Deal Breakers

tmm140

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_deal-breakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:958ce528-5101-40bc-8ad7-218e555d112dPost:d9385f1c-7226-4f3e-b123-4a6c6eb71437">Re: Deal Breakers</a>:
[QUOTE]Thread jack:  I'm watching, "The Day the Earth Stood Still" - why am I wishing my tv would just go blank?  I'm just killing time until Dexter starts. ::threadjack over::
Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]
yeah that movie was horrible...turn off now.  No image is probably more enjoyable then that movie.

reddy123

bby: Dexter can never come soon enough!

bbyckes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_deal-breakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:958ce528-5101-40bc-8ad7-218e555d112dPost:8db23520-f67f-4c5d-a6c3-273e3398016a">Re: Deal Breakers</a>:
[QUOTE]Cacoffer, I've never met a man who had had relations with a man and then wanted to be with me, so it's hard to say. I would be concerned that he wasn't really doing what he truly wanted. That being said, I think there's a huge double standard between women who have been with women and men who have been with men.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

I agree with this completely and I'm guilty of the double standard.  I do share the unpopular opinion that just because a man has relations with another man, doesn't necessarily mean he's gay. But, I don't want to take that chance.   I am a walking contradiction.

bbyckes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_deal-breakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:958ce528-5101-40bc-8ad7-218e555d112dPost:65856f81-656b-4239-9ef9-1f8b0333f63b">Re: Deal Breakers</a>:
[QUOTE]bby: Dexter can never come soon enough!
Posted by reddy123[/QUOTE]

Reddy, so true!!!  Can't wait!

jajph1974

Cheating and lying. If you're not cheating on me you have no reason to lie to me. That's the way I see it anyway.

I think (most) other things can be worked out.

megk8oz

I'm back, Comcast crapped itself for a while on me.

I was with my ex for almost 3 years.  He was also a butt munch, a cheater, a liar, abusive and a million other horrible things.

But one day after like 2.5 years he just woke up one day and decided he was not going to pee in a toilet anymore. He would either go in empty bottles or actually walk outside to go pee in the backyard (He wasn't really welcome at my parents house before this started up). After several weeks of trying to "re-house break" him, I finally gave up and pretty much said "You know, you treat me like sh!t, you physically and emotionally hurt me, you can't be faithful to me, you've ruined me life, and now you can't even be potty-trained?!?!?!!?! I'm sorry, I got nothing left".

Mind you we started dating when I was 18, and he was my first real boyfriend, so I am more than aware that I was being a total f**ktard.

nda_roxybabe

What the eff what made him decide to stop using a toilet??

megk8oz

I would also never tolerate cheating or abuse again. I guess that's a common sense thing, but like I've said, I've had my moments of f**ktard-ness.

I also was involved with a guy that had been in prison for a short period of time. He actually was a pretty good guy (He "found Jesus" in prison, and was all about getting his life back on track) ... the deal breaker with him was about 6 months into the relationship he sprung it on me that he had a kid. The kid wasn't the deal-breaker, it was the fact that just a few days after meeting, he confessed he'd been behind bars and was on parole at the time ... but he kept the kid a secret for so long because he thought "it would scare me off"

crfische

Well, hey. As long as you know.

Insulting men are also a deal breaker.

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_deal-breakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:958ce528-5101-40bc-8ad7-218e555d112dPost:3db3c0ad-4c3b-42f6-9f42-8029b5635a73">Re: Deal Breakers</a>:
[QUOTE]What the eff what made him decide to stop using a toilet??
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

I really don't know. He never gave me a reason ... actually for the first week or so he tried to deny it was going on when I tried asking. After that, if I brought it up it kinda turned into a
"B!tch, STFU" thing that ended in a fight.

Baaaaaaaaad relationship.

sarahmk5

I couldn't marry someone who wasn't motivated.  I dated this guy who wasn't, and it just was not a good experience.

crfische

I dated about 10 guys that weren't. I'm a slow learner.

Or a bleeding heart.

tlv204

Actually smoking doesn't bother me, probably because I was a smoker, but I do have to say that the fact that H doesn't smoke make it a lot easier for me to quit.

No cheaters, idiots, homophobes, racists, religious fanatics, closed minded bigots, momma's boys, dog haters, or drama queens for me please.

playtntsbpg30

Someone, who didn't want kids, and couldn't hold down a job. Any kind of abuse, mentally, phsycialy, or verbal, and can not be controling. Being with the guy doesn't mean you're not your own boss. If at all possible, knowing wheather or not, he cheated or lied about anything little or big. These would all be deal breakers for me.

A lot of the ones that were mentioned, that's my FI. he has 2 son's already, was married before-but the kids aren't with ex wife, just an ex gf. He was in prison, and was for drugs. And he's a smoker, (slowly quitting, he has this fake e-cig) it's a start. I also smoked until this past year.

megk8oz

Most of the others have been covered.

But I couldn't marry a guy that wanted a threesome or thought he was "missing out" on sexual experiences.  I can tolerate a porn collection and "taking care of business" on his own ... but to made to feel like I'm "competing" with these things is a no-no.

jessjo04

Yeah, DH smokes and doesnt have a college education. No wonder hes such an awful person!

Dealbreakers for me would be someone who is not religious or is of a vastly different religion than I am, someone who has no career ambitions or doesnt work hard. No one who doesnt want kids or doesnt like animals (DH is a cat person). DH doesnt love my dog, but he knew when we were dating that I would have a dog- not negotiable.

No to anyone who gets violent when angry. And the usual no cheaters, no liars.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_deal-breakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:958ce528-5101-40bc-8ad7-218e555d112dPost:8c8ed48d-d8aa-4622-a1a4-60253a0889b4">Re: Deal Breakers</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, DH smokes and doesnt have a college education. No wonder hes such an awful person!
Posted by jessjo04[/QUOTE]

yeah, that's totally it.

are you really this dense?

jessjo04

And no liberals, I get tired after so many political arguments.

Brie2010

Aside from the obvious no murderers/cheaters/junkies:

I could never marry someone who drinks heavily on a regular basis--not alcoholic level, but a binge drinker.  I hate being around drunk people.

I could probably never date a vegan, either, especially a moral vegan.  I like meat and cheese too much.

mandysmear

Wow, jessjo has dealbreakers?  Shocking.

megk8oz

Oh, no vegans, vegitarians ... or guys with gluten allergies. Meg needs carbs and bacon ... and to not get any grief about it.

kaesha

Smoking (I'm allergic & my Nana died of lung cancer from my grandad's smoking - while he lived for another 15 guilt and misery filled years after that).

Cheating.

A fear of change. Growth is a good thing; I hate stagnation.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_deal-breakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:958ce528-5101-40bc-8ad7-218e555d112dPost:180a7131-54db-4a72-8e36-86025f03fe93">Re: Deal Breakers</a>:
[QUOTE]A momma's boy. And I'm not talking I love and respect my mom, I'm talking, my mom is more important than you and the cord hasn't been cut.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Agreed. I also couldn't marry someone who was habitually unemployed. Or someone who made fun of fat chicks. Or someone homophobic.  Or a high school drop-out (like my ex!). Judge away.

FI actually does smoke one or two cigarettes a day. I wish he would stop for his own sake, but I admit it could be worse and I DO think it looks kind of hot... I used to be a social smoker, too, so I sort of understand.

jasmineh7777

I couldn't marry someone who was dead set on having kids.
FI is agnostic, and I am good with that. But, I couldn't date an Atheist, or someone with dramatically different religious views.
 I couldn't marry someone who was mean to animals, or someone who watched sports.

amalama

I could never be with someone that didn't want kids, because I already have one. I could also never marry someone that didn't love her too.

A lot of what other people have said I think could be worked out, but lack of ambition would be a problem for me.

BF is a momma's boy (used to be a lot worse, I don't think there are any big things that bug me anymore). And he dropped out of HS (to work and move out when his mom remarried) but he got his GED and went to college.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Oh, I couldn't marry someone evangelical. I could barely talk to people like that, so I don't think it would get to a point we were considering marriage anyway.

FI has also done drugs. But then, so have I. He's a gemini, though, so I blame that on the fact that he's done a bunch of stuff you would never in a million years picture him doing if you met him!

katiepoppy

I could not be with someone who was not okay with me having a higher salary than him.  My mom always made more than my dad, and he was okay with it, but I know a lot of men that aren't.

And along those lines, I would not be with someone who demanded that I become a SAHM.

amalama

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_deal-breakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:958ce528-5101-40bc-8ad7-218e555d112dPost:f34df9f8-14d7-4599-b212-5a36f6f90c2c">Re: Deal Breakers</a>:
[QUOTE]I could not be with someone who was not okay with me having a higher salary than him.  My mom always made more than my dad, and he was okay with it, but I know a lot of men that aren't. And along those lines, I would not be with someone who demanded that I become a SAHM.
Posted by katiepoppy[/QUOTE]

This is a good one. I also could not marry someone who was not okay with me keeping my name, although I'm not even positive I am going to. Or a lot of other sexist things that I have seemed to notice in my friend's SOs lately.

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_deal-breakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:958ce528-5101-40bc-8ad7-218e555d112dPost:f34df9f8-14d7-4599-b212-5a36f6f90c2c">Re: Deal Breakers</a>:
[QUOTE]IAnd along those lines, I would not be with someone who demanded that I become a SAHM.
Posted by katiepoppy[/QUOTE]


Agreed.  I worked way too hard for my masters to give up my career. And as much as I adore children and do want my own, I honestly think staying home all day, every day with them would drive me batty.

e_jakiela

OK... wow, there are many for me:

1. Mommy's boy
2. says: "I have to see how you walk in heels. A good wife must know how to walk in heels" (this really happened).
3. Drug problem (do not mistake for some HS use, we all did it).
4. Says: "I don't really like condoms"... and a few lines later: "can you get tested? (sorry, but YOU are the one who doesn't like the shyt that protects YOU - deal breaker!!!)
5. Pays $4,500 for a one bedroom in the city, but asks me to pay tip on the first date? (I am not materialistic, but if you take me to a restaurant where my meal will cost more than a whole month of my lunches, you set an expectation that you can pick up a tab... all of it... otherwise, I am OK with dive bars and Guiness).
6. Likes experimenting with chemicals (???)
7. Has an ex GF who suddently tells him she is preggers with twins and they are his (at that time I was 22 and haven't given up on meeting the right person).
8. Doesn't like sex... or likes anal sex only... (freaks)
9. Prison, abuse, other criminal history