Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:dc222197-e9f0-408f-be53-328933a949ac">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]Look, you've clearly made up your mind here. You're going to tell the bridesmaids not to bring the stripper. They may or may not respect your wishes. What else do you want? There's been lots of suggestions given, but you're finding a way to deflect each one. I don't know what else we can do for you.
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]
I think the reaction she was going for is righteous indignation and praise for her morals. or maybe we could take a poll: name the type of stick up OP's ass?

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:7ad4949c-615b-4b15-99db-554f1e0ea18e">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : I love you so much I won't send you a male stripper ever. unless I can pay noodle to get greased up.
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

Tru Fax - when he was 5, he wanted to be a Chippendale's dancer.  His mom said she caught him in a little bow tie from one of his church outfits dancing around in their living room once.

sarah0725

The only foolproof way to keep a stripper from showing up at your party is not to have a party.

Or you can tell the other girls that these are your conditions for hosting, and that if you aren't sure they will be met, there will be no party.

Or you could have a different kind of party that wouldn't lend itself well to strippers. To me, a bunch of girls hanging around in a hotel room sounds like the kind of party were strippers would be welcome.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:386dc8e2-e4cf-48b4-b84f-548b452c06de">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : I am really not trying to be a mother hen.  That isn't my intention at all.  Instead, I just think it is inappropriate for a stripper to be at a 19 year old's bachelorette party, and seeing as I am the one paying for it I think that is well within my rights to request that.  
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

I honestly think you are paying only so that you can control the situation. 

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:386dc8e2-e4cf-48b4-b84f-548b452c06de">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : I am really not trying to be a mother hen.  That isn't my intention at all.  Instead, I just think it is inappropriate for a stripper to be at a 19 year old's bachelorette party, and seeing as I am the one paying for it I think that is well within my rights to request that.  
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]
I doubt you're the only one paying for it. besides, if they're keeping the stripper a secret from you, they won't expect you to pay for it.
and the word "inappropriate" is part of the mother hen's credo.

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:bdd22e41-a888-47b1-9296-0b56d3d71378">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : Then she shouldn't go.  Look, you've obviously got some BMs who want to go out and have an adult celebration.  Maybe the bride would like to do the same thing.  Even if she can't drink, maybe she wants to go out dancing or something.  If I was 17, I would completely understand why I couldn't attend a grown-up B-party. Maybe the bride can go have dinner with her, or they can go get their nails done or something to make her feel included without making everyone else feel like they're babysitting or stuck in a Sweet Valley High novel.  It kind of sounds like you are the only one who doesn't think this is okay, and since you're NOT the bride, you need to stop and consider if you're trying to force your own ideas and issues on a bunch of folks who really don't want to hear it.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>REASON.</div><div>Thy name is Nuggs.

</div>

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:b382dd2a-d627-4869-85a4-035c768ff72c">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : I doubt you're the only one paying for it. besides, if they're keeping the stripper a secret from you, they won't expect you to pay for it. and the word "inappropriate" is part of the mother hen's credo.
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

Stop being inapproprate, Lala.  ACT LIKE A LADY.

On the realio though, I agree.  I hate people that pay for stuff, and then proceed to throw "well since I'm paying..." before everything having to do with said activity or party or whatever.  They aren't talking about snorting blow off a 11 year old prositute's stomach while waiting for the arms dealer to show up with their newest cache of uranium to sell to Iran, for Godssake.  It's just a stupid stripper.  That's exactly why I wouldn't let my dad put in cash for our wedding, because he'd pull that sh*t and I'd also get it thrown back in my face when I didn't do something he wanted me to.

Calypso1977

honestly, call me square, but i think whats inapprorpiate is letting a 17 year old spend the night in a hotel room knowing there is a good chance there may be drinking, strippers, etc.    i would nto want my 17 year old in that situation.

Liberty27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:4ec5e590-4425-4902-abb6-c8f5923b17ec">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : I think it's interesting that you're up in arms about a stripper, but you see NOTHING wrong with a 19 year old getting married and having a bach party for her. I simply think your priorities are messed up. Either you're upset that it's not appropriate or you're worried about liability. I'm with you on the liability thing, all the way. But if the bride is 19 and having a full on bach party, she's old enough to have stripper junk in her face. I mean, who else is going to teach her the facts of life to make sure she's totally prepared for her husband on her wedding night?
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

<div>I didn't say I see nothing wrong with a 19 year old being married.  I also have tried to refrain from using the words "bach party" because to me it is more of a chance for the bridal party to escape all the wedding craziness for a night and just hang out together.</div>

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:1c585313-0ab3-45b5-b7c7-1b1e831e1dda">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not sure why the idea that if someone is uncomfortable with the stripper that they can't get up and walk away? I mean I am not a world traveller, but I have been in some shady situations on my journeys and if I was uncomfortable with something I got myself out of the situation. 
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]
don't you know? if you're not 24, you're not able to determine for yourself if you're uncomfortable.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:1c585313-0ab3-45b5-b7c7-1b1e831e1dda">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not sure why the idea that if someone is uncomfortable with the stripper that they can't get up and walk away? I mean I am not a world traveller, but I have been in some shady situations on my journeys and if I was uncomfortable with something I got myself out of the situation. 
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

STOP BEING REASONABLE, ROSIE.  You're messing everything up.

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:82cb9027-cb67-47f3-a2f2-e3da052645ba">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : Tru Fax - when he was 5, he wanted to be a Chippendale's dancer.  His mom said she caught him in a little bow tie from one of his church outfits dancing around in their living room once.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]
heh, sounds like he's got a halloween costume figured out for next year!

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:c82bbc84-38c3-47d6-a055-b0cc78e4cfef">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : Stop being inapproprate, Lala.  ACT LIKE A LADY. On the realio though, I agree.  I hate people that pay for stuff, and then proceed to throw "well since I'm paying..." before everything having to do with said activity or party or whatever.  <strong>They aren't talking about snorting blow off a 11 year old prositute's stomach while waiting for the arms dealer to show up with their newest cache of uranium to sell to Iran, for Godssake. </strong> It's just a stupid stripper.  That's exactly why I wouldn't let my dad put in cash for our wedding, because he'd pull that sh*t and I'd also get it thrown back in my face when I didn't do something he wanted me to.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]
you went to fish's bachelorette party?! I wasn't even invited!

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:82cb9027-cb67-47f3-a2f2-e3da052645ba">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : Tru Fax - when he was 5, he wanted to be a Chippendale's dancer.  His mom said she caught him in a little bow tie from one of his church outfits dancing around in their living room once.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

OMG.

sarah0725

Martyr, party of one.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:bdb97894-0ac1-4e7e-81b7-6674c452df3f">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : you went to fish's bachelorette party?! I wasn't even invited!
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

That sh*t was EPIC.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:0da26880-94fd-4e51-b3c5-be2780c3711f">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : I would imagine if things got loud and rowdy and the hotel staff for any crazy reason called the cops, she could get busted for contributing to the deliquency of a minor.  I assume that's the liability she's talking about.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

Understandable. I was thinking about some kind of injury. And I doubt the stripper party would get THAT rowdy.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:adc13467-174b-4d48-973c-d4bdc408334f">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : OMG.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

They have no idea where he even learned about Chippendale's dancers at the age of 5.  But there you go.

Beachy730

OP I don't understand why you are hosting the party at a hotel then.  Can you not host the party at your house or apartment?  I would be much less likely to go against someone's wishes in their home than in a hotel room that they were paying for.  And if I was a BM in a wedding and told the bachelorette party was in a hotel room, I would expect there would be drinking and strippers invited.  Or else I don't see the point of getting a hotel. 

[Deleted User]

I'm having several problems with this party.  My first problem is advising the stripper when he arrives that there is an underage person in the room.  Actually there will be three women under the age of 21 which is under the legal age for alcohol consumption.  I'm not sure about strippers from a legal point of view.  From a taste perspective, totally inappropriate, but I feel it is very thoughtless to allow the stripper to waste his time coming only to be told he can't perform because of the age of the guests.  In fact, I would think the age issues should be covered in the contract.  I would expect the contract to say something along the line of "This is adult only entertainment, etc."  The alcohol and stripper are both potentially very serious legal issues so you might as well rent a roulette wheel just to make it even more fun?  And, of course, you do understand that should the law get involved here, it will be those over 21 who will bear the burden of this unwise (OK I mean tasteless) escapade.

Liberty27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:bd8b91b8-a8a6-460d-af1d-db300aa198ce">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]OP I don't understand why you are hosting the party at a hotel then.  Can you not host the party at your house or apartment?  I would be much less likely to go against someone's wishes in their home than in a hotel room that they were paying for.  And if I was a BM in a wedding and told the bachelorette party was in a hotel room, I would expect there would be drinking and strippers invited.  Or else I don't see the point of getting a hotel. 
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

<div>I live 10 hours away.</div>

[Deleted User]

Oh yes, I wouldn't waste my time on this one being polite; the idea is fraught with bad taste and potentially legal nightmares. 

tidetravel

Please quit masking your disapproval of strippers with a liability issue.

Your 19 year old friend is getting married.  If she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to see a limp penis waving in her face.  Geebus. 

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:5f4b5ff0-f948-4f81-90ef-ebddd325e236">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : I live 10 hours away.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

<div>So the only reason you are having it at a hotel is because you need a hotel room for yourself? Isn't this girl a family member of yours? I'm sure someone will have a couch you can crash on.</div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:386dc8e2-e4cf-48b4-b84f-548b452c06de">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : I am really not trying to be a mother hen.  That isn't my intention at all.  Instead, <strong>I just think it is inappropriate for a stripper to be at a 19 year old's bachelorette party</strong>, and seeing as I am the one paying for it I think that is well within my rights to request that.  
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

But why? Since she's legally allowed to go to the strip club and is, well, getting MARRIED to a dude with a gentelmen's sausage, I'm assuming. So if she hasn't seen it yet, she will soon. And it's perfectly legal for her to watch porn and access strippers.

So that argument doesn't hold water. Not wanting to host a party with strippers involved is fine. And I suggest you send an email saying, "Just a reminder, there won't be any alcohol at the party. Also, no strippers. Sorry, I'm paying for the room. If a stripper shows up he'll have to leave, even if he's been paid in full."

Done. I wrote that in 30 seconds.

salt78

If these other girls don't have jobs, how can they even afford a stripper anyway?

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:5f4b5ff0-f948-4f81-90ef-ebddd325e236">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : I live 10 hours away.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

See, you could have told us this like 30 or 40 or 50 posts ago, which I think was the first time someone asked why you were having a party in a hotel.

Even with this information, though, I could still think of lots of different types of parties to have that would avoid the group of girls hanging out in a hotel room situation. And you might want to think about it too if you really don't want this to happen.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:c82bbc84-38c3-47d6-a055-b0cc78e4cfef">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : Stop being inapproprate, Lala.  ACT LIKE A LADY. On the realio though, I agree.  I hate people that pay for stuff, and then proceed to throw "well since I'm paying..." before everything having to do with said activity or party or whatever.  <strong>They aren't talking about snorting blow off a 11 year old prositute's stomach while waiting for the arms dealer to show up with their newest cache of uranium to sell to Iran, for Godssake.</strong>  It's just a stupid stripper.  That's exactly why I wouldn't let my dad put in cash for our wedding, because he'd pull that sh*t and I'd also get it thrown back in my face when I didn't do something he wanted me to.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

I love you so, so much.

Liberty27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:733acfe1-68e2-48ae-8afb-1306f1f9dd68">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : So the only reason you are having it at a hotel is because you need a hotel room for yourself? Isn't this girl a family member of yours? I'm sure someone will have a couch you can crash on.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, she is a family member, I will be staying at my parents house part of the time and my aunts house (brides mom) the other part of time.  We can't have it at my parent's house because it is over an hour away, not to mention I wouldn't let a stripper into my mom's house either, and having it at my aunt's house is a no-go because her husband is undergoing chemo and is sick a lot.</div>

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:c66b7632-7045-459f-bbb2-d515969514f8">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" :  And I suggest you send an email saying, "Just a reminder, there won't be any alcohol at the party. Also, no strippers. Sorry, I'm paying for the room. If a stripper shows up he'll have to leave, even if he's been paid in full." Done. I wrote that in 30 seconds.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]


I've said that twice now and no one acknowledges it.  That's really all there is to it.  If they throw a fit, tell them they can pay for the room themselves.