Dealbreakers

Megbo2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:d03fd06c-f1f2-4793-95f3-3b27b71d2833">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dealbreakers : Word. I can understand an introvert not being compatible with someone. But the comment about a person with few friends, "what that says about them", bugs.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

<div>Whatever. H is an introvert and we are clearly fine. I said if you have very few. I should have said like no friends. </div><div>
</div><div>Adamar that happens sometimes whenyou are in a relationship, friends bail. Some of mine would get pissed if I dated someone new too.</div>

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:eaa7e6d2-7771-4d87-b1b6-858fe00cacd0">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]Re: the friends/social thing. That would probably be a dealbreaker for me personally, just because I'm a social person who needs that outside of a relationship, KWIM? So I just don't see how it would work out if I were dating someone who was more of a loner and who preferred to stay home all the time. Not that it doesn't/can't work like that for other people, but for me it wouldn't work. <strong>My ex-BF in college was like that - he hated going out and he hated me going out and it caused a lot of resentment that eventually led to the end of the relationship.</strong> H is a perfect balance though. He likes going out and likes staying home. It fits.
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

This is where the difference is. H doesn't always want to go out, but he doesn't care if I go out without him. I think that's how it works for people. I bet if you were with someone who didn't necessarily like going out, but didn't care if you did, you could make it work.

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:ec57b918-e9d9-4603-8793-e3336801c0a1">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]I couldn't marry a selfish person. Someone who never gave their time/money/anything to help someone else out. 
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

<div>I'll agree with this. My parents raised my brother and me to always give what we could to those less fortunate. If we had more money than time, give some cash or tangible items. If we had more time than money, volunteer.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

musicalsunlight

I am almost 100% sure that J will bald with age. All the men in his family do and he already has a sort of receeding hairline. I'm ok with it though because he keeps his hair at 1inch now anyway and so I think his skull is nicely shaped for baldness.

ski2play

cmgr, I know.  But he was 50 when I met him andplusalso I met his dad early on and at 86 has a full head of hair.  I know it is bad of me, and it is my own hangup, especially the combover. 

midgetthemighty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:ec57b918-e9d9-4603-8793-e3336801c0a1">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]I couldn't marry a selfish person. Someone who never gave their time/money/anything to help someone else out. 
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

Ditto. Come to think of it, this was one of the reasons me and one of my exes didn't work out. I love that H enjoys volunteering with me.

adamar15

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:89aed4f5-ff39-4063-9078-d7f5b809e274">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]I am almost 100% sure that J will bald with age. All the men in his family do and he already has a sort of receeding hairline. I'm ok with it though because he keeps his hair at 1inch now anyway and <strong>so I think his skull is nicely shaped for baldness.
</strong>Posted by musicalsunlight[/QUOTE]

This made me chuckle.

mkrupar

But Meg, what does it say about a person that has no friends? There isn't much of a difference between a few friends, and no friends. So what exactly does it mean if someone doesn't have any friends?

nextrightthing

I'm way late to this, but I wanna play.

Dealerbreaker number one would be someone who isn't open to loving my son as his own. 

Other dealbreakers
-Doesn't want more kids
-Drinks more than almost never
-More than a little bit right of center politically
-Shorter than me (I'm 5'2", it isn't a high bar)
-Not smart (FI is a lot less educated than me, but that doesn't mean he isn't smart)
-Atheist

pkontk

Dealbreaker:
Anti-social
Unwiling to go out
Unwilling to try new things
Not close with family

Superficial dealbreaker: Not skinner than me.  No matter the height, if he is skinnier I will not be attracted to him. I don't want to feel like I'm going to break him, and I certainly don't want him in a smaller jean size than me.

I understand that some people aren't close with their families, and maybe I could have ended up with someone like that, but I have dated a few guys who were not, or who were only close to part of their families, or whose parents hated each other - and I just don't know if I could sustain a long-term relationship with someone in those situation.  Maybe I could have if it was the right dude, but part of the reason FI and I 'get' each other is because our upbringings/families are very similar.

ETA Also dealbreakers:
SUPER republican.  I understand fiscal conservatism, but not social.
Conservative Christian, or conservative any religion.  If you aren't down with gay marriage, we will not end up together forever.

Megbo2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:7a029bcd-0980-4b6d-a68d-ff4287d53cf2">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]Meg, my point was not that you said you want to have friends. It's that you said, "It says a lot about someone who has no friends" or something like that. What does that say? Something bad? Maybe you didn't mean it like that, or maybe I'm overly sensitive, but I'm reading that as "There's something wrong with that person." Other than my husband, I have ONE friend in town who I can meet up with and hang out. What does that say about me?
Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't have many people in my area either, they all live an hour away. I'm probably not going to be able to explain what I mean without revising my statement to include other traits. So I'm sorry I offended you. </div>

ErinG93

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:91164a5e-9c66-4e5e-b48c-b17a30fe99eb">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm pretty sure H is going to be sporting a cul-de-sac. He keeps his hair longer in the front already because his hair is receding.<strong> Totally vain deal breaker : a mustache.</strong>
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Oh hell yes. No 'staches for this girl.

</div>

musicalsunlight

Haha Adamar, do you know what I mean though? Some people's heads are just really great for baldness.

Rach, i love the term culdesac for a head.

ski2play

cul-de-sac, oh Rach, you make me laugh.  Yes, I can act like I am 12 years old.

adamar15

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:91164a5e-9c66-4e5e-b48c-b17a30fe99eb">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm pretty sure H is going to be sporting a cul-de-sac. He keeps his hair longer in the front already because his hair is receding.<strong> Totally vain deal breaker : a mustache.
</strong>Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

Dear lord yes.  H grows a beard sometimes and that's bad enough, but I've threatened to stop shaving everything if he tries to grow a mustache.

angelstar975

FI could be bald. Actually, he was in January because he had an incident with his clippers and it looked fine, so if he loses his hair someday, I'll live. Baldness doesn't run in his family though, so we'll see.

I hate facial hair though and I also told FI if he doesn't shave his face, I won't shave anything of mine.

adamar15

I do know what you mean, Musu.  I've known people who were not suited for baldness at all.

specialk84

H came home from a business trip sporting a full beard and mustache. It was not a good look for him. Thank God he finally shaved it.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:f0efd6ba-e28b-4a56-867f-3445d1e3b334">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dealbreakers :So I'm sorry I offended you. 
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]
I'm kind of annoyed that you said you're sorry for offending special but said "whatever" to me, when special and I are saying the exact same thing.

(cue: "whatever")

adamar15

Your H looks cute with his beard, Rach.  I'm iffy on H with a beard, but I tolerate it as long as it's not year-round.  And let's be real here, we live in Florida.  He does not need a beard to keep his face warm like he claims.

NicoleSahara

There are very few men who can pull off a mustache (Tom Selec, anyone?). My H is not one of them.

specialk84

Jill, I feel like we could start a really awesome club, complete with t-shirts that say, "What she said --->". I feel like I'm usually agreeing with you.

dumdumfroggie

I like a little scruffiness on a guy.  But I agree, I don't care for mustaches.  I *think* I'd be ok with a beard, but I couldn't say for sure.  

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:223fe31e-7802-4d96-a241-8f1a846c1021">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]Jill, I feel like we could start a really awesome club, complete with t-shirts that say, "What she said --- />". I feel like I'm usually agreeing with you.
Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]
Indeed!

adamar15

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:7db03606-3acc-4f95-b0dc-756ce3da1ca5">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dealbreakers : Indeed!
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

I can tie-dye them for you :)

midgetthemighty

Facial hair really isn't a dealbreaker for me but I much prefer a smooth face. H wants to try out a gotee someday so we'll see how that looks when he wants to try it. I'm iffy and curious.

Habs2Hart

I like H with scruff, but just enough to be sexy.  Not enough to be unkept. 

I don't think I could be with a bad dresser. 

mkrupar

Bald would not be cute on my H. Lucky for me, there seem to be no signs of that happening. His dad and both sets of granddad's all had/have full heads of hair.

adamar15

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:7d93d8ef-c9a5-49b5-a26e-9f54f031f79c">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]I like H with scruff, but just enough to be sexy.  Not enough to be unkept. <strong> I don't think I could be with a bad dresser. 
</strong>Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

I will say this is one thing that has improved greatly because of me (I'm so arrogant, I know).  Not that H was necessarily a bad dresser before, but he's definitely better dressed now.

dumdumfroggie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:7d93d8ef-c9a5-49b5-a26e-9f54f031f79c">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]I like H with scruff, but just enough to be sexy.  Not enough to be unkept.  <strong>I don't think I could be with a bad dresser. </strong>
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

<div>Along with that, someone who just doesn't care at all about how they look.  Or cares and does nothing about it, I would guess.</div><div>
</div><div>I also don't think I could be with someone who was a picky eater.  This is mostly because I love to cook and my feelings would be hurt if they didn't like what I make.</div>