Considering Asking MOH to step down?

winelover123

Meghan1428 said:

PDKH said:
Yeah, no. PTO doesn't work like that. You must work for an incredibly small company. I work part time for a HRO and Compensation Consulting firm. My job is to help determine pay and benefits (including PTO). You don't get to use it whenever you'd like. And if your company is throwing an extra $10K at an analyst level position at non-review time, I hope to God they're accurately analyzing their gross revenue to payroll ratio...

I understand that not everyone's company is that flexible where they can give a couple days notice, but 2mos is more than sufficient if its not a busy time of year for vaca's.

@Peledreamsofrain - I can comprehend being told no if you wait till the last minute to try and get a day off and someone has already put in for it within your department... but if you give adequate notice, then no I can't see that, probably because its never happened to me before, at this job or any prior.  

Just because it's never happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen. My aunt had to have at least 6 months notice to take off for my wedding. Any less than that and she wouldn't have gotten it. Some companies just handle time off differently.

Edited: To take out the company info.

manateehugger

@Meghan1428, in all seriousness, you really should edit your post to remove your company info. It can make you way too easy to find.

@winelover123, I'm sure Meghan would appreciate you editing your quote to remove the company info as well.

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

winelover123

Didn't think about that. Edited.

BangBangs39

AddieL73 said:

I wonder if your boss knows his commercial credit analyst, who is one of the most important people in his company, has all this time to Knot at work.

I'm sure he does... but my productivity is above everyone else so he probably doesn't care.

ETA: I often play on TK when I'm on hold waiting, as I am now.

BangBangs39

To everyone - I appreciate the edits to remove the information... my mistake adding it, but I appreciate people taking it out.  Thanks a bunch

MuppetFan

Just mark this down in history for when WW or WB folks want to say that we're heartless bitches and stuffs

BangBangs39

MuppetFan said:

Just mark this down in history for when WW or WB folks want to say that we're heartless bitches and stuffs

I know WW is wedding wire, but what website is WB? 

BangBangs39

StageManager14 said:

For the record, I am currently set to be off of work from Friday June 28 - Sunday, July 8.  Note that Friday is DAY AFTER TOMORROW.  It's been on the calendar since April.

I am currently waiting for about 30 project invoices to be delivered to my desk.  If they aren't done by 5pm tomorrow, I will be coming into work on Friday.  It doesn't matter how long I've had it planned to be off, it doesn't matter if I have non-refundable reservations, short of hospitalization, this work MUST be done before I go on vacation.  And I just found out about it yesterday afternoon.

Sometimes, reality is a bitch.

That sucks - I hope you are able to get it done and have a lovely vacation!

BangBangs39

mrsridings061513 said:

Wedding Bee

 

Thanks, Now I'll have to investigate that one out of pure curiosity.

MuppetFan

<eye twitch>

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

BangBangs39

Peledreamsofrain said:

mrsridings061513 said:

Wedding Bee

 

Thanks, Now I'll have to investigate that one out of pure curiosity.

It's a very different site than TK. TK is focused on etiquette and treating family and friends well throughout the wedding process. WB is a more.... 'It's YOUR day, you do whatever you want !!" They cater to very different personalities. I personally would rather cut off my hand than treat my friends and family poorly, which is why TK is the site for me.

its hard to navigate in my opinion, gave up after 5 minutes.

BostonGIrl4732

One of our groomsman will not be attending FI's bachelor party.  He probably will miss the rehearsal as well.  He lives about 20 minutes away and has known these dates for months.

He's an accountant who has busy periods where they are told, no PTO.  His boss could care less that he's in a wedding.  In fact, after our wedding, the groomsman is probably going to have to go straight in to work.  Some jobs are just like that.  FI is an accountant too.  I can't tell you how many plans have gotten messed up during busy season last minute because a deadline needed to be met and his boss needed him there at 2am on a Sunday.

It happens.  The world doesn't stop revolving for one wedding.

Dreamergirl8812

RetreadBride said:

I  have a hard time believing that someone who misuses simple words so badly (adamant time, mute point???) and has such poor grammar and composition skills is that valuable to a company......

This. Also, you the most productive person in your position, you get tons of raises and praises. You get PTO whenever you want. But it took 2 pages to explain to you that some bosses say "no, you can't have that day off"?!??!?

You also don't seem to comprehend the last 2 pages. PPs were not saying that you should not be a good and supportive friend. They were saying that if your friend is not as into your wedding as you are, don't end the friendship.

[Deleted User]

I'm an attorney and I had to tell my boss I was taking time off months in advance. He still forgot.  for PTO, my secretary has to ask me first.  I usually respond with something ignorant such as "No! Who will I talk to if you're not here? I forbid it. I have all sorts of important things for you to do like talk to me about the weather and the horrible show I watched on TV last night."

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

winelover123

Bostongrl - I feel ya there! FI is an accountant, so when it was busy season I didn't see him. We were planning on taking a weekend trip, which promptly got ruined because he had to work the weekends too.

[Deleted User]

Peledreamsofrain said:

LMc0322 said:

I'm an attorney and I had to tell my boss I was taking time off months in advance. He still forgot.  for PTO, my secretary has to ask me first.  I usually respond with something ignorant such as "No! Who will I talk to if you're not here? I forbid it. I have all sorts of important things for you to do like talk to me about the weather and the horrible show I watched on TV last night."

Oooo!  LMc, you're an attorney?  What kind of practice?  My husband is an attorney and it makes me insanely nosey about law jobs :P.  He's currently trying to land a public defender job.

@Peledreamsofrain I do product liability and railroad liability.  I like it, but it's a pretty big snooze to everyone else.  Good luck to your hubby! I'm too big of a wuss to handle criminal law.  I admire those that can do it. 

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

PrettyGirlLost

LMc0322 said:

Peledreamsofrain said:

LMc0322 said:

I'm an attorney and I had to tell my boss I was taking time off months in advance. He still forgot.  for PTO, my secretary has to ask me first.  I usually respond with something ignorant such as "No! Who will I talk to if you're not here? I forbid it. I have all sorts of important things for you to do like talk to me about the weather and the horrible show I watched on TV last night."

Oooo!  LMc, you're an attorney?  What kind of practice?  My husband is an attorney and it makes me insanely nosey about law jobs :P.  He's currently trying to land a public defender job.

@Peledreamsofrain I do product liability and railroad liability.  I like it, but it's a pretty big snooze to everyone else.  Good luck to your hubby! I'm too big of a wuss to handle criminal law.  I admire those that can do it. 

Viczaesar

Meghan1428 said:

PDKH said:
Yeah, no. PTO doesn't work like that. You must work for an incredibly small company. I work part time for a HRO and Compensation Consulting firm. My job is to help determine pay and benefits (including PTO). You don't get to use it whenever you'd like. And if your company is throwing an extra $10K at an analyst level position at non-review time, I hope to God they're accurately analyzing their gross revenue to payroll ratio...

Not really -  *********************************************************************  

A commercial credit analyst is one of the most important aspects of a company that distributes products because who do you think collects the money?  Who do you think extends the credit to the companies so they can purchase our products?  They gave me the raise because they want to keep me happy so I stay here and continue to do good work for them.  Since starting here I've re-done the entire departments filing and collections systems making our department more efficient.

I do have to put in for time off, As OP stated the girl was given 2mos to try and get the day off... I can put in for a day next week if I see no one else in my department has it off and get it off... without having to tell my boss why I need it off.  I understand that not everyone's company is that flexible where they can give a couple days notice, but 2mos is more than sufficient if its not a busy time of year for vaca's.

@Peledreamsofrain - I can comprehend being told no if you wait till the last minute to try and get a day off and someone has already put in for it within your department... but if you give adequate notice, then no I can't see that, probably because its never happened to me before, at this job or any prior.  

ETA: Removed CO info per PDKH recommendation.

I teach college.  It doesn't matter if I know a day in advance or two months in advance, I am not canceling a lecture and leaving my students in the lurch to attend an engagement party.  They are, frankly, not that important in grand scheme of things.

aurianna

So I work for a very large company.
For a while I was in IT in our accounting systems. The books closed over the weekends and at the end of the month. So me and one other person had to be on-call and/or work every single weekend (including holiday weekends, Christmas Eve and New Years) (and this was on top of working a 40 hour week, as we didn't get paid for being on-call if there wasn't a problem (though there often was); we were just required to be within 15 minutes of a company computer). And when my co-worker got laid off if it was just me, every weekend. (the night I got engaged I was up at 3am on the phone with the database admins across the country in order to get our processes going). If I'm going to miss my own engagement, I'm not going to think twice about missing a friend's engagement party.

And then I got out of that department and into software where I never need to work weekends unless I want to.
And despite working for a big company, I have no trouble using my PTO whenever I want, on almost any or no notice... But seriously, I get 12 floating days. I use it to visit family across the country I never get to see... I use it when I need to be home for deliveries or workmen at the house... or to attempt to save up for actual vacations places with my husband.
Right now I only have one day accrued. If I had to use it to go to an engagement party, I wouldn't be able to go to my nephews' Baptism next month.

You can bet that I'd use one of those 12 days for a good friend's wedding. I'd want to be with her on the most important days of her life. But if it turns into 2 or 3 or 4 of those days? Maybe it makes me a bad person, but I'm not going to devote a third of my free time to a friend's wedding.
Heck, I only took 1.5 days off work in preparation for my own wedding (1 day for venues/florists and a half day the day before).

BangBangs39

 

RetreadBride said:

I  have a hard time believing that someone who misuses simple words so badly (adamant time, mute point???) and has such poor grammar and composition skills is that valuable to a company......

First off - people make mistakes.  Second, its the internet, not a memo to the company, I didn't realize I was going to be graded... I am willing to bet if I sifted through every post you've ever made I'd find a couple mistakes... Also, ever heard of autocorrect on a phone, sometimes it bites you in the ass, I didn't think anyone would be bitchy enough to not just get the point and move on... obviously I was wrong.

Dreamergirl8812 said:

This. Also, you the most productive person in your position, you get tons of raises and praises. You get PTO whenever you want. But it took 2 pages to explain to you that some bosses say "no, you can't have that day off"?!??!?

You also don't seem to comprehend the last 2 pages. PPs were not saying that you should not be a good and supportive friend. They were saying that if your friend is not as into your wedding as you are, don't end the friendship.

1. There was no need for an explanation, I merely stated that I don't have that problem with my current boss, or any previous bosses... end point.  Also, If I remember correctly, I made a comment saying something along the lines of that she had 2mos to prepare, and she couldn't get the day off, but she waited until the day after to let her friend know.

2. I never told her to end her friendship, I told to her to talk to her friend about how she is feeling... That isn't unreasonable.... if they are good friends/adults they should be able to have that conversation without ruining the friendship.

KDM323

I find it hysterical that the bride thinks it an awful offense worthy of "firing" to miss an engagement party. 

Hell...I haven't seen my MOH in over 3 weeks and we are NEIGHBORS.  She called me yesterday to tell me that she misses me and we have to get together soon.  We live not even 5 minutes away from each other but we've both been too busy between work, life, my fiance's schedule...her boyfriends schedule, etc. 

I'd NEVER be upset with her if something came up and she wasn't able to make it to a stupid party.  That's life.  Things happen.  Schedules are hectic and things come up.  Our friendship is much stronger than something superficial like an engagement party.   I couldn't imagine "firing" a BM over something stupid like whether or not they were "supportive" enough of my wedding.  WTF is that?  "I'm sorry...you didn't make me feel like the center of the universe for a few months, our friendship is OVER" 

We're not 12.  Our friendships are much more mature than that.

And while it is all well and good that some people are able to take PTO whenever they want - that's not reality, especially not if you work in a critical position.   I can request a day off today, have it approved and then when the day comes (let's just say 2 months from now) it isn't POSSIBLE to take the day off.  It happens.  Way too often.  I'll even go so far as to put my time off on our department calendar weeks in advance and then will find myself laughing on that day when the reminder pops up that says "drexelkathy out of office" and I'm busy handling whatever crisis, issue, special project, etc.  AT WORK. 

The best laid plans and all as the cliche goes.

Shall I even go into how my fiance is a small business owner and if he isn't working, he isn't making money?  There is no PTO, there are no vacation days.  What if the MOH in question here is a small business owner?  Ask any small business owner...there are no such things as 'days off' or 'vacations'.  LOL

Matt&Amanda2014

I've said it once and I'll say it again. If your bridal party isn't there for you then why have them be in the bridal party. It cracks me up to think that a lot of you say that you expect nothing from your bridal party. Everyone knows that they expect their friends to be there and support and be happy for them during this time.

Sometimes you got to make a call, I'd ask her to step down. You can't be a MOH is you can't act like a MOH! Life is too short to put up with peoples selfish crap. People grow apart. If you can't get the day off work then you're one lazy ass person. Taking the day off or slightly changing your work schedule for your BF isn't something that's unheard of. People have taken off of work for way less!!!!

Good luck and pass that MOH title on to someone that supports you and wants to treat you the same way that you treated this girl when you were in her wedding party.

 

Matt&Amanda2014

I think its funny that some of you have the nerve to talk shit on here, when you clearly spend WAY too much time on these chat boards.

Support is needed. Who the hell do any of you think you are to say that she can't hold someone to an expectation? You can do whatever you want. I found in my personal life that the people that tend to take the 'whole' load on themselves are the people that bitch and moan a lot and tend to not have a ton of friends. I've worked with tons of them. Don't forget the song "lean on me"

 

 

bethsmiles

Matt&Amanda2014 said:

I've said it once and I'll say it again. If your bridal party isn't there for you then why have them be in the bridal party. It cracks me up to think that a lot of you say that you expect nothing from your bridal party. Everyone knows that they expect their friends to be there and support and be happy for them during this time.

Sometimes you got to make a call, I'd ask her to step down. You can't be a MOH is you can't act like a MOH! Life is too short to put up with peoples selfish crap. People grow apart. If you can't get the day off work then you're one lazy ass person. Taking the day off or slightly changing your work schedule for your BF isn't something that's unheard of. People have taken off of work for way less!!!!

Good luck and pass that MOH title on to someone that supports you and wants to treat you the same way that you treated this girl when you were in her wedding party.

Because they are people you love and care about in life (not your servants, not your slaves, not your employees) and you want them to stand by you on your wedding day. You ask people to be in your WP because they've been there for you through everything and you can't imagine not having them there for one of the biggest days of your life. You ask people to be in your wedding party to honor THEM not for them to honor you. If I wanted someone to plan parties for me I'd hire a party planner.

If I want someone to laugh with, talk to about everything from nonsense to the serious things in life I'll call my friends. And if I want to keep those friends I'll know that their lives don't revolve around me and sometimes they have other obligations in life.

Viczaesar

Matt&Amanda2014 said:

I've said it once and I'll say it again. If your bridal party isn't there for you then why have them be in the bridal party. It cracks me up to think that a lot of you say that you expect nothing from your bridal party. Everyone knows that they expect their friends to be there and support and be happy for them during this time.

Sometimes you got to make a call, I'd ask her to step down. You can't be a MOH is you can't act like a MOH! Life is too short to put up with peoples selfish crap. People grow apart. If you can't get the day off work then you're one lazy ass person. Taking the day off or slightly changing your work schedule for your BF isn't something that's unheard of. People have taken off of work for way less!!!!

Good luck and pass that MOH title on to someone that supports you and wants to treat you the same way that you treated this girl when you were in her wedding party.

 

You give shitty advice.

Viczaesar

Matt&Amanda2014 said:

I think its funny that some of you have the nerve to talk shit on here, when you clearly spend WAY too much time on these chat boards.

Support is needed. Who the hell do any of you think you are to say that she can't hold someone to an expectation? You can do whatever you want. I found in my personal life that the people that tend to take the 'whole' load on themselves are the people that bitch and moan a lot and tend to not have a ton of friends. I've worked with tons of them. Don't forget the song "lean on me"

 

 

Logic fail.