Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

You say they wouldn't invite you to their wedding. Which may be true, but they might not be having 300+ people at their wedding. I had 68, for example. So obviously some people who didn't make the cut might invite me to their wedding if they're having a few hundred people.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-issues-did-bad-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf4cd189-d54a-419e-b919-7677a13f80d6Post:0e4c5391-ff34-4087-981e-2d5d6d2ce521">Re: Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Money, I know that a lot of individuals are still suffering, but like you said in more academic/objective terms it seems the consensus is that we are no longer in an economic crisis. Doesn't mean everyone has bounced back, but I feel like people are just still using that excuse because it was convenient for a few years rather than because it necessarily has anything to do with their reality, and it drives me crazy.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

It also doesn't necessarily affect anyone's individual financial situation. I mean, had the OP been planning on using her trust fund to pay for the wedding and it lost 40% of its value 2 years ago, okay, I get having to scale down. Or if one of them lost a job and they had to revise their savings goals for the wedding. Otherwise, I don't buy "the economy." Yeah, people are now thinking more in terms of saving and frivolous spending, but damn, it's a wedding. Its all frivolous spending.

OP, the only other option would be to cut your list to immediate family and grandparents, so less than 20 people, and let people know that plans have changed and you'll be having a private wedding instead.

jmorford

i may be the odd man out here, but why did you need addresses for the guest list?
we made a list of people, and when we whittled it down to who/what we wanted, then we found their addresses in one way or another.

WaterPig83

While I agree that you did put yourself into a bit of a pickle, there is ALWAYS a way out of a situation. Nothing is as black and white as most posters on here seem to think. Sure, you're likely to offend some people, and you may lose a couple of friends. But if you're cutting the people you haven't seen or really spoken to in over a year, how good of friends are you anymore? Do you REALLY care if they decide to cut all ties? It won't be the end of the world.
If you end up cutting someone who expressed an interest I would recommend a phone call or email explaining that your venue size only accommodates so many people/financial situation is tighter than expected/whatever the truth is, so you had to make some VERY tough decisions. And unfortunately, while you would love to have this person there, reality dictates that you cannot extend a formal invitation.
Obviously, this is a time to be polite, but firm. If someone never even responded to your request for an address, forget about them.
I truly believe that most people will understand the situation and you really won't hurt that many people's fragile feelings. But if you do, accept it, apologize, and try to make plans to meet up with them at another time.
Yes, you should try to squeeze in as many as you can (the idea of cutting non-essential kids and plus 1s is very good) but at some point one more breath will make the balloon pop. You're just going to have to put on the big girl panties and confront the people you, regrettably, must "disinvite".

b0710

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-issues-did-bad-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf4cd189-d54a-419e-b919-7677a13f80d6Post:5fcbff09-459e-4968-ab69-245deb13ad5b">Re: Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Where is the "Guess I have to find a new venue to accomodate everyone that I verbally invited" option on the poll?
Posted by thesequel[/QUOTE]

This  I think you have to invite them now. To announce your engagement is one thing...to ask for addresses is a completely different issue.  You have already invited them via facebook you might as well make it official.

tuckhm

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-issues-did-bad-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf4cd189-d54a-419e-b919-7677a13f80d6Post:be8f0bee-f2ff-47e5-bfc7-fd7f0f156ffa">Re: Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help! : Newsflash: the global economic crisis is generally agreed to be over. Can we stop using this excuse now? Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

For you to say that people are no longer affected by the economic crisis, you are a fool.  Unemployment rates are still high, and those that do have jobs are often living in fear of their job security.  This is a reality for many people, and believe it or not people aren't just using it as an excuse to get out of paying for things.

Ettiquette wise, it would be rude for the OP to uninvite these people.  But it's up to the OP to decide whether she cares more about the aspect of ettiquette or about being practical.  If you don't mind failing the rule of ettiquette, explain to those you messaged on Facebook and make it clear how horrible you feel.  It's important to reach out to them if you don't want them making plans around your wedding.  Since you claim that you aren't that close with these people, they may not care at all.  But there may be some people that take it personally, and it might affect your relationship in the future.

So to sum it up, you have to decide what's more important to you, either way it's a tough decision.  Sticking to the rules of ettiquette, ensuring you don't want to upset these individuals, and make the finacial sacrifice.  Or save the money, and risk upsetting these individuals and possible hurting these relationships.

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-issues-did-bad-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf4cd189-d54a-419e-b919-7677a13f80d6Post:555427c1-0760-4f6c-a0d1-14610261c3dd">Re: Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]While I agree that you did put yourself into a bit of a pickle, there is ALWAYS a way out of a situation. Nothing is as black and white as most posters on here seem to think. Sure, you're likely to offend some people, and you may lose a couple of friends. But if you're cutting the people you haven't seen or really spoken to in over a year, how good of friends are you anymore? Do you REALLY care if they decide to cut all ties? It won't be the end of the world. If you end up cutting someone who expressed an interest I would recommend a phone call or email explaining that your venue size only accommodates so many people/financial situation is tighter than expected/whatever the truth is, so you had to make some VERY tough decisions. And unfortunately, while you would love to have this person there, reality dictates that you cannot extend a formal invitation. Obviously, this is a time to be polite, but firm. If someone never even responded to your request for an address, forget about them. I truly believe that most people will understand the situation and you really won't hurt that many people's fragile feelings. But if you do, accept it, apologize, and try to make plans to meet up with them at another time. Yes, you should try to squeeze in as many as you can (the idea of cutting non-essential kids and plus 1s is very good) but at some point one more breath will make the balloon pop. <strong>You're just going to have to put on the big girl panties and confront the people you, regrettably, must "disinvite".
</strong>Posted by WaterPig83[/QUOTE]

Disinviting is not okay.  This etiquette rule IS black and white.  You seem like one of those people that are okay with bending rules, which is not okay. 

If you verbally invite someone, you must formally invite them.  It IS that black and white. 

This is the etiquette board.  If you don't want to follow etiquette, don't post on this board.

emilyinchile

Heeeey there, tuckhm. My second post says that individuals may well still be affected by the effects of the economic crisis, but I work in finance, and the general opinion is that the crisis itself is over. I'm not a fool, you just aren't very good at reading.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-issues-did-bad-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf4cd189-d54a-419e-b919-7677a13f80d6Post:d5272a35-a099-4a3b-8889-1390b4acb6f8">Re: Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help! : For you to say that people are no longer affected by the economic crisis, you are a fool.  Unemployment rates are still high, and those that do have jobs are often living in fear of their job security.  This is a reality for many people, and believe it or not people aren't just using it as an excuse to get out of paying for things. Ettiquette wise, it would be rude for the OP to uninvite these people.  But it's up to the OP to decide whether she cares more about the aspect of ettiquette or about being practical.  If you don't mind failing the rule of ettiquette, explain to those you messaged on Facebook and make it clear how horrible you feel.  It's important to reach out to them if you don't want them making plans around your wedding.  Since you claim that you aren't that close with these people, they may not care at all.  But there may be some people that take it personally, and it might affect your relationship in the future. So to sum it up, you have to decide what's more important to you, either way it's a tough decision.  Sticking to the rules of ettiquette, ensuring you don't want to upset these individuals, and make the finacial sacrifice.  Or save the money, and risk upsetting these individuals and possible hurting these relationships.
Posted by tuckhm[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>First of all, you should read her whole post before you call her a fool.  Seconly, like Mery pointed out, citing financial reasons or a bad economy for un-inviting someone doesn't work when you have a 300 person guest list.  If she was really THAT affected by the economy, she probably would have scaled back from the big affair she is already having.  </div>

WaterPig83

Oh yeah, I am totally one to "bend the rules" if it gets the job done. If it gets the results I need, I'll break the rules! The OP seemed to be looking for practical advice and when it comes to issues like this, when a question running through anyone's mind would be "is this rude?", this is the only board on which to ask. those type of questions. The "rule of etiquette" may be black and white, but life sure as hell isn't. We are all adults, capable of making the choice to either do what needs to be done, arbitrary social rules be damned, or to do as we're told, follow those rules, and color inside the lines.
Unfortunately, sometimes reality gets in the way of proper etiquette and someone, like OP, might need a little help or alternate options.

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-issues-did-bad-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf4cd189-d54a-419e-b919-7677a13f80d6Post:cf6a617b-5f09-4aaa-ae4f-2bca60b214dc">Re: Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh yeah, I am totally one to "bend the rules" if it gets the job done. If it gets the results I need, I'll break the rules! The OP seemed to be looking for practical advice and when it comes to issues like this, when a question running through anyone's mind would be "is this rude?", this is the only board on which to ask. those type of questions. The "rule of etiquette" may be black and white, but life sure as hell isn't. We are all adults, capable of making the choice to either do what needs to be done, arbitrary social rules be damned, or to do as we're told, follow those rules, and color inside the lines. Unfortunately, sometimes reality gets in the way of proper etiquette and someone, like OP, might need a little help or alternate options.
Posted by WaterPig83[/QUOTE]

Spending extra money is an alternative option.  Finding another venue is an alternative option.  Being a jerk to friends and people that she cares about?  NOT an option.

And social rules aren't "arbitrary". 

opalsky007

Reality doesn't get in the way of proper etiquette. People's refusal to do what it takes to follow etiquette does. 

OP, scale back a bit and figure out how to accomodate these folks. Find a bigger hall. Pick less expensive meal options to be able to afford it, then scale back up if you find that a lot of these folks aren't able to make it. 

To whoever it was that called Emily a fool: a) read more carefully b) we can discuss ideas without calling names, yes?

redheadfsu

OP either invite them or lose them as friends.

Some might understand if you call them, but they will still be hurt and your friendship will be damaged. Others will just write you off as a bad friend/ end the friendship.  

ndjd4ever

From OP:

Thank you ladies for your honest, yet sometimes brutal opinions! Although I especially appreciate all of you who have posted against the ettiquette grain and are trying to help feel my pain, it's looking as though I unfortunately don't have a choice but to just send out the invites and bear the bump in the budget. My venue can accommodate the extra people, I was just looking for an alternative solution considering the entire situation. I'll suck it up and deal with it. Hey, at least now it's one less thing to stress about! Best of luck to you all and a sincere thank you again!!

Habs2Hart

Good choice OP!  Good luck with your wedding.  Maybe some of them won't come. 

DeadUtopia

With a guest list that exceeds 300, you might have enough guests decline that the extra guests won't effect your budget. Make sure that what you have budgeted for everything can accomodate 100% attendance just in case, but once those RSVP's start rolling in, it might be a little comforting to see those "will not be attending" check marks

But I do agree that if wedding info and address info were spoken about in the same sentence/paragraph, they have the right to assume that they were invited.

elizabethjane25

you are totally stuck in this hole. you have to invite those people. it is WAY too rude not to at this point. can you cut costs in other ways? 

laurenpm

FYI, me and a few of my friends were asked over Facebook for our address for a wedding that we later didn't receive an invitation to.  I'm sure it was for similar budget cut reasons.  It was extremely awkward because the bride never said anything to us and she pretty much avoided us like the plague.  It is really hurtful to verbally invite and then not actually send an invite, so do the right thing here and either invite them or at least call them and explain what happened.  

erinmikewed

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-issues-did-bad-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf4cd189-d54a-419e-b919-7677a13f80d6Post:8d2abecd-4733-4742-9190-98bb902f7613">Re: Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Heeeey there, tuckhm. My second post says that individuals may well still be affected by the effects of the economic crisis, but I work in finance, and the general opinion is that the crisis itself is over. I'm not a fool, you just aren't very good at reading.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

lol.  consumer sentiment lags the economic data and i'd say ~1/2 of the financial community is bracing for a potential double dip.  her saying that the economy is still impacting people is not incorrect.  that's very nice that you 'work in finance', but i'm an economist.

though i do agree that using the economy as an excuse for not being able to invite 40 more people to your 300 person wedding is silly.

emilyinchile

Erin, you also seem to have some reading comprehension issues. I didn't say that tuckhm was incorrect and in fact agreed with her that the economy IS still impacting individuals. I'm just sick of seeing "there's a bad economy!" used as an excuse for everything when it's not relevant. No, I would not understand if you cut me and 39 other people from your guest list and still invited 300 other people and blamed it on the economy.

And could you sound a wee bit more patronizing in your post with that "work in finance" bit? You don't know what I do, I don't know what you do, I was simply mentioning that to illustrate that I am not in fact a fool as I was accused of being.

erinmikewed

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-issues-did-bad-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf4cd189-d54a-419e-b919-7677a13f80d6Post:cae2c4c8-299c-49a8-8c67-2acc497936ee">Re: Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Erin, you also seem to have some reading comprehension issues. I didn't say that tuckhm was incorrect and in fact agreed with her that the economy IS still impacting individuals. I'm just sick of seeing "there's a bad economy!" used as an excuse for everything when it's not relevant. No, I would not understand if you cut me and 39 other people from your guest list and still invited 300 other people and blamed it on the economy. And could you sound a wee bit more patronizing in your post with that "work in finance" bit? You don't know what I do, I don't know what you do, I was simply mentioning that to illustrate that I am not in fact a fool as I was accused of being.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

i never said that you were disagreeing with me on whether or not it was still impacting people, so perhaps i am not the one with the reading comprehension issue.  and i wasn't being patronizing, i was merely mimicking your 'i work in finance' so everyone should take your opinion on the economic crisis being over as fact.  maybe my sarcasm doesn't transfer so well over the internet.  my apologies

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-issues-did-bad-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf4cd189-d54a-419e-b919-7677a13f80d6Post:3a1eb2be-eb9e-4c9e-b43b-800ed2197390">Re: Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]her saying that the economy is still impacting people is not incorrect.
Posted by erinmikewed[/QUOTE]


[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help! : i never said that you were disagreeing with me on whether or not it was still impacting people, so perhaps i am not the one with the reading comprehension issue.  and i wasn't being patronizing, i was merely mimicking your 'i work in finance' so everyone should take your opinion on the economic crisis being over as fact.  maybe my sarcasm doesn't transfer so well over the internet.  my apologies
Posted by erinmikewed[/QUOTE]

Usually when you take the time to point out something as you did in your first post it's because you think the other person hasn't realized that. And obviously I wasn't agreeing or disagreeing with YOU. I never said anything about your position on that.

Yes, mimicking counts as one type of patronizing behavior, as does sarcasm. Putting someone's occupation in quotes and telling them it's nice is the written equivalent of patting someone on the head and telling her to be quiet because grown ups are talking. You'll also notice that I never presented the statement "the economic crisis is over" as fact. I spoke in terms of "generally agreed" and "seems" based on things I've read/seen/heard - never did I once say that it just IS over full stop.

FYI, your apologies also don't transfer well over the internet, which I say on the off-chance you were sincere and want to work on that in the future.

erinmikewed

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-issues-did-bad-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf4cd189-d54a-419e-b919-7677a13f80d6Post:25fa6cd7-610e-4855-bbe0-7f9a0460ee77">Re: Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help! : Usually when you take the time to point out something as you did in your first post it's because you think the other person hasn't realized that. And obviously I wasn't agreeing or disagreeing with YOU. I never said anything about your position on that. Yes, mimicking counts as one type of patronizing behavior, as does sarcasm. Putting someone's occupation in quotes and telling them it's nice is the written equivalent of patting someone on the head and telling her to be quiet because grown ups are talking. You'll also notice that I never presented the statement "the economic crisis is over" as fact. I spoke in terms of "generally agreed" and "seems" based on things I've read/seen/heard - never did I once say that it just IS over full stop. FYI, your apologies also don't transfer well over the internet, which I say on the off-chance you were sincere and want to work on that in the future.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

except i was quoting you, which is why i put it in quotes.  and i meant it is nice because i never see anyone on these boards who work in finance.  genuinely sorry if i offended you.

tuckhm

Obviously some people may use excuses about the global economy crisis lightly and I understand that you may be sick of hearing it, but it is some people's reality.  Just because some people use it as an excuse when they shouldn't does mean the OP's use of it isn't valid  You don't know her financial situation.  And personally I do think tacking on 40-50 people onto a 300 person wedding is a big difference (and I'm only having a 100 person wedding).  45 more people is a 15% increase to the list.  And just because the OP is able to afford a 300 person wedding, don't assume that she still doesn't have a budget to live by like someone with a smaller wedding.  My point is, you don't know anything about the OP's personal situation, so judgement shouldn't be made.

Yes this is the ettiquette board, and when people post on this board they are going to get ettiquette based answers.  But other posters are allowed to present alternative solutions to the OP that may be more accomodating or realistic.  And I don't think those offering up alternate ideas are trying bend the rules of ettiquette and claim that they are still being followed, they just may think the situation warrants offering up advice other than that of ettiquette.  The OP can then make the decision on whether or not she wants to follow the rules of ettiquette, or break them.  The purpose of the board is to provide ettiquette-based guidance, not shame the posters into making the one and only black and white decision.

AbbeyS2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-issues-did-bad-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf4cd189-d54a-419e-b919-7677a13f80d6Post:12aba29d-0829-4244-882e-764b1b851d1c">Re: Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>i may be the odd man out here, but why did you need addresses for the guest list?</strong> we made a list of people, and when we whittled it down to who/what we wanted, then we found their addresses in one way or another.
Posted by jmorford[/QUOTE]

I was thinking the same thing, so I guess that makes us even?

We did the same - made a guest list of names of people, went over it, THEN I sent the "I am getting ready to mail the wedding invites, may I have your current address please?" emails. 

Sorry hun, but if it means a cake and punch reception, then so be it.  Change your time frame, change the menu, change the venue, but you cannot un-invite your guests.  Etiquette aside, it is downright rude. 

rvladams

I disagree with a lot of the advice that has been posted thus far.  It's true that you messed up, and you won't win any "Miss Manners" contests with this one.  But a sacrifice different from the "you're stuck with them" suggestion might be your way out. 

I suggest contacting these folks to let them know that the economy has hit your wedding budget hard and created constraints that you simply cannot overcome.  Let them know how sorry you are, but tell them you and your fiance had to change your plans to an intimate very-close-family-and-friends-only wedding, which was all you could afford.  Then ACTUALLY LIMIT your list.  Cull your massive list of 300 by as many as possible.  Cut plus-ones, children not in the family, etc.  Get your wedding down to 100+ rather than 300+ and you CAN use the "intimate wedding" excuse.  That sort of budget change people are likely to understand.

aecubera

Like other posters have mentioned, 10-20% of your invitees will RSVP "no."  15% of 350 is 52 people, bringing the total attendees to 298.
Now, I know that's not a comfort because you're thinking "What if everyone comes?!"  But at least SOME people will say no (unless you are Kate Middleton).  See how many your venue can really fit in if they have to.

For reference, we invited 250 and are in the middle of getting the response cards...I project around 200 coming based on the "no's" we've gotten so far.

TheCranberry

OP, here's something to keep in mind: if your venue has a guaranteed minimum amount that you must pay, try to keep it low enough so that you're not stuck in your higher number.  If you have a lot of guests decline but your minimum amount is too high, you may not be able to recognize those savings.

ndjd4ever

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-issues-did-bad-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf4cd189-d54a-419e-b919-7677a13f80d6Post:919c9663-e967-454a-bfa1-3e393757530e">Re: Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Obviously some people may use excuses about the global economy crisis lightly and I understand that you may be sick of hearing it, but it is some people's reality.  Just because some people use it as an excuse when they shouldn't does mean the OP's use of it isn't valid  You don't know her financial situation.  And personally I do think tacking on 40-50 people onto a 300 person wedding is a big difference (and I'm only having a 100 person wedding).  45 more people is a 15% increase to the list.  And just because the OP is able to afford a 300 person wedding, don't assume that she still doesn't have a budget to live by like someone with a smaller wedding.  My point is, you don't know anything about the OP's personal situation, so judgement shouldn't be made. Yes this is the ettiquette board, and when people post on this board they are going to get ettiquette based answers.  But other posters are allowed to present alternative solutions to the OP that may be more accomodating or realistic.  And I don't think those offering up alternate ideas are trying bend the rules of ettiquette and claim that they are still being followed, they just may think the situation warrants offering up advice other than that of ettiquette.  The OP can then make the decision on whether or not she wants to follow the rules of ettiquette, or break them.  <strong>The purpose of the board is to provide ettiquette-based guidance, not shame the posters into making the one and only black and white decision.
</strong>Posted by tuckhm[/QUOTE]

<strong><u>Thank you Tuckhm!!! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
</u></strong>


However, problem solved. I did post the following 8 hours ago for those of you who didn't see it:

"From OP:

Thank you ladies for your honest, yet sometimes brutal opinions! Although <strong>I especially appreciate all of you who have posted against the ettiquette grain and are trying to help feel my pain</strong>, it's looking as though I unfortunately don't have a choice but to just send out the invites and bear the bump in the budget. My venue can accommodate the extra people, I was just looking for an alternative solution considering the entire situation. I'll suck it up and deal with it. Hey, at least now it's one less thing to stress about! Best of luck to you all and a sincere thank you again!!

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />"

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-issues-did-bad-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf4cd189-d54a-419e-b919-7677a13f80d6Post:919c9663-e967-454a-bfa1-3e393757530e">Re: Guest List Issues: I did a bad thing! Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Obviously some people may use excuses about the global economy crisis lightly and I understand that you may be sick of hearing it, but it is some people's reality.  Just because some people use it as an excuse when they shouldn't does mean the OP's use of it isn't valid.  You don't know her financial situation.
Posted by tuckhm[/QUOTE]

You're right there, but I also doubt that 40ish people she isn't close enough with to actually want to invite know her financial situation either. As such, they probably won't take kindly to being told that "oh, it's the economy, that's why you can't come to my wedding anymore," especially not when they hear that OP still had a 300 person wedding.

OP's question was "With the way the economy is now, you really think people would not understand the dilema?" I answered that question. No, I don't think people would understand in these circumstances. If she canceled everything or had a very small, inexpensive wedding with immediate family only, then yes, people would understand. I think you're reacting based on emotion rather than based on how my post answered OP's actual question.