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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Stag and Doe/Engagament Party?????
Questions about these two,,,
Who throws them?
Do people bring gifts (aka, should I register for it/plan time to open gifts)?
When do they usually happen?
What... are they????
I've never been to one of either of them, but they do seem like something I'd want for my own wedding.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Stag and Doe/Engagament Party?????
[QUOTE]Questions about these two,,, Who throws them? Do people bring gifts (aka, should I register for it/plan time to open gifts)? When do they usually happen? What... are they???? <strong>I've never been to one of either of them, but they do seem like something I'd want for my own wedding.</strong>
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]
<div>Why?</div><div>
</div><div>If you don't know what they are I'm sure your family/friends haven't either and will be offended at the thought.</div>
[QUOTE]Questions about these two,,, Who throws them? Do people bring gifts (aka, should I register for it/plan time to open gifts)? When do they usually happen? <strong>What... are they???? I've never been to one of either of them, but they do seem like something I'd want for my own wedding.</strong>
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]
They seem like something you want for your wedding, but you don't know what it is O.o That makes no sense.
To answer the questions of what it is see Duds link. In short they are fundraisers. All prewedding parties should be planned by someone else.
Also if it is something you have no idea what it is and have never been to one I don't think your friends/family will know what to do or support you in having one.
Stag and Does (meaning the fundraiser) are excruciatingly tacky. If it is not a regional thing that both sides of your family traditionally does, SKIP IT.
EDIT: And engagement parties/stag and does are not gift giving events.
[QUOTE]An engagement party is a party thrown to celebrate the engagement. A stag and doe can either refer to a bachelor/bachelorette party or to one of those terrible fundraiser things. Anyone except the couple can throw an e-party. They are traditionally thrown by the parents to introduce the new FI to the extended family and the families to each other. For the b-party style stag & doe, it can also be thrown by anyone, but is usually the WP or the couple's close friends. I have no idea who would throw one of those fundraisers. An e-party is usually thrown a few months after the engagement. A b-party is usually in the last month before the wedding. <strong>Fundraisers should be thrown the Tuesday after never</strong>. Neither an e-party or a b-party is traditionally a gift giving event. You won't need a registry for either. As with any pre-wedding parties, if someone offers to throw one for you, you gratiously accept. Unless/until that happens, you don't have one. You don't plan it yourself and you don't ask someone to throw it for you.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]
Great info!
And the bolded part made me giggle.
[QUOTE]What MyName said. Stag and Does (meaning the fundraiser) are excruciatingly tacky. <strong>If it is not a regional thing that both sides of your family traditionally does, SKIP IT.</strong> EDIT: And engagement parties/stag and does are not gift giving events.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]
even if it IS a regional thing, skip it. it's gross gross gross! Upcoming weddings =/= charity.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stag and Doe/Engagament Party????? : even if it IS a regional thing, skip it. it's gross gross gross! Upcoming weddings =/= charity.
Posted by myname1234[/QUOTE]
Well, I agree completely, but apparently there are regions where people get all excited about funding someone else's life choices. Who'dathunk.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stag and Doe/Engagament Party????? : <strong>I think it's a mixed drink served warm</strong>. Sometimes they have them at stag and doe parties thrown in the blustry winters of northeast Ohio. ETA: I love that I can be deadpan online. I wouldn't be able to actually say that with a straight face.
Posted by MeganLindsay5685[/QUOTE]
<div>I'm pretty sure it's when someone takes a dump on your chest. </div>
[QUOTE]You don't know what they are, but you want them? What the frig? Guys. What's a Cleveland Steamer? It sounds like something I'd like to have.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
You would, you dirty ho.
Books read in 2012: 21/50
[QUOTE]In Response to Stag and Doe/Engagament Party????? : Why? If you don't know what they are I'm sure your family/friends haven't either and will be offended at the thought.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]
Because our friends and respective families don't know each other very well, and I'd like them to get the chance to. The "What are they" is a little more for the Stag and Doe party than the engagement party. Big question for the engagement party is if it should be like a shower or more like a family reunion.
How would that possibly offend them?
EDIT: I have relatives that HAVE had them, I just did not attend it.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stag and Doe/Engagament Party????? : Because our friends and respective families don't know each other very well, and I'd like them to get the chance to. The "What are they" is a little more for the Stag and Doe party than the engagement party. Big question for the engagement party is if it should be like a shower or more like a family reunion. How would that possibly offend them?
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]
<div>A stag and doe will offend - it's a fundraiser.</div><div>
</div><div>You can have an engagment party if you want, but only if someone else offers to throw it for you. They are not typically gift-giving situations.</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stag and Doe/Engagament Party????? : A stag and doe will offend - it's a fundraiser. You can have an engagment party if you want, but only if someone else offers to throw it for you. They are not typically gift-giving situations.
Posted by dumdumfroggie[/QUOTE]
Yes, the Stag and doe is definitely OUT. For some reason I thought it was more of a less formal /drinking type party...Which I guess it still could be (plus fundraising)
That is my favorite part of the article.
[QUOTE]You don't know what they are, but you want them? What the frig? Guys. What's a Cleveland Steamer? It sounds like something I'd like to have.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
Ignoring your unnecessary rudeness; this is like saying that someone who has never been to a bridal shower, and doesn't know exactly how they work shouldn't have one. It's OBVIOUSLY a pre-wedding family get together. It's not so odd for someone to want to do such a thing, even with having little information outside of that.
Your response is uncouth, unnecessary and unhelpful.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stag and Doe/Engagament Party????? : Because our friends and respective families don't know each other very well, and I'd like them to get the chance to. The "What are they" is a little more for the Stag and Doe party than the engagement party. Big question for the engagement party is if it should be like a shower or more like a family reunion. How would that possibly offend them? EDIT: I have relatives that HAVE had them, I just did not attend it.
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]
I would highly suggest not doing a stag and doe, especially if you've never had one and aren't common in your area. Stag and does are really common where I am from (Ontario as well) and I posted a couple days ago and found out that they are definitely against etiquette yet people have them here all the time.
As for the engagement party, gifts should not be expected. We had a backyard BBQ where our families got to meet, it was very low-key. A few people asked our parents what we wanted as a gift and we just requested their presence, if it was possible, so everyone could get together before the wedding. Definitely don't expect it to be like a shower.
EDIT: just to clarify, we did not host our own engagement party, our families did.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stag and Doe/Engagament Party????? : Boom. Thesaurus'd.
Posted by MeganLindsay5685[/QUOTE]
...you wouldn't seriously need a thesaurus for those words, would you?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stag and Doe/Engagament Party????? : Ignoring your unnecessary rudeness;<strong> this is like saying that someone who has never been to a bridal shower, and doesn't know exactly how they work shouldn't have one. </strong>It's OBVIOUSLY a pre-wedding family get together. It's not so odd for someone to want to do such a thing, even with having little information outside of that. Your response is uncouth, unnecessary and unhelpful.
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]
No they shouldn't - unless someone offers to host it for them.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stag and Doe/Engagament Party????? : Because our friends and respective families don't know each other very well, and I'd like them to get the chance to. The "What are they" is a little more for the Stag and Doe party than the engagement party. Big question for the engagement party is if it should be like a shower or more like a family reunion. How would that possibly offend them? EDIT: I have relatives that HAVE had them, I just did not attend it.
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]
The engagement party is more like a family event. Some people may bring gifts, but that should not be expected.
The shower is separate from the e-party. It is traditionally female only, but it is becoming more common to include men. That is up to you and your FI.
You do not throw either of these events for yourselves. You wait for someone to offer to throw them. If no one offers, you do not have them.
[QUOTE]Oh FFS, OP. I actually tried to be helpful, but you're getting ridiculous.
Posted by dumdumfroggie[/QUOTE]
NO Idea what FFS means, but yes, you were helpful. However, I see no problem with calling useless people on this board out on their asshattery.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stag and Doe/Engagament Party????? : NO Idea what FFS means, but yes, you were helpful. However, I see no problem with calling useless people on this board out on their asshattery.
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]
<div>Yep, just like what they are doing to you.</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stag and Doe/Engagament Party????? : You may even say she is required, quintessential, and of paramount importance.
Posted by MeganLindsay5685[/QUOTE]
See, THOSE are words which may make you think thesurus, as they mean basically the same thing. Uncouth, unecessary, and unhelpful DO NOT mean the same thing, actually, and should not make you think "Thesurus" (unless you really think I looked up synonymns for 3 different words, and then choose words that are extremely common).
Just thought I'd help you out. =)
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stag and Doe/Engagament Party????? : Yep, just like what they are doing to you.
Posted by dumdumfroggie[/QUOTE]
If you think asking a question = asshattery... you might want to reconsider your affinity for forums.
Good for you, OP, you go be butthurt. I'm sure it will completely transform Eagles' and Rachers' posting styles.
Step away from the keyboard, drink a glass of wine and calm the eff down.
[QUOTE]Oh, FFS, OP. Step away from the keyboard, drink a glass of wine and calm the eff down.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]
Still no idea what FFS means. Not that it's likely to matter.