Wedding Etiquette Forum

Multiple little girls in wedding - am I being elitist?

There will be 4 little girls in my wedding, ranging in age from 2-4years old.  One of them is my daughter, 1 is my MOH's daughter, and 2 are my fiance's nieces.  My fiance wants all 4 girls to wear the same dress and walk down the aisle at the same time.  I want my daughter to be different than the other girls in a more embellished ivory dress rather than the purple dresses the other little ones are wearing.  He does not think that this is appropriate.  My MOH agrees with me, my fiance's sisters (the mothers of the other 2 little ones) haven't said anything one way or another.  I do not want people thinking that I am trying to be elite by having my daughter stand out more, however, I feel that she should have a slightly different role in the wedding since she is the most important thing in my life.  What do you guys think?
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Re: Multiple little girls in wedding - am I being elitist?

  • *eyeroll*  I hate all things like this.  Especially to have FOUR girls.  Come on.  That's just silly.
  • I think you're overthinking it.  No one will care what the girl is wearing!  I think you're trying to make the point of "My daughter is the closest to me so I want her to stand out"  - well everyone will already know that so I just don't think it matters.
  • What roles are the little girls playing? Is one in particular a flower girl or are they all flower girls? Will you include your daughter in a moment during your ceremony where you acknowledge that you three are now a family?

    I don't think it's a big deal to have your own daughter wearing a different dress in your wedding. After all, this union affects her as much as it affects you and your fiance.
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  • Are they flower girls? What are they doing?
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  • I'm with your fiance. That seems a little (ok, a lot) overkill.
  • If you wanted her to have a different role you should have just had her be the flower girl and not include 3 other girls. Ditto Snippy on the eyeroll. 4 girls, and you want one of them to be more "spechul" than the others? I wouldn't say elitist, but you do sound like a brat.
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  • edited November 2010
    +1 to Snippy's comment.

    Well, if it was me I would only have your daughter, but if you've already asked the other 3 it's a little too late now. 

    Just have them wear different dresses if you want your daughter to stand out.
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  • I am not usually a fan of family unity ceremonies, but having her take part in a section of the ceremony would be a good way to have her stand out from the other girls.

    Really though, everyone knows she's your daughter.
  • If you wanted her to stand out, then why did you choose three other girls too?

    I don't think having her wear a different dress is a bad idea, but I do think you should have thought this through a little more. 
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  • I understand wanting your daughter in the wedding, but the MOH's daughter? Why? And the nieces? I don't know...I guess I just don't like little children as wedding props. 
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  • I don't understand how it's "elistist" to want your daughter to stand out. Of course she's more special to you than these other children -- she's your DAUGHTER. I actually think it would be inappropriate to have her meld in with a bunch of other kids. Her role in your life is more special than that of a niece or friend's child.
  • I certainly wouldn't use the word elitist in this situation. 
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  • I even included our daughter in our ceremony but in this case I feel like you are getting married, not her, so she does not need to stand out with what dress she wears.

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  • Yeah, I'm kind of stuck on the idea of having so many little girls in your wedding, which sounds like a nightmare to me. But I guess you can't change it now.

    I guess since your FI feels so strongly about them dressing the same, then do that, but compromise by having some part in the ceremony where you acknowledge that the three of you will be a new family.
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  • I don't think there's anything wrong or "elitist" (although I'm not sure that's the word you're looking for, to be honest) with giving your daughter a different role in the ceremony.  That said, if your FI isn't comfortable with the idea, then this probably something you need to talk through with him so you're both on the same page come wedding day.

    Just don't make her a mini-bride with that embellished ivory dress, okay?  Those creep me the hell out.  :)
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  • hehehe tencups knows an elitist when she sees one.

    LOL!?!
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  • It's as if you are designating a Flower Girl of Honor. 

    4 flower girls are going to make people roll their eyes - really, it's just silly.  I'd choose only your daughter.   Have you already discussed this iwth the girls (not just their parents)? 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multiple-little-girls-wedding-am-being-elitist?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ff7505d9-150d-45e6-ad90-da75c09ef704Post:18248374-3290-4706-97f0-5d6808fb606e">Re: Multiple little girls in wedding - am I being elitist?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I certainly wouldn't use the word elitist in this situation. 
    Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this. I think of elitist as how Fox News tries to label people like me.
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  • I'm sure that everyone knows that you love your daughter the most. But what if this hurts one of the other children's feelings? I don't really know if kids notice this kind of thing, because I'm rarely around children. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multiple-little-girls-wedding-am-being-elitist?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ff7505d9-150d-45e6-ad90-da75c09ef704Post:7b097085-4d38-4622-badb-9913d6af8485">Re: Multiple little girls in wedding - am I being elitist?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't understand how it's "elistist" to want your daughter to stand out. Of course she's more special to you than these other children -- she's your DAUGHTER. I actually think it would be inappropriate to have her meld in with a bunch of other kids. Her role in your life is more special than that of a niece or friend's child.
    Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

    If she feels the daughter should feel special than she shouldn't have included three other girls in essentially the same "role" (? I'm assuming FG) as the daughter (I almost said that the daughter is playing, but this isn't a production it's a wedding!) Adding three girls just diluted the "role" and the specialness (is that a word?) of it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multiple-little-girls-wedding-am-being-elitist?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ff7505d9-150d-45e6-ad90-da75c09ef704Post:f083d911-0452-4b9c-9651-0488fe727828">Re: Multiple little girls in wedding - am I being elitist?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you wanted her to have a different role you should have just had her be the flower girl and not include 3 other girls. Ditto Snippy on the eyeroll. 4 girls, and you want one of them to be more "spechul" than the others? I wouldn't say elitist, but you do sound like a brat.
    Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

    Ditto this.
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  • That's not elitist, that's masochistic.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multiple-little-girls-wedding-am-being-elitist?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ff7505d9-150d-45e6-ad90-da75c09ef704Post:eae71202-a2d0-4bce-9745-351d309433c5">Re: Multiple little girls in wedding - am I being elitist?</a>:
    [QUOTE]hehehe tencups knows an elitist when she sees one. LOL!?!
    Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

    eye-to-eye
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  • And Colleen comes in with some gold!! :D

    Rosie... awesome.
  • megk8ozmegk8oz member
    2500 Comments
    edited November 2010
    I'm very confused here. Explain to me why, if you wanted her to "stand out", isn't your daughter the only flower girl?

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • CellesCelles member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited November 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multiple-little-girls-wedding-am-being-elitist?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ff7505d9-150d-45e6-ad90-da75c09ef704Post:d6b579d8-0d64-4211-8bd3-e88ee3333b4a">Re: Multiple little girls in wedding - am I being elitist?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I understand wanting your daughter in the wedding, but the MOH's daughter? Why? And the nieces? I don't know...I guess I just don't like little children as wedding props. 
    Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

    Ha.  When I was trying on dresses a few months ago, I met a really chatty mother of the bride who was so appalled to hear that I didn't have flower girls or ring bearers that she actually offered to lend me her grandchildren. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multiple-little-girls-wedding-am-being-elitist?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ff7505d9-150d-45e6-ad90-da75c09ef704Post:278b6a79-eca1-4e8d-bf74-afc02b6120d2">Re: Multiple little girls in wedding - am I being elitist?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Multiple little girls in wedding - am I being elitist? : eye-to-eye
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    I was wondering if you were going to agree. I read that thread in my catching up over the weekend.

    Rosie, that made me LOL.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multiple-little-girls-wedding-am-being-elitist?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ff7505d9-150d-45e6-ad90-da75c09ef704Post:eae71202-a2d0-4bce-9745-351d309433c5">Re: Multiple little girls in wedding - am I being elitist?</a>:
    [QUOTE]hehehe tencups knows an elitist when she sees one. LOL!?!
    Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

    <div>I lol'ed.</div><div>
    </div><div>And I'm so glad Colleen is back.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multiple-little-girls-wedding-am-being-elitist?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ff7505d9-150d-45e6-ad90-da75c09ef704Post:62d28830-1187-4d66-93b0-adf33273610d">Multiple little girls in wedding - am I being elitist?</a>:
    [QUOTE]There will be 4 little girls in my wedding, ranging in age from 2-4years old.  One of them is my daughter, 1 is my MOH's daughter, and 2 are my fiance's nieces.  My fiance wants all 4 girls to wear the same dress and walk down the aisle at the same time.  I want my daughter to be different than the other girls in a more embellished ivory dress rather than the purple dresses the other little ones are wearing.  He does not think that this is appropriate.  My MOH agrees with me, my fiance's sisters (the mothers of the other 2 little ones) haven't said anything one way or another.  I do not want people thinking that I am trying to be elite by having my daughter stand out more, however, I feel that she should have a slightly different role in the wedding since she is the most important thing in my life.  What do you guys think?
    Posted by hypothesis125[/QUOTE]
    JIC
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multiple-little-girls-wedding-am-being-elitist?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ff7505d9-150d-45e6-ad90-da75c09ef704Post:42fd632e-6141-44f7-8243-e30ee26b747d">Re: Multiple little girls in wedding - am I being elitist?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Multiple little girls in wedding - am I being elitist? : Ha.  When I was trying on dresses a few months ago, I met a really chatty mother of the bride who was so appalled to hear that I didn't have flower girls or ring bearers that she actually offered to lend me her grandchildren. 
    Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

    <div>So I'm assuming you declined her generous offer? :)</div><div>
    </div><div>Weeeeeird.</div>
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