Etiquette

Kids Invited- Yes or No & Why

I would never leave children out of any event, party, or wedding.  My opinion, of course.  I was in fact taken aback when I was told by my only cousin's bride that my children, were not invited to their wedding.  I was in fact planning on leaving my then 3 year old with a sitter (we had to travel to that wedding), but my 5 month old at the time, I had to bring him (I was breast feeding).  Needless to say, we did not go to the wedding.

Then on the other hand, I had my second child 2 days before my nephew got married.  He came early, at 35 weeks.  My nephew called me while I was in the hospital, and I told him I guess we would miss his wedding.  Him and his bride insisted that we come, and his bride actually horded my son most of the reception!  Bride said over and over when people asked if she was mad that the baby stole her spotlight.  She said "Uh hello, I am in the white dress.  No spotlight stealing here!".

So I was wondering, Kids or no kids for the brides to be here, and why the decision? 

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Re: Kids Invited- Yes or No & Why

  • We invited kids. We like kids, and all the kids we know are well behaved - I can't imagine we would be interested in socializing with people who didn't raise their children the way we're planning to raise ours (I guess the exception would be if those people were family, so we're lucky there). To us, weddings are about community and family, regardless of age. I think the kids at our wedding ranged from 4-18, with most being between 8 and 12.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-invited-yes-or-no-why?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f28391ff-83e9-48c1-9b06-4f3f7edbb982Post:9db79b81-dc09-4346-b31f-6ec0a5984e09">Re: Kids Invited- Yes or No & Why</a>:
    [QUOTE]We invited kids. We like kids, and all the kids we know are well behaved - I can't imagine we would be interested in socializing with people who didn't raise their children the way we're planning to raise ours (I guess the exception would be if those people were family, so we're lucky there).<strong> To us, weddings are about community and family, regardless of age.</strong> I think the kids at our wedding ranged from 4-18, with most being between 8 and 12.
    Posted by krizzo17[/QUOTE]

    Exactly my thinking krizzo.  That is why I get so baffled by the whole "no kids" thing.
  • We are inviting just FI nephew who is the RB and my cousins kids. The reason is mainly to keep the number of people down.
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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I invited kids mostly because it was easier. And we just had a dessert reception so the cost wasn't that much more. I have no problem with couples that choose not to invite kids though. They're just like any other guest.
  • I am having an adult only reception-by adult no kids under 10. That will be communicated by WOM since I am putting adult reception on the invitation. I know thats not proper but I dont want 50 kids running around. Might sound mean but I figure this is a night out for the adults to enjoy themselves. 5 hours of open bar :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-invited-yes-or-no-why?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f28391ff-83e9-48c1-9b06-4f3f7edbb982Post:3961ad4d-c726-4bf6-8351-d648fe33fd45">Re: Kids Invited- Yes or No & Why</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids Invited- Yes or No & Why :<strong> If you know it is not proper, why are you doing it?</strong> Address the invite to the people who are invited, if people RSVP for their uninvited kids, call them apologize for the confusion, and explain that the invite wasn't meant to be extended for the kids.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    Liatris I was thinking the exact same thing. That is kinda...WOW. 
  • We invited a very limited number of kids: my youngest brother, my first cousin (I only have 4 first cousins-the 3 adults were invited), DH's nephew and my niece. That was it.

    We had to pay for the wedding ourselves, and quite a few of our guests had 3-4 kids (We both come from large Catholic families). We don't hate kids, but we weren't in any kind of financial situation to pick up that kind of tab.

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  • We are having kids at our wedding. His family and friends are all coming from England, so they couldn't very well leave the little ones behind.

    That being said, this is my second marriage, and at my first wedding we had an adult-only reception. The venue wasn't very kid friendly, as it had a ton of stairs and hidey-holes. Also, I was very young and not very understanding of kids at the time.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
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    We only invited a few kids. We had our RB and his older brother (17) who was an usher, and his girlfriend, one of my bridesmaids' 2 step-children, my husband's nieces and nephews were invited, but his sister chose not to bring them, and 2 babies. I don't have a lot of friends with young kids, so this was not a big issue for me to even have to consider kids vs. no kids.
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  • I also should have added that while we did invite the children of every guest (I think it was about 12 kids out of 120 guests), we knew every kid personally. Had we invited coworkers or other people whose children we didn't know, they probably wouldn't have been invited.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-invited-yes-or-no-why?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f28391ff-83e9-48c1-9b06-4f3f7edbb982Post:c295e4f0-4fff-4d60-9dde-2cf64d03b3b1">Re: Kids Invited- Yes or No & Why</a>:
    [QUOTE]We're going to invite my FI's two nephews. We are also inviting my first cousins who are still technically "kids" though they're all high school aged, so it's different. Also if there are any nursing mothers at the time of our wedding we will ask them if they want to bring their baby.  We are not inviting the children of our cousins. If we had done so there would have been 10+ kids under the age of six at our wedding. If we had invited the children of cousins and friends the number of little kids invited would be something in the range of 30.  I didn't want 30, or even 10+, little kids running around at my wedding. Neither did FI, so we didn't invite them. We are getting a babysitter at the hotel (which is 5 minutes from the venue) for our out of town family members who want to bring their kids with them for the weekend. They're more than welcome to bring them to the rehearsal dinner and post-wedding brunch if they'd like. 
    Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

    For OOT guests, your making the families leave their kids?  It is nice that you are letting nursing babies come though. 
  • edited February 2013

    It was in our contract with a historic B&B that any child under the age of 16 had to be with their parent(s) at all times and any child out of the supervision of their parent(s) would immediately be taken to the adult(s) and the family would be asked to leave.  Everything in the house was historic or original to the period.  We scanned that page of the contract and emailed it to friends and family with children with an explanation that if they wanted to bring their little ones, these were the rules. Nobody did.

    I've never understood the mentality of "kids will ruin everything!!!"  I remember being left home exactly once growing up.  Kids were always welcome at every wedding and we had parents who made damn sure we behaved.

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  • Wow, lots of brides shun kiddos!  LOL  Instead of putting no kids, would anyone let the parents make the decision to bring the kids or not?

    Now that my kids are older, I leave them home most of the time, by choice.  I think I would be pretty mad or insulted if someone made that decision for me, but I don't know.  I am always for a night out without the kids!!  But that is just me!  Embarassed

  • We are inviting kids .... we like kids, we have a kid, and it is a family-friendly event. 
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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
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    In Response to Re:Kids Invited Yes or No :[QUOTE]Wow, lots of brides shun kiddos!nbsp; LOLnbsp; Instead of putting no kids, would anyone let the parents make the decision to bring the kids or not?Now that my kids are older, I leave them home most of the time, by choice.nbsp; I thinknbsp;I would be pretty mad or insulted if someone made that decision for me, but I don't know.nbsp; I am always for a night out without the kids!!nbsp; But that is just me!nbsp; Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]

    Just by inviting the kids, you're letting the parents make the decision.

    There are a lot of reasons people do and don't invite children and I don't think a couple needs to make an exception for anyone. But they do need to be okay with people declining because they can't bring their kids. Not every even is for kids, and not everyone wants children at the event they're hosting.
  • We aren't inviting kids (with the exception of bridal party children who are also nieces and nephews) due to space limitations. FI has a HUGE, extended local family and if we opened to kids, our venue simply could not accommodate the numbers. 

    Also, while I agree that weddings are about building family/community, it was our priority to include the people that have supported our relationship, and those who stood by us during all the years leading up to it.  With that priority guiding the guest list, it simply didn't make sense to invite the four children of the second cousin that neither of us have ever met. 
  • We are ot having kids because our facility would not fit them all. We are going to be 33 and 42 when we get married and if we included children in our headcount it would add an additional 50+ people and our facility only fits 125. Our facility was within our budget others that could accomadate more where not. I am not going to be the one to tell my 1st aunts and uncles that  I see quite often my entire life that they cannot come because I need to accomadate the 11 children of my fiances recently discovered 1/2 siblings (he was adopted)
  • No kids for us except the 2 in the bridal party. Our wedding and reception were at expensive/elegant venues that in my opinion, are not a place for children. Plus, most of our guests were excited to receive an invitation for a night out, away from their kids. 
  • We're not having kids there (except FI's neice and nephew who will be in the wedding party) because 1) we don't actually like most kids and 2) it seriously costs too much. $25 for some chicken nuggets. Crazy.




  • AJuliaNJAJuliaNJ member
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    edited February 2013
    We are not inviting kids. There's only one kid in either of our families and I know that my cousin would be able to leave him with her MIL (they do weekend trips alone from time to time).

    We would just prefer to have a adults-only affair. We selected a pretty upscale venue, decor, florist, and DJ and I don't think it is the place for children. I think they would be bored. Besides, I don't really want children running around and screaming on the dance floor. I've been out to dinner with my friends with their kids, and I know from experience that that's exactly what will happen.  It's just one night. If parents can leave their kids home to go out to dinner, they can leave them home to attend a wedding.
  • We are really struggling with this issue.  We like kids, but limiting them will allow us to invite more adults that we are close to.  The two little girls we are closest to are our flower girls; this was non-negotiable.  The two potential nursing infants will also be welcome, of course.  I would like to extend invitations also to the children of our BP members and 1 other close friend.  We know these children and would love to have them, but all of them are friends, not family. 

    The potential issue with this plan is that in our case, the number of uninvited children would then be very small, and would include the grandchildren of FMIL's new husband.  FI is adamant that he does not consider them to be "family," and I want to respect his wishes there.  We couldn't pick these kids out of a lineup, and adding them would mean cutting some of our adult friends.  Quite likely, their parents won't even want to come.  However, making them the only excluded children sets off all of my "potential drama" alarms.  FMIL doesn't care, but she's suggested a lot of etiquette breaches so I take that with a grain of salt.  

    Sigh.  We may just limit it to the flower girls and nursing infants to prevent drama.  It's a hard choice!
  • The only child at our wedding will be my niece, who will be 15 mos. I have been to too many weddings with little kids running around the dance floor, and although they can be adorable, it's annoying to try to avoid tripping over them. Especially with dances that involve a lot of moving around (like line dances) it can be unsafe. I teach little kids all day long, every day, so it's nice to have an adult-only environment sometimes. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
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    No kids that I know of in my BF's family (he's an only child, not close to extended family), but I plan to invite kids in my family because not doing so is a lost cause.  But I don't think we'll be inviting any other kids.
  • No kids....so far everyone is thrilled except for one person. That person's husband is thrilled though Tongue out
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  • We are not inviting children because I didnt want them to get in the way. We dont have children yet, so I think that played a big part in our decision. If we had kids of our own, we probably wouldve allowed children & made it a more family friendly atomsphere. Our WP & our families include a few people who like to get crazy and I didnt want children around that. The only children we are allowing are the ones that are in the wedding, or children of the wedding party (my MOH has a 3 month old baby, obv I cant ask her to leave him with someone for the entire night. If she decides to, thats fine. But, I plan on allowing her to bring him). FMIL was not happy about this decision because all of FIs cousins have young kids. She claimed that if we didnt allow children to come, nobody would come. When we told his side of the family that it was no kids, nobody said anything bad. Maybe they were thinking it, but they didnt say it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-invited-yes-or-no-why?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f28391ff-83e9-48c1-9b06-4f3f7edbb982Post:21abeae6-c972-42a5-ac20-e5b5e7ac321d">Re: Kids Invited- Yes or No & Why</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are not inviting children because I didnt want them to get in the way. We dont have children yet, so I think that played a big part in our decision. If we had kids of our own, we probably wouldve allowed children & made it a more family friendly atomsphere. Our WP & our families include a few people who like to get crazy and I didnt want children around that. The only children we are allowing are the ones that are in the wedding, or children of the wedding party (my MOH has a 3 month old baby, obv I cant ask her to leave him with someone for the entire night. If she decides to, thats fine. But, I plan on allowing her to bring him). FMIL was not happy about this decision because all of FIs cousins have young kids. She claimed that if we didnt allow children to come, nobody would come. <strong>When we told his side of the family that it was no kids, nobody said anything bad. Maybe they were thinking it, but they didnt say it.
    </strong>Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

    They might be waiting to see if they want to pay the cost of a babysitter.  I don't know what sittes in your area charge but in my neighborhood it is $12-15/hr. 
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  • edited February 2013
    We're not inviting kids.  Our reason?  I'm a teacher.  When I'm around kids, I switch into "Miss Woodschr" mode, and I don't really want to get married in that mode.  The only two will be our flower girls, but they're like our adopted children, and would be seriously hurt if they didn't get invited.  I don't think kids will "steal my spotlight" or "ruin everything", I just know that I won't be able to fully enjoy myself because I'll be watching out for them.  It's in my blood.
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  • My fiance and I decided very early on that we would only be inviting our nine nieces and nephews to our wedding (ranging from ages 1 to 11) due to space and budgetary concerns. Not to mention the fact that I have seventeen first cousins who are all married and have at least three children each; many of them have five or six (we were able to reduce our guestlist by about fifty people). Also, I do not find anything wrong with an adults-only evening; my cousins can't wait to get sitters and have a kid-free evening! Kids or no kids it's YOUR choice.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-invited-yes-or-no-why?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f28391ff-83e9-48c1-9b06-4f3f7edbb982Post:54984228-de62-48a8-aa28-a550356abcb9">Re: Kids Invited- Yes or No & Why</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids Invited- Yes or No & Why : They might be waiting to see if they want to pay the cost of a babysitter.  I don't know what sittes in your area charge but in my neighborhood it is $12-15/hr. 
    Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

    That could be why, but I am not sure. I know the price of a babysitter here is way less than that. FMIL says that they only use other family members to babysit each others kids, and if everybody is at the wedding, who is going to babysit? I dont know!!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-invited-yes-or-no-why?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f28391ff-83e9-48c1-9b06-4f3f7edbb982Post:613d068d-93cf-404f-8746-2c011df8bae8">Re: Kids Invited- Yes or No & Why</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, lots of brides shun kiddos!  LOL <strong> Instead of putting no kids</strong>, would anyone let the parents make the decision to bring the kids or not? Now that my kids are older, I leave them home most of the time, by choice.  <strong>I think I would be pretty mad or insulted if someone made that decision for me</strong>, but I don't know.  I am always for a night out without the kids!!  But that is just me! 
    Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]

    I think shun is a bit harsh.  There are many reasons why a couple would choose not to invite kids, and budget and space are a few big ones.  We invited children who are part of our lives (nieces/nephews, close friends' kids) but not those we barely know (like coworkers' kids).

    To the first bolded, it is never ok to put "no kids"/adults only/any other version thereof on the invitation.  Some kids weren't invited - we conveyed that by addressing the envelope to those who were invited only. 

    To the second bolded, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I think it is unreasonable to be mad or offended that your children are not invited everywhere you are. 
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