Wedding Etiquette Forum

So, I'm a bit jealous

I'm 23 years old and I'm jealous of my 16-year-old brother. There I said it. Why am I jealous? My parents just bought him a brand spankin' new, 2010 Mazda 6. Black on black - he picks it up Tuesday and he is getting his license in 3 weeks. Personally, I'd never buy my 16-year-old a brand new car, but my parents thought differently! I'm happy for him, but I am a bit envious at the same time.

I know there have been posts in the past about how children are treated differently by their parents, and this is definitely the case in my family. My mom said she treats my youngest brother much differently because she has felt bad for him over the years - I went to Australia, got engaged, graduated college, and got married. My other brother has been in the Army, and gets a lot of attention because of that, and he just got married. My mom feels like my youngest brother is overshadowed a lot, so she says she doesn't feel guilty giving him more things than we got. Plus, he is the only kid still living at home, so it's almost as if he is an only child.

Has anyone else ever been jealous of their siblings (or anyone) for one reason or another? What for? Were you treated differently than your siblings were?

EDIT - I hope that I didn't come across as an ungrateful biitch in this post. I am very thankful for all that my parents have given me. :)
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Re: So, I'm a bit jealous

  • I don't think you come across as an ungrateful biitch.  I think it's pretty normal to be jealous about things like that.    I would be too. 

    I have no siblings so I can't comment to that, but I wanted to let you know I didn't htink you were an ungrateful biitch :)
  • ggmaeggmae member
    5000 Comments
    edited January 2010
    Aw, thanks J&K. Sometimes it just bugs me that he has been given so many more things AND privileges than my other brother and I have been given. But, my mom's response is always "times have changed." Not that much though! There is 7 years between myself and my youngest brother.
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  • I haven't been jealous of my siblings (I'll be honest, there's not a lot for me to be jealous of).  However, they've often been jealous of me and don't hide it well.  Course, they have yet to realize that I have X or do X because I made choice W, ya know? 

    But, I think a car (especially a Mazda 6) is way different than the stuff that either you or your brother has done.  Maybe they should just pay for college or something.
  • Does not come across as ungrateful at all---I think it's just the nature of having siblings; it's impossible (I swear) to treat two people, two children exactly the same.

    I'd be pretty bummed if my sister got a brand-new car. Despite the fact that my parents have been great and generous to me all my life--they've never gotten me a brand-new car. *stomps feet*
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  • I was the last kid so I ended up with some of those great presents my 3 older brothers missed out on.  In all fairness, my parents still give them all extravagent gifts and help them financially whenever they need it.

    I've always been jealous that my parents (dad especially with my two half brothers) love my brothers seemingly no matter what crazy crap they pull but I seem to always be loved because I made the good grades and never got into trouble. 
  • Yeah, I agree with Amoro--it's hard to compare giving someone a car to having opportunities.  And especially throwing in getting attention for getting married, engaged, being in the military, etc.  Your brother still has many years to do these same things, you know?
  • I'm sorry :( I've never been jealous of my brother instead I think he has been jealous of me (baby, got to go on family vacations after he moved out...)

    However, I've been jealous of T's sister. She had a baby at 21 while living rent and bill free with her mom, then her mom got her, her own apartment bill free. Then she meets her well of bf, moves in with him, he buys her a brand new car and takes care of everything. She has never had a real job or full bills and responsibility.
  • Also, I'm definitely in the "never buying a 16 year old a brand new car" camp.
  • I don't think you sound ungrateful. My parents treated my brother way differently than they treated me as well and we were only 27 months apart! But I was always the good kid and he was always the bad one, til I hit college and got pg and became a single mom. I am now 23, engaged to a great guy, finished one degree, working on a second one, with a 4 yr old and I do it on my  own. My just turned 21 yr old brother still lives with mom, and gets all sorts of stuffs I don't. I just take it as a compliment that I am old/smart/motivated enough to do things for myself without help and he couldn't figure it out if his life depended on it. My future is brighter, because I will have learned how to NOT rely on mommy and daddy.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-bit-jealous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e200ce4b-238a-436d-a82a-71b0c03996fbPost:55ef322e-3fff-4c1d-8259-2c4ba46e1821">Re: So, I'm a bit jealous</a>:
    [QUOTE]But, I think a car (especially a Mazda 6) is way different than the stuff that either you or your brother has done.  Maybe they should just pay for college or something.
    Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

    My middle brother and I got cars when we were 16 too, but they were older and really used. Still though - I am thankful to have been given a car because I know that a lot of kids don't get that. And about college - he is planning to join the Army this summer and then leave next year for basic training, so there is no college in his near future. That could be another reason why my parents are doing this. Hmm..
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  • My mom has always been really careful to treat me and my sister exactly the same.  She balances our Christmas gifts against each other, and if she spends $1 more on someone she'll buy the other one a candy bar for their stocking to even it out.  It's silly, but I appreciate it.  If my sister got a sleepover on her tenth birthday, I could have one, too, and whatnot.

    FI's family is the exact opposite.  His brother is heavily favored and can do no wrong, and FI gets the short end of the stick.  And now that they're both married/engaged it extends to us, too--FMIL obviously prefers FSIL to me because she's married to the favored brother.  She made sure FSIL got a shower from his side of the family when they were engaged and hasn't made a peep about anything for me.  It drives me nuts and I want to call them on it so, so bad.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-bit-jealous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e200ce4b-238a-436d-a82a-71b0c03996fbPost:30d390c2-ba81-4e20-b402-e5be5d61197c">Re: So, I'm a bit jealous</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry :( I've never been jealous of my brother instead I think he has been jealous of me (baby, got to go on family vacations after he moved out...) However, I've been jealous of T's sister. She had a baby at 21 while living rent and bill free with her mom, then her mom got her, her own apartment bill free. Then she meets her well of bf, moves in with him, he buys her a brand new car and takes care of everything. She has never had a real job or full bills and responsibility.
    Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

    Roxy, I can see being jealous of that, but keep in mind how much more self sufficient (I assume, at least) and mature you are.  I don't think her lifestyle is really something to envy, you know?  She's never going to learn how to be an adult.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-bit-jealous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e200ce4b-238a-436d-a82a-71b0c03996fbPost:51c58453-8845-44f8-98ee-53376c845e42">Re: So, I'm a bit jealous</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've always been jealous that my parents (dad especially with my two half brothers) love my brothers seemingly no matter what crazy crap they pull but I seem to always be loved because I made the good grades and never got into trouble. 
    Posted by julezlee[/QUOTE]

    I agree 100%! Same thing in my family.
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  • I would be jealous too..but I bet your brother's brand new car won't last very long...I hope I am wrong, but I bet he gets into an accident within 1 year.  (i work for an insurance company in the claims area..so I see it every day)

  • My sister and I have gotten about the same things, so no jealous feelings between us.  FI and his brother, on the other hand, is like Amoro's situation.  FBIL thinks FI is spoiled and treated better than he is, but it's all because of his decisions.  FI went to school, got a trade education, learned from his mistakes, bought a house, treats others well.  FBIL, not so much.  He gets miffy that we have a house, nice electronics, nicer cars, ect.  Well, FI has worked his asss off for all of it, FBIL could have the same things if he would too.
  • Roxybabe, I lived rent/bill free with my parents for 3 months after I had my son, but once I went back to work, I moved out on my own. I don't know what the case is with FI's sister, but the 3 months I was bill free was because my son was diagnosed with failure to thrive and with all of the health and medical issues we were both having, my mom couldn't see charging us rent at that point. But it was a short lived period and I have been on my own since that point, no help from anyone, working lots.

    My step sister on teh other hand: 5 kids, 3 dads, 3 marriages, no jobs, foreclosed house, and a brand new mustang. How does that work?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-bit-jealous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e200ce4b-238a-436d-a82a-71b0c03996fbPost:cf29157e-19e5-42ca-b605-35cc5ba7ede3">Re: So, I'm a bit jealous</a>:
    [QUOTE]...She made sure FSIL got a shower from his side of the family when they were engaged and hasn't made a peep about anything for me.  It drives me nuts and I want to call them on it so, so bad.
    Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]

    That would really upset me as well. That's blatant favoritism right there. Grr. Maybe she is waiting to ask you about it - you are getting married in May, right? There's still time.
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  • Also, there is no way in hell any child of mine will get a brand new car at 16.  They will get a beater car for a reason, cause they will be beating on it.  If not by being an unseasoned driver and getting into an accident, it'll be by doing stupid hotshot driving stuff and they'll burn out the engine.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-bit-jealous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e200ce4b-238a-436d-a82a-71b0c03996fbPost:57a5af9d-bb8b-48ca-85ca-691b1cf1e991">Re: So, I'm a bit jealous</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: So, I'm a bit jealous : Roxy, I can see being jealous of that, but keep in mind how much more self sufficient (I assume, at least) and mature you are.  I don't think her lifestyle is really something to envy, you know?  She's never going to learn how to be an adult.
    Posted by JK10910[/QUOTE]
    Exactly. I just have to remind myself that. Everything I have I've earned (chanelling a little destinys child..). I just wouldn't mind the worry free ness
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-bit-jealous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e200ce4b-238a-436d-a82a-71b0c03996fbPost:36b1e06a-a5a6-4fa0-90be-ea4c90d9d4b4">Re: So, I'm a bit jealous</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would be jealous too..but I bet your brother's brand new car won't last very long...I hope I am wrong, but I bet he gets into an accident within 1 year.  (i work for an insurance company in the claims area..so I see it every day)
    Posted by aallenba[/QUOTE]

    My mom said to me yesterday that she is wondering how much the insurance on it will cost her. Bet it's a lot!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-bit-jealous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e200ce4b-238a-436d-a82a-71b0c03996fbPost:b5a3f682-3fad-4083-aa59-031b5bbd1c93">Re: So, I'm a bit jealous</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: So, I'm a bit jealous : That would really upset me as well. That's blatant favoritism right there. Grr. Maybe she is waiting to ask you about it - you are getting married in May, right? There's still time.
    Posted by ggmae[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, it's not about the gifts, I just feel like nobody in his family gives a crap about our wedding or getting to know me.  But the minute FBIL sneezes, we get a phone call about how it was the best sneeze ever, you know?  FI has some serious confidence and self-esteem issues from growing up in his brother's shadow and his parents just don't get it.
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  • New car, full coverage, sportscar (probably), new male driver.  Mom is gonna get slaaaammmed on the insurance bill.  Mine was $700/6 months for a 10 year old Escort pile-o-crap car with awesome grades and being female.
  • Mocha - That's why I got a 10-year-old Honda when I turned 16. My parents said a 16-year-old shouldn't be driving a brand new car. It got totalled within a year - not my fault, but still. It was destroyed less than 12 months later.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-bit-jealous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e200ce4b-238a-436d-a82a-71b0c03996fbPost:313e93f3-f069-4ef9-986c-0c3e01120954">Re: So, I'm a bit jealous</a>:
    [QUOTE]Roxybabe, I lived rent/bill free with my parents for 3 months after I had my son, but once I went back to work, I moved out on my own. I don't know what the case is with FI's sister, but the 3 months I was bill free was because my son was diagnosed with failure to thrive and with all of the health and medical issues we were both having, my mom couldn't see charging us rent at that point. But it was a short lived period and I have been on my own since that point, no help from anyone, working lots. My step sister on teh other hand: 5 kids, 3 dads, 3 marriages, no jobs, foreclosed house, and a brand new mustang. How does that work?
    Posted by terbear_86[/QUOTE]

    Thats more understandable. She just had a year of living with (or being supported) by mom just because.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-bit-jealous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e200ce4b-238a-436d-a82a-71b0c03996fbPost:0def0305-52fe-4f67-a81d-5e9e655cf584">Re: So, I'm a bit jealous</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: So, I'm a bit jealous : Yeah, it's not about the gifts, I just feel like nobody in his family gives a crap about our wedding or getting to know me.  But the minute FBIL sneezes, we get a phone call about how it was the best sneeze ever, you know?  FI has some serious confidence and self-esteem issues from growing up in his brother's shadow and his parents just don't get it.
    Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]

    I would probably have issues if I were your FI too. I think this is how my middle brother felt toward me growing up, but now we are better.
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  • Yeah, it's just ridiculous.  I can kind of see it, because FBIL and FI have taken the same career path, but FBIL's done everything just one step better.  Like, FBIL went to Harvard for law school, and FI went to law school, too, but not Harvard.  (And there's another similar comparison with their starting jobs.)  So, his parents automatically write FI off as not as good, even though he did graduate from a great law school and has a great job...it's just not AS exceptionally awesome as FBILs.  Ugh.

    Oh well.  Given FMIL's horrible Christmas gift, I don't know if I'd want to attend any gift-giving occasions with her anyway!
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  • If kid can buy and afford their own new car at that age, great, knock yerself out.  But if it's on my dime, ya get what I give and decide your responsible for.

  • That's shite. Yes, you went to Australia and got married (but they didn't pay for that much of it), but he has 7 YEARS to go before being equal.  Besides, buying a brand new car is such a waste of money...they could have saved half of that and gotten a 2 year old one off of a lease.

    My parents always did their best to treat me and my brother the same.  Bro spent 5.5 years in college, and some summers, and I did it in 4, so it was evened out in other ways.  They gave us both $ for our weddings, but since we got married 12 years apart, they factored in inflation.

    My half brother, however, is a loser and at one point asked my parents for the cash that they would have spent on him on college.  Um, no.
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  • I am one of those fortunate people whose parents didn't treat us exactly alike, but fairly just the same. Okay, my sister did get her ears pierced 2 years younger than I did and I was a bit miffed over that, but really that's about it. I wish I had the income that my brother does, but he's a fricken' VP with an international telecom company. Not much chance that a public school teacher is going to compare salary-wise. I get better vacations, though.
  • My mom was the youngest and got picked on horrifically by her older brother. She's super aware of any unfairness in my younger brother's life. Example: we weren't supposed to talk about my engagement (May 27th) until after he gradauted high school (June 10th), lest he feel overshadowed. Um... really?

    I love them both, and things are better, but that REALLY pissed me off.
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