'Subsidized' Cash Bar?

Summer2011Bride · April 2013

Here's the thing. Your family and friends who love you and care about you will not come up to you and say, "Don't do this. It's rude," because they love you and don't want to hurt your feelings. You have no idea how they truly feel about cash bars or subsidized bars. Silence does not equal liking something. At all. I stay silent a lot about things I don't like because it isn't always worth causing an argument or potentially hurting someone's feelings especially if they are close to me. You are confusing this with automatically approving of something.

All I know is, if I ran an idea by a group of people that owed me nothing (like us), that did not know me, had no reason to be anything but trutthful to me, and they all said something I intended to do was rude, my first reaction would be to sit back and consider what they had to say. It's not just one person saying this; it's many, and we owe you nothing. We have no reason to come on here and tell you it's rude just for kicks and giggles. I don't understand why the knee jerk reaction is always to say, "No ALL of you are wrong."

ashleyep · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:edad86d0-fe96-403c-aa5b-c9628a379121">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : Would you subsidize drinks in your home when you have friends and family over for dinner? Host what you can afford the entire evening. Asking a guest to open up their wallet for any amount of money is completely and utterly unacceptable and rude, no matter how common it is in your circle.
Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm sorry, but this response is ridiculous. Actually, if I was having a family party, and my family is about 40 people, then usually they bring their own alcohol. None of those hosts in my family are expected to provide alcohol for all of their guests at these parties. That's just how we do it. And even if I DID provide them the alcohol, a wedding reception is NOT IN MY HOME. I can't just go to Costco and stock up for cheap. The venues I've looked at charge upwards of $5000 for an open bar and that's nearly 20% of my wedding budget - it's asinine. Every party I've been to that was at a restaurant or hall (special birthday parties, anniversary parties, etc) have been cash bars. It's NOT that big of a deal and if you don't want to come, then please RSVP no and it's one less person I have to feed.</div><div>
</div><div>Just answer the OP's question or don't bother responding. It's not like we haven't all heard about how RUDE it supposedly is to have a cash bar. We know the etiqutte. I'm more inclined to listen to the opinions of everyone around me than a bunch of strangers on the internet.</div><div>
</div><div>OP, to answer your question, I've never seen a subsidized cash bar, but that may because that information was never disclosed. You're providing wine, so I don't think I would have a problem paying the $8-$9 per drink otherwise. But you could certainly ask your venue. It might prevent someone from running out of cash.<span style="white-space:pre;" class="Apple-tab-span"> </span></div>

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:f1d147a3-3b81-4154-9a5c-a4e75efcfd8d">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : I'm sorry, but this response is ridiculous. Actually, if I was having a family party, and my family is about 40 people, then usually they bring their own alcohol. None of those hosts in my family are expected to provide alcohol for all of their guests at the holidays. That's just how we do it. And even if I DID provide them the alcohol, a wedding reception is NOT IN MY HOME. I can't just go to Costco and stock up for cheap. The venues I've looked at charge upwards of $5000 for an open bar and that's nearly 20% of my wedding budget - it's asinine. Every party I've been to that was at a restaurant (special birthday parties, anniversary parties, etc) have been cash bars. It's NOT that big of a deal and if you don't want to come, then please RSVP no and it's one less person I have to feed. Just answer the OP's question or don't bother responding. It's not like we haven't all heard about how RUDE it supposedly is to have a cash bar. We know the etiqutte.
Posted by ashleyep[/QUOTE]

Not one person has said that you have to do an open bar. Alternatives include serving only wine and beer or having a dry wedding.

AddieCake · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:e7783c55-742c-45ee-a5a4-1554777a6b46">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's the thing. Your family and friends who love you and care about you will not come up to you and say, "Don't do this. It's rude," because they love you and don't want to hurt your feelings. You have no idea how they truly feel about cash bars or subsidized bars. Silence does not equal liking something. At all. I stay silent a lot about things I don't like because it isn't always worth causing an argument or potentially hurting someone's feelings especially if they are close to me. You are confusing this with automatically approving of something. All I know is, if I ran an idea by a group of people that owed me nothing (like us), that did not know me, had no reason to be anything but trutthful to me, and they all said something I intended to do was rude, my first reaction would be to sit back and consider what they had to say. It's not just one person saying this; it's many, and we owe you nothing. We have no reason to come on here and tell you it's rude just for kicks and giggles. I don't understand why the knee jerk reaction is always to say, "No ALL of you are wrong."
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]<div>100 %. </div><div>
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ashleyep · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:20365f85-567f-4f9e-a29e-c0b2483d477f">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : Not one person has said that you have to do an open bar. Alternatives include serving only wine and beer or having a dry wedding.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

<div>I would be livid if I went to a dry wedding. She's already offering a cocktail hour and wine service at dinner. The cash bar is just a nice plus if you want to keep drinking.</div><div>
</div><div>I can't get over how a dry wedding is somehow a superior choice if the couple can't afford an open bar (or open beer and wine bar). It's not. At all. It's horrible to make your guests sit through that unless you're doing so for religious or moral reasons (or you're recovering alcoholic).<span style="white-space:pre;" class="Apple-tab-span"> </span></div><div>
</div>

ashleyep · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:e7783c55-742c-45ee-a5a4-1554777a6b46">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's the thing. Your family and friends who love you and care about you will not come up to you and say, "Don't do this. It's rude," because they love you and don't want to hurt your feelings. You have no idea how they truly feel about cash bars or subsidized bars. Silence does not equal liking something. At all. I stay silent a lot about things I don't like because it isn't always worth causing an argument or potentially hurting someone's feelings especially if they are close to me. You are confusing this with automatically approving of something. All I know is, if I ran an idea by a group of people that owed me nothing (like us), that did not know me, had no reason to be anything but trutthful to me, and they all said something I intended to do was rude, my first reaction would be to sit back and consider what they had to say. It's not just one person saying this; it's many, and we owe you nothing. We have no reason to come on here and tell you it's rude just for kicks and giggles. I don't understand why the knee jerk reaction is always to say, "No ALL of you are wrong."
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Here's my opinion. I don't think you're all wrong. At all. But I do agree that it's completely regional and culture and class specific. It's entirely possible that all of her friends and family are telling her it's okay, becaus to them it is. Or because they've all done the same thing.</div><div>
</div><div>We know the etiquette, we all know you're "supposed" to not charge guests to drink. But a lot of guests would rather pay for their drinks than go to a dry wedding too. If the OP has already made up her mind, and is asking a question unrelated to "should I or shouldn't I have an open bar" then completely ignoring her question and responding with how 100% wrong it is to make guests pay isn't helpful.

</div>

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:99c4596f-afbe-4112-8c15-ff234ae71300">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : I would be livid if I went to a dry wedding. She's already offering a cocktail hour and wine service at dinner. The cash bar is just a nice plus if you want to keep drinking. I can't get over how a dry wedding is somehow a superior choice if the couple can't afford an open bar (or open beer and wine bar). It's not. At all. It's horrible to make your guests sit through that unless you're doing so for religious or moral reasons (or you're recovering alcoholic).
Posted by ashleyep[/QUOTE]

So you go to a wedding to drink? That's just lovely. There is never an excuse to make people pay for their drinks. Cut spending somewhere else. Nobody is going to notice or care about the flowers or the decor. Buy a less expensive dress. Skip the favors. Don't book a limo. Get a cheaper photographer. Go for a less expensive venue. Spend your wedding night at home.

Life is about choices and your wedding reception is to thank people for coming to your wedding. Like it or not, this is something that should be completely hosted.

ashleyep · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:bf0171f8-d32c-4455-b507-a573fbbb6fc5">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : So you go to a wedding to drink? That's just lovely. There is never an excuse to make people pay for their drinks. Cut spending somewhere else. Nobody is going to notice or care about the flowers or the decor. Buy a less expensive dress. Skip the favors. Don't book a limo. Get a cheaper photographer. Go for a less expensive venue. Spend your wedding night at home. Life is about choices and your wedding reception is to thank people for coming to your wedding. Like it or not, this is something that should be completely hosted.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

<div>No I go to a wedding to celebrate. I like to drink to make it through the painfully awkward unity ceremonies and garter tosses and too-long speeches. And to dance, because I'm not much of a dancer without any alcohol in my system. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm not making anyone pay for anything. A cash bar is no different than a dry wedding except that now you're giving your guests a choice. It's better than them running off to the hotel or golf club bar to go squeeze in shots.<span style="white-space:pre;" class="Apple-tab-span"> </span></div><div>
</div><div>Is it bad etiquette? Yes. Will most of your guests understand? Yes. Will there be a minority who go to weddings to drink and are pissed they have to pay? Yes. See how I just turned your question around on you?</div>

Maggie0829 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:99c4596f-afbe-4112-8c15-ff234ae71300">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : <strong>I would be livid if I went to a dry wedding.</strong> She's already offering a cocktail hour and wine service at dinner. The cash bar is just a nice plus if you want to keep drinking. I can't get over how a dry wedding is somehow a superior choice if the couple can't afford an open bar (or open beer and wine bar). It's not. At all.<strong> It's horrible to make your guests sit through that</strong> unless you're doing so for religious or moral reasons (or you're recovering alcoholic).
Posted by ashleyep[/QUOTE]

And I would be livid if I was invited to a wedding and then had to shell out money because the bride and groom decided to throw a party that they couldn't afford.

So having to sit through a wedding where you most likely know the couple well drives you to drink. If that is the case then why go at all because it sounds like the whole experience just makes you miserable.

As long as you host the guests well, meaning provide them something to drink (whether alcoholic or not) and feed them well and have a seat for every butt then that is all that matters.

JoanE2012 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:f1d147a3-3b81-4154-9a5c-a4e75efcfd8d">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : <strong>I'm sorry, but this response is ridiculous. Actually, if I was having a family party, and my family is about 40 people, then usually they bring their own alcohol. None of those hosts in my family are expected to provide alcohol for all of their guests at these parties. That's just how we do it. And even if I DID provide them the alcohol, a wedding reception is NOT IN MY HOME. I can't just go to Costco and stock up for cheap. The venues I've looked at charge upwards of $5000 for an open bar and that's nearly 20% of my wedding budget - it's asinine</strong>. Every party I've been to that was at a restaurant or hall (special birthday parties, anniversary parties, etc) have been cash bars. It's NOT that big of a deal and if you don't want to come, then please RSVP no and it's one less person I have to feed. Just answer the OP's question or don't bother responding. It's not like we haven't all heard about how RUDE it supposedly is to have a cash bar. We know the etiqutte. I'm more inclined to listen to the opinions of everyone around me than a bunch of strangers on the internet. OP, to answer your question, I've never seen a subsidized cash bar, but that may because that information was never disclosed. You're providing wine, so I don't think I would have a problem paying the $8-$9 per drink otherwise. But you could certainly ask your venue. It might prevent someone from running out of cash.
Posted by ashleyep[/QUOTE]

It's not ridiculous. It's the same concept. You are hosting people, just on a larger scale. If you want an open bar and cannot afford it, save up a little longer for it. Or cut back. You have alternatives. But charging your friends and family is rude.

ashleyep · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:d2b668b7-4176-4c4f-ae95-fedc58edc086">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : It's not ridiculous. It's the same concept. You are hosting people, just on a larger scale. If you want an open bar and cannot afford it, save up a little longer for it. Or cut back. You have alternatives. But charging your friends and family is rude.
Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]

<div>It's not the same concept. A small dinner party in my home is not comparable to an event at a public venue. Period.</div><div>
</div><div>If you don't want to pay, don't drink. Adn then it's not different than a dry wedding which is somehow a superior choice.<span style="white-space:pre;" class="Apple-tab-span"> </span></div>

JoanE2012 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:99c4596f-afbe-4112-8c15-ff234ae71300">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : <strong>I would be livid if I went to a dry wedding.</strong> She's already offering a cocktail hour and wine service at dinner. The cash bar is just a nice plus if you want to keep drinking. I can't get over how a dry wedding is somehow a superior choice if the couple can't afford an open bar (or open beer and wine bar). It's not. At all. <strong>It's horrible to make your guests sit through that</strong> unless you're doing so for religious or moral reasons (or you're recovering alcoholic).
Posted by ashleyep[/QUOTE]

I'd think you were an awfully ungrateful guest.

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:a4bc51ef-c410-40e6-8490-7f1a66644df6">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : No I go to a wedding to celebrate. I like to drink to make it through the painfully awkward unity ceremonies and garter tosses and too-long speeches. And to dance, because I'm not much of a dancer without any alcohol in my system. I'm not making anyone pay for anything. A cash bar is no different than a dry wedding except that now you're giving your guests a choice. It's better than them running off to the hotel or golf club bar to go squeeze in shots.
Posted by ashleyep[/QUOTE]

You are still completely missing the point. It is rude. Just because you don't think it is does not make it not rude. Just because happens does not make it not rude. Rude people fart on elevators all the time. Doesn't make it not rude.

ashleyep · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:e6ac5838-ae6c-40b6-a2d1-9c57236825ba">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : And I would be livid if I was invited to a wedding and then had to shell out money because the bride and groom decided to throw a party that they couldn't afford. So having to sit through a wedding where you most likely know the couple well drives you to drink. If that is the case then why go at all because it sounds like the whole experience just makes you miserable.<strong> As long as you host the guests well, meaning provide them something to drink (whether alcoholic or not) and feed them well and have a seat for every butt then that is all that matters.</strong>
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

<div>But I am providing that. THere's water and there's non-alcoholic beverages. If you would like to drink, you can choose to purchase a beverage.<span style="white-space:pre;" class="Apple-tab-span"> </span></div><div>
</div>

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:91fe835e-ee5d-41df-9e32-68830e4b1108">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : I'd think you were an awfully ungrateful guest.
Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]

You are no longer a guest when you are paying. You become a customer.

JoanE2012 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:61518d69-4638-4175-9a98-1aa8e50942d3">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : It's not the same concept. A small dinner party in my home is not comparable to an event at a public venue. Period. If you don't want to pay, don't drink. Adn then it's not different than a dry wedding which is somehow a superior choice.
Posted by ashleyep[/QUOTE]

Ummmm, not quite sure what you're missing. Hosting a dinner party or hosting a wedding is the same thing....you are hosting guests. One is just on a larger scale. You should not charge your guests at either event.

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:61518d69-4638-4175-9a98-1aa8e50942d3">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : It's not the same concept. A small dinner party in my home is not comparable to an event at a public venue. Period. If you don't want to pay, don't drink. Adn then it's not different than a dry wedding which is somehow a superior choice.
Posted by ashleyep[/QUOTE]

Actually it is. You host what you can afford and you make your guest list accordingly. DH and I had a small wedding, went without centerpieces and the flowers were daisies. We had an open bar and tons of food.

ashleyep · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:8eb7af39-1099-4ab7-8929-6f5fa9e47119">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : Actually it is. You host what you can afford and you make your guest list accordingly. DH and I had a small wedding, went without centerpieces and the flowers were daisies. We had an open bar and tons of food.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

<div>I get it. I'm being more argumentative than I should be because all of these responses didn't even attempt to answer the OP's question.</div><div>
</div><div>I haven't selected a venue yet and will do my best to offer an open bar, even if it's beer and wine only, even if I know my guest would prefer to have the option to buy mixed drinks. My Fiance, for example, doesn't like beer or wine.</div><div>
</div><div>I know that etiquette says you should host your guests. I get that, I do, I promise. I think what I'm seriously stuck on is the idea of a dry wedding if you can't afford booze. You know your guests want to drink, you can say that they're ungrateful if they're upset about having to go to a dry wedding, but at the end of the day, the majority of guests want to be able to drink at a wedding. Why is giving them that option somehow a worse choice than just not serving any alcohol at all? This is the part I don't get. </div>

Maggie0829 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:86cc5503-dadd-4a88-8836-81be6bcd9512">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : But I am providing that. THere's water and there's non-alcoholic beverages. If you would like to drink, you can choose to purchase a beverage.
Posted by ashleyep[/QUOTE]

But when you host something that means you host it. Meaning your guests should not have to open their wallets. And that also means that guests should not complain about what is and is not provided.

I think a dry wedding is fine if it has to do with moral or religious beliefs, but I do think it is ridiculous to have a dry wedding because you can't afford some sort of alcohol. Cuts in other places can be made. I also think it is ridiculous to have a cash bar because you can't afford to host an open bar or beer and wine. That is basically saying to your guests that you splurged on other things, like decor, but that hosting them alcohol just wasn't high on your priority to list so they can just bust open their wallets and pay for it themselves.

Guests should never have to open their wallets at a wedding. Period. End of story. If you want them to have a choice between non-alcoholic and alcoholic beverages then fine, but you should be paying for both, not them.

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:f1436726-fe96-471b-a3aa-939aa8296fcb">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : I get it. I'm being more argumentative than I should be because all of these responses didn't even attempt to answer the OP's question. I haven't selected a venue yet and will do my best to offer an open bar, even if it's beer and wine only, even if I know my guest would prefer to have the option to buy mixed drinks. My Fiance, for example, doesn't like beer or wine. I know that etiquette says you should host your guests. I get that, I do, I promise.<strong> I think what I'm seriously stuck on is the idea of a dry wedding if you can't afford booze</strong>. You know your guests want to drink, you can say that they're ungrateful if they're upset about having to go to a dry wedding, but at the end of the day, the majority of guests want to be able to drink at a wedding. Why is giving them that option somehow a worse choice than just not serving any alcohol at all? This is the part I don't get.
Posted by ashleyep[/QUOTE]

I would find it really difficult to believe that someone cannot afford to host beer and wine. Paying for food and drink comes before decor, flowers, and pretty much anything else. There are always cuts that can be made, including to the guest list.

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:59ee36a3-d26b-42a4-9378-46cd57b05cc7">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]I see zero reason why anyone should feel pressured to serve alcohol at their wedding. Sorry, I just don't. Do we pressure people to serve alcohol in their homes? God, I hope not. Yes, I would usually prefer a wedding with alcohol to one without. However, I don't NEED it to "get through" the ceremony and toasts. My time is not ruined if I don't have it, any more than it is ruined if they don't have potatos as one of the sides or a wedding cake flavor that I love. It's this idea that alcohol is necessary in order to have a good time, to the point that it's better to treat honored guests like pool hall customers than to not have it that boggles my mind.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I'm just responding to her assertion that a dry wedding is ruder than a cash bar. You insist on having alcohol at a wedding, you pay for it.

lyndausvi · April 2013

I don't understand people who want to have an open bar but pick a venue where they can't afford it?

We always have alcohol at any event, so I could see how people in my family would feel pressure to have alcohol. It's always at our events because we picks venue where we can afford to host the bar (open or limited).

ashleyep · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:59ee36a3-d26b-42a4-9378-46cd57b05cc7">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]I see zero reason why anyone should feel pressured to serve alcohol at their wedding. Sorry, I just don't. Do we pressure people to serve alcohol in their homes? God, I hope not. [/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You don't have to do anything at your wedding. Serve what you want to serve, do what you want to do. But to me it just seems like if your only reason for not serving alcohol, something that is almost always a given at weddings, is because you can't afford to do so, that you could easily solve that by giving guests the choice to buy their own.</div><div>
</div><div>The only way you're going to make everyone happy is having a 100% open bar. And that's not easy for everyone to do. You can cut corners and do beer and wine and be a good host, but there's always going to be those guests who would rather have the option to pay for a jack and coke. You can do a cash bar and piss off those who don't think they shoudl have to pay. You can not serve any alcohol because you don't want to ask your guests to pay, but then you're going to have guests who expect to be able to drink at a wedding, whether they pay for it or not.</div><div>
</div><div>We can make this about me all you want, but most guests expect to be able to drink, period. At the end of the day, it's YOUR wedding, do what you want to do and what you think is the right choice for your guests.

</div>

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:b7f93787-1375-437e-8a04-3c17e048761f">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : You don't have to do anything at your wedding. Serve what you want to serve, do what you want to do. But to me it just seems like if your only reason for not serving alcohol, something that is almost always a given at weddings, is because you can't afford to do so, that you could easily solve that by giving guests the choice to buy their own. The only way you're going to make everyone happy is having a 100% open bar. And that's not easy for everyone to do. You can cut corners and do beer and wine and be a good host, but there's always going to be those guests who would rather have the option to pay for a jack and coke. You can do a cash bar and piss off those who don't think they shoudl have to pay. You can not serve any alcohol because you don't want to ask your guests to pay, but then you're going to have guests who expect to be able to drink at a wedding, whether they pay for it or not. We can make this about me all you want, but most guests expect to be able to drink, period. At the end of the day, <strong>it's YOUR wedding, do what you want to do</strong> and what you think is the right choice for your guests.
Posted by ashleyep[/QUOTE]

What is highlighted is the worst advice you can ever give someone about their wedding.

At least one person is going to complain no matter what. We had a top shelf open bar and my cousin came up to us to b!tch that we didn't have Captian Morgan. (No kiddding. Take another look and see that the rum we have is a higher quality). This complaining is never an acceptable excuse to have a cash bar. Anyone who complains that you do not have the "right" alcohol should be paid no attention further than an eye roll.

JKG1976 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:e1f7b045-1252-493c-8ec2-41853e9795d4">'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would love to have an open bar but I don't think it's in the budget but I'm shocked at how much venues here charge per drink. I feel that $7-9 is too much for a drink and I'm wondering if anyone knows if it's possible to 'subsidize' the price ie; we pay the venue $2 or $3 for every drink sold and the guests pay the difference therefore getting a lower drink cost? Am I being silly? We are planning to provide wine with dinner 3-4 bottles per table of 8, is that enough for us to do? I just don't want my guests to be shocked at the drink prices (typically I've paid about $5 a drink at other weddings I've been to, most of them having cash bars)
Posted by Bibbleskip[/QUOTE]

I don't think it's rude to have a cash bar. It all depends on where you are from. I've been to plenty of weddings with cash bars. If people don't want to drink, then they won't drink. I don't think people are responding as "nicely" as you expected, because a cash bar is not as common as it used to be. You need to do what you feel is right for your wedding. But if you're asking for someone elses opinion be prepared for answers you may not like. But personally what I would do is go to your venue and find out more information regarding the bar options that you have. Maybe you can only have certain types of drinks available at the bar. And sometimes beer and wine are not as expensive. Don't offer the option of having mixed drinks, just beer and wine. See what your venue charges for those drinks. You really just need to check into all your options.

Good luck!

ashleyep · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:edbda613-a4d9-433c-9fb8-3440d04c25ab">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : You have a very limited experience planning large events, I am assuming. Reasons that one might decide to have a dry wedding... 1. Venue does not allow alcohol 2. Liability issues 3. Religious beliefs 4. Personal health reasons prevent from drinking 5. Getting married under the age of 21 6. Venue DOES allow it, but with certain caveats that you simply cannot meet (i.e. law enforcement present) 7. County or state laws do not allow the sale of liquor on the day of your wedding. And for the record, having a 100% open bar doesn't guarantee everyone is happy anyway. Guests who have major moral objections to drinking will be horrified.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Well obviously those are exceptions. But as I said in my post, if the only thing stopping you from having alcohol is that you can't afford to pay for it...

</div>

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_subsidized-cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d7e8d01-a974-44a6-afda-ba104110fcb6Post:5988303d-c500-48c3-8a11-018347c1f474">Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 'Subsidized' Cash Bar? : Well obviously those are exceptions. But as I said in my post, if the only thing stopping you from having alcohol is that you can't afford to pay for it...
Posted by ashleyep[/QUOTE]

and as I have said over and over, if you insist on having alcohol at your wedding you can figure out how to pay for it.

AddieCake · April 2013

I can't get past the fact that anyone would be LIVID about a dry wedding. I'd be mildly disappointed at best.

fuerst37 · April 2013

I'm not aware of having had a cash bar subsidized, but it's entirely possible that that's been the case. If you haven't found a venue yet, I'd encourage you to keep looking--we had found a reception hall that allowed us to BYO, which, while a little extra work, would have allowed us to control pricing (buying in bulk/sale prices/etc.) while still hosting our guests with a full bar. We didn't ultimately pick them, but it was tempting--it would have saved us a lot of money (I think it was almost half the cost of most of the other reception halls), and because we are wine snobs, would have ensured that we served the wine we liked and the other alcohols we knew our guests did.

MuppetFan · April 2013

Ashley,
I understand part of your position. I really do, because I have always thought cash bars were the norm and we're in the same region.

I was seriously thrown off when I first started coming to the boards about personalized wedding favors, honeymoon registries and cash bars. I polled a ton of people about them that I know and people that I work with and my mom did the same thing because she thought the same thing I did. Turns out that no one wants a glass with our names on it, that people would just prefer to give us money on their own....and that....the only thing people thought was rude to have to pay for were soft drinks. Everyone I talked to (probably 30 people as some were in a group seetting for this conversation) is used to cash bars.

But it's still against etiquette and is rude! It took me time to understand it. I'm not offended when I go to cash bars. My family and friends aren't. I could get away with it probably if I had one...but it's still rude.

I can't afford a full bar. I've chosen to do a limited open bar with 2 signature drinks, sparkiling wine and beer. Open soft drinks.

OP - If you want a very direct answer to your question. If I have to pay for my drinks at a wedding, the less money I have to spend, the better. It might be better to invest that money into wine and bear instead though, skip the hard alcohol and pay for it all.

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