Wedding Reception Forum

'Subsidized' Cash Bar?

I would love to have an open bar but I don't think it's in the budget but I'm shocked at how much venues here charge per drink. I feel that $7-9 is too much for a drink and I'm wondering if anyone knows if it's possible to 'subsidize' the price ie; we pay the venue $2 or $3 for every drink sold and the guests pay the difference therefore getting a lower drink cost? Am I being silly?

We are planning to provide wine with dinner 3-4 bottles per table of 8, is that enough for us to do? I just don't want my guests to be shocked at the drink prices (typically I've paid about $5 a drink at other weddings I've been to, most of them having cash bars)
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Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:e1f7b045-1252-493c-8ec2-41853e9795d4">'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would love to have an open bar but I don't think it's in the budget but I'm shocked at how much venues here charge per drink. I feel that $7-9 is too much for a drink and I'm wondering if anyone knows if it's possible to 'subsidize' the price ie; we pay the venue $2 or $3 for every drink sold and the guests pay the difference therefore getting a lower drink cost? Am I being silly? We are planning to provide wine with dinner 3-4 bottles per table of 8, is that enough for us to do? I just don't want my guests to be shocked at the drink prices (typically I've paid about $5 a drink at other weddings I've been to, most of them having cash bars)
    Posted by Bibbleskip[/QUOTE]

    Either have an open bar, beer and wine only or a dry wedding.  It is never okay to ask guests to pay any price for what you should be hosting.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • Ditto GLB. You wouldn't charge your guests for drinks if you invited them to your home for dinner, would you?  If you can't afford an open bar, have less alcohol or even none at all. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • OnLAOnLA member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    Where I'm from and in my circle, Cash Bars are quite common, I understand this isn't the norm everywhere.  I've been to more than a dozen weddings and only one has had an open bar.  Most provide wine with dinner and then cash bar after that. 

    I'm just wondering if anyone has ever subsidized the cost of the cash bar?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:629b5b55-ddaa-42bc-876f-8af54f2ae0aa">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Where I'm from and in my circle, Cash Bars are quite common, I understand this isn't the norm everywhere.  I've been to more than a dozen weddings and only one has had an open bar.  Most provide wine with dinner and then cash bar after that.  I'm just wondering if anyone has ever subsidized the cost of the cash bar?
    Posted by Bibbleskip[/QUOTE]

    <div>It doesn't matter if other people in your circle are rude.  That is no excuse for you to do it.</div><div>
    </div><div>Cash bars are horribly rude.  Put the money you're trying to put toward the bar toward some beer and just serve beer and wine.</div>
  • Can  you afford wine and beer along with a signature cocktail?  If not, stick to the wine plan and call it a day.  I have never heard of a subsidized bar tab because a cash bar in any capacity is rude.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:629b5b55-ddaa-42bc-876f-8af54f2ae0aa">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Where I'm from and in my circle, Cash Bars are quite common, I understand this isn't the norm everywhere.  I've been to more than a dozen weddings and only one has had an open bar.  Most provide wine with dinner and then cash bar after that.  I'm just wondering if anyone has ever subsidized the cost of the cash bar?
    Posted by Bibbleskip[/QUOTE]

    No, because it's not polite to make your guests pay *anything* even if you "subsidize" any or all of the rest of the cost.  That's bad hosting.
  • Coming from somewhere where cash bars are totally normal, and in no way considered rude, I wouldn't even expect a subsidised bar. Where I am there is usually drinks on arrival and then wine with the dinner, after that you pay for your own. I have been to dozens of weddings - and only one free bar. So if you can subsidise the bar then I'm sure it would be really appreciated - but not expected.
  • OnLAOnLA member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:333b8751-b7cc-4326-bea2-0511ebc015d9">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Coming from somewhere where cash bars are totally normal, and in no way considered rude, I wouldn't even expect a subsidised bar. Where I am there is usually drinks on arrival and then wine with the dinner, after that you pay for your own. I have been to dozens of weddings - and only one free bar. So if you can subsidise the bar then I'm sure it would be really appreciated - but not expected.
    Posted by Havana2014[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Thank you.  

    </div>
  • OnLAOnLA member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    I understand that we are entitled to our opinions, however, the thread is about a cash bar and how to make it cost effective.  If you're against them and think they're rude why bother replying?  I'm having a cash bar, it's not rude, it's a very common practice where I'm from, I'm just trying to find a way to find the best of both worlds.  And for everyone who says (on this thread and others) 'would you ask someone to pay for drinks at your house' have you never heard of BYOB (NO I am not suggesting a BYOB wedding).  I ALWAYS bring wine or beer when I'm invited somewhere to dinner, it's considered polite.  It would be rude to show up empty handed.

    If you have nothing to say about the actual question please don't reply.
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:e0776632-de75-4ff4-ad82-d99c98f17341">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I understand that we are entitled to our opinions, however, the thread is about a cash bar and how to make it cost effective.  If you're against them and think they're rude why bother replying?  I'm having a cash bar, it's not rude, it's a very common practice where I'm from, I'm just trying to find a way to find the best of both worlds.  And for everyone who says (on this thread and others) 'would you ask someone to pay for drinks at your house' have you never heard of BYOB (NO I am not suggesting a BYOB wedding).  I ALWAYS bring wine or beer when I'm invited somewhere to dinner, it's considered polite.  It would be rude to show up empty handed. If you have nothing to say about the actual question please don't reply.
    Posted by Bibbleskip[/QUOTE]

    You can't tell us how to reply. It's an open forum.
  • If you were asking us if you should charge onlookers $5.00 or $7.00 to watch you jump off a bridge, we'd tell you not to jump off a bridge.
  • There is nothing wrong with just offering wine, or beer and wine, and non-alcoholic beverages such as tea, coffee, milk, juice, and soda.  In fact, you really SHOULD have some non-alcoholic choices, for those who do not wish to drink alcohol.

    There *is* something wrong with offering to host someone else's meal/experience and changing a fee of any kind.  If you bring a hostess or host a bottle of wine for a dinner party, it's not because without that you have nothing to drink but water. It's because you are giving them a thank-you gift for the pleasure of being hosted by them. It is not expected, or usually happens to be done, that you are served the wine you brought. 

    If you have chosen an area of the country or a wedding venue that charges more than you expected, you can either change your expectations of the menu or change your venue, or you can charge people for having a drink they should not have to pay for, based on etiquette.  Perhaps you and your guests are familar with this etiquette, perhaps you/they are not?  That does not mean it is erased from social convention, just because you/they are not familar, or disagree with the practice.

    There are some lovely inexpensive wines available that can be made into a signature cocktail with soda, seltzer water, tonic water, juice, and/or garnishes.  This could be a way to offer a special touch that won't burst your budget.
  • I think what I find difficult to understand is this...... If someone says a cash bar is acceptable where they are from then why can't people accept that? I've read people on here say 'a cash bar is NEVER acceptable' but that is not true. It would seem that for most people here it is not, but that is not to say it is NEVER so. Where I am from it is 100% the norm and it is never frowned upon or considered rude. I understand that this is predominately a US site, but surely even within the US things like this can vary?
  • OP, where are you from?
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  • OnLAOnLA member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    I am FROM St. John's Newfoundland, have lived in, and attended weddings in Fredericton New Brunswick, and am currently living in Mississauga Ontario.  The majority of the guests will be east coasters (Newfoundland, New Brunswick and Nova Scotia), we are not sure where the wedding will be yet, I'm looking at the venue options now.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:5b3e5439-9dbc-429b-b1fd-36cf788ca702">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am FROM St. John's Newfoundland, have lived in, and attended weddings in Fredericton New Brunswick, and am currently living in Mississauga Ontario.  The majority of the guests will be east coasters (Newfoundland, New Brunswick and Nova Scotia), we are not sure where the wedding will be yet, I'm looking at the venue options now.
    Posted by Bibbleskip[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ok, I'm from the GTA as well (been here my whole life) and while your OOT guests might be used to cash bars, I've never been to one. Cash bars are not necessarily a regional thing now. When looking for venues you should look into ones where you can afford to host the bar.</div>
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:e1f7b045-1252-493c-8ec2-41853e9795d4">'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would love to have an open bar but I don't think it's in the budget but I'm shocked at how much venues here charge per drink. I feel that $7-9 is too much for a drink and I'm wondering if anyone knows if it's possible to 'subsidize' the price ie; we pay the venue $2 or $3 for every drink sold and the guests pay the difference therefore getting a lower drink cost? Am I being silly? We are planning to provide wine with dinner 3-4 bottles per table of 8, is that enough for us to do? I just don't want my guests to be shocked at the drink prices (typically I've paid about $5 a drink at other weddings I've been to, most of them having cash bars)
    Posted by Bibbleskip[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Would you subsidize drinks in your home when you have friends and family over for dinner?  </div><div>
    </div><div>Host what you can afford the entire evening.  Asking a guest to open up their wallet for any amount of money is completely and utterly unacceptable and rude, no matter how common it is in your circle.

    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:98e38d8b-2559-486a-95ff-d43eda4b4f7a">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think what I find difficult to understand is this...... If someone says a cash bar is acceptable where they are from then why can't people accept that?<strong> I've read people on here say 'a cash bar is NEVER acceptable' but that is not true.</strong> It would seem that for most people here it is not, but that is not to say it is NEVER so. Where I am from it is 100% the norm and it is never frowned upon or considered rude. I understand that this is predominately a US site, but surely even within the US things like this can vary?
    Posted by Havana2014[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Do you charge your friends and family for wine when you have them over for dinner?   A wedding reception is no different....you are hosting friends and family.
    </div>
  • It does not matter if you've seen it done before. I have seen people burp loudly in public at a nice restaurant and I have seen people talk with their mouth full. That doesn't make either of those actions polite, and it does not make it OK for me to turn around and do them either.

    You have been given good options. You can host open beer and wine all night, maybe even with a signature cocktail. This is perfectly fine etiquette-wise and it is still more budget-friendly. I would rather have that than have to pay $5 instead of $8 for a mixed drink. As a guest at an event YOU are hosting, I shouldn't have to pay for anything. And if your response to that is going to be, "Well they can drink the free wine we're making available," then my response is: great! Then just have free wine and beer available; why make anything cost money?


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:e0776632-de75-4ff4-ad82-d99c98f17341">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I understand that we are entitled to our opinions, however, the thread is about a cash bar and how to make it cost effective.  If you're against them and think they're rude why bother replying?  I'm having a cash bar, it's not rude, it's a very common practice where I'm from, I'm just trying to find a way to find the best of both worlds.  And for everyone who says (on this thread and others) 'would you ask someone to pay for drinks at your house' have you never heard of BYOB (NO I am not suggesting a BYOB wedding).  I ALWAYS bring wine or beer when I'm invited somewhere to dinner, it's considered polite.  It would be rude to show up empty handed. If you have nothing to say about the actual question please don't reply.
    Posted by Bibbleskip[/QUOTE]




    Except that it IS rude. Just because people in your circle are rude all the time does not mean a cash or "subsidized" bar is okay.

    Really think of it this way: when the guests have to open their wallet for anything, they are subsidizing your wedding.....tacky.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:629b5b55-ddaa-42bc-876f-8af54f2ae0aa">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Where I'm from and in my circle, Cash Bars are quite common, I understand this isn't the norm everywhere.  I've been to more than a dozen weddings and only one has had an open bar.  Most provide wine with dinner and then cash bar after that.  I'm just wondering if anyone has ever subsidized the cost of the cash bar?
    Posted by Bibbleskip[/QUOTE]

    They are also the norm where I am from.  DH and I would rather have shown up naked for our own wedding than do anything this rude so don't use "it's the norm" as an excuse.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2013
    People reply with the opinion that you shouldn't do it in the hopes that you, you know, WON'T. They reply with the opinion that you shouldn't do it in the hopes that you will be prevented from being a terrible hostess to your guests. Just as you are free to post your question, others are free to respond as they see fit without instructions on how to do so.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Havana2014Havana2014 member
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:97612123-618c-4384-b813-66232faeddd7">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : Do you charge your friends an family for wine when you have them over for dinner?   A wedding reception is no different....you are hosting friends and family.
    Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]



    Of course not - but any party or event held outside of a private home the norm is that everyone pays for their own drink. If I was invited to a dinner party in someone's house there would be drink provided - but everyone would also bring enough to cover their own consumption for the night. Likewise if I was invited to my friends birthday party - either in her house or an outside venue. I would either bring enough alcohol to last me the whole event or I would buy my own.

    A wedding reception here lasts a minimum of 12 hours - NO ONE expects the B&G to foot the bill for their drinking for the night. It's not considered rude - in any way shape or form. I'm not sure how to explain it so that people get it.

    Can't people just accept that different countries/ cultures have different norms? Here showers and gift registries are considered a little 'grabby' and very very rarely done ( I've never been to a shower or attended a wedding with a registry) but I wouldn't tell any one on here that its rude and should NEVER be done.
  • Havana2014Havana2014 member
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:df0d62c5-7bc5-4e02-ae1d-77f2bf5ae542">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
    [QUOTE]People reply with the opinion that you shouldn't do it in the hopes that you, you know, WON'T. They reply with the opinion that you shouldn't do it in the hopes that you will be prevented from being a terrible hostess to your guests. Just as you are free to post your question, others are free to respond as they see fit without instructions on how to do so.
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]



    In fairness though people don't seem to always respond with an opinion - they don't say 'I consider cash bars rude and unacceptable. I don't think you should have'. Instead they y respond with a judgement and an instruction ' They are rude. They are unacceptable. Don't do it.'
  • That's because they are rude. It's not a matter of opinion. Just because you are not personally offended by it doesn't mean it's not rude.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:f9106022-46a8-46c9-871b-dc8bd07f8c1f">Re:'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's because they are rude. It's not a matter of opinion. Just because you are not personally offended by it doesn't mean it's not rude.
    Posted by Weezy56[/QUOTE]



    They are considered rude where you come from.. They are not considered rude where I come from.
  • a 12 hour wedding reception?!  I have never heard of such a thing.  What do you do for that long of a timespan?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:c7712002-f278-4899-bbf7-16c90cd0a539">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : In fairness though people don't seem to always respond with an opinion - they don't say 'I consider cash bars rude and unacceptable. I don't think you should have'. Instead they y respond with a judgement and an instruction ' They are rude. They are unacceptable. Don't do it.'
    Posted by Havana2014[/QUOTE]
    If someone says, "They are rude," you can't deduce that that means essentially the same thing as, "I consider them rude"? I realize that by saying "Black is the best color" that is just my opinion and does not make it a fact. I suppose that is the point you are trying to make about the way people phrase things, but honestly, around here, I think it's pretty evident when someone says something is rude, we ought to be able to deduce that it is their opinion. And people can choose to ignore opinions if they like, but it is not their place to tell people how to post on a public forum. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Pull money from somewhere else less important.

    Guests will never ever ever ever remember your decorations or flowers

    Guests WILL remember having to pony up cash unexpectedly, or not being able to drink at all because they didn't bring money.

    And they won't remember it fondly either.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • Havana2014Havana2014 member
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:1e484eb6-e61d-4593-be72-f6fe3304ff85">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
    [QUOTE]a 12 hour wedding reception?!  I have never heard of such a thing.  What do you do for that long of a timespan?
    Posted by kaos16[/QUOTE]



    A typical wedding would go like this.....

    the cermony is usually at 1 or 1.30, lasting half hour to an hour. Then on to venue for the reception, where champagne/ cocktails and canapés are served. Diner is called at about 5.30 or 6 lasting till 8/8.30. The band would play from about 9 till 11.30 or 12am. At this stage more food will be served and the DJ will start, playing till 2.30/3am. Usually after that people would go to the residents bar in the venue (usually a hotel) where the party continues until the early hours. It's a lot of fun :-)
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