Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bridal Shower Bridezilla?

Soooo I had my bridal shower today! It was perfect, everything from the cute little mason jar centerpieces to the lunch to the cupcakes. My 6 bridesmaids all showed up on time and it was wonderful seeing all my family and friends. I even gave my girls goodie bags (body wash, loofa, lotion, hand sanitizer) for shower gifts because it didn't feel right they did all the work and didn't get to open anything lol (these were not their "bridal party gifts" just something nice for them). My MOH told them ahead of time how much each girl was to pitch in to cover everything and I'm not sure exactly how much but they split it evenly.
 
Here's the kicker... I didn't recieve a card or gift from 3 of my bridesmaids...I'm not trying to sound selfish, I totally understand that since they helped pay for the shower I'm not expecting a GIFT, but a CARD? Really? I was kind of sad that I didn't get a card..I'm sentimental, and they know that, and I love keeping mementos and would have loved to look back and read those every once in a while. Are the wedding hormones getting to me or am I normal when I say my feelings are hurt? It's not like I'm going to say anything to them about it but I just need some reassurance that it's ok to feel a little disappointed that they didn't even think to sign a card for me...
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Re: Bridal Shower Bridezilla?

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2013
    I would let this go.  They threw you a wonderful shower and that should be all you are thinking of now.  Not that they didn't get you a card.  Also, don't wonder how much they spent on your shower.  Hopefully your MOH got an agreed upon budget prior to everything, even if she didn't, its none of your business how much they spent.
  • I love recieving cards, so I understand your disappointment. Having said that, after everything they did for you for the bridal shower, don't let not recieving a card be the thing your mind dwells on. It's just a card. The shower they helped throw you should be gift enough. A card, after everything else, is such a petty thing to be upset over, ya know? I'm super sentimental, too, but at the end of the day, memories and pictures can speak more than a card could, anyway.
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  • LoredLored member
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I agree that I'd let this go. Honestly, the entire shower that they threw for you is a gift so I would just be appreciative of that. A shower and any gifts from it are because ppl WANT to give you something. It's not a right you earn just for getting married. Be happy they were there for you and gave you a shower.
  • I'm sorry you are disappointed and it's fine to express that.  If I was a bridesmaid who is already incurring the expense being in your wedding and also for a bridal shower, I probably would not give you a gift for the bridal shower.  The shower was a gift and it sounds like it was a very lovely gift.  I get that you are a bit bummed they didn't give you a card.  Maybe feeling that they know you well enough to realize you would have cherished that card and that makes it more disappointing?  It could be they just got so caught up in planning the shower that time got away from them. 

    In answer to your comment about wanting reassurance that it was ok to feel disappointment- I don't think you are a bridezilla for feeling it.  So feel it for a moment or an hour but move on and don't let it overshadow your wonderful bridal shower.   I agree with Simply Fated that the pictures and memories of the shower will be much more meaningful in the long term.  Good luck with your wedding planning.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:856ef72e-2e2b-4b33-b33f-5ab2687e950bPost:806d1714-df69-4e4f-a524-715951eca3b9">Bridal Shower Bridezilla?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Soooo I had my bridal shower today! It was perfect, everything from the cute little mason jar centerpieces to the lunch to the cupcakes. My 6 bridesmaids all showed up on time and it was wonderful seeing all my family and friends. I even gave my girls goodie bags (body wash, loofa, lotion, hand sanitizer) for shower gifts because it didn't feel right they did all the work and didn't get to open anything lol (these were not their "bridal party gifts" just something nice for them). My MOH told them ahead of time how much each girl was to pitch in to cover everything and I'm not sure exactly how much but they split it evenly.   Here's the kicker... I didn't recieve a card or gift from 3 of my bridesmaids...I'm not trying to sound selfish, I totally understand that since they helped pay for the shower I'm not expecting a GIFT, but a CARD? Really? I was kind of sad that I didn't get a card..I'm sentimental, and they know that, and I love keeping mementos and would have loved to look back and read those every once in a while. <strong>Are the wedding hormones getting to me or am I normal when I say my feelings are hurt?</strong> It's not like I'm going to say anything to them about it but I just need some reassurance that it's ok to feel a little disappointed that they didn't even think to sign a card for me...
    Posted by jessk486[/QUOTE]

    Unless you're also pregnant, there is no such thing as "wedding hormones." Just psychotic and entitled notions held by brides when they don't get what they want.

    It's a card. Let it go.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    They will most likely give you a card and gift at the wedding. This is no big deal.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:856ef72e-2e2b-4b33-b33f-5ab2687e950bPost:896bf3a7-8c07-4e94-96a8-67ccab542525">Re: Bridal Shower Bridezilla?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Bridal Shower Bridezilla? : Unless you're also pregnant, there is no such thing as "wedding hormones." Just psychotic and entitled notions held by brides when they don't get what they want. It's a card. Let it go.
    Posted by MrsMuq[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Thank you. This is exactly what I was going to say. </div>
  • You are being dramatic and unreasonable. If I were planning an event like a bridal shower-especially something so nice as your bridesmaids threw-making an extra trip to buy you a card would be the last thing on my mind. I know you said you're grateful for what they did for your shower, but it honestly comes off as very ungrateful now that you're upset they didn't buy you a card.
  • Alright ladies...some of you have been helpful and some of you have just been downright sh*tty. I haven't been on here very long, and I don't post or ask questions very often, but it seems that when I do, I'm always shocked and disappointed at how some of these girls respond. This is supposed to be a helpful, positive place for brides to go to vent,  and get advice and share stories with other brides. But to be honest, everytime I leave the discussion boards, I'm more frusterated than I was before I got on! Some of these ladies are rude, obnoxious, and downright hurtful. And I know this by personal experience and by reading other posts too. I know you can't control what other people say, and everyone has an opinion, but that doesn't mean you have to be so mean and negative. I think the whole point of these discussion boards have gotten lost in everyone's sh*tty attitudes.
     And for the record, I am MORE THAN grateful for everything my girls have done and they know that because I'm sure to tell them all the time so THEY KNOW I am. I guess I was just surprised that I didn't get a card because I wouldn't forget to get them one. And FYI, I was a bridesmaid for ALL 3 of these girls for their weddings and just thought that it was proper ETIQUETTE to get the bride a card to express their happiness for the soon to be married couple. I'm sure you'll all go ballistic over this posting and leave a bunch of hateful messages..whatever it takes to make you feel good about youself. At the end of the day, YES I'm thankful for wonderful shower, and the card is a material thing and it's not a big deal, and I love my bridesmaids :)

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:856ef72e-2e2b-4b33-b33f-5ab2687e950bPost:a654d74b-9f1a-43d3-889e-9803c978cbf0">Re: Bridal Shower Bridezilla?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Alright ladies...some of you have been helpful and some of you have just been downright sh*tty. I haven't been on here very long, and I don't post or ask questions very often, but it seems that when I do, I'm always shocked and disappointed at how some of these girls respond. This is supposed to be a helpful, positive place for brides to go to vent,  and get advice and share stories with other brides. But to be honest, everytime I leave the discussion boards, I'm more frusterated than I was before I got on! Some of these ladies are rude, obnoxious, and downright hurtful. And I know this by personal experience and by reading other posts too. I know you can't control what other people say, and everyone has an opinion, but that doesn't mean you have to be so mean and negative. I think the whole point of these discussion boards have gotten lost in everyone's sh*tty attitudes.  And for the record, I am MORE THAN grateful for everything my girls have done and they know that because I'm sure to tell them all the time so THEY KNOW I am. I guess I was just surprised that I didn't get a card because I wouldn't forget to get them one. And FYI, I was a bridesmaid for ALL 3 of these girls for their weddings and just thought that it was proper ETIQUETTE to get the bride a card to express their happiness for the soon to be married couple. I'm sure you'll all go ballistic over this posting and leave a bunch of hateful messages..whatever it takes to make you feel good about youself. At the end of the day, YES I'm thankful for wonderful shower, <strong>and the card is a material thing and it's not a big deal</strong>, and I love my bridesmaids :)
    Posted by jessk486[/QUOTE]
    I'm glad you recognize that.<div>
    </div><div>Honestly, it does sound like you're hung up on a material object that has less value than it's intention. Which is how your post came across, but maybe not how you intended for it to come across?</div><div>
    </div><div>I've given birthday gifts without a card and i really hope the reciever didn't feel slighted because they didn't also recieve a card. Yikes, now I'm worried.</div><div>
    </div><div><strong>" just thought that it was proper ETIQUETTE to get the bride a card to express their happiness for the soon to be married couple."</strong></div><div>I'm not sure of the proper etiquette procedure here. Does anyone know the answer to this?
    <div>
    </div></div>
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:856ef72e-2e2b-4b33-b33f-5ab2687e950bPost:a654d74b-9f1a-43d3-889e-9803c978cbf0">Re: Bridal Shower Bridezilla?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Alright ladies...some of you have been helpful and some of you have just been downright sh*tty. I haven't been on here very long, and I don't post or ask questions very often, but it seems that when I do, I'm always shocked and disappointed at how some of these girls respond. This is supposed to be a helpful, positive place for brides to go to vent,  and get advice and share stories with other brides. But to be honest, everytime I leave the discussion boards, I'm more frusterated than I was before I got on! Some of these ladies are rude, obnoxious, and downright hurtful. And I know this by personal experience and by reading other posts too. I know you can't control what other people say, and everyone has an opinion, but that doesn't mean you have to be so mean and negative. I think the whole point of these discussion boards have gotten lost in everyone's sh*tty attitudes.  And for the record, I am MORE THAN grateful for everything my girls have done and they know that because I'm sure to tell them all the time so THEY KNOW I am. I guess I was just surprised that I didn't get a card because I wouldn't forget to get them one. And FYI, I was a bridesmaid for ALL 3 of these girls for their weddings and just thought that it was proper ETIQUETTE to get the bride a card to express their happiness for the soon to be married couple. I'm sure you'll all go ballistic over this posting and leave a bunch of hateful messages..whatever it takes to make you feel good about youself. At the end of the day, YES I'm thankful for wonderful shower, and the card is a material thing and it's not a big deal, and I love my bridesmaids :)
    Posted by jessk486[/QUOTE]

    Sorry you didn't get the advice you were looking for.  The ladies here offer blunt advice and if it's not what you want to hear, I guess it does sound pretty bad when you aren't getting your validation.

    Your BMs threw you a great shower!  So why are you so obsessed with getting a card?  It's a piece of paper, their hard work should live on in your memories.
  • LoredLored member
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I honestly don't understand why you are upset. I'm happy you had such a lovely shower and it sounds like you have amazing friends!! I think we are all on the same page with just telling you to be thankful for that. Not everyone has great girlfriends and a super support system. I guess I just don't see why a greeting card or lack thereof would have you questioning all of that. I would much rather have a friend who went out of their way to do thoughtful things for me (ie host a shower) than buy me a hallmark stating how much our friendship means. Again, not sure why you are so angry at strangers on an Internet forum expressing their opinions... I think maybe you are just feeling a little emotional? Take a deep breath and a step back and I think you will realize you are a very lucky girl with kick ass girlfriends.
  • I'd be pretty pissed if I threw a shower for my friend and the first thing she did when she got home was b!tch that I didn't get her a card. 

    Maybe in the midst of planning they forgot? Or made throwing you an awesome shower such a priority that buying a card got left on the back burner? 

    I just had my shower last weekend and couldn't tell you if someone forgot to get me a card. The awesomeness of the shower and all the thought put into it had me in such a great mood. 
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  • I don't see where anyone was sh1tty to you, but you asked us our opnions and we gave them to you. I only buy cards for my FI. Any other gifts I give don't have cards with them. Just because cards mean something to you doesn't mean that they do to someone else. Your BMs threw you a lovely shower and you're upset that they didn't give you a card. This comes across sh1ttier than any of the respones you've gotten. You need to get over this, and the attitude that everyone should be shoving rainbows and unicorns up your ass. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:856ef72e-2e2b-4b33-b33f-5ab2687e950bPost:af205097-f53a-48b2-9db6-8d6528793f50">Re: Bridal Shower Bridezilla?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't see where anyone was sh1tty to you, but you asked us our opnions and we gave them to you. I only buy cards for my FI. Any other gifts I give don't have cards with them. Just because cards mean something to you doesn't mean that they do to someone else. Your BMs threw you a lovely shower and you're upset that they didn't give you a card. This comes across sh1ttier than any of the respones you've gotten. You need to get over this, and the attitude that everyone should be shoving rainbows and unicorns up your ass. 
    Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]

    haha I love rainbows and unicorns
  • Meanwhile, in the thread above you, no one has offered to throw OP a shower. :(
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  • I'm collecting all the cards we get for the engagement and the wedding to make a little coffee table book. I haven't had a bridal shower yet but I can see a little disappointment - I love getting cards (sometimes more than gifts).I think it's something you can get over. I'm sure you'll get lovely cards for the wedding. Don't let this one little thing get you down.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:856ef72e-2e2b-4b33-b33f-5ab2687e950bPost:a654d74b-9f1a-43d3-889e-9803c978cbf0">Re: Bridal Shower Bridezilla?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Alright ladies...some of you have been helpful and some of you have just been downright sh*tty. I haven't been on here very long, and I don't post or ask questions very often, but it seems that when I do, I'm always shocked and disappointed at how some of these girls respond. This is supposed to be a helpful, positive place for brides to go to vent,  and get advice and share stories with other brides. But to be honest, everytime I leave the discussion boards, I'm more frusterated than I was before I got on! Some of these ladies are rude, obnoxious, and downright hurtful. And I know this by personal experience and by reading other posts too. I know you can't control what other people say, and everyone has an opinion, but that doesn't mean you have to be so mean and negative. I think the whole point of these discussion boards have gotten lost in everyone's sh*tty attitudes.  And for the record, I am MORE THAN grateful for everything my girls have done and they know that because I'm sure to tell them all the time so THEY KNOW I am. I guess I was just surprised that I didn't get a card because I wouldn't forget to get them one. And FYI, I was a bridesmaid for ALL 3 of these girls for their weddings and just thought that it was proper ETIQUETTE to get the bride a card to express their happiness for the soon to be married couple. I'm sure you'll all go ballistic over this posting and leave a bunch of hateful messages..whatever it takes to make you feel good about youself. At the end of the day, YES I'm thankful for wonderful shower, and the card is a material thing and it's not a big deal, and I love my bridesmaids :)
    Posted by jessk486[/QUOTE]



  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    My response didn't show up for some reason, but long story short the shower was their gift to you and not everyone is a card person.



  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Also, there is no etiquette about giving cards.



  • In Response to Re:Bridal Shower Bridezilla?:[QUOTE]Also, there is no etiquette about giving cards. Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]

    This. Stop putting weight on the 2.00 that goes to Hallmark and instead focus on what your friends did. Actions speak louder than words.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    The fact that you titled your post "Bridal Shower Bridezilla?" says to me you were wondering if you were indeed being one. So to say that peoples' responses to you were "sh!tty" isn't fair. Nobody was sh!tty toward you, just honestly answering the question in the affirmative that your fears were indeed correct. It's like what you really wanted was, "Awwww, no, sweetie, you're not a bridezilla at all!  Of course they should have gotten you a card!"  Well, guess, what?  Some of us obviously don't feel you need to be bent out of shape about not getting one.  
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • OP, you asked for opinions, and you got them.  Nobody called you names-you yourself alluded to the fact that you think you're being a bridezilla.  I said that you come OFF as ungrateful-obviously by your post you are grateful for what they did, but you need to re-read what you wrote, and think about if someone you don't know wrote that-how woud they come off? Ungrateful.

    You are way too hung up on the importance of a card, and not focusing on the meaning behind the great shower they threw you.  They're obviously great friends to throw such a great shower for you, and you should step back and think about that when you find yourself getting upset over a card.

    Oh, and I didn't see any hateful posts at all-just honest opinions.  I for one don't come on here to feel better about myself-I do just fine IRL.  
  • I think we should have realized that the fact that you are so sensitive about not having received a card could be telling of your reaction to any comments that are not what you wanted to hear. I know you said you don't post often and neither do I, but its a community board that you have read before so u have an idea of what you're getting into. My recommendation across the board (card,how to handle the community board,life) is to take it all with a grain of salt. I'm only sending positive thoughts your way because getting hung up on a card is a waist of your energy and feelings...and you should save that for when there's bigger fish to fry.
  • In Response to Re:Bridal Shower Bridezilla?:[QUOTE]Soooo I had my bridal shower today! It was perfect, everything from the cute little mason jar centerpieces to the lunch to the cupcakes. My 6 bridesmaids all showed up on time and it was wonderful seeing all my family and friends. I even gave my girls goodie bags body wash, loofa, lotion, hand sanitizer for shower gifts because it didn't feel right they did all the work and didn't get to open anything lol these were not their "bridal party gifts" just something nice for them. My MOH told them ahead of time how much each girl was to pitch in to cover everything and I'm not sure exactly how much but they split it evenly.nbsp;Here's the kicker... I didn't recieve a card or gift from 3 of my bridesmaids...I'm not trying to sound selfish, I totally understand that since they helped pay for the shower I'm notnbsp;expecting anbsp;GIFT, but a CARD? Really? I was kind of sadnbsp;that I didn't get a card..I'm sentimental, and they know that, and I love keeping mementos and would have loved to look back and read those every once in a while. Are the wedding hormones getting to me or am I normal when I say my feelings are hurt? It's not like I'm going to say anything to them about it but I just need some reassurance that it's ok to feel a little disappointed that they didn't even think to sign a card for me... Posted by jessk486[/QUOTE]
    Why are complaining about a card? They threw you a party. They probably just forgot. Big deal, most people throw out greeting cards a week later anyway.
  • Well if you believe what you said in your second post, which is that the card is not a big deal, it's a material thing and you love your BMs, then why did you even post about it in the first place? I DO think you blew it up to be a huge, major thing or you wouldn't have dedicated a post to venting about it.

    There is not etiquette about giving cards, so I don't know where you got that from. It was super generous of them to even throw you a shower, as many brides don't get showers at all. You need to move past this.


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  • Our couple shower was a couple of weeks ago, and my friends didn't get us gifts or cards, and that was fine because we live out of town and rarely get to see them. I was excited just to be able to spend time with them.
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  • As a person who is not sentimental about greeting cards (actually, I am a little bit...I keep them around because I feel bad throwing them out, then I just have piles of greeting cards that I don't actually care about), I don't understand what you are feeling. To me, it seems pretty silly.

    My bridesmaids were awesome. I love them very much, and they did exactly what I expected of them at my wedding. They did not throw me a shower, only 3 attended my shower at all, and  none of them got me shower gifts or cards, except for my sister-in-law, who regifted a nice frame. We only got a wedding gift from my MOH, none of the others got me a gift, and I could not care less. They were there to support me and they did throw me an excellent bachelorette party.

    Focus on the good things!

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  • I agree Stage. Though, I did recieve lots of cards with the gifts at my showers (most simply serving the purpose of saying who the gift was from), I would have found it very odd to JUST receive a card. I find the flow is inturrupted by the obligation to stop and read the card.
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  • Idk guys I really hope this doesn't black list me or anything but I think she may have a point. I think what would have made her a bridezilla was if she had acted on these notions but the fact that she was able to control them I think is a good thing. I think its less bridezilla to come here and express yourself than to lash out at your friends and family. Atleast she stopped by theknot before she immediately reacted. I might be a little hurt to in my efforts to control my emotions to read some of these. Unless you've spent a looooooooot of time here and even then its hard not to read a rediculous amount of attitude in these posts. Op yes pps are right that to expect and demand a card isn't exactly favorable hut as long as you don't drag those feelings out and act on them I think you're fine. Really no offence ladies I think you can give really great advice and I have learned a lot but I can completely sympathize with not quite knowing the protocol and getting caught off guard, in the middle of already very intense emotions, when reading your posts.
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