Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding

MattsPenguin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:2a96d3c2-95c2-4bfc-a53a-dccf1c275a15">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding : I don't think you're getting it. The bride and groom basically paid the photographer to point his camera in the B&G's general direction for X amount of hours. They did NOT pay the photographer to point his camera at this random family for however many minutes. The money paid was the photographer's fee, and the guest family usurped some of that paid-for time. EDIT: Oops, too slow. Ditto MilkDuds.
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]

Good use of the word "usurp"!  I like it!

AmandaK2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:ab7ad503-65e0-438d-ad71-470d20e721c4">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with the others - you have absolutely no obligation to make these pictures available to your family member, or to pay for them so that she gets a copy.  <strong>I would stay out of it as much as possible and let the two of them deal with it. 
</strong>Posted by arbolita[/QUOTE]

You said you don't know if it is worth losing a relationship over....it is not.

TatiMarie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:a4bc7ece-4020-42b7-bdfc-60cc447f4366">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding : No one paid for anything.  The bride and groom were not charged anything in addition.  While they did manage to weasel out of paying a sitting fee, that is the photographer's lost revenue. 
Posted by AmandaK2010[/QUOTE]

<font size="1"><p>It wasn't like the couple went up to the photographer and asked "Hey, can you snap a quick picture of us?" According to the OP, the posed for pictures inside AND outside the reception venue. How obnoxious.  Sure, the B&G didn't have to pay extra, but this couple felt entitled to use someone's wedding photography for their "glamour shots" and that irks me. </p></font>

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:2b87187d-5470-4869-b43a-ed3608485cc3">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding : You said you don't know if it is worth <strong>losing a relationship over</strong>....it is not.
Posted by AmandaK2010[/QUOTE]

I don't think it has to come to that though. From what OP has said, she has had a relationship with this woman for years, and there didn't seem to be any malice involved. So she should be able to politely explain it to her and if the woman is a true friend, she will realize her gaffe and understand that she should respect her friends' wishes to keep the peace with her other guests by displaying wedding photos only. And then said friend will have the freedom to purchase her own damn pictures. And then hugs and makeup kisses, I don't know.

skeb76

I can't see being upset with the photographer.   I had already told her my sister might ask to have a photo of her with her husband and that it was okay (my sister thought it was tacky and decided against asking for it).  It was a small wedding (only 35 people including the party), the ceremony and reception were held in the same room and there were 2 photographers as she has an assistant so I don't believe  there were shots of us that were missed because of this. 

I guess I wanted to post this to decide whether I was overreacting to the situation before deciding what to do about it.

lharri12

okay, if you're not upset with the photog, you tell the guest you don't want to post them because other guests will be upset that they didn't have the same opportunity to take family pictutres, so if she wants to see them, she should contact the photog.
done.

AmandaK2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:c1a140b3-a972-4202-add3-e66d0492dc0f">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't see being upset with the photographer.   I had already told her my sister might ask to have a photo of her with her husband and that it was okay (my sister thought it was tacky and decided against asking for it).  It was a small wedding (only 35 people including the party), the ceremony and reception were held in the same room and there were 2 photographers as she has an assistant so I don't believe  there were shots of us that were missed because of this.  I guess I wanted to post this to decide whether I was overreacting to the situation before deciding what to do about it.
Posted by skeb76[/QUOTE]

You are totally ok to not have them on the website.  Everyone doesn't have to see their family pictures.  No one besides the people in them care.  But, you shouldn't refuse to let them get the pictures.  That is a little wierd and bridezilla-after-the-factish. 

If the friend asks, just say she needs to contact the photographer because only selected photos are on the site. 

End of the problem.

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:c6c6d093-1e14-4ba4-82c8-bf4cf360c470">Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I had a very small wedding, only inviting immediate family and a few guests.  One guest apparently pulled the photographer aside to take personal photos of her and her husband both inside and outside the reception.  I only realized this after I received the wedding photos and saw several posed photos of them.  (Our photographers did not take any posed photos except a few of the wedding party, we did not even take group photos of our own family members).  I don't want to post the photos because I know every family member will assume I told them they could use the photographer and why weren't they allowed to ask for the same type of family portraits?   But the guest has now called the photographer to ask why the photographs are not visible on the site.  What do I do?   
Posted by skeb76[/QUOTE]
poison dart. seriously.

AmoroAgain

Tell the guest if she wants them, she has to pay for them.  Simple as that.

AmandaK2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:8394ec8a-b1d2-4ffa-88d9-3de518971ff3">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Tell the guest if she wants them, she has to pay for them.  Simple as that.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

Would somone assume they would get the pictures for free?!  I

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:ab7ad503-65e0-438d-ad71-470d20e721c4">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with the others - you have absolutely no obligation to make these pictures available to your family member, or to pay for them so that she gets a copy.  I would stay out of it as much as possible and let the two of them deal with it. 
Posted by arbolita[/QUOTE]

THIS!

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:b75d44d9-499d-4fb4-aa70-159e7f8a055b">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding : Would somone assume they would get the pictures for free?!  I
Posted by AmandaK2010[/QUOTE]<div>Did you read any of this?  
</div>

AmandaK2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:b5e3dc48-0fee-4ca6-89cc-603410bbf24a">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding : Did you read any of this?  
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

Just because photographs are published on a website, that does not mean that you get the rights to them.  It often just gives you the chance to purchase them.

And you don't have to be rude. 

Stackeye210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:b5e3dc48-0fee-4ca6-89cc-603410bbf24a">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding : Did you read any of this?  
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

Nope - she's the new know it all bride on E.  Did you not get the memo? 

laladypoet

the OP is a doormat. she should buy the pictures, have them professionally framed, and send them to the guest along with her best jewelry. and get used to doing things like that. I have no patience for her.

amandak needs a link.

skeb76

I agree,  maybe that is what is bothering me about this, if only she had asked, I  would have said that it was fine.  I just would have liked to have been asked.  And when the photos did not appear on the pictage site, I would have liked her to call me and own up to asking for some photos to be taken and what happened to them?  The fact that she called the photographer made me feel like she was trying to slide something by me under the radar, and that just doesn't make me feel good about her or this situation.

AmoroAgain

Memo received!  We're all mean bitches and bridezilla's! *insert tired lines about being rude here*

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:e254ccdf-7a19-44f7-9cae-c8745484d112">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding : Just because photographs are published on a website, that does not mean that you get the rights to them.  It often just gives you the chance to purchase them. And you don't have to be rude. 
Posted by AmandaK2010[/QUOTE]

Your photography/business lecture aside, it seemed apparent from the OP's situation that her friend intended to at least view them (and probably show them to her friends via website) for free.

AmandaK2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:1b7d47fb-bfd6-4ab7-a935-10340f1a46d8">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding : Nope - she's the new know it all bride on E.  Did you not get the memo? 
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

Why do you need to be so rude?

No where on any of the OP's posts does it say that the photos would be free for these people.  I was simply asking if anyone would assume they would get free prints of these photographs that were taken.

Stackeye210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:94dc206e-2568-4676-8a95-8b08604e6374">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree,  maybe that is what is bothering me about this, if only she had asked, I  would have said that it was fine.  I just would have liked to have been asked.  And when the photos did not appear on the pictage site, I would have liked her to call me and own up to asking for some photos to be taken and what happened to them?  The fact that she called the photographer made me feel like she was trying to slide something by me under the radar, and that just doesn't make me feel good about her or this situation.
Posted by skeb76[/QUOTE]

I think your feelings are definitely justified.  It'll be up to you to let it go and give her access to the photos for her to purchase.  With it being such a small wedding you should be close enough with the couple for them to have given you a heads up about it. 

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:94dc206e-2568-4676-8a95-8b08604e6374">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree,  maybe that is what is bothering me about this, if only she had asked, I  would have said that it was fine.
Posted by skeb76[/QUOTE]
jesus h.

can you be my friend? I love doormats.

skeb76

Thanks for making me laugh out loud!!  Seriously!!

  Thank you all for your comments.

AmoroAgain

Considering that she used the photographer's services for free, why would she not assume that she gets the photos for free?

AmandaK2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:28469ab2-1982-4712-8934-ba5aa5c37427">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding : jesus h. can you be my friend? I love doormats.
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

There is no need to be rude or to call names.  That is not necessary.

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:a813bdf5-52cb-41b0-b21b-3f7ac013b93b">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding : There is no need to be rude or to call names.  That is not necessary.
Posted by AmandaK2010[/QUOTE]
ok, so when did this barrel of laughs get here?

Stackeye210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:a813bdf5-52cb-41b0-b21b-3f7ac013b93b">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding : There is no need to be rude or to call names.  That is not necessary.
Posted by AmandaK2010[/QUOTE]

That comment wasn't even to you - it was a joke to the OP, who chuckled about it because she understood the sarcasm going on in this thread.  Lighten up! 

laladypoet

amandaK, all joking aside, you are a suckfest. may I introduce you to the door? you can go through it and be a wet blanket elsewhere.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:11c3c5ca-4f0f-40c0-bc30-88480eee4145">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding : ok, so when did this barrel of laughs get here?
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]<div>Today.  She has the sense of humor of a moldy towel.

</div>

skeb76

C'mon now.  Not being a doormat.  this woman has been my friend for years.  She is just - clueless sometimes.  but this hurt my feelings.  I was trying to get some advice about the best way to handle it without ignoring my feelings (that is, being a doormat) and not using a poison dart (which really was one of my first inclinations).  that said, your advice was otherwise helpful.
skeb76 

Rosie109

Now since they are kind of in the same family, is a moldy towel and a wet blanket similar?