Do you get upset when people RSVP no?

ZRex

I'm not upset, but a little puzzled.  I have a close friend that I hang out with at least once a week, sometimes twice (lunches, happy hour, etc).  I had lunch with her yesterday and chit chatted like everything was totally normal, and then today I got home to see her "no" RSVP.

It's totally fine she's not coming, but is it a little odd that she didn't say "Hey sorry, something came up"?

ZRex

True...and less hard-earned money to spend.  Maybe she felt like bringing it up would be a buzz kill or something.

katiewhompus

Eh, for some of them I did. I didn't expect any of my mom's family to show up, but it still hurt when every single one of my 8 uncles and 16 cousins (who were over 18) said they weren't coming it was the final nail in the coffin.
I was also disappointed that one of Scott's cousins, who he was really close with his entire life, rsvp'd no because, as she wrote on the rsvp "I completely forgot about the wedding and scheduled a dentist appointment that day, sorry guys!"
Yeah..we sent you a std, and my sil spoke with her a lot during the planning process and it would come up a lot. Seriously, a dentist appointment?
We also lost one of the groomsmen (Scott's favorite male cousin) 2 weeks before the wedding. He said he was in the process of buying a house and couldn't afford to come anymore. Yeah...

ZRex

A dentist appointment???  I hope it was at least for something major that couldn't be rescheduled.

mwhitson14

I was THRILLED to get no's! Less food, less favors, less EVERYTHING. Our guest list got bigger than I wanted it to, so it didn't bother me at all.

Simply Fated

I think I would be disappointed if it was someone I cared about, like a close friend or a beloved family member. But, like, my boyfriend's mom's friend? My fingers are crossed that their rsvps would come back "no".

ZRex

Yeah...I'm not a mean person that would give her sh!t for not coming or try to pressure her into it, so it's not like she should have been nervous to tell me.  Just would have been nice to hear it from her.

I kind of think it's because she just doesn't feel like going and has no real reason for not attending.  Not that she owes me a reason or anything.  Oh well, I'll get over it.

mwhitson14

I mean, I'm not gonna lie. I've RSVP'ed no before and prefer to do that than do it to their face

temerityjane

I think I will be both bummed & not bummed to get no RSVPs. Our guest list is bigger than I really wanted, but it REALLY IS people we really want there (note: bigger than we WANTED, not bigger than we can afford/fit/etc). So, we'll miss anyone who RSVPs no, but I would certainly like to see a decent amount of "no" for my own comfort.

ZRex

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_upset-people-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b0460ee-9e00-4419-8cc5-f6958d1341fbPost:b47e1267-eb11-42fd-8d34-8e355e2c4aa3">Re: Do you get upset when people RSVP no?</a>:
[QUOTE]I mean, I'm not gonna lie. I've RSVP'ed no before and prefer to do that than do it to their face :(
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

<div>Haha definitely.  My first are juuuust starting to get married.  I RSVPed no this winter, but I wrote her an email telling her why.  She was still pissed off about it, but I felt better that she knew I was saying no for a good reason.</div>

ZRex

Why can't my FMIL RSVP no?  Ah, cruel fate.

temerityjane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_upset-people-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b0460ee-9e00-4419-8cc5-f6958d1341fbPost:7477aac4-1f69-4b12-b33d-d44f16510b20">Re: Do you get upset when people RSVP no?</a>:
[QUOTE]Why can't my FMIL RSVP no?  Ah, cruel fate.
Posted by ZRex[/QUOTE]

Heh. Mine will.

ZRex

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_upset-people-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b0460ee-9e00-4419-8cc5-f6958d1341fbPost:256fe743-ce84-4a34-87bc-22e8b04ef394">Re: Do you get upset when people RSVP no?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you get upset when people RSVP no? : Heh. Mine will.
Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]

<div>I will be surprised if mine doesn't show up in a white dress and try to walk down the aisle.  Woman is BSC.</div>

mwhitson14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_upset-people-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b0460ee-9e00-4419-8cc5-f6958d1341fbPost:7477aac4-1f69-4b12-b33d-d44f16510b20">Re: Do you get upset when people RSVP no?</a>:
[QUOTE]Why can't my FMIL RSVP no?  Ah, cruel fate.
Posted by ZRex[/QUOTE]

I prayed so hard for this.

ZRex

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_upset-people-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b0460ee-9e00-4419-8cc5-f6958d1341fbPost:eae35384-5274-455f-9e90-a13de922f902">Re: Do you get upset when people RSVP no?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you get upset when people RSVP no? : I prayed so hard for this.
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

<div>Did she bug you the day of?  I have a fleet of bridesmaids with the sole mission of keeping mine away from me.</div>

katiewhompus

Ok here's another thought. Could she have thought you already received the no rsvp and didn't want to upset you by mentioning it?

mwhitson14

HOLY FUUCK did she bug me. 30 minutes before the wedding started, she had a panic attack and said her sugar was dropping and she needed something to eat. She wanted me to go ask the caterer to fix her a small plate. IN MY WEDDING DRESS. With guests already in the sanctuary.

That was the worst. There were other incidents.

Edit: And she's not even diabetic. She just pretends to be for attention.

ZRex

@Katie- nope, she used the online option.

katiewhompus

Hmmm I got nothing then.

ZRex

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_upset-people-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b0460ee-9e00-4419-8cc5-f6958d1341fbPost:bbd1021b-0931-4823-ab53-3249ba18d3c5">Re: Do you get upset when people RSVP no?</a>:
[QUOTE]HOLY FUUCK did she bug me. 30 minutes before the wedding started, she had a panic attack and said her sugar was dropping and she needed something to eat. She wanted me to go ask the caterer to fix her a small plate. IN MY WEDDING DRESS. With guests already in the sanctuary. That was the worst. There were other incidents. Edit: And she's not even diabetic. She just pretends to be for attention.
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

<div>THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE.  Sorry for yelling.  Was there no other person she could find?  And if she really has a damn sugar problem, carry around a GD granola bar.</div>

pooh8402

there were some people who I was hoping would say no, and they're the ones who came, haha. but there were quite a few folks that I was really bummed about not coming--we had only one guest from out of state that came, and he was a groomsman. all of the other out of state guests, I hadn't seen in years so I was really sad about missing them.

and oh dang yall, I was hoping and praying the ILs wouldn't come either. of course, they had to be there because their baby boy was getting married and FIL did a reading, but boy was I hoping.

angel2210

The only "no" RSVP I've received so far was from my dad.. via Facebook. That stung. Then he asked if he had to bother sending the card back since he told me on there because he "wanted to keep the invitation the way it came." I told him just to keep the damn thing.

pooh8402

that sucks balls, angel

ZRex

@Pooh- that last part made me laugh out loud.

@Angel- so...he didn't want to attend but it was important to him to preserve the invitation as a keepsake?

mwhitson14

Awww angel! That bites!

Z, she's an AW with issues. It's a miracle I didn't get struck by lightning, because I turned to my BM and said, get me the fuuck out of here. I was sure God was going to smite me!

angel2210

Apparently, it's not that he doesn't want to come but that he can't get time the off work. Except that he's known about the exact date since last September.

I think part of it is that he's butthurt that I asked my mom to walk me down the aisle. We're not even that close so I don't get it, but he was all excited about it until my mom told him that.

ZRex

[QUOTE]Awww angel! That bites! Z, she's an AW with issues. It's a miracle I didn't get struck by lightning, because I turned to my BM and said, get me the fuuck out of here. I was sure God was going to smite me!
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

<div>Mine just thinks she is soooooooooo fancy.  To hear her talk, you'd think she had been raised in the French court.  If I had any confidence in her ability to construct and type sentences on a computer, I would send her here to regale all of your with her courtly etiquette.  </div><div>
</div><div>I wiki-ed narcissistic personality disorder today and it pretty much describes her to a T.</div>

ZRex

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_upset-people-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b0460ee-9e00-4419-8cc5-f6958d1341fbPost:0cfcbf6a-8d1a-4bbc-a77e-603ee825c97e">Re: Do you get upset when people RSVP no?</a>:
[QUOTE]Apparently, it's not that he doesn't want to come but that he can't get time the off work. Except that he's known about the exact date since last September. I think part of it is that he's butthurt that I asked my mom to walk me down the aisle. We're not even that close so I don't get it, but he was all excited about it until my mom told him that.
Posted by angel2210[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm sure you had good reason to ask your mom to walk you.  I'm sure you'll be so busy and happy the day of that it won't sting so much.</div>

laurenclaire1386

There are a lot of people I sincerely hope can make it, but I don't foresee getting irritated if they can't. Life happens. I'll be there, married, and drinking champagne, one way or the other.

karbar42

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_upset-people-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b0460ee-9e00-4419-8cc5-f6958d1341fbPost:691d56eb-b309-4dd4-b9ba-769dad6cad8a">Re: Do you get upset when people RSVP no?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I will be both bummed & not bummed to get no RSVPs. Our guest list is bigger than I really wanted, but it REALLY IS people we really want there (note: bigger than we WANTED, not bigger than we can afford/fit/etc). So, we'll miss anyone who RSVPs no, but I would certainly like to see a decent amount of "no" for my own comfort.
Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]

<div>This is us too...</div>

_Dagney_

Dude, I'll be THRILLED if/when people RSVP no.
(But I'm one cheap biatch.)