HAVE the power to avoid it all, but there's that crazy little thing called etiquette...
    Posted by stillaney[/QUOTE]

    Then you need to invite him and your friend has every right to think you are a jerk for not inviting her boyfriend. So good luck with that.

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  • LC, I'd quote you, but TK still makes me open a new window to do that.  So I'll just sit here and nod my head.  Like Will Smith. 
  • So like, what if they ever get married in the future and they just invited you. Or they just invited your then husband?

    Or what if they just didnt invite you altogether?  How would you feel about that?
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  • edited June 2011

    NM...didn't read all the way through.

  • OP, there were no less than five people at my wedding who I really, really didn't want to invite, but I had to because either my parents or H wanted them to be there.  Or in one case, because the guest in question was the SO of my friend, and he wanted his date to be there.  Sometimes you just have to suck it up and do the right thing.
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  • Hamil, dude. Have you even READ the thread?
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  • I would think about how much your friend's happiness means to you versus how bad it will be to write his name on her invitation. Because your friend will most likely be hurt when you don't invite him or write something generic like "and guest" and you'll have to deal with that. Is your dislike for this guy greater than your desire to not upset your friend?
  • I can't stand my uncle's EX wife, invited uncle without a plus one (as he's not married or in a relationship) and he still brought the ex wife that has talked shiit about me behind my back my whole life. GeauxTigers (it makes me so happy to type that sn :) is still right: such is life.
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    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • I'm not trying to say I'm right in the way I feel in any of these situations. I've just been caught off guard by the crazy things, that feel wrong to me, that I'm expected to do in the name of etiquette. I guess this was more of a vent or a plea for some understanding than anything. I appreciate everyone's input.

    I totaled it up, and I will be inviting 35 extra people by including plus ones for everyone over 18! I didn't even order enough invitations.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-rules-commonly-broken-am-just-hoping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82dfecc6-f26c-468d-b8a5-880dfe16e7acPost:0df587dc-ec49-4f5b-b5ea-de0a95bbe3dd">Re: Are these etiquette rules commonly broken or am I just hoping they are...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Dude. You don't want to invite the guy because you don't like him. Not because you're worried about anybody's safety or emotional well being. Thanks for misleading us.
    Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

    Ditto this.  This whole thread has been one clusterfuck of stupid. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-rules-commonly-broken-am-just-hoping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82dfecc6-f26c-468d-b8a5-880dfe16e7acPost:3d13b4ce-d648-47aa-9df8-9e1813d52d8d">Re: Are these etiquette rules commonly broken or am I just hoping they are...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wouldn't invite an abusive ex boyfriend...proper etiquette or not.  I think you should trust your gut on that one.
    Posted by hamiltks10[/QUOTE]

    ::clappity::

    Way to follow along!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-rules-commonly-broken-am-just-hoping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82dfecc6-f26c-468d-b8a5-880dfe16e7acPost:3d13b4ce-d648-47aa-9df8-9e1813d52d8d">Re: Are these etiquette rules commonly broken or am I just hoping they are...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wouldn't invite an abusive ex boyfriend...proper etiquette or not.  I think you should trust your gut on that one.
    Posted by hamiltks10[/QUOTE]

    Read the thread.  He's actually not abusive and she has no problem with him apparently.  He got drunk and said some things 6 years ago when he was a teenager. 
    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt13e8c6.aspx[/img][/url]
  • You don't have to give everyone over 18 a plus one, just those in committed relationships.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-rules-commonly-broken-am-just-hoping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82dfecc6-f26c-468d-b8a5-880dfe16e7acPost:1e67d63a-9d60-445e-8bf2-135ddd060364">Re: Are these etiquette rules commonly broken or am I just hoping they are...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would think about how much your friend's happiness means to you versus how bad it will be to write his name on her invitation. Because your friend will most likely be hurt when you don't invite him or write something generic like "and guest" and you'll have to deal with that. Is your dislike for this guy greater than your desire to not upset your friend?
    Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

    Oh, this is such a good mod response.  Way to go, Birdie!
  • Sorry...I need to stop surfing the web while I'm at work.  I can't keep up with all of you.
  • Thanks I'm channeling the mods of E past :)
  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited June 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-rules-commonly-broken-am-just-hoping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82dfecc6-f26c-468d-b8a5-880dfe16e7acPost:05fa5832-407f-4cc2-ab6b-3cd05da0033e">Re: Are these etiquette rules commonly broken or am I just hoping they are...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not trying to say I'm right in the way I feel in any of these situations. I've just been caught off guard by the crazy things, that feel wrong to me, that I'm expected to do in the name of etiquette. I guess this was more of a vent or a plea for some understanding than anything. I appreciate everyone's input. I totaled it up, and I will be inviting 35 extra people by including plus ones for everyone over 18! I didn't even order enough invitations.
    Posted by stillaney[/QUOTE]

    You don't need to do plus ones for everyone over 18.  You need to do plus ones for everyone over 18 who is currently in a relationship when the invitations go out. And by doing this, you are doing the right thing.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-rules-commonly-broken-am-just-hoping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82dfecc6-f26c-468d-b8a5-880dfe16e7acPost:05fa5832-407f-4cc2-ab6b-3cd05da0033e">Re: Are these etiquette rules commonly broken or am I just hoping they are...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not trying to say I'm right in the way I feel in any of these situations. I've just been caught off guard by the crazy things, that feel wrong to me, that I'm expected to do in the name of etiquette. I guess this was more of a vent or a plea for some understanding than anything. I appreciate everyone's input. I totaled it up, and I will be inviting 35 extra people by including plus ones for everyone over 18! I didn't even order enough invitations.
    Posted by stillaney[/QUOTE]

    <div>You don't have to let everyone over 18 bring a random plus one. You DO have to invite the significant others of those in relationships. Wasn't clear which you meant so I thought I'd throw that in there just because it sounds like it might lower your number. </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-rules-commonly-broken-am-just-hoping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82dfecc6-f26c-468d-b8a5-880dfe16e7acPost:d3756ac3-cbb5-409b-84cc-e27ad87bc675">Re: Are these etiquette rules commonly broken or am I just hoping they are...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are these etiquette rules commonly broken or am I just hoping they are...? : You didn't invite your mother's husband ? Wow. 
    Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]

    Gasp! Yes, I did not invite him; both my mother and he knew he would never be invited to my wedding (or any other family event). I pretty much refuse to be in the same room as the man. My mother barely (and only after talking to my sister and grandmother who raised me) got invited. So yea, I am breaking etiquette but I would rather be happy on my wedding day than have to be thinking about that man being there.

    OP-don't invite someone who you don't feel comfortable around and who would bring back memories that are better left in the past.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-rules-commonly-broken-am-just-hoping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82dfecc6-f26c-468d-b8a5-880dfe16e7acPost:11d080e7-3671-41d3-be71-8821b413d7f0">Re: Are these etiquette rules commonly broken or am I just hoping they are...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]LC, I'd quote you, but TK still makes me open a new window to do that.  So I'll just sit here and nod my head.  Like Will Smith. 
    Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]
    You're whipping your hair back and forth. I know you are.
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    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • Oy veh, THIS Is why I stay out of wedding threads.

    Also, inviting him as just "and guest" is passive aggressive and petty.
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  • If I was labeled an abusive alcoholic for every time I said mean things to someone while drunk as a teenager, I'd be in state mandated care. 
  • Ditto Habs and GeauxTigers - not everyone over 18 needs a plus one.  Just those in a relationship when you send the invites.
  • edited June 2011
    I don't understand what is so rude and shocking about a bride not wanting to invite people she doesn't know or doesn't like to her own wedding, that she is paying for, especially when her FI and parents wholeheartedly agree.  I REALIZE that this is PROPER ETIQUETTE but can't anyone agree that it just feels weird?!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-rules-commonly-broken-am-just-hoping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82dfecc6-f26c-468d-b8a5-880dfe16e7acPost:b6034329-7a89-4889-8179-4b8074f8e6d8">Re: Are these etiquette rules commonly broken or am I just hoping they are...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't understand what is so rude and shocking about a bride not wanting to invite people she doesn't know or doesn't likes to her own wedding, that she is paying for, especially when her FI and parents wholeheartedly agree.  I REALIZE that this is PROPER ETIQUETTE but can't anyone agree that it just feels weird?!
    Posted by stillaney[/QUOTE]

    Nobody in this thread was arguing that it feels weird.  Of course it does.  But it doesn't make not inviting them right.

    Unfortunately a part of life means interacting with people that we do not want to.  That is part of being an adult.

    Buuuuuuut I'm pretty certain that you're just going to not invite him or do the whole passive-aggressive "and guest" thing, so...thanks for wasting our time?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-rules-commonly-broken-am-just-hoping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82dfecc6-f26c-468d-b8a5-880dfe16e7acPost:b6034329-7a89-4889-8179-4b8074f8e6d8">Re: Are these etiquette rules commonly broken or am I just hoping they are...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't understand what is so rude and shocking about a bride not wanting to invite people she doesn't know or doesn't likes to her own wedding, that she is paying for, especially when her FI and parents wholeheartedly agree.  I REALIZE that this is PROPER ETIQUETTE but can't anyone agree that it just feels weird?!
    Posted by stillaney[/QUOTE]

    <div>We're telling you that if you invite HER, you need to respect her relationship, which means inviting him. You don't get to pick and choose which ones of your friends' boyfriends are acceptable. What is hard about that? </div>
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