Wedding Etiquette Forum

Seating chart- yes or no?

My FI and I are getting married in the Outer Banks next spring, indoor ceremony and reception.

We have talked about not having a seating chart/ assigned seating, but I was hoping to get some opinions from you ladies on which way you prefer. TIA!
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Re: Seating chart- yes or no?

  • kipnuskipnus member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I definitely prefer having tables assigned. It is much less awkward than wandering around looking for a place to sit.
  • Assigned tables = awesome.
    Assigned seats at tables = awful
    No assigned anything = could be great or horrible

    I've only ever been to one wedding that didn't have assigned tables - kind of a disaster. There were two people who ended up sitting at a table by themselves, because other guests took the rest of the chairs and added them to already full tables. FI and I sat at a table with his coworkers as well as the BMs, which was a little awkward since we were towards the back of the room, but there were no other empty seats by the time the bridal party did their entrance.

    If you do decide to go this route, I think it could work if you are having a really small wedding. The one I'm talking about above only had about 75 guests, and it was still controlled chaos.
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  • I agree with alli. I would hate wandering around looking for seats, asking if they're taken, etc. And you need like 30% extra seating because people won't fit in perfectly so it'll cost you more money in linens and centerpieces. 
  • That's kind of what I was afraid of. We're inviting 130, but since everyone will have to travel were not sure how many to expect.. (We're of course planning and budgeting everything for 100%, but not actually expecting that many). I can see how that could be an issue with so many people.
  • I didn't think about the extra seating. That's a good point too.
  • As a guest I always prefer assigned tables. For guests that know almost no one else it's really imperative to their comfort unless they are just a super duper people-person (I am not).

    Person experiences without assigned seats in case you care:

    Twice I've been to weddings where my husband I knew literally no one else:
    At one wedding we had to awkward look around for a table since most were full and ask if we could sit there. They said yes, but it honestly seemed like they were waiting for someone else. Awkward.
    Other wedding we got there early, sat at an empty table. One other couple came... and then a party of 8 came late... saw our table with 6 places and many of the other tables completely full (as in if we'd moved we weren't sure we'd find a spot for the two of us together)... They looked at us some more... then passive aggressively said "I guess we'll have to find somewhere else to sit."
    And once I went to a coworker's wedding. We stopped at the store to get a card and arrived maybe 5 minutes into the cocktail hour. All my coworkers had gotten there first as well as an ex-coworker who was by himself and sat at their table... leaving only one empty seat. So husband and I had to sit at another table, with only one other couple. Awkward.

    Whereas the last several weddings we went to where we hardly knew anyone where they assigned tables, we were put with people with common interests that we had a great time with.


    I have never once gone to a wedding with assigned tables and thought "maaaaan. I wish there were open seating." But maybe that's just me.
  • I prefer assigned tables.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I prefer assigned tables. Aurianna gives some very good examples that get at the heart of why it might not work. At our large company sales meetings, I feel so uncomfortable if I arrive on the later end and have to sit with a bunch of people I don't know while my co-workers are all sitting together. 
  • What is the norm in your circle? Honestly, people on here who are used to assigned seating act like it's apocalyptic chaos not to have it, and people who aren't used to it act like you might as well spit on your grandmother if do have it because you are insulting everyone and treating them like toddlers. Both are fairly over the too reactions. If your family and friends are used to assigned seating, take the 2 hours and do it. If they aren't used to it, don't. But if you don't do assigned seating, you do need at least 10% extra seating. That is what keeps issues like the pp above described from happening.

    Well said. In my circle it's always open and I've hated the one assigned seating wedding I attended. Know your crowd.
  • Thanks for all the opinions. I think I'm leaning towards assigned tables. My FI is of the "they're all adults they can find a seat" opinion, but I'd hate for guests to feel uncomfortable and/or awkward.

    I've been I weddings with both, but only as a BM. So I sat at the head table (without SOs at all of them, which I Just recently learned is not cool. Thanks TK). So I didn't really have an opinion one way or the other.
  • What is the norm in your circle? Honestly, people on here who are used to assigned seating act like it's apocalyptic chaos not to have it, and people who aren't used to it act like you might as well spit on your grandmother if do have it because you are insulting everyone and treating them like toddlers. Both are fairly over the too reactions. If your family and friends are used to assigned seating, take the 2 hours and do it. If they aren't used to it, don't. But if you don't do assigned seating, you do need at least 10% extra seating. That is what keeps issues like the pp above described from happening.
    Stage makes a great point.  The weddings I've always gone to around me have been open seating and the one time I went to a wedding with assigned seating we sat in the back with several couples that we would have rather avoided. 

    It really does come down to what your crowd is used to.
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  • I've never been to another wedding with assigned tables or assigned seating, but after my experience with them I can say I'd probably prefer an assigned table, because as PP's have said, it can be awkward as hell in some situations.

    We're doing assigned tables at our wedding, and *boo, hiss*, assigned seating, but unfortunately we didn't have any choice in the latter as our venue requires that all plated meals have assigned seating in order to help with the serving staff identifying who's having what. We had tried to ask them if we could just have the escort cards labeled so people could choose their own seat at their assigned table, but it wasn't allowed, which sucks, but everyone I've talked to about it doesn't seem to mind.
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  • snippet17 said:
    I prefer assigned tables.

    OP- If you have a venue, you may want to talk to them about this.  My venue requires a assigned tables since they need to know how many of each meal goes to which table.  So you may want to talk to your venue to see if they require this.  If they don't require you to go either way then go with whichever way is best for your circle.
    We are having an outside caterer, set up buffet like, with servers, so that won't be an issue either way
  • Thanks again for all the opinions ladies! Very helpful.
  • I've been to weddings with both, and I prefer the assigned tables. It's simpler than having to wander around looking for a chair and you are guaranteed your seat is still there if you get up and leave. I recently attended one wedding that had opened seating and my chair was taken from the table when I got up to get my dinner from the buffet, leaving me to try and find another chair to drag back to the table. On the other hand, I've been to a wedding where whoever was making the seating chart didn't put much thought/effort into it and had family members at the same table who should have not been anywhere near each other.

    Whatever you choose, be sure to have extra seats if you decide to do open seating or put a little thought into your table assignments if you decide to go that route! 
  • Here in the UK it's pretty much always assigned seats, but I like assigned tables - a little more open but still easier for caterers, staff etc, and meaning you can engineer groups that you think may get along.  That said, I'm sure there are some convincing arguements for open too!

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  • I like assigned seating and it depends on the crowd and formality how strict it is.

     

    Formal Occassion or Personality Conflicts

    Assigned tables and seats

    Informal Ocassion or Very conflicts or Awkward Personalties

    Assigned Tables only and allow your guest to figure out their seats

  • I would do table assignments, but not seat assignments
  • Assign tables.  Don't make people walk around looking for seats.
  • Bird Lady said:
    I've been to weddings with both, and I prefer the assigned tables. It's simpler than having to wander around looking for a chair and you are guaranteed your seat is still there if you get up and leave. I recently attended one wedding that had opened seating and my chair was taken from the table when I got up to get my dinner from the buffet, leaving me to try and find another chair to drag back to the table. On the other hand, I've been to a wedding where whoever was making the seating chart didn't put much thought/effort into it and had family members at the same table who should have not been anywhere near each other.

    Whatever you choose, be sure to have extra seats if you decide to do open seating or put a little thought into your table assignments if you decide to go that route! 
    It's a given that if you do assigned seating of any kind you need to be a good hostess and make a thoughtful chart.

    We had four, 30-person banquet tables with several different social groups so we actually had to do assigned seats. I spent several hours with a big piece of posterboard and sticky notes, trying to figure out the right people to put as the buffers between the different social groups... where to put people who didn't know anyone else. etc. It definitely took a while but we had several people tell us after the wedding how much they enjoyed talking with person xyz.

    And husband and I have been to several weddings where we didn't know many people but were put at tables with people we had so much in common with it was just super fun.

    I guess if everyone at your wedding knows each other already open seating makes sense. But I hold that there is nothing better for guests that don't know a lot of other people than sitting them at a table with people that you know they have things in common with. Makes for much more interesting dinner conversation.
  • Kinda/sorta threadjacking but on the same topic:

    Could you have little place cards made and have the guests pick them up when they walk in and set them down where they want to sit? That way they can make up their own seating chart?

    I have a unique situation for my wedding...we are getting married right at the reception. The tables are staying right as they are, nothing is being changed and there is not going to be an aisle, etc.... so I wonder if I could have little escort type cards made up and as people socialize before the short ceremony and during the short cocktail hour, they could find who they all want to sit with and put their little place cards down on tables together?

     

    Or is that a bad idea?

    That's how it worked at the last wedding I went to, and there were no issues.  However, it was also a small wedding (about 40 people).  Most of the weddings I have been to without assigned seating were smaller.  I think it could start to get messy if you were talking about 100+ people.
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  • Kinda/sorta threadjacking but on the same topic:

    Could you have little place cards made and have the guests pick them up when they walk in and set them down where they want to sit? That way they can make up their own seating chart?

    I have a unique situation for my wedding...we are getting married right at the reception. The tables are staying right as they are, nothing is being changed and there is not going to be an aisle, etc.... so I wonder if I could have little escort type cards made up and as people socialize before the short ceremony and during the short cocktail hour, they could find who they all want to sit with and put their little place cards down on tables together?

     

    Or is that a bad idea?

    I don't think that's a bad idea. If you're not doing a seating chart I think it's a good move so people don't have to worry about losing their seat. That's how my company Christmas party is every year - the cards have meal choices marked on them as well, but we get to sit wherever we'd like.  You will still need to make sure to have extra seats if you're not assigning.
  • Generally I prefer assigned seating. (Assigned tables, not individual seats.)
  • I was at a party with assigned tables and someone still took my seat while I was getting a drink. My coat was on the chair, draped over the back. Someone else, assigned to the same table as me, wanted to sit next to a particular person, so she just plopped down in my chair. I casually picked up my coat and sat in an empty chair on the other side of the table. My boyfriend had to switch seats with someone so we could sit next to each other.
    My point is, there is no perfect solution and your best bet is to do what people in your circle are used to.


    I went to one party that had assigned seats and thought it was great for that particular situation, but in general I MUCH rather prefer assigned tables.
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  • My mind is pretty much made up on wanting to do assigned tables now! Y'all pointed out a lot of things I hadn't thought of, and I don't mind doing the small amount of extra work to make up tables if it keeps our guests from feeling uncomfortable. Thanks a bunch!

    My next goal is decide if we're going to do a sweetheart table, or sit with our BM and MOHs and their dates, with the rest of the bridal party at the table next to us. 

  • missJ2014 said:
    My mind is pretty much made up on wanting to do assigned tables now! Y'all pointed out a lot of things I hadn't thought of, and I don't mind doing the small amount of extra work to make up tables if it keeps our guests from feeling uncomfortable. Thanks a bunch!

    My next goal is decide if we're going to do a sweetheart table, or sit with our BM and MOHs and their dates, with the rest of the bridal party at the table next to us. 

    What are you leaning towards?

    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson

  • missJ2014 said:
    My mind is pretty much made up on wanting to do assigned tables now! Y'all pointed out a lot of things I hadn't thought of, and I don't mind doing the small amount of extra work to make up tables if it keeps our guests from feeling uncomfortable. Thanks a bunch!

    My next goal is decide if we're going to do a sweetheart table, or sit with our BM and MOHs and their dates, with the rest of the bridal party at the table next to us. 

    What are you leaning towards?

    I think I'm leaning towards having the BM and his SO, and the MOHs and their SOs sit with us, and the rest at the table next to us. I don't really want to sit by ourselves. Do you think the rest of the bridal party would have their feelings hurt by this?
  • I can't say for sure if anyone in your bridal party will be upset that they don't get to sit with you while your BM and MOH do. I guess it depends on their personalities- you know them best, do you think that they will be sensitive about this? 

    Either way, I think that it is reasonable of you to plan the seating this way since your tables only seat 6. I would not plan a sweetheart table unless you and your FI really and truly WANT to sit by yourselves. Otherwise, definitely I like your plan of sitting with your MOH and BM and their SO's. If you're comfortable bringing it up to the rest of the bridal party, you can give them a head's up that you are planning the seating so that you and your FI don't have to sit alone at the wedding but that you apologize that you are not sitting with them and that you are worried that it might hurt their feelings to not be sitting at the same table as you. I'm sure that they should understand- I definitely would. It's obviously not because of anything personal, it's just table-size and you wanting everyone to be able to sit with their dates/SO's which I would think will be appreciated.
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
  • You're right, I will try to bring that up before hand. I know the boys in the bridal party won't care at all, and I don't think the girls will. 

    I just realized that we might run into a problem though, because BM has two kids, who are both in the wedding. So I'm not sure how to work that out. If they sit with us, everyone won't fit. But I hate to make them sit somewhere else. 
  • How old are BM's two kids? 
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
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