Have you seen this dad?

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_have-you-seen-this-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b156b234-d9e2-4ff1-b52f-429e73e9a869Post:fb48936e-291f-4a12-b074-9b3e458b90aa">Re: Have you seen this dad?</a>:
[QUOTE]The girl sounds like a brat, but so do many 15 year olds (I'd venture to say most at some point). The difference is that my 15 year old brattiness never went viral thanks to my parents posting a video.  Can you imagine the humilation that girl feels? She won't be able to get away from it. <strong> Had he posted on her facebook "_____ will not be using this account anymore due to a punishment for her inappropriate posts" that would have gotten a message across, still embarrassed her, but not on this level.</strong>  I feel uncomfortable when parents scold or otherwise discipline their child in public even if it's warranted, but this is another level. I really feel sorry for her. This video could haunt her for years.
Posted by djhar[/QUOTE]

What's to stop her from creating another account? I guess that's the other issue. He destroyed her laptop. I'm sure she can get access through a friend's computer, library, school, etc. So he really didn't take FB away from her at all.

ahhhitsshannyn

I have not seen the video but I can totally see fishys point. I would be TERRIFIED if someone sent me a video shooting my stuff. There is definitely a message there beyond just shooting a dang computer.

I also think it's really dumb for a father to make a video and post it on the internet to humiliate his child.

Although, I do think if he really was violent, he probably wouldn't make a public video of it, I thought generally people try to keep that stuff under wraps? I could be wrong on that. I think it was just a terrible idea that he didn't see the repercussions of.

Stackeye210

Do you all realize that Fisches job is to fix these mistakes idiot parents make because they have ever lasting consequences?  I think she knows what the f*ck she's talking about.  

crfische

How am I hurting people? By telling them I don't agree with them? Don't we do that every day?

ceh789

That was hard to watch - he was so hurt and angry

Shooting things is wasteful.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_have-you-seen-this-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b156b234-d9e2-4ff1-b52f-429e73e9a869Post:f2ee7778-2df6-4a9f-84dd-b85ad70ea211">Re: Have you seen this dad?</a>:
[QUOTE]I thought were team WE CAN DISAGREE AND STILL BE FRIENDS! No? Yeah, I have a really huge issue with people using guns to teach KIDS. A lesson. If that makes me an asshole and makes people not like me, they aren't people I want to know anyway.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>But disagreeing is different than calling people morons.  I personally don't care if you think I'm a moron for my opinion on this, but people like LDY take things much more personal.  I agree with LVB that it's just not a side I've seen of you.

</div>

louisvillebride21

You're saying you don't want to be friends with people that have a different opinon than you. You're telling them they're morons for disagreeing with you. That's HURTFUL. I'm sorry, but it just is. Who ARE you?

Birdie1483

MK, if this were my child I would:

- Have a LONG talk with her about how I felt and why what she did was not appropriate and was wrong
- Remove the post from Facebook
- Possibly delete her FB account
- Take away her computer
- Ground her for awhile

HeatherMKR

I don't like it when people argue in public. But I've seen plenty of parents scold in public (not whipping out a gun and shooting the box of cereal their kid wants *hee hee*)

This TEENAGER needs to think twice before posting something online. That's the point. It's not like it was a private message, it was on her wall.  Meaning, she wanted people to see it. 

Yes teenagers' brains are not fully developed to fully understand the consequences of their actions. But isn't that what parents are there for? To raise, guide, and educate their children?

This is not an argument about gun control. 

Does someone need a hug?

crfische

Or for the love of it, yes. I think that agreeing with this is moronic. Does that mean I don't like any of you or REALKY think your morons? No. I love all of you. But condoning this kind of parenting is very harmful on far reaching levels.

mkrupar

I can see why Fishy's response is what it is. It makes sense given what she does, what she cares about, etc. I don't think it's out of character for her to be strong in her opinion of something. We're just used to seeing a lighter side to her. I think this response is on the same level as her response to the Penn State thing.

I respect her, might not agree with every point she's making, but I understand and get what she and others are saying.

Birdie1483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_have-you-seen-this-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b156b234-d9e2-4ff1-b52f-429e73e9a869Post:d8f1b7ca-c3fe-43e0-8ea9-b59cab7d1578">Re: Have you seen this dad?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Have you seen this dad? : What's to stop her from creating another account? I guess that's the other issue. He destroyed her laptop. I'm sure she can get access through a friend's computer, library, school, etc. So he really didn't take FB away from her at all.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

I would continue to check to see if she made another account. He admitted he worked in IT, so he's definitely capable of finding her new accounts and putting a stop to them.

I will agree that kids are more resources these days to do things behind their parents back technology-wise than we did, but that doesn't mean that the parents can't be vigilant about trying to prevent it or stop it.

louisvillebride21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_have-you-seen-this-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b156b234-d9e2-4ff1-b52f-429e73e9a869Post:a33f892e-2a3e-4da3-a710-acb5506657e1">Re: Have you seen this dad?</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you all realize that Fisches job is to fix these mistakes idiot parents make because they have ever lasting consequences?  I think she knows what the f*ck she's talking about.  
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]
Well duh. I actually AGREE with Fish. But her delivery? Sucks. I feel betrayed and I wasn't even soemone she was calling a moron. 

maribeth721

Oh man, if FB existed when I was a kid and I did something like this, I could SO see my Dad reacting like this lol. High five to this guy. This was awesomely hilarious.

crfische

Sorry?

abbalish

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_have-you-seen-this-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b156b234-d9e2-4ff1-b52f-429e73e9a869Post:d8f1b7ca-c3fe-43e0-8ea9-b59cab7d1578">Re: Have you seen this dad?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Have you seen this dad? : What's to stop her from creating another account? I guess that's the other issue. He destroyed her laptop. I'm sure she can get access through a friend's computer, library, school, etc. So he really didn't take FB away from her at all.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

I actually though djhar's suggestion was a good one.  I mean, yeah, a kid can always find some way onto the internet to do what they're not supposed to, but it also sounds like the dad knows how to monitor her computer usage.  If she's grounded, I doubt she will be spending much time at friends' houses.

But on the same token, destroying her computer doesn't go any further in actually preventing her from Facebooking, either.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_have-you-seen-this-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b156b234-d9e2-4ff1-b52f-429e73e9a869Post:c29c1182-140c-4d64-b717-0a5e92b4d474">Re: Have you seen this dad?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you back away when I don't want you to, I'll shoot your laptop! Totally rational! But I'll yell at you first, so it's justified! Yay shooting things!
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

(I'm assuming this was to me)

And I don't even know how to respond to it, because it's clear that we just don't agree and never will.

crfische

Lvb, I'm sorry, but you aren't making sense and are being rather hypocritical yourself.

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_have-you-seen-this-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b156b234-d9e2-4ff1-b52f-429e73e9a869Post:78b0d575-67ff-4b9c-8f58-a861b43794b3">Re: Have you seen this dad?</a>:
[QUOTE]MK, if this were my child I would: - Have a LONG talk with her about how I felt and why what she did was not appropriate and was wrong - Remove the post from Facebook - Possibly delete her FB account - Take away her computer - Ground her for awhile
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

Yeah.  I agree with everything Birdie's throwing up here.  Except the FB account would definitely be deleted. 

I don't know why fifteen-year-olds need FB anyway.  Just because all their friends have it?  Man, in cases like this, getting rid of the FB is almost the kinder thing, when you think about all the stupid crap teenagers put on the internet anyway that stays FOREVER, as someone previously mentioned.

HeatherMKR

If it cause lasting effects, she can get a shrink. 

I'd be pissed if my dad did that. Yes, I'd probably be mad for a long time. But I'd think twice before complaining about him online for the world to see.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_have-you-seen-this-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b156b234-d9e2-4ff1-b52f-429e73e9a869Post:78b0d575-67ff-4b9c-8f58-a861b43794b3">Re: Have you seen this dad?</a>:
[QUOTE]MK, if this were my child I would: - Have a LONG talk with her about how I felt and why what she did was not appropriate and was wrong - Remove the post from Facebook - Possibly delete her FB account - Take away her computer - Ground her for awhile
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is probably how I would handle it too. </div><div>
</div><div>However, we don't know that this isn't how he handled it in the past.  (Not trying to argue with you personally at all, just saying that we really have absolutely no idea what other methods were tried first).

</div>

louisvillebride21

Honestly, please explain how I'm being hypocritical?

ETA: I delted all that because I'd rather take this to FB or PM. We don't need to air our dirty laundry too. 

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_have-you-seen-this-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b156b234-d9e2-4ff1-b52f-429e73e9a869Post:78b0d575-67ff-4b9c-8f58-a861b43794b3">Re: Have you seen this dad?</a>:
[QUOTE]MK, if this were my child I would: - Have a LONG talk with her about how I felt and why what she did was not appropriate and was wrong - Remove the post from Facebook - Possibly delete her FB account - Take away her computer - Ground her for awhile
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

Those seem like things I would do too, but he already grounded her for a similar incident. I would imagine that came with a long talk about it being inapprpriate. The post is already public. Granted no one but her friends/people in her circle would have known it existed if he hadn't done this. Deleting FB might work, but as I said in a PP she can create a new one.

I guess I was asking because I feel like all the rational things might have been done, and tit's* like, once all of those options have been gone though, what's next?

ETA: I could fix the typo, but it's too awesome.

Stackeye210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_have-you-seen-this-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b156b234-d9e2-4ff1-b52f-429e73e9a869Post:c5d2ed87-aa24-4caa-82f8-177653ad1f60">Re: Have you seen this dad?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't like it when people argue in public. But I've seen plenty of parents scold in public (not whipping out a gun and shooting the box of cereal their kid wants *hee hee*) <strong>This TEENAGER needs to think twice before posting something online. That's the point. It's not like it was a private message, it was on her wall.  Meaning, she wanted people to see it.  Yes teenagers' brains are not fully developed to fully understand the consequences of their actions. But isn't that what parents are there for? To raise, guide, and educate their children</strong>? This is not an argument about gun control.  Does someone need a hug?
Posted by HeatherMKR[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>These two things contradict one another.  Isn't the job as the parent to teach her before it becomes something she can never erase off the internet?  Because now she can never erase her rant off the internet b/c he read it right on a viral video.  </div><div>
</div><div>He made it so that she can never live this down.  </div><div>
</div><div>Making her delete her facebook would have been far more effective.  Taking her door of the hinge and taking everything out of her room but the essentials, far more effective.  Monitoring/limiting internet use, far more effective.  </div><div>
</div><div>Punishment does not need to imply physical harm.  Punishment should be something you learn from and move on from.  </div><div>
</div><div>This video does not effectively punish her.  In fact, I bet it will make her hate her parents and revolt more.  It's a shame.  </div>

annakb8

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_have-you-seen-this-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b156b234-d9e2-4ff1-b52f-429e73e9a869Post:a33f892e-2a3e-4da3-a710-acb5506657e1">Re: Have you seen this dad?</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you all realize that Fisches job is to fix these mistakes idiot parents make because they have ever lasting consequences?  I think she knows what the f*ck she's talking about.  
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, this. </div><div>
</div><div>I would get this upset if people were talking about improperly storing documents with historical relevance, but people don't make youtube videos involving guns about stuff like that.</div>

Habs2Hart

I don't think I've seen one single person who has condoned shooting the laptop Fish, but that's what you're focusing on.  I hate guns.  They are NEVER the answer (unless the question is to how to fill my freezer with delicious organic meat).  I hate seeing gun use be abused like this (which is part of the reason I hate guns) but that's not the focus of everyone's conversation here, but that's what you keep going back to. 

I don't know, but in all four pages I read a lot of people saying that shooting it was wrong, not that it was the most awesome thing ever.  So I don't really know where you're coming from on the thought that everyone thinks guns are the answer. 

Birdie1483

I honestly don't know what I'd do if I was in a situation where my child wasn't responding to my punishment, but I probably wouldn't resort to putting it on the internet. I would probably try another approach, like taking them to a therapist or something, to see what the root of the problem was. All I know is from my own experience of being parented by my parents and while I'll never know if my dad would shoot something, I can guarantee that my mom would never have allowed him to discipline me publicly like that. Yeah, I was yelled at in public, but that isn't permanent like this video will be.

crfische

Like I said. It's like saying that war is awesome, just not the whole fighting part!

louisvillebride21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_have-you-seen-this-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b156b234-d9e2-4ff1-b52f-429e73e9a869Post:640f58a8-bb57-4990-a117-49f4bb28fc7b">Re: Have you seen this dad?</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's another thought ... how should the other adults in the dad's life react to this situation? Or his employer? I would be totally shocked if say ... this guy was my uncle and the girl was my cousin. Or if he was a coworker. I wonder if that went across his mind at all.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]
Truth.<div>
</div><div>But, I'm guessing he's a farmer or something, based on what I could see of his land. </div>

ahhhitsshannyn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_have-you-seen-this-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b156b234-d9e2-4ff1-b52f-429e73e9a869Post:b7d38d4b-3c8d-4f97-a66c-a593ebe6a3fb">Re: Have you seen this dad?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>If it cause lasting effects, she can get a shrink.</strong>  I'd be pissed if my dad did that. Yes, I'd probably be mad for a long time. But I'd think twice before complaining about him online for the world to see.
Posted by HeatherMKR[/QUOTE]

Oh that's a perfectly healthy way of thinking. So I can just emotionally abuse my kids since a shrink can fix them later? Great!