Love and Light too ALL!

alishaloo

Sending love and light to all the unhappy- stressed- upset- angry- hurt- and even the happy people out there!

Snippylynn

You've been dreaming of shoving cake in your husbands face your whole life? That's unfortunate.

To your question, well, I agree. Shoving cake is stupid and immature.

LeiselEB

If your FI does not want to do it, I don't think you should do it. I have a feeling it's not just his family that is reluctant. This isn't something like a centerpiece he doesn't like - he doesn't want cake smeared onto his face. I would respect his opinion on that, and just feed each other pieces of cake without shoving it in his face. 

crash2729

We didn't do any cake shoving. 

I told H before hand that if I got any cake on my dress that I would seek revenge.

PetalPockets2012

I hope you mean dreaming of the wedding. How does your FI feel?

Personally, I'm not a fan of having food on my face for any reason, let alone having it shoved on there. I am spending money on my hair, dress, and makeup and I don't want to ruin it potentially with smashed cake.

AdeleDazeem

I admit that I like when the couple does a slight cake smoosh.  We did it a little - icing on the nose, a little cake on the face.  Ha.  Fun.

What I don't like is when the bride and groom go all out, put on trash bags to protect their clothes (I've seen this!!  Oh my god!) or just makes a spectacle of it.  Ridiculous.

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cake-shoving-yes-or-np?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6cb2e82-f9dc-4367-a2ca-e08cfb26f790Post:10f8d326-45f5-4914-87fe-65441c39eb8e">Re: Cake shoving - Yes or Np?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Cake shoving - Yes or Np? : Wait, I just reread your post.  <strong>You're actually considering stealth cake smashing?</strong>  This is the most ridiculous thing I've read all day.  Well done. 
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
Lol. <div>I don't think cake smashing is a hill to die on. </div><div>I don't really think cake smashing is even traditional? I've never been to a wedding where it was done.</div>

whitsy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cake-shoving-yes-or-np?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6cb2e82-f9dc-4367-a2ca-e08cfb26f790Post:66b3ee39-bc23-422a-b2bd-9769c3c93593">Cake shoving - Yes or Np?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI- says that his family says- <strong>that it is Disrespectful, out of line and RUDE to shove cake in eachothers faces at a wedding...</strong>. I really don't know how to respond to this beacuse I think its just crazy and up tight to think that way. We both come from very different familys but blend well together- how ever I don't blend well into his family as is.. I don't want to make it worse I'm super tradtional and have been dreaming about this my entire life... and now I don't really know what to do. Just don't talk about it and do it at the wedding. Flat out ask his family what they think about it and why so maybe I can see thire side? Drop it and just let it go ( its kinda one of those things I really don't want to settle on.) Compramise and just do ... oh a little frosting on his nose? I dk what to do... I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal to me but it like it!
Posted by alishaloo[/QUOTE]

<div>If he feels that it's disrespectful then don't do it. It's that simple. You don't get to do something that he's against just because you've been dreaming of doing it your whole life. It's not something as simple as wearing a garter. This is something that you are doing to him, and he has a right to say no.</div><div>
</div><div>I don't think it's uptight at all, but if he is, then I am too, because I agree with him. I can't imagine getting cake and icing all over an outfit that you made hundreds of dollars for.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: And doing it anyway without his knowledge would be even worse. I would be so mad.</div>

DramaGeek

I agree with your fi and his family and I'll admit to being judgey of people who do cake shoving.

H knew there was no way I'd stand for any shoving of cake.  He jokingly put a dab of frosting on my nose, then quickly wiped it off.

Mrs.B6302007

If ruining your makeup, getting cake in your hair and on your dress is what you've been looking forward to, then more power to you.

Personally, I think it's disrespectful and unnecessary.  And there's absolutely no way that I would have done that to my husband without discussing it first.  Is your mission to embarrass him on your wedding day?

pokepoke27

Choose your battles wisely. This one is not a wise choice.

I spent $260 on my hair and make up for the wedding day. IMO that's too much to ruin with icing all over my face. I told that to H and he put a teeny piece of cake in my mouth to avoid accidentally getting icing on my face. Because he's sweet like that. 

Remember it's HIS day too. He has a right to have things done his way as well. 

Gabrielle76

Cake smashing isn't really a tradition, it's just something that people do a lot.  The tradition is giving the other person a bite of cake. 

I think cake smashing is rude and disrespectful.  "Instead of lovingly giving you this piece of cake to represent trust and care, I'm going to jam it in your face like a six year old trying to give spaghetti to the cat"  My dad did it to my mom on their wedding.  She was upset, and it's something he still feels bad about.  I would be really upset if FI did it to me. 

HandBanana

No. All these wedding rituals have meanings. Feeding each other cake symbolizes how you will take care of one another. Shoving it in each others face may have been cute and unique when the first couple did it but now its just canned and cringe inducing, see also WP choreographed dances. I have actually seen a couples first fight b es cause the groom got too rough after the bride shoved cake in his face.

Mrs.B6302007

Alright, one of y'all knows the answer to this (or has quicker google fingers than I do). 
Where did this stupid "tradition" come from?

Snippylynn

You guys are totally going to last. Totally.

WildRumpus

Like others have said, if your FI is against it, that should be reason enough not to pursue it any further. H and I were on the same page; it's disrespectful and honestly, a bit juvenile. If I would not have been thrilled if I had ended up with cake in my nose, hair, or down my dress.

Gabrielle76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cake-shoving-yes-or-np?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6cb2e82-f9dc-4367-a2ca-e08cfb26f790Post:2491fb1f-156a-4850-be34-ce8ac7ab2c68">Re: Cake shoving - Yes or Np?</a>:
[QUOTE]Alright, one of y'all knows the answer to this (or has quicker google fingers than I do).  Where did this stupid "tradition" come from?
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

Feeding each other cake symbolizes the commitment to provide for and take care of each other.  Smashing cake in each others faces doesn't have a specific origin, but it looks like getting cake on your face done.  Apparently in the middle ages, when traditional wedding cakes involved stacking them as high as possible (similar to what we do now) it was traditional for the bride and groom to kiss over the cake without knocking it down.  When frosting went into fashion during the reign of Charles II, getting frosting on your face became a part of the deal.

Smashing cake in your new spouses face is still gross though. 

Simply Fated

"Just don't talk about it and do it at the wedding."

I don't think it's a good idea to do something you know he doesn't want to have happen. I mean, it's the day of your guys' wedding. Probably not the best time to be pulling a prank you know he won't laugh at.

I think a little bit on the nose or the mouth is okay IF the other person is okay with it. Otherwise, I'm generally against food fights at a reception.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cake-shoving-yes-or-np?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6cb2e82-f9dc-4367-a2ca-e08cfb26f790Post:e47d1804-6699-4dc8-a5e4-ccf05ab86d93">Re: Cake shoving - Yes or Np?</a>:
[QUOTE]Like others have said, if your FI is against it, that should be reason enough not to pursue it any further. H and I were on the same page; it's disrespectful and honestly, a bit juvenile. If I would not have been thrilled if I had ended up with <strong>cake in my nose, </strong>hair, or down my dress.
Posted by Jill9288[/QUOTE]


Yep, because frostified nose hair is not attractive.

[Deleted User]

Deliberately doing something to your spouse the DAY of your wedding that they specifically do not like does not IMO get a marriage off to a good start.

But hey....that's just me.
Our wedding day was the second most day that my husband was the most tender, caring, and sweet to me.  The first was when our first child was born.

SparrowSong

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cake-shoving-yes-or-np?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6cb2e82-f9dc-4367-a2ca-e08cfb26f790Post:c63b81e9-c295-4260-a041-85b92007f9c5">Re:Cake shoving Yes or Np?</a>:
[QUOTE]No. All these wedding rituals have meanings. Feeding each other cake symbolizes how you will take care of one another. Shoving it in each others face may have been cute and unique when the first couple did it but now its just canned and cringe inducing, see also WP choreographed dances. I have actually seen a couples first fight b es cause the groom got too rough after the bride shoved cake in his face.
Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]

This is my feeling too. Of all the traditional rituals in a wedding, this is one that I actually still like, the idea that you promise to feed and care for each other. To take that tradition and ruin it by instead "harming" or "humiliating" your new spouse just doesn't seem like a good way to start things (in quotes because I know most don't take it that far...) Meanwhile all the yucky outdated traditions like being given from one man to another still go on in most weddings.

I judge cake smashers at their weddings, I definitely do. Icing on the nose, whatever, not as big of a deal, but still I'd just rather see a nice sweet mutual bite of cake and then a sweet kiss. I definitely see more of a partnership and ability to respect each other in couples who can publicly  show that respect from day one.

kroot87

FI thinks it would be funny and cute, I told him I'd consider it assault and grounds for annulment. I totally get where your FI is coming from, you should respect his wishes. If you were both on the same page I'd say go for it, but you obviously are not. It's super tacky, IMO, and I'm not sure I've ever actually seen it done at a wedding.

It won't kill you to skip smashing cake in your H's face.

Mrw218

Must've missed the part where u said your fianc didn't want it. If he said no then I agree w PP. if he hasn't said anything then def need to discuss if it is something you want to do. But as much as you say you don't get why his family cares, I don't get why this is the thing you want to have a discussion about. Seems rather absurd. If someone is that opposed why wouldn't you just say ok. I personally don't care at a wedding if they do it or not. I don't particularly think its cute or rude. In fact when I reminisce about past weddings that may be the one detail that I cared so little I can't remember anything about it. At my upcoming wedding I don't want it. Don't like stuff on my face and old icing smells like milk which I hate.

WildRumpus

Just looking a bit more, it looks like you've had LOTS of ideas for your reception that your FI doesn't like, and have asked about them a few different times...maybe time to drop it? These are little things that you're disagreeing on. they're issues that he's not comfortable with that you're still pushing.

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cake-shoving-yes-or-np?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6cb2e82-f9dc-4367-a2ca-e08cfb26f790Post:fab6e6da-c38f-4d0c-b8af-4518dd3af9c9">Re:Cake shoving Yes or Np?</a>:
[QUOTE]Must've missed the part where u said your fianc didn't want it. If he said no then I agree w PP. if he hasn't said anything then def need to discuss if it is something you want to do. But as much as you say you don't get why his family cares, I don't get why this is the thing you want to have a discussion about. Seems rather absurd. If someone is that opposed why wouldn't you just say ok. I personally don't care at a wedding if they do it or not. I don't particularly think its cute or rude. In fact when I reminisce about past weddings that may be the one detail that I cared so little I can't remember anything about it. At my upcoming wedding I don't want it. Don't like stuff on my face and old icing smells like milk which I hate.
Posted by Mrw218[/QUOTE]
Huh?

HandBanana

In Response to Re:Cake shoving Yes or Np?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Cake shoving Yes or Np?:Must've missed the part where u said your fianc didn't want it. If he said no then I agree w PP. if he hasn't said anything then def need to discuss if it is something you want to do. But as much as you say you don't get why his family cares, I don't get why this is the thing you want to have a discussion about. Seems rather absurd. If someone is that opposed why wouldn't you just say ok. I personally don't care at a wedding if they do it or not. I don't particularly think its cute or rude. In fact when I reminisce about past weddings that may be the one detail that I cared so little I can't remember anything about it. At my upcoming wedding I don't want it. Don't like stuff on my face and old icing smells like milk which I hate.Posted by Mrw218Huh? Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

Icing smells like old milk?

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cake-shoving-yes-or-np?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6cb2e82-f9dc-4367-a2ca-e08cfb26f790Post:05d9e952-bf45-4d4e-abb9-c7b1d91b6102">Re:Cake shoving Yes or Np?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Cake shoving Yes or Np?: Icing smells like old milk?
Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]
No. Old Icing smells like milk. I think.

alishaloo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cake-shoving-yes-or-np?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6cb2e82-f9dc-4367-a2ca-e08cfb26f790Post:93b52754-fe1f-4bc3-b1ab-b6ffa5050e50">Re: Cake shoving - Yes or Np?</a>:
[QUOTE]I admit that I like when the couple does a slight cake smoosh.  We did it a little - icing on the nose, a little cake on the face.  Ha.  Fun. What I don't like is when the bride and groom go all out, put on trash bags to protect their clothes (I've seen this!!  Oh my god!) or just makes a spectacle of it.  Ridiculous.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

Yeah nothing extraem just take a bite and then oops my hand slipped. I don't want to make a mess or anything just be cute and fun!
This is the first helpful feed back I've recieved.

PetalPockets2012

Why would the icing be old?

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cake-shoving-yes-or-np?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6cb2e82-f9dc-4367-a2ca-e08cfb26f790Post:9339ac9d-0727-41e7-aded-be25a50a1d99">Re: Cake shoving - Yes or Np?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cake shoving - Yes or Np? : Yeah nothing extraem just take a bite and then <strong>oops my hand slipped</strong>. I don't want to make a mess or anything just be cute and fun! This is the first helpful feed back I've recieved.
Posted by alishaloo[/QUOTE]
But your hand DIDN'T slip and your FI has already said he didn't want to have cake smashed in his face. <div>For you to do so even after he has made his feelings clear is rude and disrespectful.</div>

Lisa50

No cake shoving, esp if either the bride or groom has reservations about it.  When in doubt, go for politeness.