Considering Asking MOH to step down?

AddieCake

Meghan1428 said:

"Support" neither begins or ends with tragedy - support is being there for someone no matter what the circumstance... therefore saying if someone has asked for "help" (same thing as support) then they shouldn't be getting married is so wildly wrong its amazing to me.  Do you support a local charity, support a local youth team, support a certain candidate, support a national sports team, show support for your SO when they've had a great achievement by showing up at an award ceremony? Again. support isn't limited to grievances.

No one has demanded anything, asking for help isn't making a demand, its exactly what it says it is, asking for help.  Congrats to you for planning/executing three weddings alone... just because you did, doesn't mean others have to. 

Like I said before, I am the type of friend that helps no matter what the task is, if my friend asks me to help her/him in any way shape or form, I am there... even if I don't want to be, because that's what good friends do, they don't ask questions, they don't bitch about you behind your back for asking for help, they just do it.  My friends, are the same way, hence why they are my friends.  If your too proud to ask for help, then that's one thing, I'm not... and feel no shame about it, because I know that when my friend asks me I'll return the favor.

So you would skip out on work to go to a party for her?  Because that's pretty much the bottom line of the OP's post. 

BangBangs39

AddieL73 said:

Meghan1428 said:

"Support" neither begins or ends with tragedy - support is being there for someone no matter what the circumstance... therefore saying if someone has asked for "help" (same thing as support) then they shouldn't be getting married is so wildly wrong its amazing to me.  Do you support a local charity, support a local youth team, support a certain candidate, support a national sports team, show support for your SO when they've had a great achievement by showing up at an award ceremony? Again. support isn't limited to grievances.

No one has demanded anything, asking for help isn't making a demand, its exactly what it says it is, asking for help.  Congrats to you for planning/executing three weddings alone... just because you did, doesn't mean others have to. 

Like I said before, I am the type of friend that helps no matter what the task is, if my friend asks me to help her/him in any way shape or form, I am there... even if I don't want to be, because that's what good friends do, they don't ask questions, they don't bitch about you behind your back for asking for help, they just do it.  My friends, are the same way, hence why they are my friends.  If your too proud to ask for help, then that's one thing, I'm not... and feel no shame about it, because I know that when my friend asks me I'll return the favor.

So you would skip out on work to go to a party for her?  Because that's pretty much the bottom line of the OP's post. 

Yes - I would.  If I had adamant time to figure out scheduling I would make it so that I could be there.  Most likely the party was on the weekend, so since I don't work weekends so Its a mute point for me, however if it was 6mos ago when I still worked weekends, I would have found someone to trade shifts with me if I wanted to go but didn't want to lose the money.  Worst case if no one could trade I would have just taken it off. 

I have that situation coming up right now, I was asked to cover a shift at the restaurant I worked at for 12yrs... so I said OK.  Then I found out that my BF/MOH was having her daughters B-Day party that same day.  So I got someone else to take the shift for me so I could be at my BF's daughters B-Day... her daughter may/may not know I was there 10yrs from now (she's only 2) but you bet your ass Aunty Meghan's showing up anyways!

misshart00

Moot point.

AllieBear725

AddieL73 said:

Meghan1428 said:

"Support" neither begins or ends with tragedy - support is being there for someone no matter what the circumstance... therefore saying if someone has asked for "help" (same thing as support) then they shouldn't be getting married is so wildly wrong its amazing to me.  Do you support a local charity, support a local youth team, support a certain candidate, support a national sports team, show support for your SO when they've had a great achievement by showing up at an award ceremony? Again. support isn't limited to grievances.

No one has demanded anything, asking for help isn't making a demand, its exactly what it says it is, asking for help.  Congrats to you for planning/executing three weddings alone... just because you did, doesn't mean others have to. 

Like I said before, I am the type of friend that helps no matter what the task is, if my friend asks me to help her/him in any way shape or form, I am there... even if I don't want to be, because that's what good friends do, they don't ask questions, they don't bitch about you behind your back for asking for help, they just do it.  My friends, are the same way, hence why they are my friends.  If your too proud to ask for help, then that's one thing, I'm not... and feel no shame about it, because I know that when my friend asks me I'll return the favor.

So you would skip out on work to go to a party for her?  Because that's pretty much the bottom line of the OP's post. 

Yes - I would.  If I had adamant time to figure out scheduling I would make it so that I could be there.  Most likely the party was on the weekend, so since I don't work weekends so Its a mute point for me, however if it was 6mos ago when I still worked weekends, I would have found someone to trade shifts with me if I wanted to go but didn't want to lose the money.  Worst case if no one could trade I would have just taken it off. 

I have that situation coming up right now, I was asked to cover a shift at the restaurant I worked at for 12yrs... so I said OK.  Then I found out that my BF/MOH was having her daughters B-Day party that same day.  So I got someone else to take the shift for me so I could be at my BF's daughters B-Day... her daughter may/may not know I was there 10yrs from now (she's only 2) but you bet your ass Aunty Meghan's showing up anyways!

Ok, so the point is MOOT.

misshart00

mrsridings061513 said:

Some people can't take off work like that or they don't work somewhere with shifts. I only get 2 weeks of vacation a year. I use them in the summer and at Christmas. If a friend asked me to take off for a party in the middle of the week (which is how the situation would apply to me as I work Monday-Friday), I would tell them no. I would have made sure to let them know before the party. My best friend got married 6 years ago, we have been friends for 17 years now. I told her I can only travel one weekend, either for her shower or the wedding. She said she prefered me to come for the shower because we would be able to spend time together. She didn't ask me to be a BM,. but she was one in my wedding on the 15th. I asked her to show up on the day of the wedding and thats it. I planned the wedding by myself as I live an a hour away from family. You should not ask anyone to take off work to attend a party.

For me to get vacation, I have to make sure that of the 2 other system admins is going to be at the office as that is the rule. Whoever asks first, gets the time off. And we have people that request time off as far in advance as 7 months out. Not taking off work does not equal bad friend.

All of this. And sometimes, your boss still says no. It sucks, but that's the real world.

AddieCake

BangBangs39

misshart00 said:

Some people can't take off work like that or they don't work somewhere with shifts. I only get 2 weeks of vacation a year. I use them in the summer and at Christmas. If a friend asked me to take off for a party in the middle of the week (which is how the situation would apply to me as I work Monday-Friday), I would tell them no. I would have made sure to let them know before the party. My best friend got married 6 years ago, we have been friends for 17 years now. I told her I can only travel one weekend, either for her shower or the wedding. She said she prefered me to come for the shower because we would be able to spend time together. She didn't ask me to be a BM,. but she was one in my wedding on the 15th. I asked her to show up on the day of the wedding and thats it. I planned the wedding by myself as I live an a hour away from family. You should not ask anyone to take off work to attend a party.

For me to get vacation, I have to make sure that of the 2 other system admins is going to be at the office as that is the rule. Whoever asks first, gets the time off. And we have people that request time off as far in advance as 7 months out. Not taking off work does not equal bad friend.

All of this. And sometimes, your boss still says no. It sucks, but that's the real world.

I would be so BS if I asked for time off and my boss said no!!  I am lucky, my boss is pretty cool, he doesn't care why you want/need the time off and if its a couple hours he lets you just make the time up (I work set schedule M-F 40hrs).  I do have to make sure its not in conjunction with some other employees but that's not too hard as one of the ladies uses all her time up every year before the summer hits and ends up having to take paid time off if she actually gets sick.

misshart00

Meghan1428 said:

misshart00 said:

mrsridings061513 said:

Some people can't take off work like that or they don't work somewhere with shifts. I only get 2 weeks of vacation a year. I use them in the summer and at Christmas. If a friend asked me to take off for a party in the middle of the week (which is how the situation would apply to me as I work Monday-Friday), I would tell them no. I would have made sure to let them know before the party. My best friend got married 6 years ago, we have been friends for 17 years now. I told her I can only travel one weekend, either for her shower or the wedding. She said she prefered me to come for the shower because we would be able to spend time together. She didn't ask me to be a BM,. but she was one in my wedding on the 15th. I asked her to show up on the day of the wedding and thats it. I planned the wedding by myself as I live an a hour away from family. You should not ask anyone to take off work to attend a party.

For me to get vacation, I have to make sure that of the 2 other system admins is going to be at the office as that is the rule. Whoever asks first, gets the time off. And we have people that request time off as far in advance as 7 months out. Not taking off work does not equal bad friend.

All of this. And sometimes, your boss still says no. It sucks, but that's the real world.

I would be so BS if I asked for time off and my boss said no!!  I am lucky, my boss is pretty cool, he doesn't care why you want/need the time off and if its a couple hours he lets you just make the time up (I work set schedule M-F 40hrs).  I do have to make sure its not in conjunction with some other employees but that's not too hard as one of the ladies uses all her time up every year before the summer hits and ends up having to take paid time off if she actually gets sick.


That's great that your boss is flexible, but not everyone is like that. I have 150+ hours of PTO. My boss wouldn't let me have July 8 off due to the holiday weekend.

manateehugger

Meghan, how old are you? You honestly think most bosses would let you off in a crunch time for an engagement party? Not even a wedding, and engagement party. They might let you off, but they aren't going to be looking favorably on you the next time an annual review rolls around.

AllieBear725

PDKH said:

Meghan, how old are you? You honestly think most bosses would let you off in a crunch time for an engagement party? Not even a wedding, and engagement party. They might let you off, but they aren't going to be looking favorably on you the next time an annual review rolls around.

EXACTLY! Unless I'm in an ambulance on my way to the hospital, my boss needs a valid excuse, or else a few weeks in advance to take time off. 

The only time I could switch shifts with someone else was when I was working at a grocery store in college. Even then, it wasn't easy. 

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

manateehugger

Peledreamsofrain said:

Meghan1428 said:

misshart00 said:

mrsridings061513 said:

Some people can't take off work like that or they don't work somewhere with shifts. I only get 2 weeks of vacation a year. I use them in the summer and at Christmas. If a friend asked me to take off for a party in the middle of the week (which is how the situation would apply to me as I work Monday-Friday), I would tell them no. I would have made sure to let them know before the party. My best friend got married 6 years ago, we have been friends for 17 years now. I told her I can only travel one weekend, either for her shower or the wedding. She said she prefered me to come for the shower because we would be able to spend time together. She didn't ask me to be a BM,. but she was one in my wedding on the 15th. I asked her to show up on the day of the wedding and thats it. I planned the wedding by myself as I live an a hour away from family. You should not ask anyone to take off work to attend a party.

For me to get vacation, I have to make sure that of the 2 other system admins is going to be at the office as that is the rule. Whoever asks first, gets the time off. And we have people that request time off as far in advance as 7 months out. Not taking off work does not equal bad friend.

All of this. And sometimes, your boss still says no. It sucks, but that's the real world.

I would be so BS if I asked for time off and my boss said no!!  I am lucky, my boss is pretty cool, he doesn't care why you want/need the time off and if its a couple hours he lets you just make the time up (I work set schedule M-F 40hrs).  I do have to make sure its not in conjunction with some other employees but that's not too hard as one of the ladies uses all her time up every year before the summer hits and ends up having to take paid time off if she actually gets sick.

Yep, and wouldn't it be EXTRA BS if your boss said no, then your friend went nuclear on you and treated you like shit over it, firing you from her wedding over something that wasnt even your fault?

Or if you missed out on a promotion, raise, not being laid off all because your friend said you were a shitty friend if you weren't there to "support" her during every phase of her wedding planning.

Priorities.

NYCMercedes

@peledreamsof rain, I want to love the above ten times over! When I click click click click on it, however, does no good. Just a giant love-it to you.

BangBangs39

PDKH said:

Meghan, how old are you? You honestly think most bosses would let you off in a crunch time for an engagement party? Not even a wedding, and engagement party. They might let you off, but they aren't going to be looking favorably on you the next time an annual review rolls around.

Honestly, it doesn't matter my age... if you ask at the last minute for time off than that's one thing to be denied but OP stated this girl had 2 months to try and sort it out and didn't have the courtesy to let her know until the day after the party.  The fact of the matter is that if you ask for time off, the reason you need it off is no ones business but your own.  I utilize all of my days off every year, and often last minute have to leave early or come in late because of something that comes up.... every annual review I've received the highest raise and the highest praise from my boss and the higher ups in the company, in fact just a few months ago I was given a $10K per year raise (it wasn't review time) to keep me here. I work for a large company as a credit analyst in the corporate office with the CEO, CFO, Principal and Owner working just doors away from me.  PTO is yours to use, if you decline to say why you need it, then your boss(s) cannot say anything about it. 

zitiqueen

Meghan1428 said:

Yes - I would.  If I had adamant time to figure out scheduling I would make it so that I could be there.  

 

What the fuck is "adamant time"?

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

misshart00

Meghan1428 said:

PDKH said:

Meghan, how old are you?

You honestly think most bosses would let you off in a crunch time for an engagement party? Not even a wedding, and engagement party.

They might let you off, but they aren't going to be looking favorably on you the next time an annual review rolls around.

Honestly, it doesn't matter my age... if you ask at the last minute for time off than that's one thing to be denied but OP stated this girl had 2 months to try and sort it out and didn't have the courtesy to let her know until the day after the party.  The fact of the matter is that if you ask for time off, the reason you need it off is no ones business but your own.  I utilize all of my days off every year, and often last minute have to leave early or come in late because of something that comes up.... every annual review I've received the highest raise and the highest praise from my boss and the higher ups in the company, in fact just a few months ago I was given a $10K per year raise (it wasn't review time) to keep me here. I work for a large company as a credit analyst in the corporate office with the CEO, CFO, Principal and Owner working just doors away from me.  PTO is yours to use, if you decline to say why you need it, then your boss(s) cannot say anything about it. 

You can decline to say why you're using it, but your boss can decline the time off. This is fairly common in the workplace.

manateehugger

Peledreamsofrain said:

Meghan1428 said:

PDKH said:

Meghan, how old are you?

You honestly think most bosses would let you off in a crunch time for an engagement party? Not even a wedding, and engagement party.

They might let you off, but they aren't going to be looking favorably on you the next time an annual review rolls around.

Honestly, it doesn't matter my age... if you ask at the last minute for time off than that's one thing to be denied but OP stated this girl had 2 months to try and sort it out and didn't have the courtesy to let her know until the day after the party.  The fact of the matter is that if you ask for time off, the reason you need it off is no ones business but your own.  I utilize all of my days off every year, and often last minute have to leave early or come in late because of something that comes up.... every annual review I've received the highest raise and the highest praise from my boss and the higher ups in the company, in fact just a few months ago I was given a $10K per year raise (it wasn't review time) to keep me here. I work for a large company as a credit analyst in the corporate office with the CEO, CFO, Principal and Owner working just doors away from me.  PTO is yours to use, if you decline to say why you need it, then your boss(s) cannot say anything about it. 

Sooo... you're saying you honestly cannot comprehend being told 'no' when you request PTO? Really? I believe in your intelligence more than that Meghan. I honestly do.

Yeah, no. PTO doesn't work like that. You must work for an incredibly small company. I work part time for a HRO and Compensation Consulting firm. My job is to help determine pay and benefits (including PTO). You don't get to use it whenever you'd like. And if your company is throwing an extra $10K at an analyst level position at non-review time, I hope to God they're accurately analyzing their gross revenue to payroll ratio...

AddieCake

AllieBear725

I am an engineer at a pretty large company. I am one of 3, my boss has declined PTO for me before. Sorry, but just because you have the PTO, does not mean that you get to take it whenever you like. It has to be approved. 

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

aurianna

Double post. I hate the knot on this computer.

aurianna

One friend isn't taking off from her livelihood to go to a party that is "Hey! Look at us. We're like getting married in a few months. Look at us!"

Another friend is angry that a friend isn't making a decision that could negatively impact her livelihood in order to go to a party, and plans to punish said friend for this.

Who isn't supporting whom in this scenario???

manateehugger

aurianna said:

One friend isn't taking off from her livelihood to go to a party that is "Hey! Look at us. We're like getting married in a few months. Look at us!"

Another friend is angry that a friend isn't making a decision that could negatively impact her livelihood in order to go to a party, and plans to punish said friend for this.

Who isn't supporting whom in this scenario???

Yes, but the one friend is a BRIDE damnit! It's her turn to get all the support and be the most important. Anyone who doesn't do anything she requests is a shitty friend because she is a BRIDE.

BangBangs39

PDKH said:
Yeah, no. PTO doesn't work like that. You must work for an incredibly small company. I work part time for a HRO and Compensation Consulting firm. My job is to help determine pay and benefits (including PTO). You don't get to use it whenever you'd like. And if your company is throwing an extra $10K at an analyst level position at non-review time, I hope to God they're accurately analyzing their gross revenue to payroll ratio...

Not really -  *********************************************************************  

A commercial credit analyst is one of the most important aspects of a company that distributes products because who do you think collects the money?  Who do you think extends the credit to the companies so they can purchase our products?  They gave me the raise because they want to keep me happy so I stay here and continue to do good work for them.  Since starting here I've re-done the entire departments filing and collections systems making our department more efficient.

I do have to put in for time off, As OP stated the girl was given 2mos to try and get the day off... I can put in for a day next week if I see no one else in my department has it off and get it off... without having to tell my boss why I need it off.  I understand that not everyone's company is that flexible where they can give a couple days notice, but 2mos is more than sufficient if its not a busy time of year for vaca's.

@Peledreamsofrain - I can comprehend being told no if you wait till the last minute to try and get a day off and someone has already put in for it within your department... but if you give adequate notice, then no I can't see that, probably because its never happened to me before, at this job or any prior.  

ETA: Removed CO info per PDKH recommendation.

MuppetFan

Meghan1428 said:

PDKH said:
Yeah, no. PTO doesn't work like that. You must work for an incredibly small company. I work part time for a HRO and Compensation Consulting firm. My job is to help determine pay and benefits (including PTO). You don't get to use it whenever you'd like. And if your company is throwing an extra $10K at an analyst level position at non-review time, I hope to God they're accurately analyzing their gross revenue to payroll ratio...

Not really -  we are <edited to remove way too much info disclosing your personal identity> 

A commercial credit analyst is one of the most important aspects of a company that distributes products because who do you think collects the money?  Who do you think extends the credit to the companies so they can purchase our products?  They gave me the raise because they want to keep me happy so I stay here and continue to do good work for them.  Since starting here I've re-done the entire departments filing and collections systems making our department more efficient.

I do have to put in for time off, As OP stated the girl was given 2mos to try and get the day off... I can put in for a day next week if I see no one else in my department has it off and get it off... without having to tell my boss why I need it off.  I understand that not everyone's company is that flexible where they can give a couple days notice, but 2mos is more than sufficient if its not a busy time of year for vaca's.

@Peledreamsofrain - I can comprehend being told no if you wait till the last minute to try and get a day off and someone has already put in for it within your department... but if you give adequate notice, then no I can't see that, probably because its never happened to me before, at this job or any prior.  

Hey, I know where you work. We sell you equipment   We might buy some from you too.

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

AllieBear725

Yeah... About that.

manateehugger

Meghan1428 said:

PDKH said:
Yeah, no. PTO doesn't work like that. You must work for an incredibly small company. I work part time for a HRO and Compensation Consulting firm. My job is to help determine pay and benefits (including PTO). You don't get to use it whenever you'd like. And if your company is throwing an extra $10K at an analyst level position at non-review time, I hope to God they're accurately analyzing their gross revenue to payroll ratio...

Not really A commercial credit analyst is one of the most important aspects of a company that distributes products because who do you think collects the money?  Who do you think extends the credit to the companies so they can purchase our products?  They gave me the raise because they want to keep me happy so I stay here and continue to do good work for them.  Since starting here I've re-done the entire departments filing and collections systems making our department more efficient.

I do have to put in for time off, As OP stated the girl was given 2mos to try and get the day off... I can put in for a day next week if I see no one else in my department has it off and get it off... without having to tell my boss why I need it off.  I understand that not everyone's company is that flexible where they can give a couple days notice, but 2mos is more than sufficient if its not a busy time of year for vaca's.

@Peledreamsofrain - I can comprehend being told no if you wait till the last minute to try and get a day off and someone has already put in for it within your department... but if you give adequate notice, then no I can't see that, probably because its never happened to me before, at this job or any prior.  

Edit: sigh, just thought better of it. Sorry, Meghan.

AddieCake

I wonder if your boss knows his commercial credit analyst, who is one of the most important people in his company, has all this time to Knot at work.