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FI scared to ask GM

After months and months of nagging FI to do the one thing he had to do for the wedding--ask his groomsmen--he finally did it. Well, sort of. His best man actually called ME to see if he was the best man (not in a rude way; he knew it was supposed to be him!). FI never actually asked my brother... He thought it should be implied. He finally asked the third a few weeks ago. One of the guys, he decided not to ask, as the two had grown apart. 

The last was supposed to be his step-brother. He had plenty of opportunities to ask him, and I know he wants him to be in the wedding! About a month ago, said step-brother (we'll call him FBIL) got engaged! They set their date for June 8, one month before our wedding. Now, FI doesn't want to ask FBIL to be a GM because he's afraid then FBIL will feel obligated to ask FI as well! I told him he is being ridiculous!!

Re: FI scared to ask GM

  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I think with less than 3 months until your wedding, FI shouldn't ask any more groomsmen. Three is more than enough, and you don't need to have even sides and forcing him to ask people isnt a good option.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If your FI wants your brother or anyone else to be a groomsman, he needs to grow a pair and ask them-not imply it.  Nobody can read his mind, and expecting them to be able to do so is setting himself and them up for disappointmnet.

    If I were you, I'd tell him that and then leave it up to him, and if he doesn't ask someone, he doesn't have the right to expect them to assume that they're supposed to be his attendants.
  • I don't know what was the big deal but FI was the same way.  For 2-3 weeks he just kept saying "I'll do it tomorrow'  His best friend had to know he was the best man but still.  Finally almost a month later he asked all 5.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Yeah my FI kind of took his time asking, too. Not sure why since all of his choices were pretty obvious. He did debate for a while if his best man should be his brother or cousin.

  • My friend assumed it was implied that I was in her wedding party when she asked me to go with her to look for her dress. After she found a dress she liked, she said "Lets go downstairs and look at bridesmaids dresses." As we were browsing the racks she made a comment about having bridesmaids of varying heights and that her sister might be difficult agreeing on the same dress as the "tall girls." At this point, I just flat out asked "Who is in your bridal party?" (I was pretty sure I was one of the "tall girls") She blurted out "Obviously your my maid of honor!" I never assumed it, and her mother overheard and said "Geeze...you never asked her?"

    That being said, never think its implied...:)
  • This is hilarious to hear about all the men dragging their feet.  Yep, my FI did the exact same thing - I don't think he asked his best man, he just assumed he knew because his friend helped him propose.  and then he just started to refer to him as the best man, so he was never "officially" asked.  It was just implied, though I guess in his defense, implied strongly? 

    As for his groomsmen, I told him he didn't have to choose for a bit (I choose my girls really early because I am overseas until 5 months before the wedding and I wanted to ask in person before I left), and that he didn't even need groomsmen if he didn't want them, but then he started getting stressed out and had lists and  categories as to who he would want in his wedding the most.  And then once he decided, he didn't ask for a bit, despite them living in the same house as him.  Men are weird. 
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