Seating chart- yes or no?

missJ2014

They will be 9 and 11 (they're JBMs). 

yellowdaisies84

I would definitely prioritize having the girls at the same table as their parents. Unfortunately your idea of sitting with your MOH and BM doesn't seem like it will work afterall. Can you think of any other options other than a sweetheart table? I'd feel badly for you guys to sit alone when that isn't what you really want for your wedding dinner. Maybe there is another combination that could work. Maybe you could sit with a different groomsman and his SO and tell the best man that you wanted to make sure that he could sit with his girls so that is why you are putting them at a different table? I would think that he would hopefully be on board with that.

missJ2014

The BM is FI's brother, and I don't think he'll care at all, actually. FI's dad is also a GM so I could sit BM and his girls with FI's parents. Thanks so much for helping me think this out lol @yellowdaisies84

yellowdaisies84

No problem! Sounds like that part works out well. Hopefully the rest of your seating-chart planning is easy for you! 

southernbelle0915

Assigned seats seem a little overkill and like a lot of wasted time/effort on the bride's part. Assigned tables are a nice alternative if you want to tell people where to sit.

That said, FI and I are having completely open seating and a strolling dinner. We're getting married in a pretty big city and hired one of the top caters - they actually recommended this reception style (I was surprised). They said it's becoming a lot more common and is conducive to people socializing more, which is what we want - we want our families to have the opportunity to meet each other and hang out. Those who don't want to can post up at a table and not talk to anyone the whole night if they so please. We'll have passed apps at cocktail hour and then staffed station-style dinner for about an hour and a half. If guests want to get up and socialize at cocktail tables, they can. If they aren't hungry when dinner starts and want to wait half an hour, they can. We are planning on about 15% extra seating. We picked 15% because our caterer recommended it and we thought any more than that would make the place feel kind of empty.

[Deleted User]

Yes, because you can put people who will get along together and people who should be avoided at opposite ends. I did just assigned by table.

One thing I did to make planning easier, I got a large poster board & drew circles on it & got the removable post-it flags that you write on. As I got Yes responses back, I wrote out a flag with the persons name on it and just attached to the poster board. Then when I did seating chart, we were able to move flags around easily to match up good fits of people so people of similar interset or relations would be paired together. Then we did actual table number assignments. We were done doing seating chart in 30 minutes or less

southernbelle0915

NYUgirl100 said:

Southern Belle, not to be a cynic, but does the venue get somewhat more money with more tables? 

I am also a cynic and extremely critical, so I weighed out the pros/cons and costs of this option prior to agreeing it was the way to go. Tables and linens are included. The only thing we are paying extra for is the centerpieces we'll put on the extra tables. The centerpiece cost (we're not doing super fancy stuff) is offset by not needing escort cards, menus on every table, paying people to set up place settings, etc. It's more or less a wash cost wise.

allispain

I should note, we also considered doing the stations for our dinner (like Southern), which gives a more relaxed, social vibe to the reception. We decided against it because the options for the stations our caterer had just weren't what we were looking for. However, had we gone with that idea, then I wouldn't have done a seating chart either and just had open seating, since guests don't need to all be seated at the same time for that type of reception.

southernbelle0915

Yea, @StageManager14 is correct. The caterer is separate from the venue so their recommendation didn't mean any more money for the venue. 

@NYUgirl100 - we could do a buffet and assigned seating, but it's not a "buffet" per se, it will be stations. In other words, the food is all spread out in different places whereas with a buffet everything is kind of in one big assembly line. Often a buffet is self serve (not always) and stations are staffed. So we picked stations because people can mingle/walk around and eat whatever and whenever they want. This style is conducive of no seating chart because people are more up and around anyway, so that's why we picked it. I'll have to let you all know how it goes.

We nixed the buffet with assigned tables idea because it reminds me of summer camp when the camp counselors would dismiss people by table to go get food and sit down. And you'd have to eat right then and there if you wanted hot food because when your table was dismissed, that was your chance to get food.

southernbelle0915

NYUgirl100 said:

Southern, if people are going to be going from station to station, do you envision them eating standing up?  Holding a drink while eating?  Or sit down and then get up?  Because then either I would think the venue staff will have to clean each place when someone gets up, or people have to go back to their chosen seat when they eat.

They can do whatever they want - that's the point. 

SewInLoveWithDMB

Most all weddings (and showers, baptisms, etc) I have attended have assigned table seating. This, as mentioned above, takes away a lot of awkwardness looking for a seat.

However - once seated, I really dislike the feeling of being "stuck" next to people (some I don't know at all) Often, I also feel like I know so many people (and everyone else knows everyone else as well) that I get put at a more obscure, random table and then wonder why I've been "downgraded" to "randoms" rather than the "core group." Maybe the host thinks I'm talkative and  friendly and can chat with anyone? Or, maybe they really don't want me sitting with their other friends/relatives (who I know well) and they like the other people they sat with them "better"...maybe it's just me, but my feelings do get hurt.

No matter what you do, some will love it and some will feel upset. It's really a lose-lose situation. Do what is best and easiest for YOU in your planning.

[Deleted User]

I have only ever been to one wedding without assigned tables, and it was really awful and awkward.  Families ended up split up and it just made for an uncomfortable evening. I sat with my Mom and a bunch of people I didn't know while my dad and brother were at another table.

southernbelle0915

@NYUgirl100 - My guess is you've either never been to an event like this or you went to one that was really poorly managed and/or had a lot of clumsy people. I have never been to a strolling dinner and/or one with stations where the room was a mess and "the help" were running around like crazy people (I don't know why the caterer would suggest it if it's potentially as disastrous as you are imagining and their staff are the ones that will be doing all the work). I'm also confused why you think people would be eating dinner standing up when I explained we have more than enough seating for everyone. If they do, it's a choice. 

If it eases your mind about this choice we have made and with which we are moving forward, I promise you we will worry about taking the utmost care of our guests. Don't worry.

southernbelle0915

NYUgirl100 said:

I never said the help will be running around like crazy people.  I just dont see how people can eat standing up, holding drinks etc.  I have been to a lot of cocktail parties like this, but there are paper napkins, and lots of them, so people (guests or help) throw them out as they get used.  Do you plan on using paper napkins?  Even at cocktail parties where not fall food is finger foods (but much is), they go through  tons of little forks.   Every time one uses one, and puts it down, it gets taken away and if the guest wants to eat more, takes another little fork. 

I still don't get why you're worried about people standing up when we have more than enough seating. Also, we'll have plenty of napk......

southernbelle0915

I can't decide if these are serious questions... It's a strolling dinner with stations, I don't know what else to tell you. These questions lead me to believe you've never been to an event like this. Which is fine. 

If you want details on whether my menu will require knives and what material my napkins are, just PM me and we can talk but I don't think this is helpful to OP or anyone else. 

southernbelle0915

That was me that loved it, @StageManager14.

ETA: I thought flags were only supposed to be used for crazy offensive stuff? NYU, what's the beef?

[Deleted User]

I think by "strolling" it means that people can wander around and get food as they wish, but they always have a place to take it back to (a table).  Am I wrong?  If people have a place to sit, but choose to stand and eat, that sounds like their problem.

southernbelle0915

Exactly, @LMc0322. Exactly. That's what made me think NYU had never been to an event like this. Picturing people strolling the whole time with a bunch of empty tables and chairs makes me lol.

[Deleted User]

NYUgirl100 said:

LM, the problem I have having with that is the combination of strolling and no assigned tables.  What happens?  People pick up food, sit down, leave their dirty plate etc at table, go stroll and get more food?  What if some now sit down at another table (remember, no assigned tables).  Now some later diners may have a choice of a dirty table or no table, unless wait staff is constantly clearing all.  As opposed to with assigned tables, staff will typically leave silverwear and napkin at seat.  

I guess I just can't imagine people being dick enough to leave a dirty plate at a seat, get up, get more food, and choose an entirely new seat.  I guess I sort of see what your issue is, I just can't imagine people actually doing it.

[Deleted User]

NYUgirl100 said:

That is what people typically do at cocktail parties.  Southern thinks they will eat, mingle, eat more, mingle more.  If people are going to eat and mingle, yes they will be moving in and out of different seats.  That is why at large cocktails parties, not the type at home, wait staff are constantly picking up small plates.

I don't disagree with you that the wait staff is constantly picking up small plates, but I just can't imagine someone saying "Well that seat stunk, let me go to another one."  I think people can eat and mingle without forgetting where they were just sitting. I ALWAYS preferred assigned tables, but I don't think there's a risk of someone getting up for 2 minutes, having someone else sit in their seat (where their purse/coat/etc is likely sitting) and then them having to stand and eat a filet with a fork and knife.

TheBaysideBride

Assign tables. a) it's a buffet and i would not want to be tottering around in a dress w/ a plate full of food looking for a place to sit.

b) If you put some thought into the tables, guests won't just sit and talk to their dates, they'll be with similarly interesting people, and have an easier time mingling.

the only time I would do assigned seating at a wedding is if it was an uber laid back barbecue.

[Deleted User]

NYUgirl100 said:

LM, I do not think anyone is going to think this seat stunk.  They will grab some shrimp, sit down with cousin Andy and his wife.  Go  over to talk to Aunt Jane, and grab food and sit down with her.  Do you think they will drag their plate back with them to the next station?  I dont think so. 

No, that's not what I said.  I said that they would likely get a new plate, return to the same seat.  Someone was likely already sitting next to Aunt Jane.  It would be pretty rude of me to decide I wanted to talk to her and that entitles me to take someone else's seat.  While they're not assigned by the bride and groom, once someone sits in them, I have a hard time believing people would randomly take others seats.  If I want to go talk to another table during dinner at a plated meal, I don't pick my dinner up, take it with me, and go take someone else's seat, assigned table or not.  Either way, the catering staff will have to continually clear the plates so a person isn't returning to their seat after the fifth time of going up to try something and having no place to put their new plate.

southernbelle0915

This thread has turned into the mad hatter's tea party.

Listen, NYU, if you don't want to have a strolling dinner with stations and you don't like the idea of one, then just say, "I would not have one and I don't think it's a good idea because of XYZ" and be done with it. But don't ask asinine questions when you don't really care about the answer and your purpose is to poke holes in a type of reception that is totally normal and isn't going to make the world fall apart. I feel like I keep responding when a kid says "why? why? why? but why?" "BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO!!!! THAT'S WHY"

southernbelle0915

StageManager14 said:

And 

Sorry, @southernbelle0915, I hung in there as long as I could.

You read my mind. Later, ya'll!

[Deleted User]

 They will come in, take their seat, get up, get some food, come back to their seat.  I really didn't think this was that complicated.  Look at my example.  I've been to a wedding without assigned tables.  There was a buffet.  People got up, got their food, and went back to their seat.  THey didn't randomly pick another seat when they got back with their food.

 

Edited to add: I have lost my mind and thought your post read that she should really get to "assing seats."  Using ass as a verb-- not a typo for "assign".  I liked the post much better that way. Therefore, I think that you understood that thre's seats for everyone.  So I apologize.  But I still am now going to use the phrase "assing seats" for getting people to sit down.     @southernbelle0915 @StageManager14 @NYUgirl100

[Deleted User]

You know what, I don't care how you don't know that there's seats for everyone.  Bowing out. I have work to do.

 

ETA: See above edit.

NerdyLucy

 I think I'm a little late to the party, but I can't recall ever having been to a wedding reception with assigned tables/seating.  I think all have been open, maybe with the exception of having a marked table for parents or something. I don't even know about that.

 

This is something I need to think about.  I hadn't really considered assigned tables as necessary for my reception. We're having a buffet dinner, but the guest list is only going to be 50-75 people, and that's with 100% attendance. I'm hoping that as long as we provide extra seating, just in case, we'll probably be okay.  I may think this though.

missJ2014

TheBaysideBride said:

Assign tables. a) it's a buffet and i would not want to be tottering around in a dress w/ a plate full of food looking for a place to sit.

b) If you put some thought into the tables, guests won't just sit and talk to their dates, they'll be with similarly interesting people, and have an easier time mingling.

the only time I would do assigned seating at a wedding is if it was an uber laid back barbecue.

I've decided on assigned tables (:

missJ2014

StageManager14 said:

And 

Sorry, @southernbelle0915, I hung in there as long as I could.

I just loved a bunch of your comments, just so ya know (:

painterlt

Take the extra time and do it! I have been at wedding with and without. I went to a cousins wedding who had open seating and my parents almost did not get a seat! Seating charts offer a chance to introduce people...love connections! And they help you keep track of your guest list.