Open Bar vs. only cocktail hour

millkn2

I would like to do an open bar for the entire length of the reception. However, my parents can only afford to pay $1,000 towards it. I am guessing that the 1k will cover the first hour because that is normally when people have about 2 to even 3 drinks. I am having my reception at a country club and the bar is going to be based off of consumption. We are inviting 125 guests, but I am guessing only about 100 will be able to attend (However, I know to plan for all 125).

 

My FI does not want to contribute any money towards it. I feel like it is extremely tacky to have the bar turn into a cash bar after the cocktail hour. Soda and water would be provided the entire night either way. Am I right? Or should I just let my FI win this one?

opalsky007

You are right that soda and water should be free of charge all night.

You should also host whatever is available at the cocktail hour all night. That means you'll need to either add some funds or make your money stretch a little further by limiting to beer and wine only, if that helps.

aragx6

Do you have the option of just hosting a beer and wine reception? That's typically significantly cheaper. The $1,000 might still not quite cover it, but you can start saving for that right now.

Avion22

My fiance and I met each other at a wedding, and let's just say that if weren't for a very liberal open bar, and pour-happy bartender, I might not be here today:-)

Having said that, obviously you have to have it in your budget.  You can make your budget stretch further by doing beer, wine, and maybe on signature cocktail.  Or you could use a less expensive liquour package.  Also, keep in mind that how much people consume depends on a lot of things.  Hot afternoon in the middle of summer?  Probablly have more people drinking beer.   Later evening reception?  Probalby more people will want liquor. 

millkn2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-vs-only-cocktail-hour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f75447d-b835-4685-a3d7-bcd495d22364Post:0d484590-a59d-48c5-bdd2-c2c2b38781c1">Re: Open Bar vs. only cocktail hour</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you have the option of just hosting a beer and wine reception? That's typically significantly cheaper. The $1,000 might still not quite cover it, but you can start saving for that right now.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

Yes, we can do beer and wine only, which I have been thinking about doing. But I highly doubt the $1,000 will cover it. I am completely open to playing the rest. Trying to get my FI on board is the issue!

aragx6

Sounds like you are on the right track. I would tell the FI that, many people (myself included) don't carry cash to a wedding because there shouldn't be any out-of-pocket costs for me to attend.

bellebride116

Can you do on consumption {you only pay for what people drink}? 

millkn2

I wonder if only having two signature cocktails that are free all night would be more reasonable? Or is that tacky?

achiduck

Why is your FI so against putting $$ towards the bar?

I'd stick with beer and wine or maybe do a free signature cocktail, wine on the tables and then non-alcoholic, but fun beverages. Like raspberry lemonade, carbonated punches, etc.

millkn2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-vs-only-cocktail-hour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f75447d-b835-4685-a3d7-bcd495d22364Post:59325627-e614-4e4a-a13a-48b51030ae09">Re: Open Bar vs. only cocktail hour</a>:
[QUOTE]Why is your FI so against putting $$ towards the bar? I'd stick with beer and wine or maybe do a free signature cocktail, wine on the tables and then non-alcoholic, but fun beverages. Like raspberry lemonade, carbonated punches, etc.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

He is against it because we have a lot of expenses right now. 2 car payments and paying for my school. We can afford to put some money towards it, but he likes to see a nice chunk of money our account. The rest of the wedding is formal and I would hate to drop the ball in this one area.

katieisawesome

I've been to a wedding where they had a cocktail hour (I think it was closer to 2 hours) and then a cash bar and honestly it didn't bother me.  There was also wine on the table.

I know it's considered rude but as a guest, it didn't bother me one bit.  I could have easily had about 5 drinks (including cocktails, beer and wine) without ever opening a wallet and that was more than adequate.

If you are really concerned about upsetting your guests though, offer to host for the remainder of the night and come up with the cash.

Wiscisbliss

Hosting sodas and N/A all night is the right thing to do. 

What is common in your family/group of friends?

Most of the weddings I've been to have hosted bar through dinner and then switch to cash.  So, could you agree with your FI to host the bar through dinner, or up to a set $ amount to extend it?

I understand that this is not the popular opinion, but I think I am willing to pay for my friends and family to have a drink or three with dinner, but I'm not pyaing for everyone to get hammered.  If I had a dinner party at home we'd have enough wine for everyone to have a glass or two... but not a whole bottle each.

banana468

Tell your FI that your wedding isn't formal if your guests are paying for their booze.  I hope that he's not wanting a formal event where he thinks the guests should be in black tie or anything.

Personally I hate it when the bar changes.  I'd almost rather a cash bar rather than the change (although I hate both).

DeadUtopia

Will the venue allow you to provide your own alcohol but use their bartenders and set ups? This would save you a ton of cash and still allow you to have a few drink options for the guests.

Where I am from, cash bars are the norm, but I personally didn't want to do that. For you I would suggest to try to scale back on the bar package, like PP's said. Go for just wine, beer, and maybe a signature drink or only the most basic liquors, not a full bar. It is a hard pill to swallow, but I would squeeze as much money as I could to the bar in that situation.

nicolechris2011

My mom had suggested only doing open beer, wine, soda and water all night. There are two reasons for it (which I totally agreed with her) 1. Hard alcohol can be a bit tricky sometimes and people may get a bit out of control and 2. It cuts the bill down because the hard alcohol can get very pricey.

This is what we are doing at our wedding and we both loved the idea. Just my opinion and suggestions. Hopefully they help

sbolger17

Are you sure that beer and wine only would definitely cost less than hard liquor?  Our venue is by consumption and the prices are such that beer and wine might actually end up costing us more, especially as guests might have a tendency to drink more as beer and wine are "lighter."

If you can, I would try to pay for alcohol the whole time as the change-over can be a little shocking (and definitely takes the formality down a peg).

hlq2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-vs-only-cocktail-hour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f75447d-b835-4685-a3d7-bcd495d22364Post:4fb1bc76-75a3-45bb-942a-08ac5b2c315e">Re: Open Bar vs. only cocktail hour</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom had suggested only doing open beer, wine, soda and water all night. There are two reasons for it (which I totally agreed with her) 1. <strong>Hard alcohol can be a bit tricky sometimes and people may get a bit out of control </strong>and 2. It cuts the bill down because the hard alcohol can get very pricey. This is what we are doing at our wedding and we both loved the idea. Just my opinion and suggestions. Hopefully they help :)
Posted by nicolechris2011[/QUOTE]

Have you ever been to a frat party?  They're not drinking hard liquor.   You can get just as drunk off beer and wine as off liquor.  I hate this argument.

OP, your FI needs to suck it up.  Do beer, wine and N/A if you have to, but your guests should not have to pay for their own drinks.

TaffetaDarlingTaffeta

Never have I been to a wedding where the bar has turned into a cash bar and thought my friends or family were tacky. I get fed, entertained and share in the joy of the celebration. I'd host what you can, but save yourself some money!

hlq2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-vs-only-cocktail-hour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f75447d-b835-4685-a3d7-bcd495d22364Post:3b871895-77ff-40bc-97d6-2b1c41776247">Re: Open Bar vs. only cocktail hour</a>:
[QUOTE]Never have I been to a wedding where the bar has turned into a cash bar and thought my friends or family were tacky. I get fed, entertained and share in the joy of the celebration. I'd host what you can, but save yourself some money!
Posted by TaffetaDarlingTaffeta[/QUOTE]


That doesn't mean it's good etiquette.  I mean, I wouldn't be up in arms about a cash bar either, but if you want to know what etiquette says (and I assume OP does, since she posted on the etiquette board), it's no to cash bars.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-vs-only-cocktail-hour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f75447d-b835-4685-a3d7-bcd495d22364Post:3b871895-77ff-40bc-97d6-2b1c41776247">Re: Open Bar vs. only cocktail hour</a>:
[QUOTE]Never have I been to a wedding where the bar has turned into a cash bar and thought my friends or family were tacky. I get fed, entertained and share in the joy of the celebration. I'd host what you can, but save yourself some money!
Posted by TaffetaDarlingTaffeta[/QUOTE]

You believing it's fine does not make it so.

I've been to weddings where the open bar turned into cash.  Not only was I miffed, but I was uncomfortably caught off guard when I asked for wine and I was given a bill instead of my glass.

jesibel14

Obviously from an etiquette stand point, cash bar is a NO NO.  If you want to follow proper etiquette, you have to pony up some cash as $1K is NOT going to cut it for the whole night, even if you just did beer and wine.

Personally?  I think it's about knowing your crowd.  I've been to 15+ weddings and only 2 were open bar all night.  In my circle, it's usually open cocktail hour, then cash bar (or cash bar all night).  I was in a similar predicament where we couldn't afford to host open bar all night, and it bothered me - even though it was completely socially acceptable in our circle.  We were in the process of saving for a house and paying for the wedding mostly ourselves, so we decided that for our own financial situation, we would do cocktail hour only - which I"m glad we did, as that alone was $2500!

I'm assuming that since you think it's tacky to have cash bar, that it is not the norm in your circle.  Any chance you could cut $ from another area?  Is this the only thing that you guys would have to pay for (if so, I'm jealous!)?

TaffetaDarlingTaffeta

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-vs-only-cocktail-hour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f75447d-b835-4685-a3d7-bcd495d22364Post:5a198378-c508-4e9f-9f4a-cbf8cadd6922">Re: Open Bar vs. only cocktail hour</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open Bar vs. only cocktail hour : You believing it's fine does not make it so. I've been to weddings where the open bar turned into cash.  Not only was I miffed, but I was uncomfortably caught off guard when I asked for wine and I was given a bill instead of my glass.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

Oh dear. What deems anything as "so" anyway?  Yea,  I'd be miffed too if I wasn't aware that I had been racking up a bill. Sounds like poor communication. Most cash bars at weddings I've been to it was really clear. If you were aware that it was not a open bar from the get-go would you think less of the wedding or the hosts? 

A majority of the weddings I have been to have had a variety of methods. From full open bar to Beer/wine hosted but cash for Liquor - or- everything hosted until a cut off point of cash or time. The hosts/bartenders were very clear of the situation and It was all fine. People still had a great time, they were still classy and the couple got married. Yes, it's great to host it all, and expected to at least host a litlte drinky, but you are not going to loose friends over having a cash bar or partial cash bar at some point in your evening.
 

hlq2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-vs-only-cocktail-hour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f75447d-b835-4685-a3d7-bcd495d22364Post:87bb286d-ea28-477d-b329-f68e8236b78e">Re: Open Bar vs. only cocktail hour</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open Bar vs. only cocktail hour : Oh dear. <strong>What deems anything as "so" anyway?</strong>  Yea,  I'd be miffed too if I wasn't aware that I had been racking up a bill. Sounds like poor communication. Most cash bars at weddings I've been to it was really clear. If you were aware that it was not a open bar from the get-go would you think less of the wedding or the hosts?  A majority of the weddings I have been to have had a variety of methods. From full open bar to Beer/wine hosted but cash for Liquor - or- everything hosted until a cut off point of cash or time. The hosts/bartenders were very clear of the situation and It was all fine. People still had a great time, they were still classy and the couple got married. Yes, it's great to host it all, and expected to at least host a litlte drinky, but you are not going to loose friends over having a cash bar or partial cash bar at some point in your evening.  
Posted by TaffetaDarlingTaffeta[/QUOTE]

Etiquette is a code of socially acceptable behavior, meant not to offend others.  When a question gets asked on an etiquette board, people are going to answer in kind.  Etiquette is that your guests don't open their wallets at a party.

Yeah, you probably won't lose friends over it.  But again, the question was asked on an etiquette board, and people answered according to what etiquette dictates.

ajroark

This may have already been addressed, but if your guests know that they need to pay for drinks after the cocktail hour ends, wouldn't that encourage some of them to drink as much as possible while it was free (regardless of whether it's beer, wine, or hard alcohol)? If guests use this logic, you may pay well over $1,000 anyway (tell your FI that) and have to deal with drunks throughout dinner and the rest of the evening.

jesibel14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-vs-only-cocktail-hour?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f75447d-b835-4685-a3d7-bcd495d22364Post:e923f565-42c7-4c9a-b4f8-9a0aff38ee5d">Re: Open Bar vs. only cocktail hour</a>:
[QUOTE]This may have already been addressed, but if your guests know that they need to pay for drinks after the cocktail hour ends, wouldn't that encourage some of them to drink as much as possible while it was free (regardless of whether it's beer, wine, or hard alcohol)? If guests use this logic, you may pay well over $1,000 anyway (tell your FI that) and have to deal with drunks throughout dinner and the rest of the evening.
Posted by ajroark[/QUOTE]

HMM.  I think this is another one that falls under "Know your crowd".  I guess we were fortunate that our friends and family didn't use cocktail hour as an excuse to  get toe-up free before dinner.  Maybe it's an age thing, but I think most responsible adults wouldn't plan on that.

cara91997

I tend to agree with Taffetta Darling. Personally, I have been to several weddings and only once have I been to a wedding where it was open bar all night. Usually there is a free cocktail hour and maybe wine on the tables followed by a cash bar. I have never seen anyone complain and it's always very clear what is free and what isn't provided. We are having open bar for our wedding but only because our venue automatically provides open bar in all of their packages. To be honest, we have had more people complain that we are having open bar than anything! We've gotten comments like, "Why waste your money on open bar?" and "People are just gonna get drunk and rowdy." No matter what you do, you cannot please everyone. If you do any type of cash bar, just make sure it's very clear so no one orders a drink and isn't prepared to pull out their wallet.  Is cash bar pretty common in your area? 

Birdie1483

OP, I would check with your venue on the price for beer and wine only. I know Indiana is different than Florida, but I've had friends host beer and wine for 200+ people for not much over $1000.

banana468

This may be a social circle thing. My father looked at me like I had eight heads when I told him that DH and I had been to weddings with cash bars. And DH and I went to multiple places to see if they would be a good fit for the wedding and not one quoted us a cash bar price.

StacyJenniges

I've actually only been to one wedding where there was an open bar, every place else was cash bar with only a happy hour.  Since my fiance's mother does not like alcohol because her father was an alcoholic we are having a cash bar the entire night since my family drinks and it's a happy medium.  I'm telling you this because I believe that there is no right or wrong answer, I think you will need to compromise with your fiance.  In my case we compromised with both families, alcohol is available but we are not paying for it. 

banana468

How is having booze that your guests need to pay for a happy medium?? I don't get it. If she's not comfortable with people drinking, why is she comfortable if your guests pay to do it?

NOLAbridealmost

I've never been to a wedding that didn't have a full open bar the entire night. I'd be stunned if I arrived and it was a cash bar. 

I'd definitely appreciate the free hooch during the cocktail hour though...but as tacky as it might make me sound, if I knew that the bar was switching to cash after cocktail hour I would totally be that girl who would order like 4 drinks at a time at the end of the cocktail hour to get in under the wire before the thing switched over to cash.